Chapter 30

SABINA

The weight of three powerful gazes was too much for me. I looked away, even though every fiber of my being screamed at me to stand tall, to face these formidable men head-on.

But I couldn’t. I just wasn’t strong enough.

“First, you hurt our friend, and that’s not something we can easily forgive. You’ll have to earn our forgiveness, Sabina. And let me tell you, we’re not as forgiving as Aboloft,” King Eldon declared.

“Aboloft has already punished her enough. I’ve seen her injuries. We don’t need to be so harsh,” King Bancroft interjected.

“We might not hurt her physically, but we can make her understand the emotional pain she caused Aboloft when she left him,” King Eldon shot back, a wicked glint in his eyes.

“We don’t need to do that either. Sabina is already fragile. Causing her emotional pain might do permanent damage, damage we can’t afford because of Aboloft,” King Bancroft countered.

They were talking about me as if I wasn’t even in the room. Discussing me like I was an object, a thing without feelings or understanding.

Tears welled up, unbidden, as the pain of rejection threatened to shatter my sanity. There was no one in this world who would accept me. Love me.

I was sure Aboloft would soon realize I wasn’t worth the effort and would leave me.

“Wh-what do you want from me? Tell me, what do you want from me?” I asked King Bancroft, forcing myself to meet his gaze. I didn’t have the strength to look at King Eldon or King Mavon. They terrified me.

“It’s actually quite simple, Sabina. We want you to keep Aboloft happy. That’s it. If you fail to do that, you’ll have to answer to us. Is that clear?” he replied.

How could I make someone else happy when I didn’t even understand what happiness was?

When I was younger, no one allowed me to be happy. No one liked it when I smiled because they all thought that Aboloft was the reason for my happiness.

“Please, have mercy on me. I-I never meant to hurt Aboloft. I-I love him, always have. I never wanted to hurt him,” I pleaded with the kings.

I doubted they would believe me. No one ever did. They all thought I was a liar, a witch.

“You don’t hurt the ones you love.” It was King Mavon who spoke, confirming my fears. They didn’t believe me.

“I swear on my life that I never meant to hurt Aboloft.” Tears streamed down my face, despite my best efforts to hold them back. The pain was unbearable.

The guilt of hurting the man I loved made me wish for death. “But my circumstances forced me to leave him.”

All I wanted was to run from this room and hide in the dungeons. But they would hurt me. The three kings would hurt me.

When silence was the only response, I acted on impulse. I stood up, ready to flee the room.

“Forgive me. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but please believe me. I love Aboloft and never wanted to hurt him, but I did, and for that, I will always carry guilt and regret in my heart.

“I would appreciate it if you could find it in your hearts to forgive me for my sins.” With nothing else to say, I ran out of the room, ignoring their commands to come back.

I didn’t know where I was going. All I knew was that I had to get out of that room. Their accusations and hostility were suffocating, making it hard for me to breathe.

I would apologize to Aboloft and spend the rest of my life making him happy. That was the only way I could ease the guilt gnawing at my heart.

When I saw hundreds of blue flowers surrounding me, I knew I had reached the garden of bluebells Aboloft had created for me. He was so kind, so generous.

I hoped that one day I could repay his kindness and generosity. He wanted children. Maybe I could give him a child. Maybe then he would forgive me.

Breathless, I collapsed in the middle of the garden. As I caressed the beautiful blue petals of my favorite flower, I pondered how to make Aboloft happy.

It was clear that the three kings would never accept me. In their eyes, I had committed an unforgivable crime. But maybe I could prove to them that I was telling the truth.

By making Aboloft happy, I could make the kings believe in me. Maybe then someone would believe in me, in my innocence.

Looking at the beautiful flowers, I was reminded of all the times Aboloft had brought me bluebells. He gave me things no one else ever did. He knew me better than my own father.

Aboloft knew what I liked and disliked. He always brought me the things I liked and kept the things I disliked far away from me. And after all that, I left him.

Because of the people of Wilsden and my father, I was forced to hurt the only man who ever loved me, who made me happy. I traded my happiness for pain, all because I wanted my father’s love.

Thinking about my father brought fresh tears to my eyes. He never loved me. He never even pretended to. He despised me and made sure I knew it.

I couldn’t believe I had left Aboloft for a man like my father. I wanted to be selfish and stay with Aboloft, but my father’s happiness and reputation were too important to me.

~I’m sorry, Aboloft. I hope one day you can forgive me.~

Sitting in the flower garden, I decided to lie down among the flowers for a while.

I didn’t just love bluebells for their unique bell shape. I loved them because they brought me peace like no other flower did. Bluebells made me happy, just like Aboloft.

“Bina?! Bina!” My heart leapt as Aboloft’s voice echoed through the garden. He was here, and he was looking for me. “Bina?!” His voice rang out again, and I sat up.

Just one word. That’s all he said. My name. But the fear and panic in that single word made me forget everything else and respond.

“Aboloft, I’m here!” I yelled back, praying the wind would carry my voice to him.

After a few moments, I saw him. Aboloft was striding towards me, his steps quickly closing the distance between us.

As soon as he was close enough, Aboloft grabbed my wrist and pulled me into his arms, holding me tight. Being in his arms felt peaceful. It felt like home.

“Where did you go? Why did you run off like that? I left you with my friends, but when I came back, you were gone. Bancroft told me you ran off. Why did you run, Bina? Why?” he asked.

