CH 82 - Weight

Fall of Autumn, Week 4, Day 5

“I see you’re in better spirits,” Dame Arella said, a half smile on her face as she repositioned me to settle on her hip.

It was nice to be held by her. The last time someone had done so was Sir Rellar in Perry. I hadn’t realized how much I had been missing physical touch. Shade had to cling as tightly as his knit claws would allow on my collarbone lest he be flung away in the pickup.

“Well, I came here for a reason,” I said conversationally, my blue eyes meeting her brown. Dame Arella’s brow furrowed, but I didn’t wait to let her express her concern. “You made a promise, remember?”

Recognition flickered in her eyes, and the other half of her grin spread wide. “I did, didn’t I?”

I nodded, and Dame Arella turned on her heel, facing the rest of the training hall —which had come to a halt with Dame Arella’s display. Several of the knights I did not know had odd looks about them, but Dame Siobhan and Sir Orv had smiles on their faces. The other knights from my journey simply looked on with fond exasperation. Dame Arella didn’t pause in her stride as she took me across the hall to one of the empty tables.

Gently, she lowered me down to one of the seats.\

“How can I help?” Dame Arella said, her voice grave, even as she kneeled before me to make us eye level.

I felt my heart swell.

“I want to learn how to fight,” I got out. “I want to know how to destroy my enemies before they destroy me —anyone, anything. I want to use my magic, my power, my everything. I want to be able to handle myself just as well with a rusty knife as with a blade of shadows.”

When I met Dame Arella’s eyes, they had something I didn’t expect. Something I hadn’t seen since elsewhere. Pride.

“Your will be done,” she said, her voice light, airy, and then, loving, “Nora.”

I felt the sting of tears prick my eyes. For once, they were tears of happiness. Of relief. Suddenly, a weight I hadn’t realized I’d been carrying lifted, and I could breathe. In understanding, Shade clung tighter to my collar, pressing his small body into my skin. I rested a single hand on his body to soothe him. Dame Arella, however, was giving me a soft smile. Another one saying, ‘I see you.’

I launched from my seat and forcefully wrapped my arms around Dame Arella’s neck. I could feel her arms wrap around me in response. I felt safe here, with her. There were just a few others I wished were here.

“Where’s Sir Limrick?” I asked, my voice soft. “And Sir Neil? And the boys?”

Dame Arella hummed in response before speaking, “George is stuck at the main barracks in Fellan by the border. He’s still writing up the reports from the journey. And answering lots of questions. He’s not the only Captain to receive a field promotion, but it’s not usually on an escort mission.”

I felt unease settle into me, but Sir Limrick had told me, flat out, that he would protect my freedom as best as he could. And I had promised Dame Arella that I would give the Dusk some of my weight to bear. I could trust them with this. I wouldn’t spiral out of control about it.

“And Arlen? Klein?”

“They’re back visiting family. Both of them are from Fellan, so they were given some time off to recover from the long journey. They’ll be back before Firstday.”

I nodded into Dame Arella’s shoulder, but I had one more question. One more person who I was worried about.

“Sir Neil? Is he okay?”

Dame Arella snorted, “Not if you ask him. He’s meeting with Fellan’s sword master regarding your admittance to the Fellan Swordsmanship Academy.”

“Is it good? Will I learn a lot?” I asked nervously.

I could feel Dame Arella nodding. “You’ll learn what you’re meant to, a few Skills, some skills, and a sense of the surrounding forest. Several Dusk recruits came from the Academy, Arlen included.”

I swallowed thickly. There was only one more question left.

One thing left that I wasn’t sure if I had the right to ask about.

“When is Captain Rellar’s funeral?” I choked out, finally letting go of Dame Arella and leaning backward so I could take in her expression.

I had expected resentment, or shame, or maybe even guilt. I expected an accusing stare. I didn’t expect her to just look… sad. Her gaze didn’t hold an accusation or regret. Just simple sadness. Grief. Nothing more, nothing less.

Another small weight lifted itself off my shoulders.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“It’ll be held at the Dusk Memorial in town,” Arella said solemnly. “He’ll be honored in death with a ceremony befitting of the Knight Captain of the 43rd Contingent. His family will be given enough time to travel, and a member of the clergy will speak on his patron Gods’ behalf.”

“Can I… Can I attend?”

As I asked, I felt my breath hitch. I couldn’t breathe. This was the real hit. It was my fault that he died. Would the other knights stop me from attending? Would they shoo me away? Would they know I’m undeserving of my seat at their table?

“Of course,” Dame Arella said, her voice gentle, “In fact, it would be the Dusk’s honor to escort you there.”

“Are you sure?” I said, sitting up straight. “It would be fine?”

“It would be great.” Dame Arella smiled at me, and once more, my heart swelled.

