Dear Diary
So I started working at the library. Shocker. I know. Well it was the only option mom gave me otherwise I would be homeless. So here I am. In the library. Not reading a book. God no. The only books I've read was prescribed books for school. That's it. I at least thought that working at the library required some sort of book knowledge but mom pulled a few strings. She knew I would hate it here. And I do. I really need to figure out my next steps because there is no way in hell that I'm staying in this town. I need to take back control over my life. But it's easier said than done. I've lost all control. And it's my own fault.
~Ally
" Ma'am."
What is so interesting about books? It's basically a bunch of words that are smashed together, hoping to make sense at some point. It's filled with high expectations and lies. What's to like about it?
" Ma'am."
And don't get me even started on the formal language most authors use. I can barley understand the basics, even though English is my home language , but why go all extra with fancy words?
"Ma'am!" someone says while raising their voice a little louder to catch my attention.
" Can't you see I'm busy?" I ask not looking the person in the eye but instead focusing on my phone in my hands.
I hear a groan coming from the said person before I hear something slam onto the counter I'm leaning against. I look up at a girl that is probably in her late twenties. She looks irritated. Not as irritated as I am right now.
" I would like to return these books." she says through gritted teeth before spinning around and walking out of the library.
I feel all hope, for getting through this day without punching someone, drain from my body. My ribs are still sore from my accident and now I have to carry these damn unnecessarily heavy books to their isles.
That's not even the worst part. The books are organized in alphabetical order. Some books have more than one copy and so I should make sure to organize them from the newest to the oldest.
Before this can even start I have to scan the books so that the system knows that the books have been returned. Then I have to page through a few pages to ensure there isn't any harm done and then I can start organizing them.
It's a lot of work for a stack of books that you could easily find online.
No hate to the bookworms out there. I just prefer to spend my time not surrounded by books.
As I start typing in the needed information into the system my mind betrays me by thinking back to what happened in South Carolina.
It's been 12 days since my car accident.
It's been 288 hours since I saw my friends.
It's been 17 280 minutes since I saw him.
It's been 1,036,800 seconds since my whole world came crushing down in a matter of a few minutes.
After I was fully conscious after two days since the accident, bad news only came pouring into my life. I was cut off, I wasn't allowed to see my friends or even say goodbye to them as a matter of fact, I was forced to sit with my mom in a car for what felt like days when it really was only a few hours and then I was forced to start working at the library.
I still don't have any of my belongings that I took with me on the trip. Luckily one of the people that were there when the crash happened managed to get my phone out of the car and brought it over to the hospital. I asked Emily to take my belongings back to campus and that I'll somehow try and come get it. Only the heavens above will know when that will be seeing as I no longer have a car.
Will the storm ever end-
" Hey Ally!" someone yells excitedly while giving me a slight heart attack in the process. I accidentally drop a book on the floor from the fright the person gave me and sigh.
I spoke too soon.
" Fuck." I curse as I look at the book. I get a few glances from the people in the library. Rolling my eyes I look up at the person who called my name.
My eyes land on a tall guy that seems to be in his early twenties. His shoulders are broad and I can see he is built to keep from the way his long sleeve navy shirt is clinging onto his muscles. His face does look familiar to me. I just can't put my finger on it. He clearly knows me.
" I want to say Jayden-"
" It's Jody." the guy chuckles.
Still doesn't ring a bell. Maybe I helped him at the liabry. He doesn't look like the type who goes to a library out of free will.
" I-I heard you were back in town." he stutters before flashing me an awkward smile.
" Oh did you now?" I chuckle awkwardly.
News spreads fast around here. How could I forget? Insert eye roll.
" Yeah so I thought I would just pop in and see how things are going? " he smiles while his eyes slowly travels over my body.
Is he trying to seduce me?
" I'm sorry but I really can't remeber meeting you -"
" It's Jody." he interupps.
" I know you dimwit. " I sigh rolling my eyes.
" We slept together a few months ago and then you basically threw me out of your window?" he states trying to refresh my memory.
Oh yeah. Now I remeber him. The pizza guy.
Well this is just awkward.
" Yeah I've been uhm good." I try and force a smile.
I don't need my past creeping out from under the rug I'm hiding it under. He was the last straw from the girl I used to be. In these last few months I've changed a lot. I build numerous walls around my fragile heart and then managed to allow a guy to break through them and take a swing at the said fragile heart. I made a lot of new friends that I'll have a hard time keeping in touch with and I even stopped smoking. Most importantly, I had fun. Real actual fun that allowed me to embrace the girl I was before Maddie's accident. The girl that was happy. Spoiler alert, all that ended and I was left with a broken and empty heart. No friends to help me find comfort in the situation and no shoulder to cry on. Once again I was lonley.
" We should catch up some time. Give me your number and we can arrange something." he winks.
" Oh shoot I don't have a phone. Yeah I lost it-"
" It's in your hands princess." he cuts me off.
I look down and there it was. The rectangular metal resting between my two hands.
" Oh I meant to say that I don't have data-"
" Your phone has been going off nonstop since I got here. " he states with a blank look on his face.
" The keyboard doesn't work?"
" You're asking me?" he lightly chuckles.
" God dude I'm not interested. Get that through your fucking head already." I finally snap.
I once again earn a few glares from the people around me.
" Oh get a life already." I snap back at them.
I hear someone clear their throat from behind me.
Shit.
Slowly I turn around and come face to face with the owner of the library.
