Chapter A Soul of Ash and Blood: I LOST MY BREATH

I was running late.

My visit with the Duke and subsequent arrangement took longer than expected.

Freshly bathed, I was finally dressed for the Rite in crimson, my mask in place as I strode through the packed foyer. The plan was to find Poppy, separate her from Vikter and Tawny, then get her into the garden, where Kieran would eventually be. My steps slowed, though. The place was a fucking madhouse.

Commoners moved among the Ascended and Lords and Ladies in Wait like waves of red. I spotted a handful of guards only because of the weapons they wore. There were so many people, and the scent of roses was heavy in the air, nearly choking me as I neared the Great Hall.

I’d cleaned the Duke’s blood from my hands, but nothing had washed away my smirk. It was firmly plastered across my face and would likely remain there for the foreseeable future.

Especially when I thought of his prized Blood Forest cane.

I saw hundreds milling about through the open doors, filling the floor and alcoves. The gold and white banners had been stripped, replaced by the red of the Rite, reminding me of the ones that hung in Wayfair. My upper lip curled. There were vases of roses in every shade placed every couple of feet, and the sight of them reminded me of when I’d overheard Tawny complaining about them. A wry grin tugged at my lips as I stopped at the pillars, scanning the scene before me. Everyone looked the same to me, dressed and masked in the color of fresh blood. My gaze skipped over an alcove and then shot back to one of the columns—

Good gods.

I saw Poppy standing there with Vikter and Tawny, and that odd damn prickling sensation hit the nape of my neck again as I lost my breath.

Staring at Poppy from the pillars, still several yards from her, the air just went right out of my lungs as if I’d forgotten how to fucking breathe. And how idiotic did that sound? One didn’t simply forget how to breathe, but never in my life had I felt that…that in my chest. Never. I didn’t know if it was because she wasn’t veiled, or because she wasn’t in white.

Or perhaps because she was simply the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen.

Her hair was swept back from her face and fell in loose waves down her back, the color reminding me of raspberries in the light of the Great Hall. The red domino mask was leagues above the veil, and even from where I stood, I thought her lips appeared darker, lusher. And that gown…

The sleeves were a gossamer crimson, as was much of the rest. Only the fabric from the bodice to the thighs was opaque. The remainder was translucent, and all of it hugged the tempting curves of her body.

Poppy turned, angling away from where I stood. Her hair ended just above the sweet, lush swell of her ass.

That gown.

It was the likely source of my lost breath because it was obscenely decadent and made for sin.

And my imagination ran wild, filling my mind with all the fun and various ways one could sin as I started toward her. The nape of my neck tingled as I wove in and out of the crowd, my heart thumping.

The slope of Poppy’s shoulders tensed, and then she turned. Her rosy-hued lips parted, and fuck…so much want seized me. Too much. The breeches and tunic were far too thin for what I currently felt.

“Hi,” Poppy said and then clamped her mouth shut.

I grinned as her cheeks pinked. “You look…” There really wasn’t a single word that would do her justice, so I settled for the best I could think of in the moment. “Lovely.” I turned to Tawny, and honest to gods, she could’ve been nude or wearing a sack for all I knew. “As do you.”

“Thank you,” Tawny replied.

I glanced at Vikter. “You, as well.”

He snorted, and Tawny laughed, but I felt rewarded when I saw Poppy’s smile.

She turned to Vikter. “You do look exceptionally handsome tonight.”

The older man flushed as he gave a faint shake of his head.

I moved to stand behind Poppy, as close as I could. “Sorry for the delay.”

“Is everything okay?” she asked, sounding nervous.

“Of course,” I assured her. “I was pulled to assist with security sweeps.” Which wasn’t entirely untrue. I did speak with Jansen to discuss the fires the Descenters planned to set. No one would be harmed tonight—well, no mortals, anyway—but many of the Ascended would find it difficult to return to their homes. “I didn’t think it would take as long as it did.”

Poppy appeared as if she wished to say something more but only nodded as she turned her attention to the dais. Music began playing as servants entered from the many side doors, carrying trays of fragile glasses and delicate foods.

“I need to speak to the Commander,” Vikter said, looking at me.

“I have her,” I told him.

