The next few days passed in a haze.
All Nate found himself doing was working himself to the bone. He did not exit his study for hours at a time and only left to eat.
Mealtimes were a mess, because all he could do was stare longingly at Emily while she did the same to him. All he wanted was to pull her from the room and kiss her soundly and tell her that he didn't care about anything anymore and that he would gladly forsake everything to travel the world with her.
But he could not and did not because that would be a lie. He did care about his responsibilities and he did not wish to abandon them at all, no matter how much he loved her.
His heart, however, refused to listen. It continually directed his mind to places it did not wish to go, like their kiss. He could still taste the bittersweetness of it on his lips. There had been love, longing, pain and sadness in the second kiss they'd shared and, as he pictured it in his head again and again, he could hear the words both of them had spoken in the back of his mind.
He hated the fact that, sometimes, love was not enough. That no matter how much you loved someone and they loved you, it meant nothing if the timing wasn't right. The date of her departure edged closer, with it being only two weeks from then. He could not find it in him to think of that without feeling a sense of melancholy hit him strongly, knocking him straight to the ground.
The few times that he'd caught her eye, he'd seen the same look in her gaze. She wanted him just as much as he wanted her, but was weighted down with that same sadness that reminded them both that to be together was not a possibility as regret would probably enter into the picture eventually. He could see the ghost of a tear constantly in her eyes, threatening to burst forth, and he wasn't ashamed to admit that he had wept that night.
Out of habit, he had even been awoken by the grandfather clock striking midnight and had put on his dressing gown to go downstairs before realising that that was no longer an option. He could not wait for her in the kitchen and have late night conversations with her any longer. No matter how long he waited, she would not come and he could not blame her.
"Are you ready?" A voice asked, drawing Nate from the thought that had been pushing him downwards for a while.
"Huh?" He asked, turning to face his brother-in-law, who he hadn't even noticed had entered the library where Nate had been sitting, a glass of his best whiskey in his hand, entirely undrunk. The feel of it was comforting, but he still couldn't stomach the thought of actually raising the glass to his lips and taking a sip.
"Miss Smithson should be arriving any moment." Kit reminded him, and Nate set his glass down, alarmed. If he was late for this, Cassie would kill him. He could remember enough from the dinner conversations he'd actually participated in instead of pining over Emily that Cassie had been planning everything for Miss Smithson's visit for days. She wanted everything to be perfect, especially since the Smithsons had done quite a bit for the family in the few months after their parents had passed.
"I'd almost forgotten." Nate informed Christopher, before rising to his feet a little too quickly. "Cassandra's going to kill me, isn't she?"
"Not if we don't tell her." Kit said kindly, "Now, the carriage hasn't arrived yet so we have at least five minutes until it does. Cassie has already told the maids to bring up some tea no less than ten minutes after greeting Miss Smithson. She has even planned what time all of us should begin to retire."
"I wonder why she's this excited." Nate mused as they exited the library, which was on the manor house's second floor. "She has never liked Mary all that much, and neither has Allie."
"Well, apparently Mrs. Smithson wrote that her daughter has changed for the better, but not entirely. She still has a little ways to go and Cass believes that such a change can only be achieved through kindness and friendliness. So she's determined to make her feel as welcome as she can so that, and I quote, she isn't as insufferable as she usually is."
"That sounds like Cassie." Nate commented with a chuckle, just as they reached the foyer, where Cassandra was waiting with her hands on her hips as she tapped the heel of her slipper against the marble flooring, eliciting a loud clacking sound that was rather annoying. Allie was gazing into a looking glass while she waited, trying to look as perfect as she possibly could, for she and Mary had always had a silent competition going on over everything. Emily, on the other hand, was sitting on a sofa and was entirely unaffected, fully unaware of the storm that was likely hit her soon enough. Miss Mary Smithson was a force to be reckoned with, and not in a good way.
Nate had met her, perhaps, half a dozen times in his life and he had disliked her more and more each time. She was a simpering fool one moment and a cunning little viper the next. All she wanted was to find the richest husband she could while putting down as many others as possible in the process. She was quite pretty, and used that to her advantage. She got away with everything she did simply because of her fair looks.
She was everything that Nate knew Emily hated, which made him wonder what would happen when they met. Sparks would certainly fly. He hoped there would be some moments where Emily would put that annoying girl in her place and knock her down more than a few pegs.
It was exactly then that Emily's eyes met his, and the feeling that passed through him was indescribable. It nearly knocked him off his feet, and probably would have if the carriage they were all waiting for hadn't arrived. It jolted to a stop with a crunch on the gravel in front of the door, and all of them went out to meet it just as the staff lined up in front to greet the guest, emerging from a different entrance to the side of the house, from the kitchen.
Finally, a gloved hand took hold of the carriage driver's from inside and allowed the driver to help the owner of said hand disembark. Mary Smithson, looking as pleased with herself as always, stepped out with her normal, falsely innocent smile securely in place.
"Miss Smithson," Nate greeted, stepping forward first as was his duty. She simpered, giggled and blushed as he quickly kissed her knuckles, refusing to maintain physical contact with her for longer than necessary. As man in the later half of his twenties, Nate knew he really ought to have matured by now, but he clearly hadn't, at least when it came to people like her.
