Chapter 12

SABINA

“Why are you doing this?” I managed to ask the king, as he gently placed cool, damp cloths on my fevered forehead.

“My slave is sick. Why wouldn’t I take care of her?” He flashed me a tender smile.

I was certain I was hallucinating. Aboloft would never smile at me, not after what I’d done to him. Maybe the fever was playing tricks on me, making me see things that could never happen in reality.

And maybe I should savor these moments while they lasted. Who knew what Aboloft would do once I recovered?

Yes, I should relish these small comforts while I could. Because once my fever subsided, I knew there would be pain.

“Your slave doesn’t deserve your kindness,” I murmured, struggling to keep my eyes open.

Aboloft kissed my cheek, his lips lingering a moment longer than necessary. “My slave has made many mistakes, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve my kindness.”

“Then why hurt me?” I dared to ask, keeping my gaze lowered.

“Do you know how hard it was for me to live without you? Do you know how every breath was agony because you weren’t there? I didn’t want to go on.

“I wanted to end my suffering because I didn’t have you. You left me. Why, Bina, why?” Aboloft’s voice was filled with pain.

My heart ached as I not only heard but felt Aboloft’s anguish. If only he knew how much I’d suffered, what those people did to me, what my own father did to me.

Aboloft wasn’t the only one who suffered from loneliness. I suffered from his absence too.

Aboloft was the only one who could make me smile, who could make me forget my worries for a while. And when he was gone, I had no one. Pain was my only companion.

~You had no choice. You did the right thing.~

“Is that why you tried to drown me? Were you trying to make me feel what you felt?” A single tear slipped down my cheek, leaving a salty trail behind.

“Yes. And I wanted you to know that I own you now. That you’re mine. Every breath you take, every beat of your heart is mine.

“And I will make you realize how much I own you, Bluebell,” he declared, kissing the corner of my lips.

“Why, Aboloft? Why do you want to own me? Why?” I looked up at him.

King Aboloft drew in a sharp breath, and fear exploded in my stomach. Oh no, I’d used his name. I’d addressed him as if he was my friend, not my king.

How could I be so thoughtless, so naive? How could I forget my place?

“Forgi—”

Aboloft placed a finger on my lips, silencing me. “No. I want you to say my name. Use my name when you talk to me,” he said.

“As a slave, I don’t have that right,” I told him.

“You have all the rights I give you, my beautiful goddess. And I give you the right to call me by my name, understand?” His hand moved down until it rested on my waist.

I didn’t say anything. I was speechless. The silence stretched on. I thought it would continue to stretch until it wrapped us in its quiet embrace, but Aboloft broke the silence.

“Your hair color is coming back.” He sounded pleased. I looked up to see him studying my hair, which must be showing my red roots.

As a prisoner, I had nothing to color my hair with, which meant my red hair would reveal the secret I was trying so hard to hide.

“Why did you change your hair color?” Aboloft asked, gently stroking my hair.

The answer was on the tip of my tongue, but I held it back, locking it away in my heart.

Instead, I looked at the hand resting on my waist, wondering how wonderful it would be if Aboloft would just hold me, keep me safe.

“I asked you a question, and I want an answer.” King Aboloft’s voice turned stern.

I didn’t want to remember. I didn’t want to recall the horror that forced me to change my appearance.

Those monsters who laughed, reveling in my suffering. Those people who watched me grow up treated me like a dirty animal.

I didn’t want to remember, but Aboloft unearthed my past memories, forcing me to confront the horrors I desperately wanted to forget.

~“Where are you going at this hour, little lady?” a voice called from behind me. I turned to see four men standing together, arms crossed, leering at me.~

~“I-I’m going home.” Despite the fear gripping me, I tried to sound brave.~

~“No, you’re not,” the one standing in the corner said, his dark hair and eyebrows making him look menacing. They all stepped forward, closing the distance between us.~

~His words filled me with dread. “My house is over there. Leave me alone,” I told them.~

~“Should we leave her alone?” The second one on the left asked his friends, who sneered and shook their heads, laughing darkly.~

~“No. I think we should have some fun with the little damsel. After all, she entertains the prince. I think she can spare an hour for us,” the first one said. His friends agreed, nodding their heads.~

~Tears welled up in my eyes. I didn’t entertain the prince. Aboloft was my best friend. I loved spending time with him, and we were just friends, nothing more.~

~How could these people think like this? They’d known me since I was a child, and now they were saying such vile things about me.~

~“I don’t do such things. I am a respectable woman!” I raised my voice, trying to emphasize my words.~

~“Respectable women don’t wander around in the dark at this hour.” The one who had been silent until now spoke. He had light brown hair and cold, gray eyes.~

~“And they certainly don’t have red hair,” the second man chimed in, taking a step closer.~

~The old wives’ tale that witches and wicked women had red hair was well known. But my hair was naturally red. I didn’t dye it. That didn’t make me wicked or a witch.~

~I’d had enough of their company. I turned to leave.~

~But they must’ve anticipated my move. Before I could take a step, they were on me, pushing me down.~

~“Help! Someone help me!” I screamed, but one of them clamped a hand over my mouth, muffling my cries.~

~The real nightmare began when two of them pinned my arms and legs while the last one ripped my skirt, exposing me to their leering eyes.~

~He didn’t stop there. He tore my blouse next, leaving me bare under their monstrous gazes in the dark night.~

~Time turned against me. I fought, I wept, I pleaded. Night bled into day, but the pain they left behind would never fade. It would never morph into happiness.~

“Bina, answer me. I asked you a question!” Aboloft’s harsh voice yanked me out of the memory, leaving me shaking as the pain of that night washed over me again.

