Chapter 88: Chapter 83

Song: 'Hot And Cold' by Katy Perry

You change your mind

Like a girl changes clothes

Yeah, you PMS like a bitch

I would know

And you overthink

Always speak cryptically

I should know

That you're no good for me

'Cause you're hot then you're cold

You're yes then you're no

You're in then you're out

You're up then you're down

You're wrong when it's right

It's black and it's white

We fight, we break up

We kiss, we make up

you don't really want to stay, no

(You) but you don't really want to go

You're hot then you're cold

You're yes then you're no

You're in then you're out

You're up then you're down

........................................................................

HANNAH’S POV:

“I’ll just go and freshen up,” Elijah abruptly excused himself as soon as we walked inside the house.

Weird.

Well, I need to shower too; I have sand all over me. Well, you know why.

I’ll be taking a hot bath, but in reality, what I need is a cold shower because of how ignited my body is right now.

Heat once again rose to my cheeks just thinking about what happened a few minutes ago.

Just when I thought his kiss couldn’t top the previous one, he goes ahead and sets a new standard, EVERY FUCKING TIME.

He can LITERALLY take my breath away.

And he didn’t kiss me this time. It was I jumping his bones, LITERALLY.

And boy, would it have been embarrassing if he didn’t reciprocate. He did give me a scare, though.

But this time we didn’t only kiss; we did a lot more than that. Of course, that is when he took over expertly.

I never knew I was capable of doing all this or making those sounds that left my body like second nature.

Well, it’s more of a credit to him and less of anything to do with me.

My smile vanished as soon as the reality started hitting me in full force.

It was never a part of my plan; actually, it was far from it.

Then how did I let it happen? What changed?

Am I becoming too weak, or is the attraction between us much stronger?

I mean, I don’t even like him.

Um, you sure, Hannah?

Yeah, yeah, I am. And this is exactly what’s bothering me.

It’s only physical between us. For him it certainly is, and so is it for me, so far.

And I’m not blaming him for this; he never forced it on me. It’s always consensual.

Not that we’ve done a lot, but things got heated up a little too much and a little too quickly, and if it wasn’t for him today, who knows?

I mean, we would’ve stopped eventually before anything serious happened, but it was a close call to something I would’ve definitely regretted later.

As I am doing now.

We’ve come a long way, far ahead of what I thought, considering how we started.

But I’m no fool.

This is exactly what I’ve feared all my life.

I don’t want to be carried away because of the sexual tension we have between us.

Oh, but you have more than that. You just cried your heart out to him and opened up about your worst trauma.

Yeah, I did.

I'm a person who struggles to show her emotions and to let people in; one can say I’m emotionally unavailable to some extent, but somehow it always comes out so naturally in front of him, whether it's through anger or hurt. With him, it's easy to get everything off of my chest.

Even Nick and Mila don’t have access to this side of mine.

I’ve cried in front of him more times than I’ve cried in front of others combined.

I’ve become a crybaby who bawls her eyes out at every inconvenience. Ugh, I hated to be that person; I still do.

Baby. That’s another problem I’m having. Hearing him call me baby turned me into a mushy mess yesterday. It’s an endearment used by people in love, dammit!

Well, that should tell you something.

It does tell me something, and that is what I’m most afraid of.

I don’t want to get used to relying on him; what would happen when he won’t be there?

Things are getting better between us, but until when?

I know he has apologized, and it wasn’t because he’s on a mission to stop me from resigning; I know that much. I can see a genuine change in him.

But it’s not about him; it never was. It’s about me and my choice of how I want to live my life.

Pain-free!

This marriage was just a hiccup on the way, but it’s not a forever thing.

One day I have to leave, and I would like to walk away from it without any romantic or emotional attachment as I intended all along.

I don’t want something that’s only temporary and will only end up hurting me, no matter how enticing it is.

And it shouldn’t be that hard; I’ve resisted this temptation all my life. What’s a few more months? It’ll be a piece of cake for me.

There’s a difference, honey; before you didn’t have a temptation to begin with. Now that you’ve had a taste of it, I’m not sure how strong your claims are.

As for him, he’ll never be short of options; he has far too many, and better ones to choose from.

Like a film, the images of him and Eva from our wedding night and all the other times I’ve seen them together moved in my head. And the endless images of him with different celebrities, heavenly women, I must add, soon followed suit.

I can never compete with those women, nor do I want to. I don’t want to be a part of those options for him.

I don’t need that kind of rejection on me.

………………………………………………..........

We left for New York earlier than we initially planned because, for some reason, Elijah changed the schedule from late afternoon to morning.

I know he noticed my reservation, but he didn’t say anything.

It could be because we were working throughout the flight, or maybe he was just giving me space; nonetheless, I was grateful for it.

So much has happened on this trip, and in every single moment, he was there for me. This week has been the most eventful one I’ve had in a while.

But I still don’t know where we stand for each other.

