Chapter 53: Chapter 51

Song: ‘Starving’ by Hailee Steinfeld, Grey Ft. Zedd

You know just what to say, things that scare me

I should just walk away, but I can't move my feet

The more that I know you, the more that I want to

Something inside me's changed

I was so much younger yesterday

I didn't know that I was starving till I tasted you

Don't need no butterflies when you give me the whole damn zoo

By the way, right away, you do things to my body

I didn't know that I was starving till I tasted you

...................................................................

HANNAH’S POV

“I swear to God, Hannah, if you touch your lips just one more time,” Mila warned me.

It’s true since yesterday night it’s all I’ve been doing. I can’t stop touching my lips.

Just the thought of that kiss and my lips start tingling.

So what if that’s all I’ve been thinking about?

And why not, it was one hell of a kiss.

Now, I don’t have a lot of experience in this regard but boy, I can still tell nothing will surpass this kiss ever.

Really, Hannah! Isn’t that a little too exaggerated? And the two kisses, one of which you got in elementary school and the other in high school as a bet don’t count.

Still, I’m not going to lie, the man is one hell of a kisser!

The way his lips felt on mine, the passion with which they moved, so soft yet so demanding. The possession with which he held me. I never knew I was capable of feeling things that I felt in those moments. And never in my wildest dream did I think he’d be the one to make me feel all that.

So fragile, so amazing, so magical.

I was also surprised by the way my whole being reacted to his closeness.

Yes, I was shocked at first but there was not one spec of resistance in my body, like it was all I ever wanted or even starved for.

There were no second thoughts or guilt, neither before nor after. It just came so naturally to, I guess, both of us.

All the while our lips were moving in sync wanting more and more of each other, perhaps this is why none of us wanted to let go of either. I don’t know for how long we kissed because it felt like seconds but it was anything but that. But I know for a fact that it was quite a while.

“Hannah?” I heard Mila calling my name.

Hannah…

He called me by name, for the first time. I don’t know if it was because of the heat of the moment or the way he said it but it sounded so sensual, enough to take my breath away. It made me moan… he made me moan, out of need out of want.

I never knew my body was capable of reacting the way I did. There was something about his touch or just something about him, I don’t know. All I know is it left me wanting more.

But once we snapped out of it and got back to our senses it was then that I realized what happened. But I didn’t get a lot of time to dwell on that as what he said or rather did after left me more confused.

I thought, for the first time since I’ve known him that he smiled.

Did he smile?

I don’t know, I can’t say for sure because I didn’t see him but when his lips made contact with my ear brushing slightly over it I thought my soul might leave my body from the sensation of it, I thought his lips stretched up in a smile teasing me with every movement he made.

Was he teasing me? I guess. I’m not too sure.

But it’s what he said after that left me puzzled.

Did he mean what he said?

If not, then why?

But if he did, then is it a good thing or bad?

And most importantly, why am I dwelling on it so much?

No matter how good it was, still, it was just a kiss.

It changes nothing!

Oh but it does, it changes everything! You haven’t stopped thinking about it ever since.

It’s true, I can’t deny it. Even if I do, I’ll be lying to myself.

Just thinking about it makes me…

“No need to get horny right now, Hannah,” as usual, it was Mila who interrupted my thought process. But today I’m thankful to her, her thoughts aren’t exactly holy.

“Eww, what are you talking about?” I looked away on the other side and took a sip of my cold coffee.

“Your face says exactly what I’m talking about,” she called me out, “hiding your face won’t hide away the fact that you’re getting wet thinking about him!” I chocked.

“What the fuck, Miles, that’s not true. I wasn’t thinking ab…” she cut me off again.

“Been there done that, don’t forget you’re new to this, I’m not, Virgin Mary”

“That’s so uncalled for,” I paused for a few seconds, “is this why you called me out to meet this early on Saturday disrupting my peaceful sleep?” I won’t take her humiliation so I changed the topic.

“We both know you didn’t get a spec of sleep so don’t try to change the topic. Also, don’t forget it was you who called me like you’ve died or something!”

