30 | Monsters

The sunset painted the sky blood red as we drove away from Alastair's house. My time there was as enlightening as it was dreadful. We knew now what our killer was but in discovering that, I learned of the evil that was lurking just beneath my skin. All this time I was afraid of the monsters running around Twin Peaks without knowing I might be the most dangerous one.

I rubbed my arms as if somehow I could stop the crawling sensation running under my skin. The anxiety made me want to claw at myself, rip and tear away every piece of me until I gouged out the part that was threatening my sanity. What I needed was a distraction from my thoughts, but Cal had said about three words to me since his meeting with Alastair.

I glanced in his direction, eyes cataloging his profile. He had a strong jaw, that I could finally see now that he had shaved off his beard a week or so ago. From the side it was hard to see that his nose had a small crook in it. Instead it had a rather regal looking slope and point to it. The only thing that needed some tending was his hair which was beginning to curl at the bottom where it brushed against the collar of his coat.

He was a handsome man, distractingly so. My blood began to run a little hotter as I recalled the pressure of his lips on mine. Or how his calloused hands had felt running over my smooth skin. My stomach flipped and I shifted on the seat when he looked to me. His brows were drawn together in a pensive stare. I was willing to bet that things had not gone exactly the way he was hoping they would.

He turned his attention back to the highway. "I'm getting tired. I think I spotted a motel as we were coming into city limits."

"I could drive."

"No. We both need rest, a warm shower, and a good meal in us." He left no room for me to question his decision. I nodded my head and dropped my eyes to my lap. A familiar coldness had returned to his voice, and I hated it.

"Alastair doesn't want to take me on does he?" I asked when the quiet became too much for me to bear.

Cal wrung the leather of this steering wheel, pulling his shoulders together. That was as good an answer as any. There would be no safe sanctuary for me and now that I knew my circumstances better, I didn't blame anyone. I was a liability, a ticking time bomb that was at higher risk of detonating the longer I stayed with these creatures.

I let out a small breath and closed my eyes against the onslaught of emotions flowing through me. "At least tell me that Mary-Beth is--"

"He will take her on," he interrupted me.

"Oh, thank god."

He grabbed my hand and my eyes popped open. "We will figure out something else for you, Luce."

His grip on me tightened. "I know other Alphas.

"Stop." I pulled my hand free. "Just stop."

"What?"

"We both know it's going to be a waste of time. No one is going to feel safe taking me in. You can stop trying to protect me from the truth. I know what I am."

Cal's eyes flashed amber as his lips turned down into a dangerous frown. "What did they say to you?"

My eyes narrowed. "What I needed to know. That I'm a monster."

A low growl rumbled in his chest and his knuckles turned white. "You are not a monster."

"Yes I am, Cal!" I snapped at him, unable to temper my fear and anger any longer. "I'm one bite--one scratch away from becoming like the beast that murdered my father. And what's worse is that you knew all along and never told me."

"I was never going to let that happen."

I threw up a hand with a loud scoff. "You can't control everything. Every second that I spend with you, with Mary-Beth, in that stupid town...I'm tempting fate. Eventually something is bound to happen. It'll be an accident but it won't matter because--"

Cal turned to me with a threatening snarl that silenced the rest of my words. My heart lodged itself in my throat as I stared at the way his canines were lengthening and the angles of his face sharpened, fur beginning to break through his pores.

"I'm sorry," I said in a hushed tone, body stiff as a board. He growled low as he turned away from me, hunching closer to the steering wheel. It was easy to forget about Cal's other nature sometimes, because being around him seemed so normal and natural. It didn't help that my feelings towards him were questionable.

"Nothing is going to happen to you." He spoke in a low, rumbling voice. "I refuse to allow it."

There was nothing more to say on the matter. Cal refused to accept the truth and arguing with him seemed like a good way to make what I learned a self-fulling prophecy. Silence enveloped the space as he drove us further from Sunnyvale. I settled back against the seat, watching the world pass by out the passenger side window. The darkness slowly swallowing it until it was hard to see much but the shadow of the trees against the burning sky and the headlights of passing vehicles.