Instead of reminding me exactly how important she was like he normally did, he only nodded before curtly pivoting. Relief swept through me. I wouldn’t have to work around Vikter and what that would inevitably lead to.

I moved to take Vikter’s place, standing at Poppy’s right. “Have I missed anything?”

“You haven’t,” Tawny answered. “Unless you were looking forward to a bunch of prayers and teary-eyed goodbyes.”

“Not particularly,” I commented dryly.

Poppy looked at Tawny. “Did they call out the Tulis family?”

Her brow creased. “You know, I don’t think they did.”

I bit back a smile. If they had, the Tulises would not have been able to answer. They were well on their way to New Haven.

Movement caught my attention. The Duchess made her way toward us, followed by several Royal Guards.

“Penellaphe,” the Duchess said, smiling.

“Your Grace,” Poppy replied so politely it was almost hard to believe I’d ever heard her curse.

The Duchess nodded at Tawny and me, her gaze sweeping over my form in the exact way I’d looked at Poppy. Would she miss her husband? I didn’t think so.

I smiled.

“Are you enjoying the Rite?” she asked Poppy. Apparently, it didn’t matter if Tawny or I were having a good time.

Poppy nodded. “Is His Grace not attending?”

My smile kicked up a notch.

“I believe he is running late.” The corners of the Duchess’s mouth tensed, giving away her worry.

She shouldn’t be.

The Duke was already here.

She moved in closer to Poppy, her voice low, but I heard her clearly. “Remember who you are, Penellaphe.”

My smile slipped from my face.

“You are not to mingle or socialize,” the Duchess continued.

“I know,” Poppy assured her as my hand tightened into a fist at my side.

I watched the Duchess move into the crowd of adoring Ascended and Lords and Ladies in Wait, that muscle ticking in my jaw again. “I have a question.”

Poppy tilted her head. “Yes?”

“If you’re not supposed to mingle or socialize, which are the same thing, by the way,” I said, feeling my anger fading a bit with the slight curve of her lips, “what is the point of you being allowed to attend?”

That small grin disappeared.

“That is actually a good question,” Tawny stated.

Poppy’s lips pursed. “I’m not sure what the point is, to be honest.”

Neither was I.

I looked out over the crowd, but after a few moments, my gaze was drawn back to Poppy—to her loose hair and that damn gown. Gods, why did she have to be so beautiful? So ?

Her hands were twisting together, and I looked at her face. She watched Tawny. A moment passed, and then she called her friend’s name.

Tawny twisted toward her. “Yes?”

“You don’t have to stand here beside me,” she said. “You can go and have fun.”

“What?” Tawny’s nose wrinkled. “I’m having fun. Aren’t you?”

“Of course,” Poppy said, but I doubted that. “But you don’t have to be right beside me. You should be out there.” She gestured at those on the main floor. “It’s okay.”

Tawny protested, but Poppy wouldn’t allow it, eventually convincing her that it was all right for her to leave. To socialize. Then Poppy smiled. Not a huge one, but I caught just a glimpse of white teeth. Her friend having fun made her happy—made her smile.

Fuck me.

I wanted her to have fun.

To be happy.

I wanted that smile.

And in a little bit, it would be a long time before she smiled again. Poppy was alone with no effort on my part. The relief I should feel was nowhere to be found.

I stepped in closer to her. “That was kind of you.”

“Not particularly. Why should she stand here and do nothing just because that’s all I can do?”

“Is that really all you can do?”

“You were standing right here when Her Grace reminded me that I am not to mingle or—”

“Or fraternize.”

“She said socialize,” Poppy said.

“But you don’t have to stay here.”

“I don’t.” She turned back to the floor. “I would like to go back to my room.”

I clenched my teeth. “You sure?”

“Of course.”

I stepped aside. “After you, Princess.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You need to stop calling me that.”

“But I like it.”

She brushed past me and lifted the hem of her skirt. “But I don’t.”

“That’s a lie.”

Her lips twitched as she shook her head. I followed her through the throng of masked attendees, none seeming aware of who walked among them. The air was cooler outside the Great Hall. Poppy glanced at one of the open doors that led to the garden.

“Where are you going?” I asked as she continued, hastily looking away from the garden.

