While cruising down the road in Sookie's little, broke down yellow car (which left me afraid for my life with every little speedbump we hit), I reevaluated my poor life choices. Again.
It was hard to pin down where exactly I had taken the wrong turn, which had me end up right here, right now, looking for a serial killer in Louisiana. Maybe it had happened around my eleventh birthday, when I had smoked my first joint - and my foster family kicked me out. If that hadn't happened, I would have stayed in Ohio, never would have met Tom and eventually wouldn't run around chasing not one but two serial killers. Yeeah, I was one lucky girl.
I wouldn't have stayed with them anyways. They had been looking for reasons to kick me out again from the start. Bob had lost his job and they need some quick cash. What better way to earn some extra money and show all your churchgoing neighbors what kind of good christians you are by taking in a child? But Bob finally found another job and Sandra had unexpectedly inherited quite the sum so they started to look for reasons to send me back. Reasons like me smoking a joint or being home late from curfew. Having bad grade. Maybe even just dropping plate. One evening I had overheard j them taing about planting one of Sandra's jewelleries on me and calling the cops on me as their last resort, because if they would send back a thief, they could save their face in their community. Nobody would expect them to keep up with a thief, right?
Going back into the system sounded better than going to juvie for thirteen year old me. So I got myself busted - and stole some jewelry on my way out in a "Robin Hood" Iike manner. It was them who had given me the idea of stealing in the first place, so I felt kind of entitled to do so afterwards. Maybe the rush of not getting caught was, what set me up with my career path afterwards. Maybe it was being set in the Jones Family next? Meeting Tom, meeting James, running from Mr. Jones after everything that was set in motion...
Memories, deep buried in my brain with alcohol and denial, tried to climb their way up. I suppressed them.
This was probably the worst possible moment to dwell in bad, painful memories. I had to concentrate. Revenge Sookie or something like that. I turned my head and looked at the odd girl driving. She was humming Rihannas 'Umbrella' smiling. Her mood was a strong contrast to the wreck that had stood in front of my door just a shy hour ago. Having a lead seemed to lighten her mood immensely.
That was something I could understand quite well myself. Nonetheless I was amazed by her ability to focus on the good an evidently ignore all the bad. She had endured more than enough pain the last couple of weeks. Her grandma not only died, she was murdered, her brother arrested, she herself the victim of a murder attempt, humming in the car beside me. Toms death alone had me crumble into pieces and I was just about to com back under it. With plans for revenge and hatred in my heart to get me out of bed...
"Done daydreaming?", she turned her head, grinning even wider showing her gap between her teeth.
"Yeah, looks like it..."
She nodded. I wasn't sure if she knew that because she was tracing down my thoughts with her scary gift or just because she was perceptive. Maybe she was just polite and wanted to get back to a conversation. Nonetheless I always felt a bit uneasy around her. I had my secrets she wasn't suppose to know so it was up to. Especially when it came to Eric. Would she tell him, if she found out?
Her mouth twitched while thoughts of Eric crossed my mind, but all she said was "I thought about what to do next!"
"I'm all ears."
Taking the left turn, her wheels made a weird squeaking noise while I tried to keep my composure. Who taught that girl how to drive? My stomach didn't like it.
"First, well head to that Pie Shop. Just asking around, you know? Small town gossip is the best source of information.", she wiggled her eyebrows. "When can ask for Mindy. In my experience, just dropping some names gets people to start thinking about them. Shaking loose some memories. For once my disabilities seem to be rather useful, don't you think?"
She tapped her forehead while I nodded, following her logic.
"Ever thought about opening a PI practice?"
My voice was dripping with sarcasm. Not what I intended.
She laughed.
" Usually I try to suppress this nasty habit of sneaking around people's heads. Their dirty laundry is none of my business. Somehow they always seem to drag me into their mess, but my life is messy as it is..."
I raised my eyebrow.
"Okaaay, maybe I am a bit too curious for my own good every now and then." ,she admitted. "Sue me!"
I shrugged my shoulders. "Nah! I think I'll just try to force you to help me with my problems in the future... if we survive this suicide mission!"
"Just give me a call."
Perfect. I would most definitely come back to that one.
We had about another twenty minutes ahead of us. Sookie had told Sam we'd meet him at the shop. This poor lovesick guy wanted to make sure, Sookie wasn't in over her head, so he came along.
If felt bad for him for about a second until I figured having someone at our side when some sick serial killer was around probably wasn't the worst idea. It was his choice in the end, right?
I really tried, not thinking about Eric for the last twenty minutes we had left. Mr. Northman. Well. Whatever. Even in my mind I didn't know what to make off him. Or what to call him. The more I tried to stir my thought into different directions, the more I started to think about him. Shockingly, not all my thoughts and feelings toward him where negative. Somewhere along the line my traderous body had decided, that he was more than just interesting. Memories of his strong firm body pressed against mine came to mind. How hard he had felt - in all manners relevant.
"woah Ash. I really am trying to stay out of it but your thoughts are basically screaming at me at high volume.", Sookie moaned. We had about 5 Minutes of our way left. "Whatever is going on with you and Eric, I really don't need a vivid mental picture of him that way all -"
"There's nothing going on!", I interrupted quickly and with more force than anticipated.
She rolled her eyes, not believing a single word she said.
"Yeah, sure, you'd just hold him tight for support. Standing on your own two feet in sneakers all day is to much for a fragile girl like you. I'm blond, not stupid."
She frowned. Great.
"And neither is Eric, you know?", she added. I swallowed my apology and gave her a dirty look instead. That was exactly the problem, wasn't it. Eric Northman was no stupid man. Vampire. Whatever. I should probably change the subject.
"So you know him well?", I heard myself ask curiously.
Abort Mission, Abort Mission. That was the exact opposite or changing the subject. That was engaging in the subject. Ash you idiot!
Now it was Sookie's turn to give me a knowing grin. "Told you, your interested."
I ignored her teasing. As far as I was concerned she could think whatever she wanted. Well - whatever she wanted, but the truth.
"What if I am?"
"Then I'd tell you to be careful. To not underestimate him!"
That was about as far as my thinking had gone as well. When you had vampires lying beneath your feet, shivering and sizzling because of the silver you have pushed against their skin and they still refuse to give up their employer, there must be something really scary about him. Even if he might looks like and angel (or at least was built that way...)
"But then again..." Sookie shrugged her shoulders while trying to explain the weirdest thing I had heard yet. "He is...fair."
She nodded in agreement with her statement and the word she had chosen to describe this psychopath, while I must have looked like she was trying to explain quantum physics to me.
"Fair."
"Fair! Sure he can be cruel and cunning. Who isn't? But his actions are not unjustified. His punishments fit the crime and, I swear to god, if you'll ever tell him I'll deny everything, I think is moral ideals for a vampire his age and experiences are exceptional... Plus, you know, his looks."
Yeah, I had noticed his looks alright.
Her ears turned crimson while I could basically see her thoughts drift away. Fantasize about him. I just tried to wrap my head around what she had just laid on me. No matter how I twisted and turned her words, the mental picture she had described didn't fit the description I had in mind, when I thought about the man I had been hunting for almost more than two years. The man that had destroyed my life over night.
*