This man of mine
He calls me "beautiful"
Every day he informs me
He sees me as "beautiful"
I hear often,
"You're so pretty"
And almost weekly,
"You look gorgeous."
But for the life of me,
I just don't get it.
Beautiful?
How can I be beautiful
At 10pm on a random Friday evening?
Or gorgeous on a Thursday at 6pm?
Aren't those words reserved for special occasions?
In the past,
I've been called "cute" or "hot"
And those made sense,
Because those were how I was,
How I can be,
How I acted,
But beautiful?
How can beautiful be anything more
Than how I look?
And is a look not cheapened
If it's gorgeous every day?
I can't possibly be gorgeous
On every given Thursday
And I don't see
How I can continue to be beautiful
Every single evening.
They seem like empty words
Tied to nothing
But a perceived appearance.
I've never once
Thought I was ugly.
Yet, sometimes,
I just wonder what he sees.
It's almost like
He's discovered
A physicality outside of me
That I have yet to see.
I see myself
Through the lens of my personality
Cute?
That makes sense.
I act cute.
But beautiful?
How does one act beautiful?
How is one beautiful?
How can one be something
When one is not trying to be??
Does he see me through the lens
Of my personality?
03/23/24