Chapter 27 V2: Party Up

After taking a moment to move all of the leftover weights back to the garage I stood in front of the fridge and checked over my gear. I was fairly certain that I had everything I needed for this excursion. There was a full forty pound load of solid weights on the Mk1 Stuff Holder which I hoped would be enough, along with its own ability to press downward, to hold a goblin on the ground.

Just as I was opening the fridge to walk through my phone buzzed, someone was calling me. I glanced at the time as I pulled it out and realized that it was already 7am. I had spent three hours dicking around in the workshop.

My cats were right outside the closed door, pawing at it and meowing their displeasure at not being fed yet. My dog wasn’t one to vocalize her complaints, but she hadn’t been let outside or fed either.

Hell, I hadn’t even fed myself.

I’d had the plan to merc a few goblins to work off the frustration at waking up so early, a form of early morning workout and SE retrieval. I’d thought I’d have it knocked out in maybe ten minutes. How had I lost track of time and gotten so distracted?

Was the dungeon fucking with me again, even with my upgraded Wi—

The phone buzzed again, the call was still waiting. Charlie was calling me. I answered it.

“Yo?”

“Hey, Fred wants to know what everyone thinks about having a karaoke machine setup at the bar tonight?

Fuck, that was right, I had a birthday party to attend later. I’d already completely forgotten about it. It felt like an entire month had passed since I’d been told about it.

“Oh, yeah, sure, sounds like fun.”

I did indeed have a deep-set love for karaoke, but it was difficult to convey my enthusiasm through my disorientation.

“You okay there dude? Ya sound a bit rough. Get enough sleep last night?”

The events of the previous night had been all but wiped from memory. Shit, less than twelve hours ago I had broken a man’s arm and jaw, and been inadvertently informed that the FBI was keeping an eye on my friend.

“Not really, some shit came up. Speaking of… Can you come over for a bit? I got some stuff that you need to hear about. In person,”

“Yeah, sure? I’ll be there in a bit.”

He didn’t so much as ask what was going on before agreeing. Now that I think about it, I don’t recall a single time he had questioned it when I had previously asked him to help me with something.

Man, if only that willingness to help would get me some backup in the dungeon. Not like he’d just—

What the fuck was I thinking? This was my best friend that we’re talking about here. Shit, he had just dropped whatever he was doing to come over without any real reason given at all. Why had I ever thought that he wouldn’t come running with a full kit if I told him what was going on inside my fridge?

There was no version of reality, no alternate dimension or timeline, in which Charlie wouldn’t gladly join me in raiding a real deal dungeon. Shit, he’d pretty much said those exact words the last time we’d played together in a Dungeon and Dragons campaign.

So that made two things that I needed to tell Charlie about. First, that the feds were actively investigating him. And second, there is a dungeon in my fridge, and I need help raiding it.

This was going to be a very interesting conversation.

Charlie showed up just over half an hour later, walking in with a cup of coffee in one hand and two plastic bags hanging from the other. One bag held two breakfast burritos from a local food truck that I ate from now and then, the other held a large can of my favorite caffeinated beverage.

“You are one beautiful bastard.” I said as he handed me one of the burritos and the can of caffeine. We both sat at the kitchen table. I had half of the burrito shoved down my gullet and a portion of the caffeine chugged down before he spoke up.

“Alright, now that you’re properly fueled up there, what’s got you worked up? You look like something that your dog left in the front yard.”

“I had one hell of a long night. Didn’t get to bed until after midnight, and woke up early as shit,”

“What kept you up?”

“Bit of a story there…”

“All ears here.”

Well, you see, I made a run to the gas station down the road to get some soda.”

“Uh huh?”

“While I was there, a guy came in and tried to rob it.”

“How’d that go for him?”

“According to the security footage I was shown, I broke his arm and his jaw.”

“Shown?”

“Yep. I blacked out before that. I don’t remember a second of it.”

“Holy shit, dude. What happened? You take a hit to the head?”

“Nope.”

I had only a bare idea of what might have caused it. How was I supposed to explain though that it might be the results of a curse from a magic dungeon? He’d never understand until he saw it for himself, later.

“You see a doctor about this?”

“Not yet. I’m trying to avoid the medical bill for now, in case it’s a one-time thing.”

“Right, because blacking out and royally fucking a dude up is totally just a one-time whoopsie. Happens all the time really. Heck, just last week I blacked out and worked over the pizza guy something fierce.”

“You know what I mean, smartass. Besides, that’s not the important part of last night.”

“Sending a guy to the hospital isn’t even the big main event? Christ, man, what could top that?”

I took a moment to chug the rest of my caffeine, and slammed the empty can on the table.

“Well, we both know the guy that I crippled.”

“Oh? How so?”

“You remember Johnny, the dumbass from yesterday?”

