Chapter 34: Karina & Silo

SILO

“You can still go and speak with the other Rictorians,” Silo suggested again. “They’re meeting in the lesson room.”

Karina shook her head.

Silo sighed. She hadn’t uttered a word since their return, though she ~did~ seem much more receptive toward him. He could see she was making a considerable effort: no longer sitting with her head down and facing away, that perpetual grimace on her face.

Now, she was angled toward him as she sat at their little dining table. Sure, she wasn’t really looking at him, but she wasn’t looking away from him either. Her eyes darted around the room, then back to him, then away again.

He didn’t know what Captain Ream was going to say about this. What the heck was ~he~ going to ~do~ about this? She wanted to be with him, but they had so many challenges to face.

If she could barely look at him, how was she going to touch him? How was she going to make love to him? He really hadn’t thought this through. And neither had she, by the looks of it.

Silo stood from the bed and sat with her at the table. Her blue eyes darted to his, then fell to her lap.

“Karina, look at me.”

Her eyes flicked to his, then away again.

“~Karina~.”

“I’m trying!” she gritted her teeth. “It’s ~hard~.”

Finally, her eyes flicked to his and stayed there. Silo kept still, keeping his expression inert. Karina was panting. There were creases around her eyes and nose.

How could such a small thing be such a huge effort? She was gripping the edge of the table. Silo leaned his arms upon the table between them. Karina jerked but stayed.

“Give me your hand,” he said.

“Why?”

Silo frowned at her.

Her eyes darted away as she jerked her hand awkwardly across the table and rested it there. As Silo reached for it, she closed her eyes. The air hissed between her teeth as he took it between his own.

It was soft. It was warm. He turned it over and saw the scars up her arm reaching from her wrist all the way up into the sleeve of her shirt. He turned her hand back over again and pressed his lips to her knuckles.

Her eyes snapped open as she yanked her hand back. She stood with a yelp, the chair toppling over behind her. “Sorry!”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay! I can’t… I can’t do this!” She grabbed at her head. “How am I supposed to do this?!” She started thumping the side of her head with her fist.

“Hey!” Silo leapt to his feet. He seized her wrist. “Stop that.”

She stared at him, breathing hard. Her blue eyes were wide. Her teeth were gritted. Then she shut her eyes, and the next thing he knew, she was standing on her tiptoes and pressing her mouth to his.

Shocked, Silo grabbed her face to kiss her back. She wrenched away, stumbling backward as she bent over her knees to gasp for breath.

“I’m trying!”

“I know!”

She dropped into a crouch, her hands clasped together in front of her face. She was blazing red. Silo didn’t know what to do. He touched his lips.

“How am I supposed to do this?” she said.

“We’ll—we’ll just take it slow.”

“Take it slow, ha! Glacier-slow.” Slumping to her backside, she dropped her head into her lap. “How can you even want me?” she murmured. “Why would anyone want me?”

She jerked at his touch as he placed his hand upon her shoulder. He crouched beside her. “I want you. I wanted you the first moment I saw you.”

Slowly, she raised her face. “Go over there.” She nodded to a spot across the room. “Take off your clothes. Let me see you.”

“Are you sure?”

“But stay over there. Don’t touch me.”

Silo pulled his hand away and stood. He wasn’t sure about this. But it was ~something~. As he walked over, he pulled off his shirt. He turned to face her. She remained on the floor, her eyes gleaming as she watched him.

Next, he kicked off his shoes, then dropped his pants. Silo watched her carefully. A shadow passed over her expression. Her face went white. Her eyes seemed to sink into her head.

She looked away. “Put them back on.”

Silo redressed himself. “Are you okay?”

She was breathing heavily. “I can’t do this. You’ll have to send me back.”

“Too late. You’re stuck with me now,” he tried to sound humorous, but the joke fell flat.

She shook her head.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“If only we didn’t have to do…~that~.”

“But that’s the whole point of bonding—to love each other.”

“Yeah.”

There was a sick feeling in the pit of Silo’s stomach. He should have left her on Rictor 5. He ran his fingers over his scalp, then folded his arms. He looked through the window into space, then looked over at Karina, his eyes skipping over her huddled figure.

