Song: 'All of the above' by T Carter
I could see it in your eyes
From the moment we first met
There was something different about you
I couldn't see myself without you
Now I know what it is
That makes me love you like I do
It's all that I've been longing for
I don't have to look for it anymore
You give me something to believe in
A hope that I can build on
A trust and a devotion
I'm caught up in emotion...
Will I walk beside you
Will I give my heart away
Will I hold you in my arms at night
Will I bow my head and pray
Will I promise to be faithful
Will I do this every single day
Will I be there to protect you
Will I keep the vow I've made
Will I give you all of my love
I say yes...to all of the above...
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ELIJAH'S POV
Life is unpredictable.
It has some not so humble ways to remind you that you don't control it.
It controls you.
It has made me stand in a place where I swore to myself four years ago that I'll never set a foot, again.
A church altar.
I promised myself I'll never be in this position, ever again.
Where I wait for someone... for marriage.
Yet, here I am, standing in a small church, about to marry the girl I hate.
Waiting...
What a weird word it is.
We wait for different things in life, some of them we thrive for and some of them we just want to get done with. It's not easy in both the cases, it's an anticipation that can excite you for what you've desired will finally be yours, or it can be depressive as you know something unwanted, but inevitable is coming.
But what if you're waiting for someone?
What if your anticipation turns into a never-ending longing?
You await someone on the other side of the aisle, unable to hold yourself as the excitement of finally having them with you forever surge through you, unexplainable happiness that's worth the wait, and yet they don't come... they'll never come.
What if the only person you ever wanted to be with, stood you up and leave you all on your own for the rest of your life as the darkness consumes you whole? Wrecked and vulnerable without them by your side for as long as you live.
Have you ever loved someone so much that even though, you know they'll never be with you again, still every inch of you craves for them, wishes for them? Just what you won't give to hold them one last time, or to just say goodbye... if only you knew.
I have.
The last time life took the reins from my hands, it turned upside down. The bitter flashbacks made their way to my mind, and I clenched my fists and closed my eyes, still unable to deal with the pain they cause. I closed my eyes as pitch-black darkness engulfed me as the scene of that dreadful day four years ago played in front of my eyes and shook my entity to its core and I shivered. I opened my eyes with a gasp as I breathed heavily as if my whole body was on fire. I took deep breaths and tried to calm myself, ignoring all the emotions.
Unlike four years ago as I waited with excitement, today was completely different. Today I waited to get done with the unwanted and inevitable, not only that but after a long time, I was forced into something I can't ever accept. All the darkness in me turned into unfathomable anger as I made a promise to myself.
Last time I couldn't do anything, I was helpless, but not this time. It might not look like that right now but this time I'm the one in charge. Hannah Evans, you just dug your own grave. You think you've won but you'll be begging for mercy as I'll break you in ways you can't even imagine. If money is all you wanted then, money is all you'll get. I make you regret the day you met me.
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As I've mentioned before, one of the things that I could never stand is unpunctuality, and it intensified even more after that dreadful day. I've learned not to wait for people as it showcases my lack over the situation, this is something I dislike and doesn't tolerate.
I know I can't blame that gold digger right now for being late, as I'm early, but in the next two minutes, I can.
It's not like I'm eager to marry her but I'd rather get done with it than prolonging it. And I really need a distraction before the disturbing memories consume me whole.
Despite all my efforts of not getting swallowed in the hellhole of past memories, I feel like someone is clutching my heart, rendering me breathless.
I'm not the one to back out of anything but I don't think I can do it; this is suffocating me. I can't do this to myself, I don't want to be with someone even if my main purpose is revenge. How did I end up in such a situation, why did I agree to it in the first place? I can't do this to myself, to her. What was I thinking, huh?
I need to get away from here, right now!
Just a minute or so was left, I was about to take a step to get the hell out of this place, my left hand on its way to loosen the tie when the bridal march started playing, and I halted in my steps. I've been standing here for the past 20 minutes, yet I was breathless like I've just run a marathon.
