Wednesday 14th October
At 8am my alarm rings which causes me to wake up. It's just a normal Wednesday today. I still like to be a routine even though I'm not in school. I graduated last summer and now I just take care of my sister.
I wanted to go college an become a therapist because I like helping people. However, that just isn't the case. I havent been able to go to college because simply mum can't pay.
I sit up and switch my alarm off and see that Alannah had climbed into bed beside me. I smile and then gently take her small arm from around my arm.
I climb out of bed and head into the bathroom to shower.
I promised Alannah we could go out today.
I then quickly get changed into jeans and a cable knit sweater and put on a little bit of makeup.
After putting my socks on I head over to my bed where Alannah laid still fast to sleep. I sit down beside her and gently start to shake her.
"Alannah" I call and she stirs.
"Mommy" she calls and wraps her arms around me. I sigh not wanting to upset her by telling her to stop calling me her mom.
"You know you cant call me that bubba" I say and kiss her forehead.
"She was mean to me last night" she says. I kiss her cheek and hold her hands. She's on about my mom. Well, our mom. Our mom doesn't really talk to Alannah never mind treat her like the child she is.
"I know, do you want to go out for breakfast" I ask and she nods. I gently pull her upwards and take her hand to lead her to her room. She only ever climbs into bed with me when she has a nightmare or when my mom apparently goes to visit her once she finishes work.
Its funny because my mom is a surgeon so she's was hardly at home. She used to be at home more but when dad left she started working lots more.
My mom gives me as much money as she can. She feels bad about not being to pay for my college tuition.
My mom acts very different towards me compared to Alannah. Shes horrible to Alannah, she makes her cry. She makes Alannah believe every slight incident is her fault. It's not fair and that's why Alannah calls me mom sometimes. Mom gives me money to do the food shopping, literally anything.
After choosing out a white top and some dungarees I follow Alannah to the bathroom.
Once shes in there I watch her brush her teeth and help her when she needs it. I clean her face and then help her get changed. Once Alannah is changed I make her bed and then we sit on her bed and I brush her hair. After brushing her hair I put her hair into two small little space buns.
After doing her hair I put her hair brush down. I put some socks on her and then put some ankle boots on her. Once shes ready I put some shoes on and then grab my bag. I gently put my phone into my bag.
We walk to a cafe. I carried Alannah there because her little legs couldn't really handle walking all the way. It was about a ten minute walk which was entertained by Alannah talking about a new toy she really wanted.
When we get to the cafe I sit her down on a chair. I sit opposite her and then look over the menu. I know straight away what Alannah is going to have.
I continue to look for myself. I find a smoothie bowl with oats and frozen fruit. I go against wanting to order myself an iced coffee and decide to stay healthy and have some water.
"What are you having?" I ask Alannah.
"Pancakes" she squeals and I laugh softly as we get a few random stares. I don't really care what other people look at, she's three.
"What do you want for a drink" I ask. "You can have orange juice or apple juice" I say and she looks over the pictures on the menu before agreeing on orange juice.
After a waiter takes our orders they bring us our drinks.
I take in the fact Alannah is wearing a white top and mentally face palm. I grab a napkin and gently tuck it in her top. She giggles and starts to play around with her napkin. It's amazing how easily fascinated she is.
"Mama." she says trying to reach my hands over the table. I shake my head playfully and look at her.
"What's up bubba?" I ask putting my hands in hers. She smiles and starts playing with my hand and bracelet around my wrist.
"Your the best mommy" she says and I smile too. She's so adorable.
"I love you narna" I say and she smiles.
After eating my breakfast I take a sip of my water and watch Alannah. She eats as much as she can and then downs her orange juice which causes me to laugh.
I grab my purse and my phone out of my bag. I look over to her and she smiles and me widely.
"Can we go to the park?" She asks and I nod.
"Of course we can." I say.
I pay our bill and stand up. I walk round the table after slipping everything back into my bag. I pick Alannah up and we begin to walk to the park.
Once we get to the park I let her down and she runs off. I sit down on bench and go on my phone to reply to a few texts before returning my attention to Alannah.
I had been sat in the park for about an hour and a half when Alannah comes running over to me. "Can we go get ice cream?" She squeals looking at some people with ice cream I nod and put my phone in my bag. Alannah holds my hand as we walk to an ice cream parlour.
I go for a cookie dough flavour whilst Alannah goes for plain simple strawberry. I eat mine a lot quicker then Alannah does. I then pick her up and we head out.
Just as we get further down the street a man barges into me causing me to stumble. I stumble backwards slightly which causes me to drop Alannah and her to drop her ice cream.
