I was still awake at two when Alannah got up to be sick.
I quickly switch on the lamp so Alannah could see where she was going. I then sigh and head into the bathroom after Alannah.
She was crying standing over the toilet and I held her hair back and rubbed her back.
Once she was finished I brush her teeth as she cried and took her back to bed. I get back to bed and lie her down on her side of the bed.
I sit with my feet dangling off the bed when I grab my phone and begin to text Jax.
Lara- are you still up?
It didn't take long for a response, maybe about 2 minutes.
Jax- I am, what's up?
I smile at the text and turn to Alannah to see she was still asleep before texting back.
Lara-I can't sleep :(
Jax- do you want to facetime?
Before I even had the chance to reply Jax caller ID popped up on my screen. I quickly grab some earphones but only put one in.
"Hello." I say answering the call as Jax's face fills the screen.
"Why can't you sleep?" He asks and I shrug my shoulders.
"Why are you awake its almost three, don't you have work tomorrow?" I ask and he nods.
"I have to be up in three hours." He says and my eyes widen.
"Oh my god go to sleep." I say and he laughs.
"Come on tell me why you can't sleep." He pleads and I sigh.
"Only if you will." I say and he nods.
"When my dad left I started to feel less and less safe. That all went away after everything that happened with Alannah. I was so focused on catching my mom that I stopped struggling to sleep for my problems. For the past two years that's all the problem was. But I don't have that problem anymore, I'm safe." I say and he raises an eyebrow clearly confused.
"I don't feel safe." I clarify and he nods now understanding what I was saying.
"Well Nicole and David have security systems." He tells me and I nod.
"I know I know I don't know what it is I just feel unsafe." I say and sigh.
"Well what do you do when you don't feel safe?" He asks and I look away from the phone.
Oh god this is awkward.
"Um well James used to be here so I used to sleep with him." I say and Jax nods.
"Oh." He says and I nod.
"But anyway why aren't you asleep?" I ask and he sighs.
"I've seen a lot of bad things Lara and when I go to sleep it leaves me vulnerable to all that stuff." He admits and I look at him confused.
"What do you mean?" I ask and he sighs.
"Look I can't tell you what I saw." He says and I raise an eyebrow.
"Did you have to sigh a contract or something?" I ask. What are them like non- closure agreements?
"Something like that." He says and I nod and smile.
"You know talking to someone about it might help you sleep. It's bad to keep things bottled up." I say and he smiles.
"You'd be a good therapist." He tells me and I laugh softly.
"I didn't do anything." I say and he laughs.
"I can totally see you being a therapist." He says and I roll my eyes again.
"No but seriously you don't have to talk to me but maybe you can talk to your parents or Gio or a therapist." I say and he smiles and nods.
****
It had been about an hour now since we had been on facetime and we were now talking about Alannah.
"Its cute." He says and I roll my eyes.
"It is cute but it's also very hard to do much. Because even though she has become extremely clingy I can't even go longer then two hours without separation anxiety." I say and he smiles.
"I love it when she talks it's so cute. Like she can say most things but she makes it sound different." Jax says and I nod.
She has a cute like baby voice when she talks like most three year olds but she's just so cute.
"Yeah." I say and he smiles. I then yawn a contagious yawn.
"You should go to sleep." I say and Jax looks as though he's about to laugh.
"I will if you do." He says and I yawn again.
"Deal." I say.
We then exchange Goodnights before ending the call.
****
When my alarm rings I sit up and switch it off. Alannah sits up seconds after I do and she yawns.
"Morning." I say rubbing my eyes.
"Morning." She yawns again.
Nicole doesn't tell us that breakfast is done this morning which means we just spend time cuddling.
I lie down and Alannah cuddles up to my side and I put my arm around her.
A knock on the door causes me to look over at the door.
"I didn't make you breakfast because I didn't know what you were doing. You know where everything is so help yourself." She tells me and I smile and nod.
"Well I'm going to work, David already left but I'll see you later." She smiles.
"Have a nice day." I say gaining a wider smile off of her.
After Nicole leaves Alannah tells me she's hungry.
"Mama I'm hungry." Alannah says sitting up.
I sit up and we head downstairs. We go into the kitchen and I sit her on a stall.
"Right your only having dry foods because I don't want you to be sick again." I say and she nods.
"Do you want crackers or dry toast?" I ask and she puts her hand on her chin to make it look like shes thinking.
"Crackers." She says and I nod and smile.
I get out sole crackers and put them on a plate for her. I just cut some fruit and put it in a bowl to have for breakfast.
After breakfast we went upstairs I brushed Alannahs hair and put it into a bun.
I then help her into some fresh pyjamas and I get her to take some medicine.
It didn't take long for her to fall back to sleep.
I take a quick shower and then put on some black leggings and a plain purple oversized t-shirt. I take my hair out of its bun and begin to brush through it.
After I was ready James facetimed me so I wat at my desk and answered him.
"Your up early." I say when I see his face.
"Yeah I got early practice but how are you?" He asks and I nod and smile.
"I'm good how are you?" I ask
"I'm good, where's Alannah?" He asks trying to look around.
"She's asleep." I tell him and he sighs.
"That's the second time now I've rang to talk to her and shes been asleep." He says and I roll my eyes.
"She's not well James so she's been sleeping a lot." I say and he sighs again.
"I know I know but I wanna talk to her." He says and I sigh this time.
"Don't be selfish." I say and he chuckles and rolls his eyes.
"Whatever." He says and I laugh.
"Thirteen days" I change the subject and he smiles.
"Thirteen days." He repeats.
