Sweating All My Sins Out

Warnings: drugs.

Words 2268

Description: This is based off the song 'Cringe' by Matt Maeson. You should look up the lyrics for an idea and description. The video doesn't relate to this at all.

(*☻-☻*)

Tyler's P.O.V.

"Can you save my heavydirtysoul!" I sing into the mic before Jøsh slams on the drums and I fall backwards straight on my back.

Pain shoots up my back once it makes contact to the ground, and I groan in pain. Not that anyone can hear me because of the loud screams.

I lay there for a minute gathering my strength, until the music cues me to sit up.

I sit on my knees and wave my hand to the crowd to sing. I slowly stand up and walk to the mic.

"CAN YOU SAVE, CAN YOU SAVE MY," I scream into the mic, which satisfyingly makes me feel better. "Can you save my heavydirtysoul!"

(*☻-☻*)

"We're Twenty Øne Piløts, and so are you. Goodnight!" I wave, and walk with Jøsh backstage.

Once I get backstage I break character and groan. I rub my back and neck, and my girlfriend, Y/N, comes up to rub my shoulders.

"I'm telling you, please be careful. You were down a lot longer than last time." She pleads, applying pressure on the sweet spot of my shoulders for a massage. I sink into the massage before grabbing her hands and facing her to me.

"I'm okay, I'll take some more pain pills and will be okay for tomorrow." I reassure her but she gives me a frown.

"If you didn't do it, then you wouldn't need pain pills." She pouts. I tilt my head and give her the complaining face.

"The fans love it! We already discussed this, now I have to go take a shower. You can wait in the dressing room while everyone packs things up." I quickly kiss her cheek and wipe off the sweat I left with my hand and leave her for the shower.

Once I'm in the bathroom I take out the pills and take 4. The bottle says to take 2 for my body weight, but I've changed it to 4. It just makes the results quicker and I feel more relaxed.

I take my clothes off and get in the steamy hot shower. I close my eyes and look up, letting the water run down my body.

I slightly squeeze my shoulders, and wince a little at the sore feeling.

(*☻-☻*)

When I get out I decide to take 2 more pills to finish off the bottle. It doesn't just relieve the pain it also relieves the stress. I feel so much better when I've had some pain killers.

It's not bad if it helps me, right?

"Y/N, we need to go get more pain killers. I'm out." I show her the bottle before throwing it in her purse.

"What? Already? We got those 2 days ago." She asks confused. My stomach twists in a knot as I think.

"Oh, I dropped some on the floor, and I didn't want to eat those. Disgusting." I scrunch  my nose and she chuckles.

"Okay, I'll pick some up tomorrow." She stands up and grabs her purse. "Are you going with me to the tour bus for the night?"

"Um, yeah. Let me get some clothes on." She smiles and leaves my toweled up self to get dressed.

(*☻-☻*)

You're only supposed to be using the pain killers when you're in pain. I've been using them for other things too, like stress relief and relaxing.

Every once and a while I'll go in the bathroom and pop a few in my mouth, and I instantly feel better. It's like a cure to everything I go through.

I've gotten so attached to them that if I don't take them; my mind won't stop thinking about them, and I get all fidgety.

I've seen Y/N furrow her eyebrows at me a couple times but I'd just give her a smile. She doesn't need to know what I'm thinking. She doesn't need to know that I need the pills to keep from stressing out, or having anxiety.

I brought this on my own self, and frankly I don't really regret it. It helps me.

"This is the last show of the tour." Y/N says, patting me on the back. I smile at her, and give her a good luck passionate kiss.

I took 6 pills, so I feel energized and ready for this show.

She pulls away.

"Woah, tiger. You need to get out there and have your mind set on the fans, okay?" She ruffles my hair and I chuckle.

"Okay, yeah I'm ready." I jump up and down and shake my hands as if I'm warming up. Jøsh comes up and gives me a pat on the back.

"Last show, let's make this count." He says.

(*☻-☻*)

It's been a week since the end of the tour. Y/N and I are back at our house, and I've been asking Y/N to go get me more pain killers but she hasn't yet.

"Y/N." I walk into the living room.

"Yeah?" She asks, typing on her laptop.

"Did you get those pain killers yet?" I whine. She looks up at me with furrowed brows.

"Does your back still hurt?" She questions and I totally bust at her.

"YES! and you still haven't gotten me any!" I fling my hands up in anger and desperation. I needed those pills. They help me.

"Tyler, calm down." She stands up, and puts her hand on my shoulder. I relax into her touch.

"I'm sorry." I mumble, and she gives me a face of concern and sorrow. I always hated that face.

"I think you need help, Tyler." She said seriously, and I look up at her with a straight face.

"I'm just tired." I reply.

We stare at each other for a few seconds. She looks as if she's searching for words, and to be honest I don't want to know what those words are. I turn and walk up the stairs leaving her in the living room.

I go in the bathroom and search in the cabinets for my old anti-depressants, which I haven't had to have in quite some time.

But right now I need them. I need to fill that gap in my mind that's telling me to take some pills. To take the pain killers. This will work to right?

Right. They are actually better. They relax my muscles.

Once I feel calm, and okay I go to the room and find Y/N sitting on the bed looking down at the floor.

"Are you okay?" I ask, sitting beside her. She doesn't answer and stares at the floor for a while.