The hurt in his voice made me hate myself. I should’ve run to Aboloft, but I didn’t know where he was.

“I-I got scared. I wanted to find you, but I didn’t know where you were,” I answered, pressing my ear against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart.

“I had something important to take care of. You heard the maids. You should’ve waited for me, not run off like that,” he scolded, running his fingers through my hair and planting kisses on my head.

How could I explain to him that I couldn’t stay in that room? His friends’ cold attitudes and threatening glares made it hard for me to breathe. I had no choice but to run.

~Maybe I should tell him the truth.~

“Your friends don’t like me.” I took a deep breath before continuing. “Their anger scared me. I didn’t have a choice. I wanted to stay, but they terrified me.”

“Oh, Bina, my beautiful goddess. I’ll talk to all three of them. They won’t scare you anymore. I promise. Don’t worry, my sweet, I’ll protect you,” Aboloft vowed, kissing my forehead.

~You can’t protect me forever, Aboloft. Sooner or later, my past and fears will catch up to me, and they won’t stop until I’m dead.~

“I don’t want to cause problems between you and your friends.” Did I make a mistake by telling Aboloft the truth? No, it was better that I told him now rather than him finding out later. He would be furious if I lied to him.

“You’re not causing problems, Bluebell. It wasn’t smart to leave you with my friends when they don’t know about your past.

“I’ll tell them about your past and why you had to leave me, so you can relax,” he said.

“No, Aboloft, please don’t tell your friends. Who knows what they’ll think once they know what happened to me,” I said. If the three kings found out about my past, they would know that I wasn’t worthy of Aboloft.

I was a farmer’s daughter who had been accused of being a witch and a whore. What would the three kings think when they found out?

No, it was better if they didn’t know. I could handle their hostility, but it was best if they were kept in the dark.

“They’ll know what a strong woman you are and the terrible things you’ve been through. They’ll realize their hostility and accusations were wrong.

“They won’t scare you once they know what you’ve been through. So, I’m going to tell them, Bluebell, and no more arguing about this,” Aboloft declared.

“But what if they don’t understand? What if they treat me like the people of Wilsden did? It’s better if they don’t know about this. I don’t want them to know about my past, Aboloft,” I told him.

“Bina, Bancroft, Mavon, and Eldon need to know everything to help me with my mission. If they don’t know, they won’t be willing to help me,” he said.

“What mission? Why do you need their help? What are you planning to do? Are you going somewhere? Is it dangerous?” I bombarded Aboloft with questions, already worried for his safety.

If this mission was dangerous, then I would stop him from going. Nothing was more important than Aboloft’s safety.

“You’ll know soon, but for now, I need to tell them about your past. They’re family, my sweet, you can trust them,” Aboloft replied.

I would never trust those three kings. I still needed answers from King Bancroft, and who knew what King Eldon and King Mavon were hiding. Trusting them was impossible.

The only one I was starting to trust was Aboloft, because he already had my heart. Not trusting him was pointless.

Tilting my head slightly, Aboloft lowered his face and kissed me. A surprised moan escaped me at the kiss. I wasn’t expecting Aboloft to kiss me, but now that he had, I realized it was exactly what I needed.

The softness of his lips was the balm I needed to soothe the pain in my heart. His arms around me were the support I needed to stand tall and face the world.

I needed Aboloft.

The realization was frightening but true. I needed this man who might, one day in the future, decide to leave me. I needed this kind man who made me smile when the whole world seemed determined to make me cry.

I wished I didn’t need him, but life rarely gave me what I wanted.

“I just got you back, Bina. I don’t want you to run off like that. I don’t like it,” Aboloft said as soon as he stopped kissing me. My mouth opened, ready to apologize, but a hand from Aboloft stopped me.

“No, you won’t apologize.” The command in his voice was clear, and somehow, I knew that if I defied Aboloft, I would be in trouble.

“Your friends must be waiting. You should go to them,” I said after a while, not knowing what else to say.

“Yes, we should. Come.” He started to lead me back inside the castle, but I resisted, causing him to frown.

“No, I…don’t want to go. You go,” I murmured.

“Aboloft, I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to keep such a tight grip on me,” I protested, but he didn’t seem to hear me. He was too focused on leading me back into the castle.

Once we were inside, he guided me straight to the dining hall. I was confused. Why were we going there? His friends were in a different room.

“Why are we here, Aboloft?” I asked as soon as he released my wrist. My question was answered when I saw King Bancroft, King Mavon, and King Eldon sitting at the grand dining table.

When did they get here? How did they know we’d be coming?

“Lunchtime, Bina. Let’s go.” Without waiting for my response, Aboloft took my hand and led me toward the table where the three kings sat.

I looked down, avoiding their gazes. I’d run away in front of three kings. That was a serious offense.

Would they tell Aboloft to punish me? I knew King Eldon would be more than happy to.

“After lunch, we need to talk,” Aboloft said, pulling out a chair for me before taking his place at the head of the table.

“There’s a lot to discuss. We’re here for a few days, so don’t worry, Aboloft. We won’t leave until everything is settled,” King Mavon replied.

“Good.” That was all Aboloft said before the servants came in, carrying trays and bowls of food.

I didn’t know how Aboloft expected me to eat with his friends watching, but it seemed like I didn’t have a choice.

I just hoped this would be over soon.