ALEX COULD TASTE THE beginning of the end as he walked inside the room. It was bittersweet on his tongue, like childhood photos collecting dust in the attic. For a vague moment he wondered what had happened to the polaroid camera they had bought years ago, but it didn't matter, he supposed. In the end it was gone, just like many things between them were. It was the first time the admission didn't break his heart.
Ava had been with her back towards him, but she finally turned around, expression unreadable.
"I -" she began, swallowing as she collected herself," I didn't mean to pull you apart. I told myself to leave when we started fighting again, but here we are."
He couldn't help but feel grateful as he looked at her, for the simple fact that she was even speaking to him right now. Despite their problems, he knew her like the back of his hand. Ava didn't do forgiveness, she didn't do second chances, but more importantly, she didn't show vulnerability. Yet here she was, no snarky comments leaving her lips as she looked at him, words so sincere he felt the guilt burn in his throat at how angry he had been before.
The reason she was even standing here at all was clear though. In all the years they had known each other they never had uttered an apology. Fights were ended with him climbing the tree in front of her window and knocking, not by resolving them. No, they screamed and then pretended it never had happened. Acknowledging it made it real after all.
He couldn't pretend it wasn't real anymore now. Not with how much he was suffering under it, how much his friends kept being involved in it. Not now Elisabeth was there too. Still, he wasn't going to pretend she was the main reason for it all. This all had been a long time coming. It had been his fault for trying to ignore it for so long. In a way it felt like losing Ava would be like losing his mother all over again.
When he closed his eyes he could almost hear the soft humming, his head on her lap as she stroked his hair and told him bedtime stories. His father got angry whenever he heard she was coddling him, as he said. He was five. More than anything it stung how difficult it was to recall his mother's voice now, while his father's screams were etched in his brain. It was more frustration at many things which he expressed on him, his mother had said, a sad note to her voice. She never said it to pardon his anger, a certain mourning to her voice, as if she had lost the person he was in the stress of life.
Alex didn't think his father was a bad person, honestly. Did he think he was a good person? No, but would he have been this funny if he had had a loving father? Also no. He resisted the urge to make a joke, because dealing with serious situations was something he wasn't used to at all. Something distracted him then, bubbles appearing in the swimming pool on their left. For a moment he thought he saw two noses peeking through above the edge of the pool, but he was obviously hallucinating, because they were very much home alone.
"Alex?" Ava said, following his gaze," what are you looking at?"
"Nothing," Alex said, shaking his head," I got distracted for a second."
He breathed out then, searching for the right words to bridge the yearlong gap between them. Another apology would be too much, but he was sorry, for how he had put too much expectations on their relationship, for how their friendship had been put at stake, for everything that had gone wrong. Most of all though he was glad to have had her in his life, because despite all of the fights, Ava had always been a calming presence to him.
In the end, he had truly just missed having his friend in his life. He parted his lips, but choked on the nostalgia for a second. It was only when she raised an eyebrow that he managed to compose himself.
"Thank you," he said then, not needing any more words for her to understand it was for more than just her standing here.
She glanced at him, eyes unreadable as she nodded.
"I want to move past this all, Alex," she said," I do. I know you're starting something with Elisabeth as well now and I want you to be happy. You've been through so much..." She paused for a moment. "I am sorry too, not that we didn't work out, but for what it did to us."
"I want you to be happy as well, Av," he said quietly, before adding jokingly," as long as it's not with a douche like Trevor, that is."
"Don't worry about that," she chuckled," I will not make the same mistake again."
It felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders for some reason, the words they had spoken to each other ones which had been stuck in his throat for a long time, despite the fact that they were so simple. Perhaps it was for the best, because all the years had dulled his anger, his grief. Now all there was left was a slight mourning still, which had softened into acceptance. There was much more unsaid between them, but he knew the conversation didn't need to go on. He could read her like a book, everything she conveyed with her face alone, and now finally he was ready to close it.
"So," he began awkwardly," friends?"
"We won't be right now," she said," and that's normal. We have to work to get to a healthy place again, Alex."
Her rejection stung and he evaded his gaze for a second, not wanting to show the hurt in his eyes.
"Alex."
"It's fine," he muttered," I understand."
Her hand gently pushed his chin back forward again, forcing him to look at her. She was uncharacteristically sweet when she smiled and it was then he remembered why he had fallen in love with her to begin with.
"I didn't say no," she said," I want to be friends with you. We just have to learn not to be angry at each other all the time."
"I think we can do that," he said softly.
"I think so too," she said.
All their silly fights, all the bickering, all the shouts, it seemed like nothing when she was standing in front of him like this. She was all sunset kisses on cinnamon skin and glittering moondust in jade eyes, a masterpiece all on her own. He remembered sitting on a roof with her, their legs dangling above the world as they chugged lemon liquor as if it was ambrosia, untouched by time and all pain forgotten by the world.
The world remembered now.
She pecked him on the cheek then, the brushing of her lips against his skin not evoking the storm of butterflies it once had. A slightly regretful smile played on her lips then as she squeezed his shoulder, as if kissing their past goodbye.
"I'll call a cab, Alex," she said," I think it's better to let everything process separately."
"Yeah," he murmured.
It wasn't an unfamiliar sight to watch her walk away, but for some reason this time he felt at peace. One thing still couldn't leave his mind though and he clenched his fists, before calling out after her.
"Did you ever love me?"
She glanced over her shoulder, for once no smile playing on those fuchsia lips.
"I still do."
He could feel the air fill his lungs, not having noticed how much tension he had been keeping in until he had finally let it go. This moment between them felt intimate in all it's vulnerability, but in a soft way, like two friends exchanging whispered secrets underneath a fort of blankets. His lips parted, ready to tell Ava that he would call a cab so she could stay, but then the girl suddenly turned around, walking straight towards him.
A smile was on her lips, but he could tell she was ready to kill, Alex already jumping back before she reached him. Surprised he watched her as she walked past him towards the swimming pool, crouching down as her hands closed around something, long nails flashing dangerously in the overhead lights.
"Well, well, well," she drawled," what kind of strange fish have I caught?"
Alex frowned as he looked past her, before realizing she was closing two noses with her fingers, the water bubbling suddenly before two heads appeared, causing him to scream. He fell backwards, staring in shock as two monsters rose out of the pool, the heat shrouding them in fog, Ava just staring amusedly at them, waving her hands lazily so the water splashed off.
"O my God," Alex yelled," we are being robbed by underwater breathing psychopaths." He turned his head towards the door, voice louder. "Will! Get your bat, it's time to initiate operation Scarecrow!"
Will burst through the door in no time, armed with two bats, throwing one towards Alex as the two of them charged forward, but one of the intruders caught both bats before it could hit him, low voice echoing through the room.
"William," he said," Alexander, I would appreciate it if you didn't whack me in the head."
"How do you know our names?" Alex breathed out fearfully," you are a sick, sick man -"
"You idiots," Ava interrupted him," it's just Ella and Levi."
Will immediately pulled his bat back, beaming at them.
"What are you doing here?" he said.
It was then the fog cleared away, Alex' eyes adjusting as he finally made out his friends' faces, lips parting in shock.
"I am going to kill you two," he announced," right now."