Song: Butterfly kisses by Bob Carlisle
She'll change her name today
She'll make a promise
And I'll give her away
Standing in the bride-room
Just staring at her
She asked me what I'm thinking
And I said "I'm not sure"
"I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl"
And she leaned over
Gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk me down the aisle, Daddy, it's just about time"
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don't cry"
Oh, with all that I've done wrong
I must have done something right
To deserve her love every morning
And butterfly kisses
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HANNAH'S POV
We all were sitting in my bedroom just before leaving for the church, I was sitting in front of a mirror all dolled up fidgeting with my fingers with panic and feeling numb at the same time if that's even possible. Nick was standing in front of the window brooding, and Jason and Mila were sitting on the bed holding hand. No one dared to utter a word, more like no one had anything to say, it was a room full of hopelessness. Everyone was upset about not coming up with something to turn this thing around.
It's like we all were about to witness the second most dreadful wedding in the history of the world. THE RED WEDDING will always remain number one!
Mila tried to cheer me up by pointing out that what a hottie I am getting married to and that maybe this will be the start of my love story, she tried to make me see a positive side of it all, that maybe it won't be as bad as we think it would be but who was she kidding? She herself didn't believe anything and I can read her eyes too well to know that she was faking it, although she tried her best to sound happy and convincing.
There was a knock on the door and dad entered. I know why he was here.
It's about time.
"Are you ready? We should get going." His voice was low and so were his eyes.
One by one the three of them hugged me and left. Dad and I aren't on talking terms, he has tried but I didn't give him a chance when he said he can't explain all this. I'm beyond angry at him but more than that I'm hurt. Still showing protest, I started walking past him and out of the room without acknowledging him.
Just as my hand reached for the doorknob, he stopped me, "Hannah, wait!"
I stopped but didn't turn around. I'm scared if I did then he'll be successful in breaking the walls around my heart once again. Usually, I'm the one to expect it, wait for it but this time I don't want that to happen. Not until he decides to be truthful with me.
He came where I was standing, held my arms, and turned me towards himself. I still kept my head down refusing to meet his eyes.
"You look beautiful, my darling," he said in a low tone "maybe more than your mom even." I can feel tears in his voice and it tugged at my heart.
"Hannah, please, look at me," his always authoritative and commanding voice sounded desperate and dejected today. A voice of a broken man.
But I didn't give in, I'm his daughter and just as stubborn as he is. I won't give in, not this time. He sighed in defeat.
"I know you're angry at me, and I deserve it. I know, I've betrayed you, your love, and your trust. And I hate myself for it more than you hate me," my heart clenched at his word, I wanted to tell him otherwise but refrained myself.
"But believe me when I say this that I'm truly very sorry." He held my hands in his, squeezing them as if convincing me to believe his words. "If I had a choice, I would've never done this to you. I never thought of you as a liability, in fact, you've always been my proud, my strength. And trust me, sweetie, contrary to what you think, I've never wanted a son because you're a perfect daughter and it kills me that I failed to make you see this. I know I've never been a father that you deserved but don't ever doubt that it was because of you. You're my pride, Hannah, my greatest possession." The sincerity in his words tugged at my heart. I want to believe him but I'm afraid.
"I know it's a lot to ask and selfish of me but can you find it in your heart to forgive me this last time like you've done your whole life..." his strong façade broke at that and he cried like I've never seen him.
"... for the last time, Hannah," he whispered almost inaudibly. My hands automatically gripped his, tightly, unable to see my father break down in front of me, begging for my forgiveness. His last words hit me differently, I don't know why but they did. I finally looked up at him, my left hand held his right hand and my right hand wiped his cheeks.
"I'll forgive you, dad," I started talking while doing my best to hold my tears back, "I'll marry him or anyone, without a second thought. I'll never complain or blame you for it, but just please, just once tell me why did you do it?" despite the agony I am in right now, I refused to cry. I have to stay strong, it's my right to know why my life suddenly has no value. I can't go weak now.
I kept looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to open up to me, but he never did. Instead, he just bowed his head, refusing to look me in the eye, a little whisper left his mouth, "I can't."
And I got my answer then and there and decided that he'll never hear back from me again after today. I've had enough.
"Then I'm sorry, dad," he looked up at me again when I let go of my grip on his hands, my voice completely devoid of emotions and no traces of tears left in my eyes, 'but you can't have it both ways.'
