Song: Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) by Kelly Clarkson
You know the bed feels warmer
Sleeping here alone (sleeping here alone)
You know I dream in color
And do the things I want (I do the things I want)
You think you got the best of me
Think you've had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down
Think that I'll come running back
Baby, you don't know me, 'cause you're dead wrong
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HANNAH'S POV
"In my office, Hannah. Now."
I was chewing on my drawing pencil when Margaret called me in her office.
I got curious looks from all around the room, I shrugged in response because I had no idea why have I been summoned.
This is the second last day of our three-month internship program, which I joined two weeks later than everybody else because of the obvious reason, so often we're sad but competitive at the same time. Our performances will be reviewed and two of us out of six will be offered full-time positions, from there onwards we'll be working with different managers and teams.
I don't know where I stand in all this since I joined later. I've been meaning to ask her whether I'll have to stay back and catch up on those two weeks or I'll be assessed with everyone else.
Maybe, now is the time to ask her.
So I went to her office and knocked on her door.
"Come in," I entered, "please sit down."
"Everything's okay?" I intrigued.
"How's work going?"
"Good?" I said skeptically not knowing what to say exactly.
"Alright," she leaned back on the chair, her sharp eyes scrutinizing me, "how was your experience of working here? Be honest," I wonder where she's getting at.
"Okay, if I have to be honest," I put my hands together and decided to do just that, "well, it was tough and super hectic."
"As it should be." She interjected.
"Of course. But at the same time, it was challenging and creative and I learned a lot. I got to explore my passion as a professional. Got a hang of a few things, how business giants work, how the market trends are analyzed, and how thinking out of the box and being as imaginative as possible is the only way to achieve exclusivity," I said what I felt in this tenure.
"Hmm, is out-of-the-box imagination enough to execute the exclusivity? How would you translate it through your design?" Am I being interviewed?
"Not at all but it is the first step to achieve it. In our field of work, imagination, and reality go hand in hand, if the imagination can't be translated into an accomplished design then it's a waste. But there has to be a certain risk factor in that and being a pioneer I think we're more than willing not only to take that risk but also make it work."
"You don't think budgeting is a very big factor? After all, we can't overlook the finances."
"Sure, we can't but if the design has potential and checks all the boxes to be a hit I think no one would mind expanding the budget, and of course, we can always make amendments in execution by prioritizing what's really needed to make it cost-effective." I know all this because I remember Mom and Dad having these conversations. Dad was always the one handling the finances whereas mom was the in-charge of design. Since we had a small business, I was always around to absorb it all. My parents would make sure to include me in their work so I wouldn't feel left out as they worked in their busy schedules. That is what started me, designing became my happy place, and it's a reminder of my well-loved childhood.
Except after Mom's death, it all changed. Dad shifted all his work back into the office, he'd rarely come home, so obviously, that put a stop to it and all the love I got before that. Nonetheless, the seed they sowed in me kept growing on its own, I never stopped my creative journey, it makes me feel connected to Mom. I hope that one day I'll excel at it just like Mom did and make her proud of me.
"You learned all that in these few months?" she asked in surprise.
"Oh no, we have our ow...," shit, no one's supposed to know this, "my mom is an interior designer. Was," her eyes soften a little.
"I'm so sorry for your loss," she condoled.
"Thanks," I smiled with sadness.
"I'm sure she must be proud of you for taking her legacy forward."
"I sure try." I shrugged not knowing what to say ever.
"You're good, Hannah," she said with seriousness this time, "when Elijah brought you here that day, I knew instantly that you had something in you. At times you must've felt I was much harsher on you than I was on others but I really wanted to test your potential and I'm glad that you didn't disappoint but proved yourself. It's hard to see the passion that you have nowadays, people have become either money-driven or status-conscious and have lost the real essence of their work but now I know where your drive comes from. Never let go of that."
I sat there dumbfounded, doubting whether what I was hearing was real and not a dream. Margaret is praising me.
THE MARGARET APPROVES OF ME.
It sounds surreal. I've worked so hard for it, to prove myself to others that I'm not an idiot, not a brat. I've made it here on my own. It's the validation that I wanted from my father, I've spent all my life chasing it. Now that I've achieved it, I don't know how to react.
All my colleagues would look down on me or show fake sympathy when Margaret would be so hard on me, just like Elijah they too thought I was here because of our family ties and not because I deserved it.
"Thanks, Margaret," I gulped, "it means a lot," the words are just somehow stuck in my throat.
"Do you know why I am telling you all this?" I think I do. I'll finally be a part of the project because I've proven myself.
"I guess," I said trying to stay humble but bursting with pride inside. Besides, let her declare my victory.
Oh, I wish Elijah was here to hear this, he would've burned down to the ground. Now, I try to be a good person but I'm happier to see his defeat than my victory. If that makes me a bad person, so be it.
Asshole has been away on the project site for almost a week. I don't know when he'll be back because he didn't tell me before going either, I heard it through office gossip and later Andy confirmed it.
Being home with him isn't awkward at all, well, he comes home after I go to bed and leaves before I wake up so it's mostly Dodi and I together.
I am thankful to him for bringing his dog to the house, he makes it less lonely.
He's a goofball. I love how expressive he is and how he enjoys my presence and attention so unlike his owner.
Anyways, he's not here so I can't rub it in his face but boy am I awaiting his return.
"I don't think you do," she straightened back up again, I frowned at what it could be, "You know next week we have interviews for the permanent positions?"
"Yeah, what about them?" I asked as my eyebrows clenched in confusion.