My eyes burned with anger as resentment took over me and an unnoticeable tremble went through my body. My inside is a burning turmoil, the chaos that'll ruin everything in me. I can feel myself breathing heavily as cold sweat started appearing over my forehead with anxiety, numbing all my senses.
I know what's happening, I've seen these signs before.
It's a panic attack!!!
I haven't had one for almost a year, eleven months to be précised. I need to get away from here, no one knows about it and no one can know about it now either.
I clenched my fists open and close as I tried to breath slowly, and once again was about to take a step to leave when I saw her enter.
And I stopped dead in my track.
My mind went blank off all the previous thoughts, and my whole focus shifted to the girl that's walking down towards me with her hand wrapped around her father's arm.
I didn't realize that my breathing has gone back to normal as I looked at her more and more and forgot to take my eyes off of her. I don't know how I got distracted by her in merely some seconds, but I have. It wasn't intentional but it's like my eyes have a mind of their own, like my mind has a mind of its own.
Today she looked... different, different from both past encounters I've had with her. As I took all of her appearance in, my mind screamed only one thing...
NOT AVERAGE AT ALL!!!
Dressed in a simple yet elegant bridal gown, she looked so beautiful and innocent, just like a princess... so pure. Her dress wasn't revealing or seductive, yet it was alluring. Her shoulder-length hair was tied in a sophisticated bun, her previously bare face had just a hint a minimal make-up today giving her a mature look, but still unable to hide her childlikeness.
There were so many emotions on her face like she's an open book. Her eyes wandered around the place observing everything in sight, as mine observed her.
You can tell she was nervous by the way she was looking at the people present and looking relieved at the same time as she saw the people she knew. You can see appreciation in her eyes as they roamed around the church decoration, pure and graceful, just like her.
Nevertheless, it's always that hazel green orbs of hers that unknowingly bind me. There's something in them that I get stuck in them, but today her eyes held an evident sadness and hurt, which were masked as if she's used to it, yet for some reason, I can see right through them. Anticipation and worry as to what the future holds. It's like she herself is unsure as to what to feel. Her eyes lacked happiness, it's not the gaze of someone who just won. Far from it.
I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn't realize the panic attack I was having moments ago has subsided the moment I saw her, her presence has unknowingly calmed me down.
My heart ragged once again but for a completely different reason this time, as her eye met mine, and I felt like the world around me has stopped. Her hazel green orbs which felt colorless before, now sparkled as they clashed mine, captivating me in their endless depth. Her eyes held prominent admiration as they gazed all over me, but this time it was different from all the other times I've been gazed at by other women, they felt deeper than dark pits of a deep ocean.
Thousands of unspoken thoughts running through our eyes, but for some reason, I was sure we were heard and understood... by each other. At that moment, everything ceased to exist, every voice went silent, every person has vanished suddenly like it's just the two of us in the world, nothing else.
As she kept walking towards me, there was only one emotion that got more and more clearer with every step.
Hope.
A ray of hope so powerful that it took over the hesitation in her, each step more confident than the previous, not a spec of nervousness or uncertainty left in her. At that moment, she felt so dangerous, like she can see right through me and read my every thought, like she has the ability to bend me, to break me, melt the ice I've always had around me.
Right then and there I felt like she can reach me and shatter all my defenses without me putting up a fight.
I've never experienced these emotions before, these feelings that someone has the ability over me and I'm okay with it.
Like I've surrendered before her already.
Something that even she couldn't do.
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Hey, hey, heyyyyy people!!
Hope you enjoyed this full of Elijah chapter. It's full of chaos but that's what Elijah is all about, for now.
Stay tuned for the next updates as there's so much more to happen. Something to make you feel things, just like our hero.
Our queen Hannah has everyone under her spell, including us.
Do tell me by liking and commenting on how you liked this chapter.
Xoxo