It had been two weeks since Corey had told me he loved me, and I still couldn't say it back to him. He kept assuring me that it was okay for me not to say it back, but it felt wrong to just keep thanking him when he said it. Like I was brushing him off, almost. As if to say "oh you do? That's nice." It was almost painful to not know if I was in love with him or not. I had taken basically every online test, and none of them had given me an answer good enough to help me make up my mind.
"Ryder? Anyone home?"
I snapped out of my daze and looked at Kelsey. "What?"
"I was asking if you knew where Corey was. He wasn't there in first period."
"No, he didn't text me or anything telling me that he wasn't going to be here."
"Is he sick?"
"I just told you I don't know where he is," I snapped.
"Geeze, Ryder, calm down," Jason said, glaring a bit. "She didn't do anything wrong."
"I know," I sighed. "I'm sorry Kelsey."
"You still trying to decide if you can tell Corey that you love him back?" she asked gently.
"Yes."
She paused thoughtfully. "Well, I told Jason that I loved him after only six months. You're half way to where I was when I told him, since October starts tomorrow. And Jason and I have been together for a long time. He didn't say it back until our one year anniversary though, so I think you have plenty of time to think about it before you actually say it back to him."
I nodded and laid my head on the table.
"What's wrong now?"
"I don't know. Something feels...wrong today."
"Do you think something's up with Corey?"
"I don't know,"Â I muttered honestly.
"Maybe you should text him or something."
"I called him before school and at the beginning of lunch."
"Then go over there after school."
"I can't, I have a training class with Sky."
Kelsey nodded. "Alright. Then I'll go over there with Jason and see if he's sick."
"Don't. He won't want you there if he is."
"Are you okay? Seriously, something is off about you right now."
I looked up at Kelsey. There was a weight on my chest, making it a little hard to breathe. "I don't know what's wrong," I said, my voice almost a whimper, "but something is very wrong, I can just feel it somehow."
* * * * *
My training class with Sky went well. She was learning very quickly, and she loved bacon flavored dog treats. Now she was sitting in the passenger side of my car as we drove back to my house. "Where do you think your daddy is?" I murmured to her, referring to Corey. "I don't think he's at his house, since his car wasn't there. Maybe he's waiting for us at home? That would be nice, huh baby girl?"
She looked at me, but her ears weren't pricked like they normally were.
"What is it?"
Sky's ears drooped, and she laid down, putting her head on her paws.
She could sense whatever it was too. Something serious was going to happen, and we both knew it.
* * * * *
For the rest of the week, I was completely paranoid that I would get hit by a car or struck by lightning. Corey wasn't giving me much to go on about his absence, and he never wanted to hang out. He said he was sick and that he just needed some time on his own to recover, but I was almost certain that he was lying to me about something. I just wasn't sure what he was lying about. We had only been dating for three months, surely he wasn't going to break up with me already...right?
Sky kept laying on the couch where he sat when he came over, and she kept her ears down most of the time now. It was possible that this was just her natural behavior, seeing as how she was just now getting used to the house, but something still seemed off to me. She hadn't been this weird when Corey was hanging around the house.
Maybe she just missed him. I knew I did.
* * * * *
The weekend was boring. There were classes for Sky and myself, and I went to them all, but they just weren't all that much interesting to me when Corey was acting so strangely. He still just told me that he was sick and recovering, but no one is sick for nine days in a row unless something is seriously wrong with them.
Kelsey kept stopping over, offering to go check on him for me, but I couldn't let her; it would make me look suspicious of him. And even though I was, I didn't want him to know that. I wanted him to believe I trusted him, and I wanted to actually trust him, but I simply couldn't believe that he was sick for this long.
* * * * *
Finally, on Monday, I went to his house.
Emily answered the door. "Hi Ryder," she said, looking up at me but not smiling.
"You okay sweetie? You're not smiling like you normally do."
Suddenly she screeched out a sobbing noise and threw herself around my legs. "You won't go away, right? You won't leave like Corey is, right? You promise?"
"Emily, I'm not going anywhere. What do you mean that Corey's leaving?"
"He's leaving," she bawled in to my legs, clinging on tightly.
"What do you mean he's leaving?" I repeated. "I don't think he's going anywhere. Because I'm here, remember? And you're here, and the twins are here, and your mommy and daddy are here. Are you sure he's leaving? Where would he go?"
"He's leaving!" she bawled again.
My heart was pounding, fear sending chills through my body. She wasn't being any help. Where was Corey going, if he was going anywhere? What did she mean by that?
"Emily, please let go of Ryder," a low voice asked gently.
"No!" she screeched. "You're leaving us! I don't want you to go away!"
"Emily," Corey repeated, "please, I need to talk to Ryder in private. Mom!" he called up the stairs, "Could you please come get her?"
His mother appeared, not looking much happier than Emily did.
Now I was scared.
Corey stepped out of the house, closing the door behind us, and looked down at me. "What are you doing here, Ryder?"
"What does she mean?" I demanded. "Where would you be going? Are you moving into an apartment or something?"
"Yes," he said after a long pause. "I'm going to live in an apartment."
"Is it near my house?"
Corey shook his head very slowly. "...No, Ryder. It's not."
My heart practically stopped. "Where...where is it?"
"Out of state."
Tears stung my eyes and my throat hurt. "Why? Where...why?"
Corey closed his eyes for a moment.
"No," I said, my voice trembling but raising in volume. "You're going to tell me why you're leaving."
"Give me a reason to stay," he said finally, opening his eyes and looking in to mine.
"What?"
"Give me a reason to stay here with you, Ryder. Tell me why I should."
"I don't want you to leave," I choked out.
"That's not good enough."
"Please," I whispered. "Please don't leave."
Corey looked away from me. "I'm leaving, Ryder. It's decided. I'm going to finish senior year there."
My body was trembling hard. "Why?" I managed to ask again.
"I don't have a reason to stay here."
"I want you to."
"That's not enough."
A sob threatened to shake my body, but I forced myself to stay as quiet as possible. "Please," I whispered again. "Don't leave me. You promised that I wouldn't have to say goodbye to you. You promised."
Corey stepped back and opened his door to go inside. "Goodbye, Ryder."
And he closed the door.
* * * * *
I knocked on Kelsey's door.
Her father answered. "Oh. Ryder. Again. What are you..." he saw the look in my eyes and turned, giving me a weird look from the corner of his eye. "Kells? Could you come downstairs, sweetheart? Your friend Ryder is here."
Kelsey bounced down the stairs and when her father stepped out of the way, her smile vanished. She grabbed my wrist, dragged me to her room, and sat me down on her bed with her.
I couldn't stop myself from crying anymore. I sobbed openly, curled up on my side with Kelsey stroking my back. "He's leaving," I managed to say. "He's leaving, and he broke up with me, and he broke his promise."
She stroked my back quietly as I cried and shook.
"I love him,"Â I sobbed, curling up tighter. "I love him, and he's leaving me."
"I know you do," she murmured, stroking my back still, trying desperately to comfort me. "I know you love him, Ryder. It's okay. You're going to be okay, I promise."
I laid there and cried until I was simply too tired to cry anymore. I felt numb.
"You're spending the night here," she said firmly. "You are not spending the night alone, Ryder."
"Sky," I protested, my throat hoarse and burning.
"Jason will bring her over here. I'm going to go call him, and you're going to stay right here, understand?"
"Yes."
Kelsey got up, disappearing through her bedroom door.
I could feel nothing but pain.
He was gone.