Adelina POV:
Hushed conversation carries through the halls easily when no one is around. It is late morning when I decide to leave my room, knowing I should be alone. But apparently I'm not.
Sleep was hard to catch last night. It was like a never-ending chase, I had to run through every memory- every moment- of the night and it was an endless cycle. The way his arms wrapped around me, how his head found place in the crook of neck and his warm breath caressed my skin had shivers consuming me for majority of the rest of the night. And the kiss...
Friday mornings are the greatest, I've learned since coming here. Raffaele is usually the only one home, as Domenico is never here anyway, the twins are doing whatever brainless idiots do at school, Francesco has a business class and Angelo is in medical school.
Today is different seeing as I could hear the quiet whispers and gruff voices of the three oldest brothers. I don't know if Raffaele is home but the italien accent rings through the corridors prominently even if it's quiet.
The walk from my room to my place of eavesdropping is shorter than expected when I find the four men walking toward the doorway.
Domenico leads the group, rushing to the door while on the phonecall. Angelo and Francesco follow in pursuit in rapid discussion and Raffaele quietly trails behind.
Domenico comes to a halt near the door, holding a dominant finger up- effectively silencing the rest, "Sì cugino, ho capito. Il prossimo fine settimana, lo prometto. Se la ragazza è un tesoro come dici tu, può venire anche lei." he assures with anoyance hovering over his tone. (Yes cousin, I understand. Next weekend, I promise. If the girl is as much of a darling as you say, she can come too.)
Darling.
Darling
Shivers run up my spine. I could hear Michael whispering it into my ear. I could hear him taunting me with it. My spine straightens and my eyes glaze over. It was becoming hard to differenciate reality from a memory. I half expect him to waltz straight through the door, the stench of tequila, as potent as ever, following him as he goes.
I slow my quickening heartbeat and press my back against the wall out of habit, given I'm out of eyesight. I hear the man, who I now know is a cousin, on the phone. I can't help but slightly cringe at the thought of being surrounded by more men.
Francesco lightly chuckles at his brother, slapping his arm which earns him a warning look. Not intimidated but deciding not to push his luck, he recoils his hand. I could see Angelo muffle a laugh of his own.
Domenico stays concentrated on his call, finding whatever the cousin on the other end is saying rather important seeing as he halts his motions, "Cosa mi stai dicendo?" (What are you telling me?)
Humour leaves the other boys quickly enough as silence enveloppes them, they wait for another indication of the issue. They all turn their gazes toward the oldest brother when he speaks, "Cosa vuol dire che hai perso il cliente?"Â (What do you mean you lost the buyer?)
My curiosity urges me to lean forward, hear more of what they're saying but my body resists. It's still trained in it's old habits and I'm grateful for it.
"Il tuo venditore..." Domenico cuts in before continuing again "Fammi capire bene, il tuo venditore ha perso il suo più grande cliente e stai cercando di dirmi che non è colpa sua. L'acquirente era uno studente del liceo, non si abbandona così." antoher pause "Allora fatti raccontare tutta la storia" (Your seller...)(Let me get this right, you're seller lost his biggest client and you're trying to tell me it's not his fault. The buyer was a highschool student, they don't just quit.) (Then get the whole story)
Another silence.
Buyer and seller are discrete words but my mind can't help but circle back to my prior theory. Whatever shady stuff I suspect they're into hasn't been brought back home with them so it's none of my business.
"Ci vediamo presto." are his last words before he cuts the call and walks out of the house with Francesco and Angelo on his trail. (I'll see you soon.)
My body remains frozen in fear. Darling rings in my ears. My body urges me to fall into submission when I swear I could feel his breath trickle down my neck.
Raffaele locks the door then turns to make his way back in the house. I choose this moment to make my appearence in the stairs, booting myself into action, and head down just in time to intersect him. Accidentally of course.
I make show of having my head down, not observing my surroundings when I get to the last step and of course coincidentally bump into him, looking up and plastering surprise onto my face, "Oh," I murmer as if absent-mindedly "I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Did someone just leave?" I rub my tired eyes.
I haven't spoken to him in what feels like ages. Ever since I... threatened him. Guilt tugs at me in result of the memory. He's avoided me, I've continued on my merry way. The seperation doesn't bother me, rather what I did to get it.
He still looked at me every meal. He still gave me the subtle nod of permission before my first bite.
He looks to me, his eyes holding nothing but shy warmth, "Domenico, Francesco and Angelo just left for work. Are you hungry?"
Rule number four; no eating or drinking joins the word darling to ring in my mind. I feel the shakiness in my bones and despise myself for it. It's disgusting that a simple word could have such control over me.
Your mother comitted suicide in a hotel room somewhere two months ago.
She gifted me my darling.
His words are crashing down on me now but I'm determined to not let it show. I urge my mouth to move, to answer him, "No, I can't eat right now."
He looks at me quizzically, as if unsure of my reaction. He makes slow movements in grabbing my hand and leading me to the kitchen.
He sits me at the barstool by the island and pauses. I try to cease the light tremble in my fingertips the best I can under the scrutiny of his gaze. Raffaele observes me for a quick moment and turns to move around the kitchen, to prepare me a meal I assume.
"Really, I can't" I want to choke on the words. He stopped asking what I would like to eat after getting no answer for so long and rather just started making me food. So that's what he did. He ignored me and kept making the food.