Oops?
***
" That better be the last stunt you pull. You only have one warning left before you are fired. Then what are you going to do? Live under my roof until you grow old? Not a chance." mom babbles all the way back to the house.
I would have gotten an uber but the owner of the library called my mom after my little explosion in the library.
" Yes mom. I'm sorry mom. Won't happen again mom. " I say in monotone.
" Cut the attitude Allison. You can be lucky -"
" That you know the owner. Yeah-yeah mom I get it." I say rolling my eyes.
As we drive into our driveway I notice another car standing in the spot where my car always stood. Only one car has that bump on the side of the driver's door.
Emily's car.
She's here?
" Who's car is that? " mom wonders out loud.
I don't answer her as I hop out of the car and rush over to Emily's car. She's sitting in the driver's seat with the door closed. She's focusing real hard on her phone so she doesn't notice the precense next to her. Only when I knock on her window does she notice me.
" Ally!" I hear her yell from inside the car before she opens the door and hops out. She pulls me in for a bone crushing hug but the yelp that leaves my mouth makes her release me within seconds.
" Sorry I forgot about your ribs." she cringes.
The pain shoots through my body but luckily eases after a few seconds or so. The pain is becoming easier to deal with so it's not that bad for me anymore.
" What is she doing here?" my mom asks coming out from behind me.
" Oh I was just bringing Ally her stuff she left behind in South Carolina." Emily smiles when she notices my mom. Her smile is obviously forced as she too feels a lot of hatred towards my mom.
" Make it quick. " she spits before she steps past us.
" Actually mom she's staying over for the night. Right Emily? "
Emily turns around to give me a confused look. I raise my left eyebrow to warn her not to fight me on this.
" Oh yes right I'll be staying over for the night. It was a long drive and I'm exhausted. " Emily agrees.
My mom looks annoyed but nonetheless walks into the house. And that ladies and gentlemen is how you start taking control over your life.
I help Emily unload all of my belongings before guiding her over to my room. Now I have to sleep next to her again. It didn't end well for me last time.
" It's so good to see you Ally. How have you been?" Emily asks curiously as she closes the door behind her.
" I've been better." I shrug.
Emily looks disappointed in my answer. I know she wants me to talk about my feelings and all that other crap but the truth is I'm scared to admit how hurt I am inside. I'm scared that the few bricks I've started building will shatter and the water behind it will force itself out of my eyes. I've cried enough in these last few days.
" Have you spoken to -"
" Don't." I stop her from finishing her sentance.
" Just don't mention him. Please." I whisper.
If I do start thinking about him then I no longer have the control I so badly wish for.
" Ally you need to talk to him. None of us have seen him since the bonfire. He doesn't answer our texts or our calls. It's like he fell off the face of the earth. " she continues to push the subject.
" He's fine. He's with his family. His sister called me a few days ago." I admit. A sigh leaves my body as my head lowers down.
It's okay to cry Ally. You're not as strong as you think you are.
I need to be strong for the road ahead of me.
" I really do think you should talk to him-"
" And say what Em? Hey Tyler, yes it's Ally, the girl you said you loved but then went and kissed another girl. The girl you promised to keep safe from the rest of the world when all she really needed was protection from the hurt you were going to cause her. The girl who you managed to make weak and vulnerable in a matter of a few months. The girl who you left behind because she was too much of a pain in the ass for you to have a little faith in. The girl who has demons that try and drag her down but you are her guardian angel who keeps her from drowning. The girl who fell in love with you even though every instinct she had warned her against it. Yes that girl. How are you?"
Emily has tears in her eyes by the time I finish unloading the feelings I really wanted to keep to myself.
I'm not crying. I don't think it's possible for me to cry anymore. Instead Emily is crying. She's crying for me. She knows I'm in pain and she knows I don't know how to deal with it.
" God Ally. I'm so sorry you have to go through this." Emily whispers through her tears.
" No one said life would be easy." I whisper.
Emily shakes her head. She viciously wipes at her tears and takes in a long breath.
" This isn't right. You're not supposed to sit here, miles away from where you belong. You're not supposed to work in a fucking library and you're not supposed to feel this way about the guy you love!" she exclaims with her hands all over.
" I-I don't love him. "
Emily gives me a dumbfounded look. She doesn't have to use words for me to know that she doesn't believe me.
" You just said you loved him. " she states.
I rambled on so much that I didn't even notice that minor detail slip out of my mouth. Now that it is out in the open it finally makes sense.
I do love him.
I did love him -
You still love him.
I do still love him.
Fuck.
" You're right. I l-love him." I sigh. Finally, one single tear manages to roll down my cheek as I take in the new information that just registered in my head.
I've been in love with him for longer than what I can admit.
Only now do I really know what these feelings inside of me mean.
" But he hurt me." I whisper as another tear joins the first one.
" I know sweetie." Emily whispers and pulls me into her arms.
For the first time in days I feel a little comfort. I finally feel like I'm not just some messed up girl who likes to get into trouble but more like a broken girl who just needs some support.
Here, in the arms of my best friend, I don't feel lonley anymore.
" I have a plan." Emily states after a few minutes.
Emily has a plan?
This is bound to be good.
_______________________________________
Heyy my beautiful readers!
I hope you enjoyed this chapter ð¥°
Thank you so much for 95K! We're soooo close to 100k. It's insane!
What do you think Emily's plan is?
Peace out âï¸