It’s true, I called her in such hysteria that I don’t know how long I’ve rambled on. While I panicked, she screamed in excitement saying that we’d finally come to our senses and she knew we were meant to be together. Such a hopeless romantic she is. Even today when she saw me she pounced on me like I’ve won a Nobel prize or something. But I guess, now after three hours, she’s also had enough of it.

“No need to go into so much detail,” I said sheepishly.

“Anyway,” she looked at her cell phone then looked around, “there’s a reason I called you here.” She smiled wiggling her eyes, “Someone’s here to meet you! Guess who?”

“Who?” I asked. Who could it be?

I thought for a while when an image of a certain someone popped into my head and my eyes went wide and my heartbeat fastened.

It can’t be him, can it?

“No, it’s not him, you idiot, for God’s sake,” Oops!

What was I thinking, why was I thinking about him? Urgh.

“I’m loving it, God, you’re acting like a teenager who just had her first kiss and now can’t stop blushing thinking this is her happy ever after. And in your case, it’s true!” she squeaked with happiness.

“Just shut up, it’s not a big deal, there’s nothing like that going on,” I acted unbothered knowing very well that she won’t buy it, “anyways, who’s coming?” I asked diverting my attention completely.

“Whoever is coming,” she peaked around again, “is running a little late,” she clenched her teeth.

“Miles, I’m hungry, can we at least order now? I’m starving!” I genuinely am, it’s 1 o'clock already and I still haven’t had my breakfast.

“But you’re always starving, little sister,” I heard someone say from behind me. I smiled knowingly.

It’s a voice I know too well that I don’t need to turn around to see who it is.

“NICK!” screamingly, I got up from my chair and jumped to hug him. He too tightened his arms around me.

I never knew seeing this idiot would make me this happy.

“Now, get off me, no need to create a scene,” that’s when I looked around to see other people in the restaurant looking at us.

Ah, who cares, they can look all they want to. These are the friends in front of whom I can be myself without holding back.

“Did you like the surprise, Hannah?” Jay asked as he hugged me.

“Surprise and him, yuck,” I teased as we sat down.

“Aww, Hans, I can tell you missed me,” he ruffled my hair.

“And why on earth would I do that?”

“Because you told me yourself” Oh, the smugness.

But he’s right, I missed him so much.

“Whatever, Ioser” I rolled my eyes but smiled anyway.

We ordered food and talked about anything and everything. Nick told us about his two month business trip to Germany. I feel so proud of him for his accomplishments and how dedicated he is to his work. He looks more mature now, not like the Nick I’ve known him to be all my life. This Nick is responsible.

My boy is all grown up.

Actually, in a matter of months, we all have. Our lives have changed so much that growing up was the only option.

But in moments like these, I don’t feel like anything changed one bit. When we’re together we’re exactly the same we’ve been all along, childish, happy, and most importantly, dependent on each other.

These people are my happy place.

We spent the rest of the day together, went to our all-time favorite arcade center, spent the whole day acting like fools, and ate all junk, just like old times.

After a long time I’ve had so much fun. It can’t get better than that.

Our day ended with tired feet but happy hearts. Mila and Jay left for their place while Nick had to drop me home.

“For God’s sake, Hannah, learn to drive,” Nick complained as usual about me not knowing how to drive.

“I don’t want to,” I said as I leaned on the headrest of the passenger seat.

“I’m not your chauffeur,” he rolled his eyes at my laziness.

“Yeah, you are, you’ve been one all my life,”

“Not anymore, now you must have an actual one.”

“Nope,” I shrugged.

“You can’t be serious, you don’t have your personal driver?” he looked at me in confusion, I shook my head, “So, then, how do you commute now?”

“Like I did before when you didn’t drive me around, through Uber” I stated facts.

“And Elijah is okay with it?”

“Should be, I don’t know” I shrugged once again.

“What do you mean, he doesn’t have a problem with how his wife commutes?” he was shocked.

“I don’t think he knows how I commute and even if he did it wouldn’t have made a difference either,” I closed my eyes with the exhaustion of a hectic day and of the situation of my life in general.