I sit quietly, not wanting to push it, nor did I have the strength. The tremble makes its way to my bones now. I want so badly to pick myself up and move on. To go see Sebastian and not show weakness. To get out of my own head. But the party is only tonight and it's a long way there.
Eggs and bacon gets put in front of me not long after. I look at it, then to the fork placed on the side of the plate, then back to it. It feels like minutes pass before I turn my head upwards. Raffaele looks at me with expectancy.
But I can't.
I'm allowed. I know I'm allowed. But I can't.
When I don't make a move, I could see his shoulders slightly sag. But he doesn't let out so much as a disappointed breath and comes to sit on the stool next to mine. I could feel the heat of his gaze when I refused to meet it, the pressure of the situation I had put myself in.
Softly, he grabs both my hands to pull my attention. I don't anticipate that move and flinch away from him and look up at him. Curiosity, pity, confusion and sympathy all played in his eyes.
"Adelina," he starts gently "are you ok?"
I fight to regain my composure, "Of course, you just caught me off guard."
He lightly shakes his head to show his disagreement, "Whatever it is, you need to tell me."
It was my turn to shake my head as I scoff shakily, "Don't be stupid. There's nothing wrong."
"I can't help you if you won't tell me what's going on."
"I don't need your help! I'm managing it perfectly fine on my own!" my composure breaks.
My breath is slightly ragged, the tremble has found my voice. I realize I've pulled my hand out of his and now stood a little further back than I was sitting. I wait for him to react, I almost expect him to blow up like I know Valerio would at my stubbornness.
But he doesn't, rather, he stands from his seat and follows in my footsteps. The closer he comes, the more I distance myself.
"It's ok, I'm not going to push you. Come sit down, have a glass of water and eat a little something before you make yourself sick, alright?"
Glass. Of course he had to mention glass. My breathing becomes ragged at the scene carved into my memory.
He reaches down and silently picks up a sharper fragment of glass from the ground and my back hits the wall.
"No," I could barely formulate the word "no,no,no." I keep stepping away until my back hits the wall. Everything was becoming too familiar. Reality is starting to fade.
Fear slowly starts to course through my veins. It was an icy feeling that chilled everything that it touched. It froze me in my spot and froze Raffaele in his.
My body becomes rigid as I slide down the wall. I sit on the ground and tuck my knees to my chest. My mind is practically in overload given my swarming thoughts. I could feel it coming, could feel tears beginning to prick at my eyes.
All the while, Raffaele stands in his place staring at me like I'm a caged animal.
"Out." One simple word crossed the threshold of my lips. I didn't need him seeing me like this any more than he already has.
Yet he doesn't move.
"Out, now." I don't want it to seem like I'm begging, even if I am.
My limbs stiffen when his figure approaches mine . I mentally grip on to his eyes for dear life as he crouches down to my level. It is only a single tear that drops down my cheek once I turn my face emotionless and cold. Once I again feel the memory of my stepfather attempt to push its way to the surface of my mind, even take over my sight.
He couldn't understand what was happening to me, I know he didn't. Yet he didn't react like I know any of the other boys would.
"You have to tell me what's happening. What you see, what you feel?" I could appreciate him for trying.
But I didn't need to focus on what I felt when my stepfather's grimy lips touching my skin haunts me. Neither what I saw when Raffaele's eyes started fading into Michaels.
Although, I could hear Raff's voice and I could smell the breakfast I know would never exist where I used to live.
My face remains stoic as I process what I can. Within the small breath that Raffaele releases, I could hear the hint of panic. But I do nothing to ease it. I can't.
"I'm going to move you, ok?" I don't react when he grips me bridal style. I'm lifted by him and brought into the living room but my posture doesn't change. I stay stiff as ever while being placed onto the couch.
I expect him to leave but instead he sits down right next to me, placing a hesitant arm over my shoulder in attempts to sooth me I assume.
But I don't want to be soothed. I can't stand being touched.
Even as my mind screams from within, I do nothing. I'm still paralysed in my physical and mental fear.
Every painful second seems like an eternity. Every painful second is just another in which no one could hear my silent screams. Time went by slowly but eventually my muscles loosened and reality settled.
Though, I still sat there. Unmoving but not entirely unfeeling, when something pulled at my conscious.
"I would never use it against you." I say, albeit hesitantly.
I know he knows what I'm talking about, yet he still questions, "Use what?"
He wants to hear me say it, see if I actually know, "The fact that you're bisexual." A sharp inhale of breath and the rigidness of the arm around me indicate to me that I've hit the nail on the head, so I continue, "I would never use it against you, I would never judge you or lo-" I pause.
Love you any less. I struggle with the word.
With a small cough, I continue, "...see you as lesser than."
I look up to him, not knowing what his reaction would be, to find him already looking at me. An emotion I don't quite grasp paints over his face. He doesn't say anything, only acknowledging me with a small nod before looking away.
I do however note how the arm around my shoulder relaxes and whatever inner turmoil, that I didn't realize I had, settled.
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Hi my loveliessss
You have no idea how happy I am to be posting this chpater. Over the last... almost month? Yeah I think so, I've had the greatest difficulty finishing this chapter. Really, honestly, I have no idea why it was so hard.
But either way, it's done now! (and thank god for that)
Thank you all for your patience and for the love you've shown this book. I love you all so much, truly, and can't thank you enough.
I hope you all enjoyed!
Comment your thoughts!
The next chapter, should be coming much sooner.
See you soon!
Bye lovelies <3