I feel like a brand new woman.
A week has passed since our first basketball game where I recorded a triple double. It's not rocket science to know why the reason I got it the first game was because Ms. Reed was watching. I've recorded plenty of triple doubles before. Never the first game of a season though.
We had one other game since, but it was an away game. Either way we won it and our record is now 2-0.
That night still lingers in my mind. Top ten greatest days in my life. Easy.
It's funny how there are nights like that and then nights like these, where I'm doing nothing but laying in my bed.
It's Sunday and there's nothing I love more than bed rotting.
Normally Claudia would be here or I would be at Claudia's but she's in New York. Her dad had something music important over there and she was invited. Fucking rich bitches I swear.
I'm scrolling through Instagram, not trying to boost my ego, but watching highlight videos of me playing basketball and I have an epiphany.
I never watched that video I recorded at the Volleyball Championship of Ms. Reed and Brooklyn.
Eager by that, I sit up from my lazy, spreaded out position on my bed and I hit my camera roll. It's kind of hard to find the video I'm looking for because of how many screenshots or whatever kinds of things I take but I now found it.
Before clicking on the video, I just stare at it, the cover being the ceiling. I'm alone, in a quiet room, with no one around, with a video I took. Yet it feels illegal for me to press on it.
Whatever. I'm going to press on it either way.
When I click on the video, I can clearly hear the air conditioning overpowering whatever other noise there was. But now, I can faintly make out a voice. Brooklyn's voice.
"Yes Coach Reed I know, I know, but this is not the time for her to be careless with the game and act like she doesn't even want to be here." Brooklyn was whining. I assume it was because of how terrible I was playing at warm-ups but I was in the wrong headspace.
"Give her a break Brooklyn. She's an outstanding player."
I feel my heart drop hearing her voice. All of this, all of this happened before the game. Before I knew what was to come. This video is starting to make me feel uneasy.
I make my phone louder and pull it closer to me, more invested than before.
"If she has an off day, so what? Everyone has one of those. Doesn't take away from the fact that she's the best player on this team. She just needs a little reassurance and encouragement from you guys."
She just flat out said I'm the best player on the team. Sounding like there was no remorse as she said that. She said that, no hesitation. From what I could tell.
"I get that Ms. Reed, I really do. But it's just difficult to try and hype someone up if they don't even talk to us or care about the game."
I hear Ms. Reed exhale. Even just by her exhale I know that she is building some anger up.
"She cares."
There's a pause and somehow, I don't know how, but those two words hit me hard.
She knew I wasn't playing my best. But she knew I cared. Despite everything that happened the night before, she's still defended me. She still knew me. And she knew I still cared.
Ms. Reed starts to talk again. "Look, I know Jules more than you and the other girls may think I do. Just give her a little time. She'll get back on her feet. Just because she's sloppy now, doesn't mean that she doesn't want this."
"Okay."
I can hear Brooklyn's feet shuffling away and so I know the video was going to end soon because when Brooklyn started to come back over towards us, I went over to the bench and stopped pressing record.
The video finally comes to an end and now I'm just sitting here in silence, having no idea what to think.
Ms. Reed knows me.
And she knows me more than I thought she did.
The video keeps replaying in my head. The way she kept defending me, the way she said things about me to Brooklyn with such certainty behind it, everything.
This whole conversation happened before I ran off, before I felt invisible, before I tried to convince myself that Ms. Reed didn't care about me.
Turns out she did care.
Maybe she didn't care about me the way I cared,- the way I care about her, but still in a way for butterflies to come in my stomach.
The only thing I hate is that it took me a few weeks to even remember the video. Imagine what could've happened if I just fucking remembered?
...
It's the next day and it's lunch time but instead of being in the cafeteria with my friends, I'm roaming the halls trying to burn off the carbs from the glazed donut I just consumed in one bite.
I'm walking alone, no one really in the hallways or anywhere in my sight except kids in the gym when I look through the windows on the gym doors.
"Jules."
I freeze.
I turn slowly and I see Ms. Reed standing in her health room doorway, with her arms crossed as she leans against the frame.
How did I not see her there? I guess I was too lost in my own thoughts to even notice.
"Yea?" We make eye contact and she's unreadable. I don't know what she's thinking. What is it that I did wrong? "Did I do something wrong?"
She hesitates. Opens her mouth like she wants to say something but nothing comes out. Finally, something does. "I just need to talk to you real quick."
I look both directions in the hallway. I make my way over towards her to talk to her but she waves her hand, gesturing for me to go into her classroom.
Is she going to confess she's in love with me now?!
I walk inside her classroom and she shuts the door behind me but doesn't lock it. She makes her way to her desk and like always, I sit in my usual seat.
"You should really write my name on this desk since I sit in it so much."
"I know I didn't say much last week or since then but I wanted to let you know you were incredible last week."
Well that's definitely not what I was expecting.
I'm freezing so much today I should be named Elsa.
I smile and look at her as she has a straight face on. "Thanks Ms. Reed. You already said that though."
"Not like this." Her voice gets softer and somehow I'm more intrigued and nervous than ever. "You have always been good, Jules. I've known that. But that game, that was just something else."
I gulp and I feel like she could hear it.
The way she's looking at me is something different. Something new. Something I've been unfamiliar with until recent.
"I mean I'm not the greatest when it comes to basketball knowledge but even I know what you did that night was lethal."
Ms. Reed has a full on smile on her face.
Is this real or am I dreaming?
Out of nowhere, I gain my now frequent boldness again. "Well I could teach you a thing or two."
I smirk and Ms. Reed goes back to her usual self, rolling her eyes.
She presses her lips together. "I'm good. Thanks though. I'd rather stick to volleyball. Basketball has never really been my thing."
I now realize she went to my basketball game not for anyone else but me.
If she doesn't like basketball then that means she had no reason to go to the game. But she did go. And it was because I asked her to.
Ms. Bodacious looks at the digital clock located above her door and then looks back at me. "Well I don't want to take up too much of your time in case you had somewhere to go."
I didn't. But still I grab my backpack and stand up from her desk and when I do that, I see something in her eyes. Sadness I think. Like she doesn't want me to go.
I make my way to her door and stop before I open it and look back at her. "You coming to the next home game?"
She doesn't answer right away and I see her exhale.
"I shouldn't."
Her tone is different. She's quiet. Careful. Like she's too scared to get caught. But with what?
I look at her and she isn't looking at me. Like she's forcing herself to look anywhere but in my eyes.
"Okay. Have a nice day."
She says nothing as I open the door, leaving her room so fucking confused.
She didn't say that she won't go. She said she shouldn't go.
But I don't know what that means.
Walking in the hallways again, all I can think about is the moment that just happened and the video from last night and I realize something.
Between the 'shouldn't' and 'knowing her more than you may think I do,' it finally all makes sense.
I think Ms. Reed is attracted to me.
Authors Words:
Sry for not as updating as frequent as I wouldve hoped. Its just school this week was an ass but I will get back to the every other day posts!