Shit.
"Watch it next time!" I shout to the man and quickly make my way over to Alannah and hug her.
"That man hurt us." She says and I nod. He wasn't very nice. He didn't even stop to apologise it to acknowledge what he had done.
"Seriously" I hear one of men mumble and walk over to us. "I'm so sorry for that" he says and I sigh.
"Just make sure he's more careful next time." I tell him moving my eyes past the attractive guy covered in tattoos talking to me and look at the guy that barged us.
"My ice cream." Alannah cries and I wipe the tears away from her eyes. The man squats down beside us and looks between me and Alannah before locking eyes with Alannah.
"I'm so sorry about Dom" he repeats. This time including a name.
"My ice cream." She cries again.
I stand up wiping the dirt off of me. I lean down and pick Alannah up.
"Don't worry." I say putting Alannah on my hip as she cries into my shoulder.
"One moment" he says and turns around. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion as be begins to talk to the twi other men with him.
"How long do I have till my next meeting?" He asks.
"40 minutes sir." The one that barged us answers.
"Okay head to the car I'll see you there in about 20 minutes." He says and turns back to us. "I'll take you to get more ice cream." He tells us.
"Its fine honestly" I say giving him a polite smile. I walk past him and he grabs my wrist making me turn. He looks to Alannah.
"Do you want some ice cream to replace yours?" He asks and she nods eagerly.
"Looks like we're going to get ice cream." He says looking directly at me. I turn around holding Alannah and walk back to the store.
"What would you like?" He asks Alannah as I put her down.
"Strawberry" she squeals and he laughs softly.
"What about you?" He asks turning away from Alannah to me.
"I just had my ice cream I'm fine" I say and he turns to Alannah.
"What flavour does she normally have?" He asks.
"Cookie dough." She says looking up at the man. He high fives her hand and then orders our ice cream.
We sit down in a booth where I thank him again for buying us ice cream. Alannah decided she was going to sit beside the man. I look at the mess of ice cream gathered around her mouth and try not fixate on her getting ice cream on her top.
She turns fo the man beside her. "What's your name?" She asks looking up to him.
"My name is Jax what's yours?" He asks and she smiles
"Alannah." She says and I smile.
"And how old are you?" He asks and she holds up 3 fingers.
"Three." she says with a mouth full of ice cream which causes Jax to laugh.
"Alannah." I say raising my eyebrow. She giggles before apologising and then continues a conversation.
After I finish my ice cream Alannah looks at me. "Mom, can Jax be my friend?" She asks and I look between Jax and Alannah. Jax just shrugs his shoulders and takes another lick of his ice cream.
"Um, yeah sure." I say knowing she won't remember him in a few weeks. She wraps her little arms around him as best as she can.
"You can play with me in the park now." She tells him.
"I think he's quite busy today bubba." I say and she looks to Jax.
"Maybe another day." He says and she pouts.
"Pinky promise." She says and sticks her pinky out. He smiles and wraps his pinky around hers.
"I pinky promise" he says and she giggles which causes me to smile.
"You have a beautiful smile" Jax says. Is he talking to me? Heat rush to my cheeks and so I turn my attention to Alannah.
"Mommy, this man wants to be your boyfriend." She says and my eyes widen.
"No bubba he's just being kind." I say and she nods, focusing on her ice cream. She continues to talk to Jax until she finishes her ice cream.
Once she finishes her ice cream I stand up grabbing my bag. "Thank you for the ice cream again." I say and he smiles.
"I'm sorry for Dom again." He says causing me to smile.
I look down to Alannah and see she has ice cream around her mouth. It was slipping down her face so I quickly grab a napkin and wipe around her mouth so it doesn't go on her clothes.
"Thank you Jax." Alannah says and he smiles.
"It was no problem." He says.
"Do you want to walk?" I ask Alannah and she yawns. I laugh and pick her up as we walk out of the store. She nuzzles her head into my neck and reaches out for my hair. She mumbles a goodbye to Jax which makes me laugh softly.
"She's really cute." Jax says as we walk off.
"Yeah." I say and smile. The cutest.
"You seem really young, how come your not at school?" He asks and I look to him.
"I graduated high school and all but I can't leave to go to college." I say holding Alannah a little tighter.
"So your 18?" He asks and I shake my head.
"Not that it's your business but I'm 19." I say realising this is a stranger and I shouldn't really be telling him all about my life and he laughs slightly.
"What is your name? Unless you want me to call you mom." He asks which causes me to laugh.