They landed in the kitchen. He stared and stared at the cylinder of water.

“There could be another way,” he said.

“What?”

“But I don’t know if we should.”

“What is it?”

Silo dragged his fingers through his beard. “It could be dangerous.”

“What is it?” she was glaring up at him.

“Our bond can be formed in more than one way.”

Karina looked at him blankly.

“Our bond is what we form when we make love three times,” he explained. “It is where we will be permanently connected. A connection that can only be broken through death.”

“What do you mean by connection?”

“A deep and abiding love for each other. A love so deep we can almost see into each other’s thoughts. Into each other’s souls, if you will.”

Karina scoffed. “Impossible. There is no soul. There is no love.”

“Just because you haven’t experienced it doesn’t mean there is no such thing.” He paused. “Did you ~want~ to experience it?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s not good enough. Look at me.”

She did so, glaringly. He went over. Karina pulled back but didn’t move as he crouched beside her. He looked deeply into her blue eyes. She was blinking rapidly.

“Do you want it?” he asked quietly.

She folded in her lips but nodded.

Silo stood. “It could be dangerous. If you’re not ready—but the bond will make you ready.” He shook his head. “I don’t know… Maybe—maybe I should talk to Drake… But he has no experience with this either.”

“Only crazy people talk to themselves,” Karina said. “I should know.”

“I should tell you how…”

“Don’t tell me anything,” Karina snapped. “Just do it. Whatever it is. Will it hurt?”

“N-no.”

She frowned.

Silo released a breath. “For a normal person, it wouldn’t hurt. But for you…” He shrugged. “There will be no physical pain, if that’s what you mean.”

“Physical pain doesn’t bother me. It’s the—it’s the…other.”

“Then I suppose it will hurt. It will hurt you greatly. To know nothing of love, then to suddenly fall deeply into it… I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”

“Do it. You want me and I—I…” Her hands were trembling. “And I want you.”

Silo stared at her. She was looking down into her lap.

“Are you sure…”

“I’m sure!” She squeezed her eyes shut. “Just do it before I think about it too much.”

“I’ll need some time,” he said.

She took an annoyed breath. “Fine.”

Silo was shaking as he left the room. His heart was pounding, his mind racing.

He didn’t take any notice of his walk through the corridors and was surprised when he suddenly ended up at the infirmary. He opened the door.

Silo studied the room. The men were out of their capsules. And there were so many women! He’d never seen so many in all his life.

One of the Rictorians was lying in bed next to her Zibon, kissing him passionately on the mouth. A muscle twisted in Silo’s pelvis.

It was his plan to get one of the medics to help extract his semen—it would be quick and painless that way—but they were far too busy.

The old-fashioned way would have to do. Quickly and quietly, Silo swiped some sample containers from the cupboard and exited the room.

He wiped away the sweat trickling down his temple. His heart pounded furiously.

Thoughts of the kissing Rictorian in the infirmary stirred a tightening sensation between his legs.

Good.

He veered away from their room and entered a communal bathroom. Thankfully, it was empty.

He couldn’t risk returning to their room for this. He couldn’t risk her knowing exactly ~what~ he was doing. He stepped into a cubicle and shut the door.

Dropping his pants, he grabbed onto his shaft. The first sample was easy. Only three tugs and it was done.

The second was only slightly more difficult.

For the third, he leaned against the wall with a groan, pulling at himself furiously.

He thought of Karina, her smooth, soft skin, those wide blue eyes. If they were successful with their bond, he might have her body in his hands very soon. Perhaps even tonight.

~Tonight.~

~Every night.~

With a grunt, he erupted into the container. He ran his hand over his shaft repeatedly, ensuring he squeezed out every drop.

Once he was done, he twisted the lid on tight and hoisted up his pants.

Tucking the containers into his pockets, he opened the door and left the bathroom.

As he walked back toward their room, his thoughts were on the water cylinders. He was thinking, planning.

This had to be done properly. It had to be done right. Given Karina’s nature, there was a high possibility he had only one chance at this.

~It’ll work. It’ll work.~