This trip had a purpose, and I’ve thought about it all night. And I’ve come up with a decision.

So here we are in the car on our way back home while I’m contemplating how to tell him. I stole glances at him all along, mustering up the courage to just say what I had to say and losing it every time.

Making the decision is easier; informing him is not.

“Spit it out; I can tell something is going on in your mind,” he said in a nonchalant tone, busy on his MacBook Pro.

I was in the midst of this turmoil when I heard him sigh and close his laptop. I was taken by surprise when his strong but warm hand landed on mine.

“I need to talk to you!” Jerking his hand away, I exclaimed all of a sudden and created a little distance between us to keep my head clear. He was taken aback by my reaction.

I don’t want to get distracted by the delicious sensation of his touch. It’s too overpowering, I swear.

“About time.” Am I that obvious with my expressions?

“And verbal too,” Dammit, not again. I made sure it stayed in my head this time.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” I didn’t know what to say, but he did.

“Does it bother you?” I frowned in confusion. “Me touching you,” he clarified.

No. No, it doesn’t; it feels amazing, so good that I never want it to stop, and that’s why I don’t want you to do it.

How do I say these exact same words to him without sounding crazy?

“I’ve noticed the change in your behavior after our rather intense makeout session yesterday.” Blood rushed to my cheeks; why does he have to be so upfront about it? “I’m not stupid, Hannah,” don’t I know that already? You’re way too smart for your own good. “In case you think I was taking advantage of your vulnerable state, I wasn’t.”

“Can we not talk about this, please, or better yet, forget about it?” I fidgeted with my finger, hoping he’d agree.

He didn’t.

“I don’t think it was that forgettable,” my heart skipped a beat and his gaze intensified before he spoke again, “Just get to the point, Hannah.”

“You wanted me to stay in the office, right?” I really hope he knows where I’m going with this.

“I mean, if you want to, it’s your choice.” I don’t need him to be supportive right now. I need him to read my mind like a wizard.

“Stop beating around the bush, Elijah,” I whined.

“I’m not; you are.” Uff, this expressionless sexy voice of his will kill me one day.

“Just say yes or no.”

“Yes, yes, Hannah, I want you to stay.” His eyes held honesty.

I took a deep breath.

“I’m ready to come back as long as you promise you would never lash out at me like that ever again, not in public, not in person, never. It was the worst feeling ever; it was degrading and so humiliating. It was... he cut me off before I could finish.

“I promise.” His lingering eyes held conviction and honor. “I promise,” he repeated, piercing my soul with his deep, dark eyes.

I nodded, believing him.

“Thank you.” I straightened back in my seat, still feeling perplexed. From the side of my face, I saw that he was still looking at me intently.

“But that’s not it. There’s more," just how is he so good at reading me? SMH!

“I have another condition,” I clenched my eyes shut.

Why is it so hard for me to say it? It was my decision!

I took a deep breath trying to control my racing heart.

“Can we keep our deal as it was?” I blurted out before I changed my mind.

“What do you mean?” His words sounded much darker than I wanted.

“I mean… mhm,” I felt my throat drying up, “I mean, let’s keep things only for the show between us.” My voice was so small and unsure; I don’t know if he heard it or not.

When he didn’t say anything for a while, I built up the courage and looked up at him.

Nope, he heard me.

His intense gaze darkened to the point it looked bleak; its depth seemed never-ending, luring me into its abyss. It’s intimidating, yet I can’t look away.

“So, I was right. It does bother you,” his words were frostier than Antarctica.

“I’m sorry,” I bowed my head, “But it’s the right thing to do.” Is it, though? My heart retaliated.

“Maybe it is the right thing to do,” his hardened voice echoed in the car.

Really, he’s agreed with me so easily?

Why do you sound disappointed by it, like you wanted him to dismiss the idea?

“Of course, you’d agree,” I mumbled more to myself.

“Should I not have?” His optimistic gaze drilled holes in me.

“Oh no, of course, you should’ve,” I faked enthusiasm. “I mean, it’s the best-case scenario for us, you know, look at the bright side of this.” I looked at him finally.

“And that is?” Yeah, what is the bright side of this, Hannah?

“You already have your girlfriend, Eva,” my insides snickered at her name, “and a thousand other side chi…” He raised a single eyebrow, making me shut up.

“You are certainly very concerned about my love life,” he remarked sarcastically.

“No, I’m concerned about mine,” I said under my breath.

“So that’s how you want to move forward, huh?”

“Yeah,” I admitted.

Oh, you poor thing.

“Can I ask why?” No, you may not.

“Why are you pushing it?” I said irritatingly.

“You’re deciding for both of us, and you don’t want me to ask why?” Why is he antagonized?

“To be honest, I don’t understand why you are getting so worked up,” I questioned.

“After everything, how can you even ask me that?”

