"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices wif the truth. Â It always protects, always trusts, always hope, always perseveres."Â Â ~1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
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HANNAH'S POV
If you still haven't figured out then let me tell you that we didn't find any solution. I tried to talk to MY soon-to-be-husband but in vain, he's out of the country and doesn't have the courtesy to pick up my call or call back, that arrogant son of a bitch!
I was currently coming back from Aunt Claudia's house, I wanted to convince her to be present at my death ceremony, the stubborn woman didn't budge at all, though I don't her blame for it. But man, I need her to be there. I don't want her blessings for the happy occasion but because I need her support. She didn't have any choice but to cave in.
As soon as I entered my room, I saw something on my bed. I know exactly what it is. I went towards it and picked it up.
"For your special day"
A lone tear dropped from my eyes as I read the caption, in that very moment I felt that she's here with me again, watching over me and that I'm not alone.
MOM
She knew that her pregnancy was complicated and the doctors had already told her about the consequence, so during that time she wrote a lot of letters for me for special occasions in hopes that she won't have to give it to me and that she'll be here in person, but I guess, deep down she knew that God had this planned already. I have her diaries too, which connects me closer with her, and through them, I know her, how she felt and how much she loved us.
So, without a second' delay, I tore the envelope and read the context.
''My dear beautiful daughter,
I wish to do this in person but if you're reading this, it means I'm not there. But always know that mama is always there with you, you might not see me but I know that you can feel me.
Today is your big day. My baby girl finally has grown up to be a woman, you're getting married. I don't have to see you to know that you'll be the most beautiful bride in this world. I wish I was there to choose your dress with you, to get you ready with my own hands... to give you THE TALK just to embarrass you, knowing that you already know way too much, maybe more than me *wink wink*. There are so many things that I want to tell you when you start your new life, but I'm not there... yet dad is.
I'm certain that you both take care of each other but now as you'll be leaving, he'll be the one to get affected the most, and I'm not there to hold him. When you were born, I remember being a little jealous because you had all his attention, suddenly you were his princess. He would sit with you in his arms for hours just looking at your angelic face, ignoring everything; our business, his friends, and on top of all me. His life revolves around you and I'm sure it's still the same if not more, you're the most precious thing for him in this whole world, he loves you beyond words. When he held you first time in his arms, he cried like a baby with happiness. He was never a man of faith, but your presence made him experience that there is a God, you were our gift from Him, our very own miracle.
And now that you both are on your own, I'm sure he's more protective of you than he ever was. He might not show this but it'll be the most difficult thing he's ever had to do in his life - to give you away. So, I'll be a little selfish and ask you this, please, look after him, take out some time for him, sit with him, this is all he'll ever need from you, your love, just you being there with him will add few extra years, believe me. He's not a man of many words, Hannah, he might not ever show his feelings but know that he always has your best interest in mind and he'll be always there for you.
One thing I regret in life is not meeting the person my daughter has fallen in love with. But I'm sure that he's the most handsome guy (not more than your father though) and if possible then love you more than we ever did. I can't express in words that just a thought of you being in love and living happily brings me so much joy.
From now on you'll be starting a new chapter of your life, which will be far more difficult than any other but equally beautiful, so much that all the hardship will feel worth it if it's with the right person. The essence of marriage is that two opposite people complete each other, they grow on and with each other. Happiness and sadness are a part of life and as much as we like to stay happy all the time, it's the pain that makes us realize the value of the former.
In your life too, there will be moments when you'll question your decision when the man you chose might not seem like the perfect one but remember that no one is. Instead of looking at his flaws try to complete them and accept him for what he is, not for what you want him to be, and eventually, he'll want to become what you wanted him, you'll just have to be patient. Though I think he'll need to have more patience, the poor guy has no idea what he's getting into :P
A successful marriage acquires a lot of compromises, sacrifices, but on top of that love, trust, and respect for each other. There will be a lot of things you'll have to let go of, a lot of fights where you'd have to cave in. Make sure to understand not only words but emotions too, respect his privacy, and know that just like you he'll need space too.
Men are weird creatures when it comes to emotions, they're not expressive like we are, unlike us they bottle up their feelings. They think they can take on the world with their power and strength but emotionally they are weak, and they need us to fill that void for them, to make them realize they are humans too who has feelings. Just make sure you're always there for him, especially when he doesn't ask you because that's when they need you the most, they hate to admit they're vulnerable but expect you to understand and to be there, anyways without them saying it. Like I said... weird.
But always remember that in loving him, don't ever stop loving yourself, always know your worth, and don't let anyone treat you any less than what you deserve. Respect everyone but most importantly, respect yourself, enough to know when to give up with your head held high and move on. Don't ever feel guilty about putting your happiness before others. Remember, if only you're at peace then you can keep others happy.
As much as I'd like to lay it all out for you, I'm afraid I can't. This is the beauty of life, it's unpredictable, everyone has different experiences and different ways to live it, so, you'll have to live it on your own too, in your own way, and let it take a toll on its own. But what I can tell you is that love the person you choose for yourself, love him with all your heart and soul, give him everything you've got, so much that he can't imagine a life without you, so much that the thought of you leaving gives him shivers, but remember this too, that losing from a person you love sometimes means winning, and trust me, there is no greater joy than to have someone to hold your hand no matter what the situation is. But most importantly....... Love yourself.
Start your new life with faith in God and as always, he'll guide you all along. Congratulations, my dear, I know you'll be a great wife.
You'll always be in my heart and prayers, no matter where I am.
Love,
MOM
By the time I reached the end of the letter, I was weeping like I haven't done in years. God, just what I would give to have you back here with me, mom. You don't know what turn my life has taken, and it's not because I wanted it. Dad is not the same man you fell in love with, he's changed, he doesn't love me anymore, doesn't give a damn about me. He's sold me, mom, like some prostitute, he sold me. If you were here, this would have never happened.
Mom was a practicing Christian and a woman of strong faith, and she made sure to infuse those beliefs in me, too, and up till now, even if the circumstances right now doesn't seem very promising, my faith in God has never wavered one bit, I've experienced Him in many instances in life, though right now it feels that He's turned his back on me too but I know that'll never happen.
So, that night after a long time I got on my knees and prayed straight from my heart, cried in front of God to make things better, hoping that he'll listen and tomorrow I'll wake up knowing it was just a bad dream. With this thought in mind and mom's letter in hand, I slept and left everything to God.
Maybe He did listen, but he had some other plans for me.