CENSORED 52: AINSLEY

My sparks have been giving me the silent treatment all dang day, seeming resigned to this fate decided for them, but they’re curious now if I’ll really go through with it.

We voted as a true team, my family and friends, and the majority sided with me. While putting my sparks to sleep is ripping my heart apart, it’s for the best. I can’t choose between them, and I can’t let myself end up like Sunny either.

If the opportunity had presented itself months ago, when my sparks first ignited, I’d have seen it as a get out of jail free card away from this prison, but the people have really grown on me, as my sparks have grown in me, and the thought of the inevitable loss is painful now.

My sparks.

My friends.

My white horse wave.

My heart aches. It’s so much loss. Too much.

The sparks will go today, then my friendships will wane, and eventually Luke and I will grow apart. While he’s assured me he’ll stick around whether I’m sparkling or not, that can’t last. There are still too many walls for that to succeed long-term. I won’t blame him for it when it happens. I expect it, have already accepted it, and will simply try my best to make the most out of the moments we have left. Because there’ll at least be some which is better than salty balls all.

“Ainsley Coterie, approach the mark!” Dericka blazes in a tone scorching me to my core. Guess she isn’t a fan of repeating herself.

Both Luke and Grady squeeze my hands in a way that lets me know they aren’t opposed to running away with me, and they aren’t alone. Nick’s placed his hands dead bang on my shoulders in case I call for him to POOF! us out in a hurry. But I’ve made up my mind. The vote carried. I have an obligation to see it through.

For my family.

For my friends.

For me.

I stand from my seat, refusing to look at them. I can’t let them see me weakened. Everyone’s counting on me to do the right thing. If one falls, we all freaking fall, and I’m determined not to be the one to topple us. I can’t fail them. I won’t.

When I land on the skid mark, the guards start fishing for brown trout.

“Have you tamed your sparks?” the leading Dark Earth Guard rattles.

“I’ve caged them,” I unholster, “but I’ll never freaking tame them.”

She smirks, and it reminds me of Archie.

“State your sparks for the record,” the leading Dark Air Guard whirs.

“Fire, air, water, and earth,” I report.

As if responding to the attention, my sparks skitter around inside me, rubbing affectionately against anything in their path. They’re saying goodbye, and my heart splits in the middle, a giant cloud of darkness seeping out.

“And which spark do you choose today?” the Dark Water Guard on the right splutters.

“Big blitzing zero,” I lock.

My sparks become more aggressive with their movements, and I straighten my shoulders, refusing to let these squibs know I’m struggling.

The guards all whisper amongst themselves, clearly confused by what I’m saying. No one has ever made a choice like this. It’s unconscionable.

“Enough,” Dericka calls them back to order. “Not making a choice is still a choice.”

“But we can’t fully hibernate,” the Dark Water Guard on the left froths.

“The law forbids it,” the Dark Air Guards whiff in unison.

“The law forbids a forced choice of hibernation,” the left Dark Water Guard backwaters in a perfect Atlas tone. “Not a voluntary one.”

“Are you making this choice of your own free will?” Dericka flickers, pushing forward despite their clear lack of agreement.

“It’s not like I have a lot of options.” I reckon Adley would appreciate the sass.

“You could be guarded,” the leading Dark Earth Guard rumbles.

“No one has ever held more than one spark,” her sheath backroads.

“But she isn’t shattered,” she tremors, the softness in her voice reminding me of Asher.

“Yet,” Dericka flares, “but she will be.”

“She could be guarded,” the Dark Water Guard on the right repeats.

“I will guard her water spark,” Luke swells from his position behind the dome.

Keira stands with Maverick and Aspen a second later. “We will guard her fire, earth, and air sparks.”

A flicker of hope lights inside me at a potential stay of execution, but just as the light starts to shine on me, the foreboding darkness swallows it again at the onset of Dericka’s next words. “The guard is twenty-four hours a day, every day, for the rest of your life, Ainsley,” she flames. “Only upon your death will they be free of their duty.”

I could never do that to them. Maybe I could begrudgingly accept it from Luke, but not those pyroclastic punks. They have the life they’ve always wanted waiting for them.

“Unless I lose control. Then you’ll just chain me to a bed and sedate me until I die,” I load.

“Yes,” she establishes for the record. “If you lose control in their care, you’ll be involuntarily admitted to the Ward. If Ward management isn’t possible, you’ll be transferred to S.W.O.R.D. Asylum.”