"Do you trust me?" She asks, changing her gaze to my lap, but she doesn't look up.

"Of course." I whisper, and she grabs my hand.

"I think you have a problem." She says, finally looking up to my eyes.

"I don't have a problem." I shake my head, and squeeze her hand.

"You do, Ty." She stands up, releasing my hand. "Okay, you went through 3 bottles in a week and the amount of pills inside one should last you a week."

"They help me!" I yell, and I stand up. She shakes her head, not even phased by my outburst.

"No, look at yourself! After we had that talk downstairs you went to the bathroom to get yourself a different kind of pill." She explains, and I clutch my shirt in my fists. She's right, I did do that.

"I need this. It helps me relax, it helps me!" I say, and she looks at me with a sorry look.

"You're looking like a bad man! And you don't do things like you used to anymore. You don't look like yourself no more." She says, gesturing to me.

"I- I'm just tired." I excuse.

"You're just high." She says, which stabs hard in my heart.

I go silent and look down.

"Do you think you can stop taking them?" She asks, her voice shaky, which makes me look up at her. She's holding back tears.

I think for a minute.

I could maybe. But I have the urge to take them, and knowing me I'm not strong enough to stay away.

"I don't know." I whisper, almost so quiet she can't hear.

She shuts her eyes closed tightly and looks down shaking her head.

"Let me know when you do know, Ty." She wipes her eyes with her sleeve and I look at her with a confused look. She passes me to the closet, and I watch her take her suitcase from the top.

"What are you doing?" I ask fearfully, as I scurry my way to her side.

"I'm giving you some time alone, so you can figure yourself out." She says, with a lot more clearer voice.

"No, lover, don't go please. I can change." I grab her arm to reason. She stops and looks at me in the eyes, my vision getting blurry from tears.

"Give me a call when you actually mean it." She says, as she pulls her arm from my grasp and continues to pack.

I watch her pack, with my hands clutching my shirt tightly to stop the shaking.

She grabs her bag and begins to walk to the door, and I walk closely behind her. Struggling not to plead longer for her to stay.

It's her choice.

She turns around and gives me a hug. She pulls away and looks at me with a comforting smile.

"You need help, but that's your decision. Call me when you make the right one." She touches my cheek and I fall into her touch. She pulls away and I watch as she gets in her car and leaves.

(*☻-☻*)

Your P.O.V.

It's been 3 weeks and you've gotten a few texts from Tyler. They aren't the texts you were looking for though.

Tyler: Can you just buy me one more bottle and I promise I'll stop

Read.                             9/6/16

Tyler: my hands are on the fritz

Read.                             9/7/16

Tyler: come hold me please

Tyler: help me

Read.                           9/10/16

You: are you at your house?

Tyler: god Y/N I thought you changed your number. yes I'm at OUR house

You: I'm in the car now.

(*☻-☻*)

Tyler's P.O.V.

I slide myself down the wall, the newly bought bottle of pain killers in my hand.

I can't believe it.

I bought drugs with Jøsh and I's stash of money for our music equipment.

How could I do that? That was our money to save for the fans and I just used it selfishly.

I wipe my forehead from the sweat, and I hear Y/N open the door. I slowly stand up and make my way over to her.

"Tyler-" she begins but I stop her.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I apologize. I kneel in front of her, and pull her waist to my chest, burying my face into her warm shirt. "I need help, Y/N. Please, I'm sorry. I need you. I need you please" I plead and she bends down to where we're level. Her eyes are shining from tears but she isn't crying, she has a saddened smile as she scans the details of my face.

She caresses my thin pale cheek, and moves my sweaty hair from my forehead. My eyes bloodshot red, and dark circles under them making me look tired.

"I don't like seeing you like this." She whispers, and she rubs her thumb over my cheek. "I'm going to get you help okay? Everything will be okay."

I lean my head down on her shoulder, and she rubs my back and the back of my head with her soft hand. I've missed her embrace.

I think about when we were still touring, and how I was perfectly fine then. How I didn't care about the pain killers or drugs in general. I start to sob onto her collar bone because of guilt. I should have never done that, it ruined everything.

"I'm sorry." I sob.

"It's okay. We're going to fix it." She whispers, "you're also going to take a break from touring, and your job in general okay?"

"Okay." I say quietly.

(*☻-☻*)

After a few days of struggling to keep going, Y/N told me it would be okay. I didn't believe her at first but after a while I began to think so myself. Everything will be okay.

Jøsh and I agreed to go on a break. The clique called it a hiatus, but it was not a hiatus. I just needed time to myself.

I'm a lot healthier now, and a lot more stronger mentally and physically.

I am so happy to have Y/N by my side, and I love her dearly.

"You've been with me through many struggles, and you still love me. You mean the world to me, Y/N. And I couldn't ask for better." I kneel down, as I pull out a ring. "Y/N," I begin, and she covers her mouth with her hands. Tears already starting to form in her beautiful eyes. "Will you marry me?"

She nods her head as I stand up and give her a hug.

"Yes, Tyler. Of course!" She says, and I start to feel tears coming. This is the happiest day of my life.

(*☻-☻*)

So yeah,I actually liked this one. It was kinda dark, you know with the drugs and stuff. But I hope it wasn't to much to not read.

Love you, and don't do drugs. They tear families apart.