"I'm afraid I can't let you be a part of that," what?
"Pardon me?" that's all my mind was able to let out.
"Don't get me wrong, Hannah, you're an exceptional talent and trust me you have a very bright future ahead but unfortunately, it can't be here. I'm sorry, I hope you understand."
Understand what?
Oh, it can't be happening right now.
What did I do this time?
Did I celebrate too soon?
I stayed quiet for a while not having the right set of words to ask and save my self-respect at the same time.
"Can I ask why?"
"Trust me, if it were up to me, I would've loved to have you on my time but this time it's not," I sensed a tone of sympathy in her voice.
"What do you mean it's not in your hands, aren't you the one who conducts these interviews?" I questioned back finding it hard to grip this rejection.
Fuck self-respect, I deserve to know.
"Usually I'm the one to do it but this time Elijah wanted to do it. I didn't want you to be taken by surprise and doubt your credibility but I believe he won't let you in on his team," of course. He'll do anything in his power to destroy me and my career.
What did I expect from him, to play fair?
I'm such an idiot, how did I fall into this trap?
"I understand now, thank you for the heads up," I gave her a forced smile, "I'll be out of here before Monday, I'll go ahead and pack up my stuff," I looked down unable to meet her eyes any longer.
I guess I underestimated him or probably overestimated myself that I could stand up to him in his own company and prove my worth.
You can never be worthy, Hannah.
I'd rather let some stranger run my business than my undeserving daughter.
Dad's words from that night once again echoed loud and clear in my ears reminding me once again how insignificant I am for people. First, it was Dad who decided my future now it's in Elijah's hands to play with.
"Hannah," Margaret called when she saw me zoned out, "if you don't mind me asking, what's the deal with you and him?"
The deal between us is that he keeps fucking up with me and I can't do anything about it so I'm screwed for life.
"There is none," I snickered.
"There definitely is, he's not a normal guy but this is the weirdest I have seen him act. Something is not right, it's unlike him."
"How can I tell what's wrong," I shrugged, "I should get going," I got up to leave.
"Good luck, Hannah, if you need my help, I'd be happy to refer you," she shook my hand and I left her office.
I was on my way back to my desk when Margaret called my name.
"Hannah, wait!" she shouted from her chair across the hallway, I stopped to see everyone's attention on me.
Urgh, that's just great, now I'll be the talk of the town as if I haven't had my fair share of office gossip already.
She talked on the phone to someone while I stood in the middle of the studio a little further from her office door not knowing what to do.
She put the receiver down and signaled me to come back inside again and so I did.
"Fuck it and fuck me before I let this happen. Well, I'll be damned if I'll let a man's ego ruin a woman's career. God knows we already have way too much of that."
"Everything's okay?"
"Would you like to be my assistant?" I looked at her with an open mouth in disbelief.
"What?" am I hearing her right or have I finally gone crazy?
"Yes or no?"
"Yes, of course, I'd love to, bu..." I smiled ear to ear finding the whole situation to be surreal.
"Are you sure? Take a few minutes to think it through, there would be no going back from here,"
"I'm very sure, I'll be a dream come true," I am so out of words, I still don't know if my brain can comprehend what's going on or not.
"O perhaps a nightmare." She warned, "Alright then, your life is mine now, say goodbye to your life outside this office. Tomorrow is your first day of being my assistant. Welcome on board, I'm going to eat you alive," I know she's joking but I also know she's not, she will eat me alive.
"Thank you very much, I'm ready. It'll be my pleasure to be eaten by you," I realized how bad my joke was because she didn't laugh.
"I'm taking a big step here in trusting you and practically going against my boss and his orders. Don't disappoint me, alright?"
"I will not, I promise, I'll give my 200% to it. You don't know how much this means to me. You won't regret this," my eyes teared up a little as I realized that this was the first time someone is choosing me against all odds.
The validation I've craved for all my life.
"You know who was the last person I mentored personally?" I shook my head in negative, "Elijah. You both are so similar to each other yet so different," my smile vanished at the mention of his name as my mood became sour, "I don't know what differences you both have but I suggest you sort them out because you'll be closely working with him from now on,"
"If you don't mind me asking, why you are doing this for me, won't you get in trouble for this?"
"I know when it's worth the risk, Hannah, some people are worth fighting for. I'm very loyal to my work, seeing someone being wronged is against my principles, if I can't uplift the deserving then there's no point of my position and authority," I felt so proud in that moment to be around her, this is what I aspire to be one day. Dude, she's goals, "And more than that it is pregnancy hormones, mommy's brain is making me too emotional," she pointed at her five-month pregnant belly.
"You're a very nice person, Margaret. Thanks again," I said with all sincerity.
"I'm really not, think of yourself as my minion now," I laughed at her deadpan sarcasm, she's such a vibe, "Now leave before I change my mind."
"Can I give you a hug?" I took my chance, too overwhelmed with emotions.
"Of course not, weirdo."
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Author's Note:
Took a little longer to upload than I anticipated but well here I am back again shamelessly.
How you all will like this chapter?
We all need a Margaret or two in our careers, and in our lives, setting a fine example of being boss ladies and uplifting all at once.
Unfortunately, humanity has lost such people of compassion who want others to succeed to unhealthy competition, jealousy, and selfishness.
This chapter is very close to my heart and it is an homage to all the women or men having our back and fighting our battles.
And a special thank you to all of you for showing me your support through likes and comments even when I'm so inconsistent. I love you all so much.
Much love.