Chapter 19: A Big Talk for a Small Golem

The chamber beyond the miniboss door stretched wide and circular, its walls slick with moss. The floor was uneven, puddles burping faintly in the damp air.

At the far end stood their opponent.

It was one foot tall.

A squat lump of mud and reeds shaped vaguely like a man, green fumes wafting from cracks in its body. In one hand it held a stick barely bigger than a spoon. Its glowing eyes stared at them with all the menace of an annoyed garden gnome.

The crystal pulsed smugly:

Encounter Initiated: Mini-Boss – Swamp Golem (Lesser). Difficulty: Moderate. Attempt: 29.

***

The adventurers froze.

“That’s it?” Harlada asked.

Bert squinted. “I could eat that.”

Leo’s notebook trembled in his hands. “Do not underestimate. Size does not necessarily equate to power. Observe the gas emissions—”

“It farted,” Bert said helpfully.

The golem burbled once, waving its tiny stick. The swamp gas thickened.

***

Instead of charging in, they sat down in a huddle.

“Alright,” Harlada said firmly, “no more running around like idiots. This time we plan.”

Bert frowned. “I like running around like an idiot.”

“Exactly,” she snapped. “And it keeps getting us killed.”

Leo adjusted his glasses, nodding gravely. “Correct. Statistical analysis confirms our survival rate plummets every time you act naturally.”

Bert blinked. “…Thank you?”

They drew lines in the mud, sketched out fake troop formations, and argued over tactics.

“Leo webs it first. Hold it in place.”

“Then I freeze it,” Harlada said.

“And I smash it,” Bert finished proudly.

“Simple. Elegant. Foolproof,” Leo declared.

The crystal pulsed doubtfully:

Achievement Unlocked: Overconfident Planners. Reward: None.

***

They charged in, screaming their new strategy.

Leo’s web shot wide, sticking uselessly to a mossy rock.

Harlada’s frost followed, instantly freezing the web — and the rock.

Bert tripped over the frozen rock, swung his cleaver too soon, and buried it in the mud.

The swamp golem toddled forward and smacked him in the shin with its stick.

Bert howled. “OW! That hurt!”

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The crystal pulsed:

Attempt: 30.

***

They respawned, humiliated.

“Okay,” Harlada said, massaging her temples. “New plan. We ignore the rock.”

“Agreed,” Leo said.

“I’ll kill the rock first,” Bert muttered darkly.

***

Second attempt:

Leo aimed carefully. His web struck true, pinning the tiny golem in place.

Harlada’s frost sealed it solid.

Bert raised his cleaver high—

The golem’s green gas ignited spontaneously, blasting them all backward in a fiery cloud.

When the smoke cleared, the golem stood untouched, waddling smugly.

The adventurers were ash.

Attempt: 31.

***

Third attempt:

They circled the golem slowly.

Leo whispered, “It’s too obvious. The gas is a trap. We must lure it into expending energy.”

Harlada nodded. “Good. We wait, conserve spells, force it to act.”

Bert growled. “Or I punt it.”

He punted it.

The golem flew three feet, bounced, and waddled right back. Then it coughed a puff of gas in Bert’s face.

He collapsed instantly.

The others followed moments later.

Attempt: 32.

***

Back in their cages, dripping, they groaned in unison.

“This is ridiculous,” Harlada snapped.

Leo scribbled furiously. “Not ridiculous. Insidious. The dungeon is mocking us. Giving us an enemy so small we underestimate it. Psychological warfare.”

Bert squinted. “So… it’s a tiny farting rock with a stick?”

“Yes,” Leo hissed.

Bert shrugged. “Then we just kick it.”

***

Fourth attempt:

They didn’t plan this time. They didn’t draw diagrams.

They charged to the mini golem, Bert kicked him like a football.

the golem flew over the swamp and splashed into a wall.

Attempt: 32 miniboss defeated, Reward being generated.

***

A pedestal rose from the muck, glowing faintly.

The adventurers crowded around as a pouch and a faintly glowing gem materialized.

Reward: +1 Gem. Assigned: Random.

The gem dissolved into Harlada.

Her eyes widened. “Oh. Oh my.”

Bert dropped to his knees. “NO! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MINE!”

Harlada clutched her stomach, laughing so hard she could barely stand.

Then she stood up straight looking at her hands, “I think I can cast a spell now.”

She concentrated and lightning sprawled from her fingers.

The crystal pulsed smugly:

Achievement Unlocked: Wrong Man Forever. Reward: None.

The swamp bubbled with mocking applause.

***

The pedestal sank. Another door rumbled open at the far end. Its sigil glowed faintly — more hostile than before.

The crystal pulsed one last time:

Warning: Boss Room Ahead.

The adventurers stared, bruised, filthy, and steaming.

Leo adjusted his glasses, trembling. “Finally. Strategy may prevail.”

Bert cracked his knuckles. “Or smashing.”

Harlada groaned. “Or we all burn alive again.”

They stepped forward together.