Poppy faced me, her nose scrunched against the mask in confusion. “Back to my rooms, as I…”

I started to speak, but my gaze snagged on the fall of her hair and then on the delicate lace of her bodice. “I was wrong earlier when I said you looked lovely.”

“What?” she whispered.

“You look absolutely exquisite, Poppy. Beautiful.” And she really did. “I just…I needed to tell you that.”

Her eyes widened behind the mask as she stared at me—at my face, luckily. If she looked lower, I feared she would see just how true the words were. My gaze returned to the lace of her bodice.

I really needed to get better control of myself.

And I needed to get on with this.

I hadn’t expected to get her alone this quickly or easily. I had some time before Kieran arrived. I could take her to her chambers and coax her back out later, but…

The garden was her place, and I wanted her to see it one last time. I wanted that smile from her.

And if I were being honest with myself, getting her out in the garden now wasn’t just about my plans. It also had to do with the fact that something happened when I spent time with her. Something damn near magical.

I was…I was just me.

Cas.

And fuck if that didn’t feel dangerous. Maybe even idiotic. Because I was self-aware enough to recognize that in my short time of knowing her, a connection had formed between us—a bond that wasn’t at all one-sided. If I had any common sense or were more like I had been before the Blood Crown held me captive, I would nip this shit in the bud. But I wasn’t him anymore. Hadn’t been in decades. I was now far more impulsive and reckless. Selfish. When I wanted, I .

And it wasn’t like there would be many more opportunities for this after tonight.

“I have an idea,” I said, forcing my gaze to hers.

“You do?”

I nodded. “It doesn’t involve returning to your room.”

She drew her lip between her teeth. “I’m confident that unless I remain at the Rite, I would be expected to return to my room.”

“You’re masked, as am I. You’re not dressed like the Maiden,” I pointed out. “To use your own ideology from last night, no one will know who either of us is.”

“Yes, but…”

“Unless you wish to go back to the room.” I started to grin. “Maybe you’re so engrossed in that book—”

Her cheeks turned pink. “I am not engrossed in that book.”

I found that somewhat disappointing. “I know you don’t want to be cooped up in your chambers. There’s no reason to lie to me.”

“I…” Her gaze darted around us. “And where do you suggest that I go?”

“Where go?” I tilted my chin toward the garden entrance.

Her chest rose with a deep breath. “I don’t know. It…”

“It used to be a place of refuge. Now, it’s become a place of nightmares,” I said, stomach churning with the knowledge I was the reason she no longer had that. “But it can only stay that way if you let it.”

“If I let it? How do I change the fact that Rylan died out there?”

“You don’t.”

The corners of her mouth tensed. “I’m not following where you’re going with this.”

I moved in closer to her, meeting her stare. “You can’t change what happened in there. Just like you can’t change the fact that the courtyard used to give you peace. You just replace your last memory—a bad one—with a new one—a good one,” I told her, having learned that myself. “And you keep doing that until the initial one no longer outweighs the replacement.”

Poppy’s lips parted as her attention shifted to the garden door. “You make it sound so easy.”

“It’s not. It’s hard and uncomfortable, but it works.” I offered her my hand. “And you won’t be alone. I’ll be there with you, and not just watching over you.”

Her gaze flew to mine. She seemed to lock up as if my words startled her. At first, I wasn’t sure what I’d said to cause such a reaction, but then I thought about what I knew of her. Other than perhaps Tawny, those who spent time with her did so because it was their duty. Even Vikter, to some extent. Even me.

Fuck. That sat like a boulder on my chest.

Poppy brought her hand to mine but then stopped short. “If someone saw me,” she said. “Saw you—”

“Saw us? Holding hands? Dear gods, the scandal.” I grinned, looking around. “No one is here. Unless you see people I can’t.”

“Yes, I see the spirits of those who’ve made bad life choices,” she replied dryly.

I laughed. “I doubt anyone will recognize us in the courtyard. Not with both of us masked, and just the moonlight and a few lamps to light the way.” I wiggled my fingers. “Besides, I have a feeling anyone out there will be too busy to care.”

Poppy placed her hand in mine. “You’re such a bad influence.”

She had no idea.

I folded my hand around hers. The back of my neck tightened. “Only the bad can be influenced, Princess.”