When he met Allie's gaze, his sister looked at him exasperatedly, annoyed at the thought of having to live with Mary Smithson for the rest of the summer. Nate rolled his eyes childishly in response, making Allie grin widely while Cassie, ever the kinder one, chose to give Mary the benefit of the doubt and glared pointedly at both her siblings.
Kit and Emily were oblivious to the little scene, as both were on their best behaviour while greeting Mary. Nate didn't miss the haughty look the younger girl gave Emily and, had she not been a woman, Nate felt that he would have smacked her. She, even as a child, took it upon herself to treat those who she believed to be less fair than her like dirt.
Mary, he would not deny, was beautiful. She had hair like ebony and eyes as blue as the ocean. Her features were pointed and elfin, giving her the appearance of a fairy. She had always been blessed in terms of her appearance but, to Nate, Emily would always be tens of thousands of times lovelier than Mary ever could be. Emily was naturally beautiful, without even knowing or realising it and that was exactly what made her all the more pretty. She had a way of putting him at ease that he certainly valued more than the perfect nose Mary often claimed she had and prided herself on.
Even if Emily hadn't been more handsome, it would not have given Mary the right to look down upon her. To judge another based on their appearance was shallow, crude, and ridiculous. It was what was in a person's heart that made them who they were, not their attractive features.
They settled in the drawing room for tea, which arrived exactly at the time Cassandra had asked the servants to bring it. Kit grimaced but was instantly relieved when there wasn't even a cup placed there for him and chose to play with Juliette, who was in his lap while Cassandra drank the hot beverage.
"How have you been this last year or so, Your Grace?" Mary asked primly, raising her teacup to her lips and taking the tiniest of sips, which only made Allie scoff lightly. Alexandra was seated directly beside Nate so, fortunately, he was the only one who heard it.
"Quite well, Miss Smithson." He answered, fighting the urge to get up and leave the room. "And yourself?"
Noticing Emily's increasingly annoyed look, an idea began developing in Nate's head. He could not stand Mary, nor would he ever consider having a conversation with her that he was not forced into, but Emily wasn't aware of that. There was a minuscule part of himself that he hated very much that was bitter about the entire situation with Emily and, for a fraction of a second, he made the foolish decision of allowing that part of him to choose what to do next.
Unfortunately, that part chose to be kinder to Mary than he normally would be, just to see if Emily got jealous. That would give him more than enough satisfaction.
"Are you courting or engaged to someone?" Mary asked innocently, making it clear that the question was meant for him despite not having addressed it to anyone. She was clearly flirting with him and the rational part of him told him to nip it in the bud, but the irrational part of him ordered him otherwise.
"Not at all, Miss Smithson." He said suggestively. "And what about you? Is there someone you are......attached to?" Perhaps he was laying it on a bit too thick and he was certainly doing it with the wrong person, but he was too far in to retreat now.
"Certainly not!" Mary tittered, taking another tiny sip of her tea before adding flirtatiously, "But I am told that the options in this county are absolutely marvellous. Perhaps I shall not be returning to my Mama and Papa at the end of this summer."
"Perhaps not." Nate said, heavily implying something, "Our county does have some of the finest gentlemen in England."
Allie elbowed him in the side, but Nate ignored her, and instead glanced at Emily, whose eyes had filled with an unidentifiable swirl of emotions. There was definitely anger in there, though. He noted this in vindication before his mind registered something else. Sadness.
Of course. He was such a fool. Only days ago he was telling her how much he loved her and kissing her and telling her he wanted to marry her. She'd given him a reasonable explanation as to why that wasn't possible, and he was now being a complete arse. Of course she would feel sad about it. She'd rejected him in the kindest way possible and had made it clear that had the circumstances not been what they were, so much more would have been possible. To see him behaving so would be awful for her.
Nate immediately decided to stop. He shouldn't have allowed his bitterness to make decisions for him. It was a childish, despicable thing to do and it was incredibly cruel to her to do such a thing. It probably made her feel like she did not matter, like she was replaceable.
Oh, God.
He realised with a stinking feeling just how terrible it actually was. Her family had always made her feel like that, like she was unimportant and like she could be easily replaced. He'd assured her so many times before that that wasn't the case and here he was, doing exactly what they had done to her.
It was in that moment that Nate realised just how much he hated himself. Hopefully, she would allow him to apologise.
Until then, he would have to make it clear to Mary that he was not interested at all, which was easier said than done.
"Your Grace?" A voice asked, drawing him back to the present. It was Mary, and she'd clearly said something that she considered to be important when it most probably wasn't.
"What is it?" He asked, rather shortly. He didn't want to be rude to Mary, but only rudeness would be able to tell her that he did not want her in that way.
"I just asked if you would see me to my room....." She said, trailing off. He could feel the gaze of everyone in the room on him, and Emily's pierced through his defenses, making him uneasy. He knew what to say, though.
"No." He answered plainly, and she was clearly taken aback. He was sure no man had ever spoken to her like that. "I don't think that is a good idea at all, Miss Smithson. A footman can do it."
And, when Emily managed a half smile, Nate knew that it was a good enough start.