“Now,” she said, standing up and brushing dirt off her knees, “Are you here to just chat, or do you want me to hold true to my promise?”

I perked up, “The latter. Definitely the latter!”

“Are you good getting those clothes dirty?” She eyes the frills momentarily before focusing back on my face, “And ruining your hair?”

----------------------------------------

“Again,” Dame Arella commanded as I manifested a shadow knife.

“Faster,” she hissed. “Again.”

This time, I cut out everything but the blade and handle. It still took a second or two to form. In the time it took me to manifest, there was a gentle poke in my gut.

“Not fast enough. You need to be able to summon a weapon so fast that they can’t respond.”

I dismissed the knife at Dame Arella’s wave of her hand, “Again. This time, don’t think. Just do.”

It had, actually, required quite a test of faith to even start this training. Dame Arella had asked which Skill I had for my shadows. I had forced her to take us out of the training hall and through several sets of doors before I said the actual name of my Skill. It was one thing for Dame Arella to know I was uncontracted—it was another for every knight of the Dusk to overhear it.

Being uncontracted, I knew, was rare. Not unheard of, but definitely something noteworthy. Often, Skills are modified and given with an elemental prefix upon Awakening. It’s what makes everyone’s Awakening unique. But having one’s Class itself be elemental is, as the Class tier states, Rare. For all any of the other knights know, I have a single Skill that allows me to summon shadow weapons, Not that there was anyone training around us, not after we switched to the outdoor training area located ages away from the main barracks,

But Sir Limrick and Dame Arella already knew the truth; they were there. So did Sir Neil and Siobhan. They said as much on the road. Even though I never spoke back, both of them came to me and told me my secret was safe with them—that they were here and willing to keep it to themselves.

I had still been raw from watching Sir Rellar’s death. So I’d sent them away. But now, now I can think back on it and feel my heart warm. Dame Arella had been right. The Knights of the Dusk were more than just escorts. They grew from protectors to friends.

“Again,” Dame Arella said, another tap of her wooden blade lightly grazing my neck.

I dismissed my weapon, attempting to summon it fast enough to block one of the knight’s attacks. We’d been at it for over an hour when, finally, I summoned a knife —it was a simple thing, just a blade with barely a dulled edge to grab. The shadow blade dug into my hand, but it also blocked the wooden knife aimed for my side.

“I did it!” I said, amazed.

As I looked up to Dame Arella, I watched a wicked grin spread across her face, “But can you do it twice?”

The next hit was far less gentle and twice as fast.

I groaned as Dame Arella said, “Again.”

It took me another two hours to summon a blade fast enough to semi-block her. Afterward, she increased her speed and strength.

“I know you can keep going,” she said whenever I started flagging around lunchtime, “But I’ll let you break. It’s only your first day, after all.”

The grin on her face was feral, and suddenly, I wondered if my first assessment of the Dusk wasn’t the correct one after all. They’re crazy. And Dame Arella was not an exception.

“When can I come back?” I asked quickly, worried that if I didn’t get a definitive day, I would get lost in my new schedule.

“Take your first week, even your second, then on your third week, we’ll see where and when you’ll have time for extra training.” Dame Arella patted my head, no longer was she strict and overbearing. Instead, she was back to her usual gentle self, the woman who splayed out all my knit animals when I was sad on the road, the woman who convinced me to give the Dusk part of me, the woman I looked up to.

I agreed, and as we began walking back to the barracks, the chill of the outdoors slowly melted away with my movement. Based on the clouds overhead, I was surprised it hadn’t snowed. But, of course, that was a lucky thing as well. Who knows if Dame Arella would have been willing to stick me outside in the snow? Then again, it was already freezing cold, so maybe it wouldn’t have made much of a difference to her.

We split at the front of the barracks—she went back to training, and I headed back to the main house.

It was a walk filled with [Shadow Manipulation].

I popped knives in and out of existence as quickly as I could. Every time I tried, it felt too slow. Like the microsecond it took was too long. But I knew, objectively, I was much faster than I had been. But, again, it was still barely a knife at all. It was all blade, with an edge just dull enough for me to grip at the base. What I needed was to summon a blade I could wield. Not just something that could block a single attack from Dame Arella.

I flexed my hand, keeping my focus on my pitch-black nails –embedded with so many shadows I could drown a weaker person. Not that I would. But I could.

I released a breath and decided to try something new.

I expanded and sharpened my nails. At first, it was an inch with a dull, almond shape. Then it was three inches and a stiletto. Finally, they were as long as my forearm and sharpened thrice as much as the trash knife I had summoned with Dame Arella. Once again, I flexed my hand, watching as the nails shrank back down to my natural length, flattening the tip.

And then it was as if I’d never shifted it at all.

But it’d still taken too long.

I sighed.

This was going to take work. And lots of it.