I am so fucking exhausted.
After half an hour of banging on my hotel door, someone finally opened up the door for me.
Thank God it wasn't Ashley.
For the time of last night I wasn't banging on the door desperate to get back into the room, I was ferociously puking in the toilet.
A part of why I was throwing up was because of nerves for the big game I have in a few hours, but it was fairly obvious the major reason why I was throwing up.
Me and Ms. Reed almost kissed last night.
I know it sounds super absurd and if you were to tell me a day ago that that almost happened, I wouldn't have believed you. Although I would be secretly jumping like a kid in my head.
Our game is in about 30 minutes and we are warming up right now.
Whenever I walked near Ms. Reed even if it was unintentionally, she always walked the other way.
I get if she's ignoring me but avoiding the problem won't make it go away.
"Jesus fuck Jules please wake up a little more! We can't have you sleeping on us during the most important game of the season."
Part of me wants to tell Maisie to fuck off because I'm always the one who puts in the most effort. I don't even know how we made it to Nationals to be honest. But I'm deciding to ignore her because I am honestly way too tired to be arguing.
Besides, it's not like we were going to win this game either way.
"Brooklyn, come over here."
I turn to see Ms. Reed waving Brooklyn over. Ms. Reed's eyes are wandering in every direction but mine.
Maybe we weren't actually even about to kiss. Did she ever think about that?
Maybe we both happened to be examining each other's faces at the same time. I have a few cuts on my face and maybe I was trying to figure out what brand of glasses she has.
Between each warm up set, I am trying my hardest to not look towards Brooklyn and Ms. Bodacious.
They seem to be talking for a very long time. I wonder what it's about and quite frankly, I am very eager to find out.
"Hold on, let me put my phone down."
I go to set my phone down on the bench where Ms. Reed and Brooklyn are still chatting.
I try to sneak my way to the other side of the bench so Ms. Reed doesn't get annoyed and scared of me and back away.
As I'm walking over to set my phone down, I am lowering my phone brightness and am pressing record.
I just pray to God their conversation doesn't end right now.
...
My teammate is setting the ball to me.
One more point and we win.
I look at the ball up in the air and I begin to jump.
Everything I am doing and looking at right now feels like it is in slow motion. I feel like I am in a movie or a book and nobody knows what is about to happen.
My palm touches the volleyball and I spike it. Next thing I know, we are National Champions.
All of my teammates on the bench rush to the six of us who are on the court but I decide to get water first because I feel like I am about to pass out. But I do feel bad for the other team because of the loss but life is unfair. It is what it is.
I'm so happy right now I feel like I could cry.
As everyone is celebrating together, I notice Ms. Reed hugging all the girls individually.
Maybe everything is going to be okay after all.
Me and Ms. Reed make eye contact and instead of coming to hug me, she goes and hugs another girl. And another, and another.
I feel like I might puke again.
This championship is supposed to make me feel amazing inside, So why do I feel like my heart is getting ripped out?
Here I am, standing now on the sidelines. I proved all that I could and somehow everything feels the same.
Maisie and Brooklyn were the only ones who hugged and celebrated with me. But it was only for a moment. Not even Ashley came over to celebrate with me for a split second.
Ms. Reed keeps hugging all the girls. Even if she hugged them already.
That shouldn't matter though, right?
I mean, we won the National Championship so I have nothing to be mad or jealous of.
This might be selfish of me but the team wouldn't have made it this far without me. So why was I the one standing here alone?
I feel like I'm on the losing team right now.
I walk over to where my phone is on the bench. I look over at my notifications and see that my dads, Claudia, and Max texted me congratulations and that they will call me later. They were watching the game from a livestream and I'm glad they were. But still, I can't even celebrate with them because they aren't present.
I grab my jacket and my water and head out of the gym. I know I probably shouldn't be doing this but I don't care.
If my teammates and coach couldn't see me when I was standing in plain sight, they won't be able to see me when I'm gone.
I hop in an Uber and I tell them the address of the hotel we are staying at.
Call me overdramatic all you want but I am so fed up with all of this. I don't feel appreciated.
After all I did for my team, why can't they do something for me?
Thank God I will never have to play volleyball ever again. I've always known basketball was the right option for me. My teammates would never treat me like this. I did learn a lesson though, and that lesson is that I will never touch a volleyball ever again.
I arrive at the hotel and praise the Lord because I have my key card with me.
When I open the door, I start running and speeding. I don't have much time to pack because who knows when everyone is coming back. It's going to be very soon.
Thank God I am a tom-boyish gay, I don't pack that much make-up or clothes at all because there are some girls that pack 15 pairs of shirts for a 3 day stay. Trust me, one of those girls is Brooklyn.
I finish packing my suitcase and when I go into the lobby, I am relieved to not see any of my teammates there.
I run outside and hop into the Uber. I made him wait for me because I told him I would only be 5 minutes and I was right. I only took five minutes to pack up.
"To the airport please."
...
I arrive at the airport and I feel very overwhelmed. There are people walking fast-paced everywhere. But sometimes you need to learn things alone.
I'm not the richest person in the world but I do have a few hundred dollars in my bank account so I should be able to afford a plane ticket to San Diego.
The more I walk through this terminal of the airport, the more I am figuring it out. I found the area where you can purchase plane tickets and all I am praying for is that they have a flight going to San Diego today. It is pretty early in the afternoon still so I am positive there will be something.
"Excuse me ma'am, are there any flights going to San Diego like, as soon as possible?"
The woman looks up at me and I can tell she has a bitchy attitude which is immediately reminding me of Ms. Reed. God why is this happening to me?!
"Lucky for you, there is a decently empty flight in about an hour."
I sigh out of relief.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you."
I buy the plane ticket and it was roughly cheap because of how last minute I bought it. There was a window seat available and so I obviously chose it.
...
I travel a lot freely, especially last year when I was visiting colleges that were interested in me to commit for basketball there so that means I know a lot about travelling. I have TSA Pre-Check which helped me speed through security and I have always been Group A which means I am one of the first to board the plane.
My seat was in the middle of the economy seats which was always my favorite area to sit. Not the front or the back.
I sit down and begin to blast my music. I want to ignore what's on the ground for a little bit and live my life in the sky.
Maybe Ms. Reed will look up and finally notice where I am.
Authors Words:
Idk if I should do another Ms. Reed's POV because I feel like it would make sense here