Guards or not, it doesn’t change anything about my general control of the situation. It’s just prolonging the inevitable I’d set my mind to avoid in the first place. I’ll end up like Sunny or worse.

“You really have no idea what you’re giving up, do you?” the left Dark Water Guard splashes. “When you choose your spark, you’ll be the strongest sheath or wielder in all of S.W.O.R.D. Singularity doesn’t contract the space. It fills the gaping hole with the remaining spark. You’ll be filling three empty holes, making you four times as strong as any other Sparkler. You’d honestly give up that potential power? You could be anything. Do anything. You’ll be guaranteed a Royal seat with your strength, overtaking whatever element you choose. You’ll be an unstoppable force of nature.”

I discharge, pumping them full of salty sauce, “You think I give an actual rusty nail about power? Doesn’t look like it’s done Dericka and Lucius any freaking favours to me. You might want a lap dog chasing after your snatch, or a precision sniper finger, or your piss rings, but you’re not free. Not any of you squibs. Your laws and rules and controls are garbage, and I’m ready to take the dang trash out.”

“But by choosing a single spark, you could force all that to change,” she plops. “You could use the power to invoke improvements to the process.”

If I’m leaning toward any single spark, it’s water due to Luke. I hate myself for that because water means so much more to me than a single connection. It means Asher too, and I could never choose Asher over Adley, Atlas, or Archie. Despite how deeply I care about Luke, I’m not willing to give up who I am for him, and he wouldn’t want me if I did. The Ainsley he cherishes is wild and free and untamed as heck.

“I choose freaking zero,” I smoke.

“Are you making this choice of your own free will?” Dericka flickers a final time.

“I make this choice of my own free will,” I holster, my voice as hollow as my spark well will soon be.

The Dark Royal Guard begin their approach toward me, and it gives me some solace to see that by majority they aren’t joyful over the outcome. Some are confused, angry, and even sad. As the four wielders reach out to touch my arms, the lingering darkness in me spreads out like it might hide my sparks from their view, covering them in shadows.

And when their sparks reach inside me, determined to lay mine to rest, I realize how absolutely wrong I was. My sparks weren’t hiding like wussies. Despite my willingness to concede to this fate, they didn’t give up on my weak butt. They won’t. Not ever. Those sneaky slugs have set an ambush. Battle Unicorn is armed and ready for combat. They roar a fierce war cry of defiance, shouting loudly in unison. Big. Blitzing. No!

They’re wide awake and refuse to be put to sleep again, refuse to be caged and controlled by these squibs. They’re free in me, and they aren’t going down without a fight. I’m not taming this feral beast, not for anything. I might’ve coaxed them into a cage, and they might’ve even gotten so dang comfortable in there they forgot they were a wild thing for a hot minute, but they’re never going to be freaking tamed.

Just.

Like.

Me.

It’s high time I trust them, the way they’ve unwaveringly trusted me. I consciously lower the drawbridge in my spark well and command them to charge. Giddy-the-heck-up, Battle Unicorn!

They unleash their feral fury in a dark rainbow that explodes out of me into the room.

Gloriously balanced.

Gloriously violent.

Gloriously freaking wielded.

The Dark Royal Guard blows away from me in devastating synchrony, skidding across the floor like dogs with swollen anal glands and slamming into walls. Dericka crashes against the dome like a bug splattering on a windshield, blood smearing behind her as she slides down it in slow motion.

While I’m enjoying the puddle I’ve made of Dericka’s limbs, and humming along to her pained groans as if they’re my new favourite song, I spot Luke. Winning this battle has come at a steep cost. He lies prone on the floor outside the protection of the shield dome. He tried to come to my aid like he always does, and my explosion struck the heck out of him too. I run to him, drawing him into my arms as the detonated darkness retracts, pulling back into me to fill the gaping crack in my heart.

“Look at me!” I order him, shaking him forcefully to get him to come around. “Luke! Wake up!” I slap him across the face, starting to really lose my grip. “Please look at me,” I beg with everything in me, tears pouring from my eyes and splashing onto his cheeks. “You can cage me, leash me, anchor me, whatever you want. Just please wake up and look at me.” The darkness snakes out again and weighs my limbs under a heavy blanket. “I need you to live, Luke. You have to live.”

The last thing I see before the darkness floods me completely is Luke’s eyes shooting open. They’re his eyes yet not his eyes at all. The once calming seas of blue rings and swirling white flecks are Regular brownish-grey.