With that, I left the room with astonishment clearly written all over him. I guess, he can see that too that he's finally lost me, forever. At that moment, I decided that this is the last time I've cried because of him, the last time he's messed up with my life.
Not anymore.
...............
We finally reached the church where I'm supposed to marry the man, I know nothing about except for his name. And similarly, he doesn't either.
A wedding might not be the right word for it. It's more likely a fulfillment of a contract, a business deal where the terms for success are null. A partnership that's bound to be a failure, you know it yet you have to let yourself drown. Yes, this is what it is.
We reach the entrance of the church, with the beginning of the bridal march, I felt an extreme level of adrenalin rush in my body, and I felt scared to take a step further. All the energy drained out of my body, just one more step forward and I'll lose it before making it to the end of the aisle. My heart was about to jump out of my body when dad's hand on my shoulder snapped me back to the moment, I gasped suddenly feeling suffocated, my breathing heavier than usual.
"Are you okay, Hannah?" his voice was laced with evident concern. Though I'm not his biggest fan at the moment, somehow him being right by my side brought me peace and something else... assurance, maybe?
I took a deep breath and nodded as I took his arm to walk me down the aisle. As I started walking with him, I looked around me with anticipation.
It's a small church and the guestlist for the wedding is also very small, so small that you can count the number of people on your fingers. Some of the familiar faces brought relief and the rest of the unknown ones reminded me of all the reasons why what's happening is not normal. I also noticed the little floral decoration that's been made just for this wedding, and I have to admit that it's beautiful. It's not too much, but it's just... perfect.
But it all got blurred the moment my eyes landed on someone standing in front. A man standing near the altar, waiting... waiting for me. Our eyes met and for a minute it felt like the whole world has vanished, suddenly it was just him and me. A man who'll soon be my husband, a man whose name will be joined to mine in some minutes. My heart skipped a beat as I took in all of his presence. He stood there proudly, an aura of arrogance around him making him superior to all the others present there. His Armani suit hugging his body in all the right places, just perfectly.
In my past few meetings, two to be précised, I didn't feel attracted to him at all. But...
Liar, liar, pants on fire. You were drooling over him the moment you saw him; my inner voice was quick to point out. Yeah, that was just for the moment until he hadn't opened his mouth and it all went south. I had to defend myself, from me.
... but today it felt like he was a hero straight out of a fairy tale. His black short hair was styled in the most flawless way possible, not a single strand was out of order. Despite all this, it was still his light brown eyes that captivates the entire room, they were as cold as I've always seen them, maybe even colder than that, but today there was something else, too. An intensity that reached deep in my soul and my whole body shivered with its power, yet I didn't break the eye contact, more like I can't.
I've always known that I'm not someone you can call a beauty. I'm not ugly but not exactly attractive up to other's standards, and I've never been bothered by it, in fact, I'm extremely happy with the way God has made me. Yet today as I gazed in this Greek god's eye, I can't help but feel conscious of myself that maybe I'm not good enough for him.
Oh, shut up! You are absolutely gorgeous inside out, and especially today as Mila has gone to greater lengths to make you look like a girl... I mean bride.
Do you ever get a feeling to kill your inner self for being so damn honest? Because that's exactly how I'm feeling right now. And if Mila heard me saying this then she'll be the one to kill me for even thinking this way, and especially today after she's spent almost two hours on me. Though I have to agree, she really has done wonders on me today but I don't exactly feel like myself, makeup can be deceptive, people. But damn, I feel pretty!
My heartbeat increased with every step I took towards him. I know he's an arrogant jerk, who thinks he's above everyone that no one can reach him, but as I walked towards him, a ray of hope lit inside me that maybe I can cover this distance, and reach him. Not only to the end of the aisle but really him.
Maybe, being Mrs. Hannah Anne Norman won't be as bad as I think.
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An author's note after long seems fine, doesn't it?
well, nothing much to say here other than to thank the few readers who spend their precious time reading this story and a big hug to all those who liked it. Your appreciation means the world to me, and it motivates me to write with passion and more frequently.
YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!!!!!!!!!
It would mean so much more to me if you'd also give your feedback via comments, just so I know which parts you liked, loved, or where I could've done better.
Nevertheless, I'll happily take whatever you offer and will hope that you share it with your friends, too.
Is it too much to ask?? Nah, I hope not.
And, from onwards it'll be the official beginning of Elijah and Hannah's story, so tighten your seatbelts because it'll be a hell of a ride!!!!!
Like, share, and comment!!!!!
Kisses,
Yours insanely :*