We pulled off the highway and into the small parking lot of a run down looking motel. A few cars were parked outside the u-shaped building, and a large sign was posted at the entrance. One of the a's in the neon vacancy sign was flickering wildly. Cal put the car into park and got out, leaving the engine idling as he disappeared into the main office.

My heart sat heavy in my chest. It was like every breath that I took was not nearly enough, that I was on the verge of running out of oxygen. How was it that my reality had been so alter beyond understanding? It wasn't like I had asked to be born. Why had my father messed around with my mother if he knew what could happen?

It just wasn't fair. The lump that had begun to form in my throat was threatening to implode. A warm prickling sensation had started at the corners of my eyes and I knew I was in danger of losing the battle with my emotions. Thankfully, Cal determined at that moment to return to the car. Mustering all my willpower, I pushed my feelings down deep as far as I could, to a place that would keep them from returning for a while.

A numbness spread out from my chest and into my limbs while Cal drove us across the parking lot to the farthest corner of the U-shaped motel. He was the first one out of the car, leaning over his seat and reaching through the divide of out seats to grab a bag that was setting on the backseat. I followed after him without a word.

He slipped the key card into the slot of the door, pressing it open. I walked in first, fumbling for a light switch for a moment. It smelled of cheap air freshener, strong and sweet. Perfect for trying to cloak the underlying hint of stale cigarettes and musk. The room wasn't anything special. It was an ugly taupe color with worn down blue carpet. There was one window that looked out onto the parking lot, framed in heavy maroon curtains. I walked over and drew them closed, blocking out the fading light of day.

My brow arched up as my gaze fixed on the bed on the far side of the room. One bed. Cal didn't say anything as he came into the room behind me. He walked past me, dropping the bag he had packed for us on the floor and shrugging out of his coat, tossing it across the bottom edge of the bed as he made his way into the bathroom. I watched the door close behind him.

The heavy silence tapped on the loneliness that I had done my best to suppress since moving to Twin Peaks. But right now what I wanted was to talk or to argue, anything to distract me from the fear that had been steadily growing since the truth of my situation was revealed.

I walked to the bed and sat down. There were too many what if's to calculate. First, there was that matter of sending Mary-Beth away. She was not going to make things easy and I was certain she would fight me every step of the way. It wasn't like I wanted to be separated. In fact, the thought set my teeth on edge. There was no way for me to know that she would be safe under Alastair's care but it was the only alternative that didn't completely uproot her life.

Aunt Margery definitely would have taken her, but the coldness of her nature would give anyone pause. At least in Sunnyvale she had old friends and the familiarity to keep her from forgetting who she was and that she was loved. It was likely that whatever was coming was going to separate us forever. Cal would say I was just overthinking things. That everything was going to be fine. But something in my bones screamed that if Mary-Beth and I separated it would be the last time we would see each other.

Something wet and warm splashed against the top of my hand. I glanced down, noticing the droplet of water resting on my skin. Reaching up, I touched my face and found my cheeks were wet. I had started to cry without even noticing.

The bathroom door opened and I quickly wiped away the tear stains from my face. I turned around to find Cal walking out with a towel draped around his waist, wet hair clinging to his face. It was impossible not to stare at him.

His eyes met mine and my cheeks burned hot, I quickly looked away to the multi-colored comforter beneath me. "The showers free."

"Great." I stood up, keeping myself from looking at anything but him. My body tingled as I listened to the sound of feet shuffling over of the carpet, bringing him closer.

"I packed you some pajamas. They're in the bag." He and I reached for it at the same time, bumping our heads. Pain snapped through me and I reeled back with a wince. Damn, he had a hard head. I sent him a small glare as I rubbed at the smarting spot.