That night was the worst of my life. Those few hours when those men stole everything from me were the most agonizing hours I’d ever endured.

“I’m sorry, my lord,” I responded.

“Why did you change your hair color? Why did you leave me? Give me something, Bina. Don’t make me hurt you to get what I want,” King Aboloft threatened.

I reached out tentatively, placing my hand on his where it rested on my waist. The moment our hands touched, I felt a sense of peace.

I didn’t understand how he could be the source of my peace and happiness, but I didn’t care. I was just glad he was there.

“I wish I could tell you. I really do. But I can’t, my lord. I just can’t,” I replied.

~You’re tainted. You’re not a good woman.~

My inner voice was right. I would never tell Aboloft why I left him or why I changed my hair color.

The pain I’d endured would remain mine alone. I wouldn’t share it with anyone, especially not with the man I loved. Aboloft deserved better. He deserved a queen, not a tainted peasant woman.

“Why? Don’t I matter to you anymore? Did the past eight years erase me from your memory? Tell me why,” he demanded.

I knew this wasn’t real. I knew I was in some strange dream where Aboloft was the man who made me smile.

My fever was making me hallucinate. But even in this dream world, I wouldn’t reveal my secrets. I could, however, tell him how much he meant to me.

“You’ve always mattered to me, Aboloft, and no amount of time will ever change that. But I can’t tell you what you want to know. Your happiness and peace are everything to me, and I won’t take that away from you.

“Stay happy. Forget about me. I’m nobody. Focus on finding a queen. Your kingdom needs a strong queen to help you rule. Forget about me, focus on your life, your happiness,” I told him.

“I am doing that, my sweet. You are my happiness.” Leaning down, Aboloft gently kissed me, as if I was a precious treasure he’d never let go of.

This wasn’t the ruthless king, this was the Aboloft I’d left behind eight years ago. The man who’d made everything better in my life.

I wished this dream would last forever. The gentle way Aboloft held me, the sweet way he kissed me, made me dread the harsh reality that would soon shatter this little utopia.

But despite my wishes, I knew it wouldn’t last. Reality would seep in, reminding me how foolish I was to wish for something I didn’t deserve.

“I’m sorry, my lord. I caused you so much pain. I never wanted to hurt you, but I did. I’m so sorry,” I said when he pulled away from the kiss.

Tears welled up as sorrow overwhelmed me. If I could give Aboloft the happiness I’d stolen from him eight years ago, I would.

“Don’t apologize. I hurt you, too. I punished you,” he replied, wiping my tears away with his thumb.

A small smile tugged at my lips. “Will you stop punishing me, my lord?” I asked.

“I will if you give me the answers I want,” he said.

The tiny spark of relief and happiness that had ignited in my heart died the moment those words left his lips.

There was more pain to come. There was no peace. There would never be peace. I was destined to suffer. Maybe I deserved it.

“I can’t give you the answers you want, my lord,” I told him, not wanting him to have any expectations.

“You will, my sweet. You will. Over the past eight years, I’ve learned skills I never thought I’d need. But thanks to my father, I now know a lot.

“One of the skills my father taught me was how to get what I want. I want answers from you. I want to know your heart and mind. I want to know the secrets you’re hiding.

“And I won’t rest until I get what I want. You can be as stubborn as you like, but in the end, you’ll give in, you’ll break. And that’s when I’ll conquer you.”

He kissed me again, his actions reinforcing his words.

“You’ll punish me?” Fear spread its wings, ready to take over my mind and soul as images of Aboloft ordering his men to punish me took hold, threatening my sanity.

“I will if you leave me no choice. And there are still a few things you don’t know, which I need to make sure you understand. You’ve seen how I suffered walking without you.

“You’ve seen how I suffered breathing without you. Now, you’ll see how my nights and days became one. How I lost track of time. How I lost control of myself,” King Aboloft told me.

“But—if I tell you what you’re asking for, will you let me live? Will you spare your servant, my lord?”

I was at my breaking point. How much more could I bear before my body gave out? Did I have the strength to face the challenges that were yet to come?

“Yes. I promise you, if you answer my questions, if you give me what I’m asking for, then I will let you live.

“Everyone in Quopia will know not to hurt you. You’ll be happy. I’ll make sure of it, my beautiful goddess,” he assured me.

He was offering me the one thing I’d always craved: happiness. Could I do it? Could I exchange my pain for joy?

Could I risk hurting him just to feel happiness again after so long? Could I hand over my pain and accept happiness in return? Could I be that selfish?

The answer was clear.

No.