"Look I have to head to practice in a minute but see you in.... thirteen days I guess." He says and I laugh.
"Have fun at practice" I say waving before ending the call.
It took 20 minutes after my call with James for Alannah to wake back up.
She carefully climbed off the bed before walking over to me. She stands beside me and holds my hand before I pick her up.
I place her on my desk in front of me and put my phone down.
"Mama how long now till James comes home?" Alannah asks and I smile.
"Thirteen days." I tell her and she smiles.
She begins to play with the bottom of my hair whilst I jot some things down on my notepad.
"Mama why can't my hair be as long as yours?" She asks and I smile.
"Because you have to grow it sweetheart, I'm sixteen years older then you. So my hair will be a lot longer then yours." I say tucking a baby hair behind her ear.
She smiles and climbs down.
"I can't wait to see James. He said he'd buy me ice cream." She says and I laugh.
She loves ice cream so much.
"James has been trying to phone you but every time he's called you've been asleep." I say and she sighs.
She crosses her arms across her chest and tries to looks angry. "
You could wake me up I wouldn't mind for James." She says and I smile.
"I know bub but we can ring him later I promise." I say and she nods.
"Is Jax coming over today?" She asks as I stand up tucking my chair into the desk.
"Not that I know of, but you know how random he is." I say and she nods.
I pick her up off the desk and we head downstairs.
I take Alannah into the living room where I put on a movie.
We watched Tangled and Alannah tried to sing to the songs which was cute.
"That man looks like Jax." Alannah says pointing at the table and Iaugh.
"No he doesn't." I say and she nods.
"Will you and Jax end up like rapunzel and Flynn?" She asks and I laugh.
"Jax isn't a criminal like Flynn." I say and she shakes her head. And I'm not a princess.
"No but Vanni told me he hasn't seen Jax as happy as he sees him with you. He also makes you really really happy and you need to be happy too!" She says and I laugh.
"How old are you three or sixty?" I ask pressing my hand against her forehead to feel her temperature.
"You're burning up." I say standing up abruptly.
"Oh no." Alannah says and I nod.
I get back from soaking a flannel in cold water and then draining the excess water.
I go into the living room and Alannah insists on cuddling my arm. She cuddled my arm whilst we watched the rest of Tangled.
We watched quite a few films and Alannah had fallen in and out of sleep. I left my phone upstairs which was probably a bad idea.
When Nicole and David got home Alannah ran over and hugged them.
"Alannah be careful." I shout and I hear her giggle.
They come and sit in the living room and watch the last of a film with us.
A repeated knock on the door causes us to all look at each other. Who would be at the door? We're all here together.
"I'll get it." David says standing up and heading towards the door.
"Is she here?" Jax pretty much shouts and I look at Nicole confused.
"Obviously she's here what's wrong?" David asks and I stand up and head to the door.
"What's going on?" I ask yawning.
"I told you she was fine." Gio says and I raise an eyebrow confused as Jax wraps his arms around me.
"You're okay." He points out and I laugh.
"Why wouldn't I be?" I ask pulling away from the hug.
"You weren't answering your phone." He says and I laugh.
"My phones been upstairs, I've been down here watching films with Alannah all day." I say and he releases a breath.
"I just got worried that's all." He says and I smile.
"I can reassure you that I'm fine." I say and he smiles.
"Jax we really need to go." Gio says from behind him.
"Fine." Jax says rolling his eyes. He leans down and kisses me.
"Are you sure your okay?" He asks and I nod.
"I'm fine, I promise." I say and he nods and kisses my forehead before walking out and following Gio to his car.
"Is everything alright?" Nicole asks and I nod.
I sit back beside Alannah and she puts her head on my shoulder.
"I'm going to start with dinner." Nicole says standing up and heading into the kitchen.
David sits back on the sofa and I cuddle up with Alannah.
After dinner I help Nicole with the dishes.
After helping Nicole Alannah felt tired so we went upstairs.
We go into our room and lie in bed. I put on doc mcstuffins.
"Mama you'd make a good doctor." Alannah says and I look down at her.
"Would I?" I ask and she nods.
"Your really good at taking care of me when I'm sick." she says smiling.
"I just know what to do bub." I say and kiss her cheek.
"Eu te amo." Alannah says and I smile at her widely.
"Eu também te amo." I say and she hugs me.
About 10:30 Alannah was out for the night.
I switched Doc mcstuffins off and picked up my phone.
I saw 2 missed calls from an unknown number. A missed call from James and 3 from Jax and 2 from Gio. I also had multiple texts which I scrolled through and replied to.
James- Hey, your probably busy being nurse Mommy but let me know your okay when you can
Lara- Hey sorry, we're both okay still missing you.
I went from mine and James conversation to Gio's name to see he had text me.
Gio- hey if you see this let me know your okay.
I know Gio already knows I'm fine become he showed up here earlier with Jax. That's whose conversation I went on to next.
Jax- Morning, how's Alannah? X
Jax- I'm going to be busy today but I'll see if I can stop by at see you at some point
Jax- Is everything okay you haven't text me back in a few hours
Jax- I hope your sleeping, it would be great if you were still asleep. But something tells me that's not the case
Jax- it's been hours, call me when you get this
I sigh kind of feeling guilty that I didn't text him back at all today. But I just didn't get why he would get so freaked out.
Lara- Hey I'm sorry for not replying earlier. You seemed a bit stressed but just to reassure you I'm fine X
I never got a reply back from Jax that night. I spent the majority of the night lying in bed staring at the ceiling.
I was exhausted but I just physically couldn't sleep. The last time I checked my phone it was 4am. It felt like ages before sleep finally took over.