He rubbed at his head as well but his mouth was slightly upturned, clearly finding some amusement in our situation. I cleared my throat and grabbed the bag, ignoring him and the fading pain I felt as I scurried into the bathroom. The door did well to keep me from him and the sensation his hazel gaze had stirred up in my chest.

I drew out my shower until my skin was wrinkled and the water ran cold. When I stepped out of the bathroom, I was ready to fall into bed. My hair was dripping water onto the oversized t-shirt, that clearly didn't belong to me. But the pajamas that Cal had packed for me were completely inappropriate for mixed company. My cheeks had turned a deep shade of red when I pulled them out. It was hard to believe he hadn't done it on purpose to get a rise out of me.

Cal was stretched out on the bed, still only wrapped in the towel. I did my best not to gawk at the lean muscles of his stomach and how they seemed to tense as if he felt my gaze like a stroke fingers against his bare flesh. He opened his eyes slowly, seductively. It made my temperature rise to an almost uncomfortable level.

"That's not what I packed you."

"I know," I said with a curt tone.

Mischief sparkled in his eyes as he sat up. "No matter. I like this much better."

My cheeks flamed and my eyes narrowed at the hem of his shirt. "Don't get used to it."

He said nothing, but then again he didn't need to. His smirk said it all. I rolled my eyes and moved closer to the bed, stopping at the foot of it. "About sleeping arrangements," I started.

"What about them?"

I twisted the hem in my fingers, pulling the material tighter against my skin. "There is only one bed."

"So I noticed."

"There are two of us."

He arched a brow. "Is there a point you're trying to make?"

"Where are you going to sleep?" I asked, holding his gaze.

"In the bed."

I frowned at him. "Where am I going to sleep?"

Amusement rekindled in his gaze, and he stood up. "In the bed."

My heart skipped a beat, before taking off like a bird in flight. I swallowed, hard. "I'm not sharing that bed with you."

"Would you rather sleep on the floor?"

I glanced down at the carpet, stretching out my toes to feel the roughness of the threads between them. It would be a terribly long night if I attempted to sleep on the floor. The bed looked so inviting after all our travel and emotions of the day. But sharing it with Cal was dangerous. My gaze met his again, my lips pursed.

"Nothing is happening."

"I promise we will only sleep, even if you beg me for more," he said, covering his heart with a hand. I rolled my eyes and crawled into the bed, pulling back the comforter and getting underneath.

Cal walked across the room and turned off the light. I did my best to get comfortable on my side of the bed and ignore the racing of my heart. The sound of heavy cloth hitting the floor had my eyes popping open as Cal got into bed next to me.

"You're naked!" I whispered loudly.

"That's how I sleep."

"Nope." I sat up, and threw back the comforter. "This is not happening. I'll sleep in the car."

Strong arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me back onto the mattress. I let out a small yelp as his body heat enveloped me. I squirmed in his grasp but he only held me tighter to his chest, burrowing his face into my hair and nipping at my ear. My body went stiff and my lungs threatened to collapse as all the air rushed out of them. He knew the threat this posed for both of us, and yet he held me close without hesitation, without fear.

"I said we were only sleeping." His breath tickled and I squirmed against him, trying to put more distance between us. He pressed himself against my butt and I felt his desire for me. "But if you don't stop doing that you'll find my good word only stretches so far."

I stilled and squeezed my eyes shut. He was the worst kind of person, but that did nothing to stop my wanting him. It did nothing to keep my heart from opening to his moments of vulnerability. This was such a dangerous game we were playing. And yet, laying in the bed next to him with his arm wrapped around my waist I found myself relaxing. Slowly, my heart and breathing grew attuned to Cal's, until they were nearly one and the same.

I found myself longing for there to be a way that we could bridge the gap between us. At least long enough that I could embrace his touch without fear or hesitation. Maybe in a different life, I thought to myself as I drifted deeper into the stillness of sleep. The whisper of a kiss against my cheek sending me off in an empty dreamland.