“That dude that tried pulling a gun on us before you went ninja on his ass?”

“Yep.”

“No fucking way. Holy shit, talk about some bad luck. He really tried to rob the same gas station that you were at?”

“Yep.”

“Man, he must’ve been really cruel to puppies in a past life to get karma like that.”

“Right… So after I blacked out and fucked him up, I walked all the way back to my house and left my car in the parking lot. One moment I’m standing there right behind him, the next I’m sitting at the table right where I am now pouring myself a drink.”

“Then what?”

“The cops, of course, showed up to question me.”

“So you left your car at the scene, and they had security footage of you going ape on this guy, so what? Fair enough that they’d want a statement, but if they watched the video they’d see this was legally justified.”

He unwrapped his own burrito and took a bite.

“Before they drove me to the station, I called up that lawyer firm that you put on my phone.”

“So your brain isn’t completely fucked.”

“I was thinking the same as you, that they just wanted a statement. Then walks in two FBI agents.”

Bits of burrito were sprayed across my table as he coughed.”

“Fu— fucking what?”

“Yep. Two feds. One Agent Lassiter, and one agent Sawyer.”

He sat his food down.

“And what the fuck do they care about a gas station robbery in bumfuck nowhere?”

“Funny thing actually… Turns out they were already investigating Johnny and his associates.”

“Which means…”

“Yep. They had aerial photos of the deal yesterday.”

“Fuck me… How bad is it?”

“They got a good side profile of you, and of course clear faces of the whole gang. All they got on me was the back of my head.”

“Shit… I’m fucking sorry man. If I’d known that deal was gonna be snooped on I’d never have dragged you along.”

“Stop right there. We both know that if I hadn't been there then they’d have either robbed you, or shot you and then robbed you. Besides, so far it seems that I’m in the clear.”

“What?”

“Yep. Neither of the agents seemed to put two and two together. They had no clue in the world that it was me in the pictures.”

“So they think you’re just some random guy that happened to brutalize Johnny as he tried to rob a gas station.”

“Affirm.”

“Have you been told recently that you have the luck of the Devil?”

“By you, several times. They were mighty concerned with trying to secure me cooperation in testifying against Johnny. Witness protection was offered.”

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“So they probably want to use him to nail the rest of the gang.”

“Yep. And I think we can assume that him and the others will throw everyone else under the bus to lessen their own sentences.”

“Which means their arms dealer, and his bodyguard.”

“Just what I was thinking.”

“Christ… I don’t suppose they mentioned if Johnny can actually talk at the moment?”

“They did actually… Something along the lines of ‘it’ll be awhile’.”

“So we have that going for us.”

“Which just leaves a question.”

“‘What’ll we do now?’”

“Yep.”

“Well, I have enough money set aside for just this occasion. How do ya feel about moving to Turkey?”

“Love their gun culture, but I’d rather stay here.”

“Fair enough, but the moment the feds start really looking at me, they’re going to notice you hanging out with me.”

“I’ll deal with that when it gets there.”

“This is going to make business a massive pain in the ass until it blows over.”

“What’s your plan?”

“Guess I’ll lay low for now. I got finances to last for like a year without selling a single thing, here’s hoping it doesn’t get to that point though.”

“Not gonna get a part-time job?”

“What? Work retail like you did? Fuck no! I guess I’ll find a hobby. Not looking forward to telling my clients that there won’t be any deals until this is wrapped up though.”

“I might have something to keep you from getting bored.”

“Oh?”

“I’m not sure exactly how to say this… But I kinda found a great way to make money.”

“Your gold source? I kinda figured you wanted to keep that under wraps.”

“I did… But recently I realized that I needed some help with it.”

“What? You need help digging or something? Where’s this mineshaft at?”

“Nothing like that.”

“Stealing it from somewhere? Need help carrying it out?”

“In a way, yeah. This’ll be easier if I just show you.”

I stood up and walked to my workshop, he followed after me. My gloves had been left on the workbench, so I picked them up and put them on. There was still a loaded mag left in one of them from the last time I’d worn them.

“Before I show you the whole thing, I think I should show you something small first.”

“Uh huh?”

I retrieved the mag.

“Holy shit!”

Charlie’s eyes nearly popped from their sockets when the mag suddenly appeared in my hand. He collapsed backward into the chair by the bench when I stowed it again.

“What the fuck! What the hell was that! You fucking stealing gold from Area Fifty One or some shit? Fuck! That’s why the fucking feds are sniffing around at me! They recognized the gold! They want their shit back!”

“Christ, Charlie, I didn’t steal anything! I found these fair and square.”

“Where? You just happen to stumble on them while out on a morning walk through Area 51?”

“No, I found them in my fridge.”

“Your fuckin fridge? The fuck does that mean?”

“Just watch…”

I walked over to the fridge and opened it wide, then stepped aside to let Charlie see.