Sure, we shared a moment that even a slight thought of it makes my heart race but I know that it didn’t mean anything to him, and if I’m being honest, neither did it mean anything to me. As I said earlier, it changes nothing and I don’t think we want change now, we’re set in our ways. Yeah, the occasional hurt is there but that’s all it’ll ever be.

And frankly, I don’t want it to be anything else and the thought of it scares me.

Despite what everyone thinks, this is not forever.

“Are you serious, what are you talking about?”

“Huh,” I took a long sigh, “it’s complicated, Nick,” it really is.

Neither of us said anything for a while.

“You know right that I’m not angry at you anymore?” his statement evoked a faint smile from me, so I opened my tired eyes and looked at him.

“Were you angry at me, I didn’t notice,” I teased a little.

“When I received your text, I knew you’re not okay,” he paused, “now, I have my guesses because this whole marriage plan was a shit show to begin with, I can only imagine what it’ll be now considering his reputation and knowing you too well but I can’t help out unless I know everything.” I remember before all this I used to hate getting these big brother talks from him and to be honest he was annoying as fuck back then, but now I can’t be more thankful to God for him, “you can tell me anything right?” his voice was sincere.

“I know, but not today. And don’t worry, it’s not as bad as you think, in fact, it’s much better,” I lied knowing he wouldn’t buy it.

I can’t tell him anything because I don’t want to burden him and because I know he’s not the one to stay quiet and do nothing. I know for a fact that he’ll do something drastic when he gets to know how ugly things are, it won’t help anyone but it’ll ruin and complicate things more than they already are. Only Mila knows and I’ve made her promise on my life that she won’t tell anyone, not even Jay. I know she won’t, I can trust her.

And also, he’s in a new phase of his life too, he needs to focus on that and not be thinking about how fucked up his little sister’s life is, it’s not fair to him.

“Take your time, just be careful before it’s too late,”

“Anyways, enough about me, now, tell me how you are doing, or rather, who are you doing?” oh boy, I am going to regret this.

“Ah, now we’re talking,” he gave me his famous mischievous smile that tells me exactly what I’m in for, “did you know that German girls are much better than American girls in every sense?” he winked

“Eww, I don’t and I’m not interested in knowing either. But something tells me you’re going to tell me anyway.” I shook my head at myself.

“Damn right I am,” he wiggled his eyebrows and started to give a very graphic description of what his two month business trip comprised of, apart from business that is.

“You know what, you need a nice girl and be in a serious relationship, Nickie boy, this excitement won’t last forever."

“Really, Hannah, relationship advice from you? I don’t think so.”

“Ouch, that’s so low of you,” what an asshole.

“Hey, come on, now don’t be so grim and shallow, Hans,” he cooed, “just because your life sucks doesn’t mean we can’t joke about it,”

“Damn right, you can’t, asshole” I fake scoffed fighting a smile off of my face.

“Aww, married Hannah is no fun, so boring,” he pouted, “hey, let’s get you divorced, maybe that’ll bring your humor back.”

“Hmm, now that I think about it, what a great idea. You’re a genius, Nick,” I pretended to be serious, “but you know what, I have a better idea,” I turned towards him completely and sat cross-legged, “How about we kill him? I mean, being a widow is better than being divorced, I can get all his money that way”

“Oh, the devotion of a wife, how you amaze me, Hans,” he said sarcastically.

That’s how the rest of our journey went. We made fun of our lives, and our situations, laughed at ourselves, and just in general.

Only when we reached outside my home did we collect ourselves, both our faces were red and our stomachs ached with laughter.

“Thanks, Nick,” I hugged him, “I needed it, you know, I appreciate what you were trying to do,”

“Ooh, are you going to cry, Hannah Banana?” he laughed hugging me back.

“You’re such a jerk!” I smacked his arm and got out of the car, before he could drive away, I called him, “Hey, Nick!”

“Yeah,”

“I missed you,” I said with a genuine smile.

“I know,” and he drove away.