“We only kissed, Elijah, it's not that big of a deal.  Let's not complicate things" I tried reasoning with myself more than with him, "And it is after everything that I’ve taken this decision.”

“Overnight?” He’s getting angry.

“I don’t know what your problem is, but it’s not my concern; my decision is final, and I don’t have to tell you my reason either.”

“Be mature, Hannah; you’re such a baby,” he exasperated.

“Ah, here you go again. I swear to God, Elijah if you call me baby one more  time..." I regretted the moment I extended my finger at him.

Because he instantly held it and twisted it behind my back making my eyes widen. It wasn’t painful or anything, but it definitely restrained my movement.

Umm, yeah, the movement of your heart.

I gasped when he pulled me closer, connecting our upper bodies in the confined space of his car’s back seat with no escape.

My breath seized, and not because of the claustrophobia.

“Or what, what would you do?” his husky tone brought a frenzy of blood rush in my veins, his dark and passionate stare rendering all my thoughts and actions.

“I... I would, umm,” I gulped, and his ravenous eyes followed the movement, resting on my neck, or rather on the piece of art he created yesterday with his artistic skills.

"Tell me you don't like it and I'll stop calling you that," I hissed with pleasure as his thumb caressed the spot ever so lightly. He licked his full lips, and as a result, I felt heat rising in my core just like it did last night. I tried clenching my legs together to make a futile attempt to help soothe my unholy nerves, but he put a stop to that when his knee connected with my lower thigh, keeping it apart as it was before.

You didn’t know you’d be spreading your legs when you got in this car on a mission, did you?

"I.., I do." My words and body both betrayed me clearing siding with him.

The adrenaline rush of the moment was so high that everything I said a few minutes ago seemed insignificant. The intoxicating influence of his proximity left me at his mercy to do whatever he pleased.

He didn’t need to fight for dominance because I didn’t put up a defensive wall at all.

My chest heaved up and down, rubbing with his, the friction it created only adding more to the mutual heat of our bodies.

Leaning in, he closed the little distance that separated us, and on cue, I tilted my head to give him more room to explore when his face dived into the crook of my neck.

I moaned as I felt a thousand fireflies lit up inside me all at once when he softly kissed his mark on my neck.

“I don’t think you meant any of that.” Stroking my cheek, he looked up at my flushed state, a look of unknown satisfaction present in his eyes, “… baby.” He whispered confidently, sending a shiver down my spine. My lips parted on their own, desperately waiting for him to close the gap.

I don’t care what bullshit I was talking about earlier, but I want his lips on mine NOW. I want his tongue to invade my mouth and his hands to roam all over my body, touching every curve...

“Mr. Norman, sir, we’re at the destination.” The driver’s voice boomed over the speaker, breaking the spell we were under.

We didn’t realize the car stopped moving until the driver announced it.

Now aware of the situation I tried detaching myself from him, but he didn’t budge, exerting the dominance and power he has over me. Though reluctantly, he did finally let go of me.

"Boy, you are good," I said still not completely back in my sense.

I scooted away, needing space to breathe. Trying to distract myself, I looked outside the window and forgot to look back again as my eyes took in the place disbelievingly.

I immediately recognized where we were.

It can’t be it.

How did he… Did he really do that? For me?

I covered my mouth as my eyes teared up.

“How… how do you know…” I tried forming a sentence, but only incoherent words came out of my mouth, gratifying tears cascading down my eyes.

“I have my ways,” he shrugged, his lips slightly curling up to a side, “Go.”

“Oh my God, thank you, thank you, thank you!” Catching him by surprise, I lunged forward at him, putting my hands around his torso I hugged him with all my might.

A few seconds later, his strong arms wrapped around mine. I tightened my hold on him even further and buried my face in his broad shoulder. I know I’m ruining his shirt, but I don’t care.

Pulling away contently with a smile as big as the crescent moon, I met his bemused eye. Holding his shoulders, I pushed myself face to face with him and left a long and relishing kiss on his cheek while his big hands supported the small of my back.

“Thank you so much!” Ignoring his bewildered expression and how his hand touched the exact spot where I kissed him, I hopped out of the car.

I was a few steps further when I turned back around and walked back towards him in the car.

“Hey, Elijah!" I shouted.

He was still in a daze but knitted his eyebrows when he saw me coming towards him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

"Come meet my mom.” I gave him the warmest smile I was capable of.

I was wrong.

It won’t be as easy as I thought after all.

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Author's note:

I'm sure some of you thought they were going back to square one.

But not anymore. There's only a forward for them from now on.

Hannah thought she was stronger than she thought she was but guess not. The kiss on Elijah's cheek has to be the sweetest thing that has happened to him for a long time.

Who knew Elijah wouldn't be the one to back out from all this? My boy is persistent about what he wants.

He's breaking the walls around her heart and it's helping him lower down his own as well.

Both are on a journey of healing and rediscovering love.

Would they find it?

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Much love😍