“What the shit? You installed a TV in your fridge?”

He stood up and walked up to it.

“This resolution is—”

His hand reached out to try and touch it, and he stumbled forward when his fingers met only air. He caught himself from falling headfirst into it, but then fell back on his ass after his legs gave out.

“I— I don’t understand… How? What?”

“This appeared in my fridge a few days ago, the night before I brought the first batch of gold to you. This is where I got these gloves, among other things.”

“Wh— what the hell is this?”

“Best as I can tell so far, it’s some sort of portal to a dungeon. I dunno if it's another world, or a pocket dimension, or wherever else. I do know it's full of fantasy monsters and loot.”

“Monsters?”

“Yep. Monsters.”

“Holy shit… Holy shit! This is where all that gold came from! James, do you realize how much money this could make!”

“Yep, which is exactly why I was keeping the source a secret till now.”

“Ah shit… Fuck! I thought you found an old mine or something!"

"This place doesn’t just cough out loot.”

“What do you mean?”

“It gives a uh… How should I explain it… You ever read a litRPG?”

“Yeah, I’ve read a handful, what does th— No fucking way. You’re joking!”

“Nope.”

“You got a fucking RPG system?”

“With levels and stats and abilities and all.”

“Holy shit dude..”

It was starting to click for him.

“Hold up, you think other people can get it too?”

“Far as I can tell, anybody could theoretically get it. You just gotta pick up and use enough of the XP gems that monsters drop.”

“Real deal XP gems, from real deal monsters… What kind exactly?”

“You want to see?”

“Yes.”

He didn’t hesitate even a second.

“Before we go in, you need to arm up.”

“Alright.”

Charlie went outside and retrieved a few things from his pride and joy, his Cadillac Escalade ESV. He’d had a ton of custom work done on it. The windows had been swapped for ballistic glass. The doors and roof had armor plating installed, and a roll cage inside. Then there was the storage he’d personally installed in the back, where he kept emergency supplies for use when he was away from home and shit went down.

He came back with his plate carrier, short barreled .300 Blackout AR, and his 9mm (Sig Sauer P226, a fantastic option) in a holster on his side.

We stood outside the fridge, and I decided to cover some ground rules.

“Before we go in, there are a few things you need to know ahead of time.”

“Shoot.”

“First thing, above all else, this dungeon will fuck with your head. It will make you act in ways that don’t make sense, but it will feel perfectly natural until it’s too late. Once we’ve gotten you the System, I recommend that you bump up your Wisdom before anything else, that’ll help mitigate it.”

“How bad can it be?”

“Bad. It’s made me walk into new areas without any preparation, and take risks that I didn’t need to. It even made me lose control of my body, made me move when I didn’t want to.”

“Shit…”

“If I notice it affecting you, I’ll do my best to snap you out of it.”

“I appreciate it.”

He looked significantly less certain about going in now.

“Second, take the opportunity to reload or repack your mags whenever you’re given the chance. Always have a backup weapon. There are some monsters in there that can tank rounds until they’re on top of you. Or the ones that’ll overwhelm you with sheer numbers. Keep as many loaded mags as you can comfortably carry, then carry more.”

“I have four mags for the rifle, four more for the 9mm, is that enough?”

“Next time, triple it, or bring a shitload of loose ammo to repack. As my uncle used to say ‘the only time you have too much ammo is when you’re on fire or drowning’.”

“Right.”

“You’re fine for now, the plan for this excursion is to reach what I’ll refer to as a ‘Dedication Door’, then turn around. If we pass that, then we’re stuck until we clear the floor boss.”

“Dedication Door?”

I thought back to the two rooms that sealed shut behind me.

“So far each floor has had one. It looks like a normal empty room, until you pass a certain point then the door closes behind you. Then you get swarmed by enemies. The one on this floor isn’t so bad, just a horde of goblins that funnel in through a handy choke point. The second one though? That one nearly took my life.”

“And we want to avoid them today.”

“Exactly. No way in hell am I bringing you into one until you’ve leveled up a few times, and you’re not properly kitted up.”

“Ok.”

“Third, there are living traps. Mimics, ceiling trap door tentacle beasts. Don’t go blindly opening chests, and be cautious approaching any fountains.”

“Fountain?”

“Rest area, sometimes. Other times its a trap.”

“Uh huh… so poke everything with a long stick?”

“I’ve been using my crowbar, but yes.”

“Roger.”

“I’ll speak up about other things as it becomes relevant, otherwise we’d be here all day. You still sure you want to go in?”

“I am. If you’re right about that guy, then this is something I have to do if we want to stand any chance.”

“Alright. Let’s go.”

I finally walked through the fridge door, and Charlie followed behind me. A moment later we were both standing in the entrance. The door to the second floor was still wide open.

“Welcome to the dungeon.”