"My names Lara." I say and he furrows his eyebrows.
"Spanish?" He questions and I shake my head.
"Close. Portuguese." I say and he smiles.
"Where are you even going?" I ask as we continue to walk down the path. I hope he doesn't follow me home. That would be very weird.
"To my car." He says laughing. I smile "Did you drive?" He asks and I turn to him.
"No this is New York the traffic is mad I would rather not drive around." I say and he laughs.
"Jax move your ass." A man that was with him earlier shouts out the window.
"Wait a minute." Jax says loudly enough for the man to hear but not loud enough for Alannah to wake up.
"Do you want a ride?" He asks and I shake my head. Nope. Remember what dad said? Stranger danger. Do not get in cars with strangers!
"Come on carrying her asleep all the way back to your house can't be easy." He says looking to Alannah sleeping in my arms. James would so kill me if I got into a strangers car.
"Its only a ten minute walk." I say he raises his eyebrows.
"Come on" he says and I shake my head.
"No it's fine, honestly." I say and begin to walk off.
"Can I atleast get your number?" he asks and I laugh and carry on walking.
****
When I get home I take Alannah up to her bedroom. I draw the covers back and gently place her in bed.
I take her shoes off and then kiss her cheek. I close her door and head downstairs. The house was clean because I always clean every night once I put Alannah to bed.
After 20 minutes I go and wake Alannah up because I dont let her have a nap longer then 30 minutes.
Once Alannah is awake we go downstairs and she sits on the sofa with one of her toys. I get her beaker and fill it up with some juice. I give it to her whilst she watches Doc mcstuffins.
I head into the kitchen and look around to see what to do for dinner. After acknowledging the fact I'm going to need to go food shopping tomorrow I see that we'll be having a frozen pizza for dinner.
I spent the evening with Alannah, like every evening. We watched doc mcstuffins and she also pretended to be a doctor herself. After eating some pizza at the dinner table we watched more doc mcstuffins.
It got to 6:30pm and I took Alannah upstairs and ran her a bath.
After her bath I wrap her in a towel and we go into her room. I change her into her pyjamas and I then brush her hair.
We lie in her bed then and watch despicable me. Alannah ended up falling asleep half way through saying she wanted to be a minion which made me giggle. She is the cutest ever.
I gently climb out of bed and tuck her in. I kiss her forehead and switch on her night light. I switch the tv off before heading downstairs.
I head downstairs and get my laptop. I sit at the island with a glass of water and begin to look up things. Because I can't go to college to become a therapist I normally look up lots of things about how to be a therapist. All things like that really. My phone starts buzzing whilst I'm half way through reading about body language. I draw my eyes away and pick my phone up to see a facetime call from James.
"Hey stranger." He says when his face pops up on the screen.
"Hi." I say smiling.
"Where is Alannah?" He asks.
James was my closet friend before he left for college. He's currently in LA on a football scholarship. He used to hang out with me and Alannah all the time before he left. There was a couple of times where Alannah called him dad. I had to tell her strictly not to call him dad but James just laughed about it. That would've scared a lot of people but thankfully not James
"She's in bed." I tell him and he looks at the time.
"Time difference." I say and he laughs.
"You'd think I'd be use to it." He says and I smile and shrug.
"How've you been?" I ask.
"Good, got any one I need to scare off yet?" He asks and I laugh whilst rolling my eyes. He is always scaring off any guy that comes in my direction. Always. It's annoying.
"Nope and I probably never will." I admit and he laughs. He can laugh all he wants he's the reason I've never had a boyfriend. Before anyone can get to close he's immediately there scaring them and telling them no.
"When I finish school I'll come back to New York and wife you up." He says and I laugh.
"We made that deal when we were like ten." I moan and he laughs.
"My deals and promises always get kept Miss Fernandez." He says and I roll my eyes playfully.
"The deal says by the age of 27." I say and he laughs like that's nothing. That's still eight years away.
"Okay" he says and I laugh.
After catching up with James I go back to do some research. By the time 11:30pm rolls around mum still wasnt home. I lock up with my keys and place them in my bag. I grab my phone and a glass of water and head up stairs to my room.
I put on an episode of Brooklyn nine nine and then lie in bed. After watching 3 episodes I switch the tv off. I get into my pyjamas and then wash my face and brush my teeth. I crawl back into bed and then put my phone on charge. I heard mum come in and I automatically wasn't tired anymore.
I ended up just staring at the ceiling waiting for Alannah to come running into my room. But she never did. After I heard mum go into her room I waited about an hour before I could finally fall to sleep.