Chapter 45: CHAPTER 45

The point where terror and darkness ended, and soothing affection began, became diluted in the labyrinth of absent time.

Jalice wasn’t sure of its origin, but this didn’t matter in the end. She bathed in its warmth, nestling into the blanket of protection it offered. She was loved, and that was enough to keep her elated for a lifetime. The intangible desires of existence crystalized, and she floated in the bliss of the stars as they quietly drifted through the expanse around her.

Slowly, consciousness blended in. Awareness of rough ground beneath her and a chilled air rushed at her senses. Her eyes shot open. An endless grey sky of rolling clouds greeted her. The blanket of love lifted to return to the sky, abandoning Jalice to a valley of depression. Tears welled in her eyes. She didn’t move. Come back. Don’t leave me here.

The relief did not return.

“Was it enough?” asked a familiar voice. “Is she alive?”

Jalice recognized the voice as Annilasia’s, and cringed.

“I gave her . . . as much aether . . . as I could afford,” another voice answered, this one far more soothing. Elothel—although fae sounded weak. Faer words came out slowly between stifled pauses. “Any more . . . and I will perish.”

Annilasia’s face, marked with red smears and dirt, crept into Jalice’s vision. “Her eyes are open. I think it was enough.”

Jalice sat up on her elbows, eyeing the dead expanse of fallen trees and black earth that surrounded her. Her eyes grew wide at the sight of dead flayers nearby. The stench of death filled her nostrils.

She craned her neck. The crater’s slope dipped a few yards away. Beside her, Elothel lay propped up on faer side facing Jalice. A rainbow of veins lined the mirajin’s ashen skin, eliciting awe before disorientation twisted her head and stomach.

“What happened?” she asked. She noticed harsh incisions edged with black crust at the shoulders of her dress. The smell of burnt hair mixed with the other foul stenches in the air.

“Elothel rescued you and carried you up the crater,” said Annilasia. “Though you seemed dead when we found the two of you here.”

“In some sense, she was,” wheezed Elothel, fixing iridescent eyes on Jalice. “Your aura was nearly extinguished. The souldrain almost claimed you.”

Jalice furrowed her brow and sat upright to cradle her head in one hand. “I don’t understand. I was with Hydrim . . .” The circumstances of the House bled through slowly. Her eyes widened. “It killed him.”

“What did?” asked Annilasia. She shifted her weight, readying for danger. “Did you see the Sachem in there?”

Jalice moaned. “Yes.” Despair threatened to cripple her as she recalled the confrontation. She shook her head. “I mean, no. I don’t know. That thing was in there . . .”

“What is she going on about?” asked Mygo.

Jalice’s eyes flickered to the woodsman. He crouched nearby, a motionless Vowt between his feet. Like Annilasia, the wilderman’s clothes and skin were slathered with a mix of blood and dirt. A blotch stained his trousers around the upper thigh, and fresh scratches streaked his face.

Vowt’s eyes remained closed, his skin several shades paler than usual. Jalice shivered at the immense amount of blood matting the man’s hair and staining the blond strands.

“Speak up,” snapped Mygo. “We don’t have much time. Vowt needs to be seen by a healer.”

“Dardajah.” The name soured her tongue. She blinked back tears. “It killed Hydrim.” The image of her husband’s skin strewn around the dokojin sickened her.

Her companions remained silent. Jalice surveyed their faces. Each wore an expression of shock and utter disbelief.

“She’s delirious,” Annilasia murmured, glaring down at Elothel. “Your aether didn’t cure her.”

“I’m not mad,” Jalice growled at Annilasia. “In fact, I remember everything now. Just like you wanted.” She struggled to her feet, squaring herself with the tillishu. “And I remember what happened in there before I fainted.” She scowled at the confused expression that spilled across Annilasia. No more games, you manipulative hag.

“You’ve recovered all your memories, then,” said Elothel. Fae breathed a sigh of relief. “Then it worked.” Fae paused, then continued upon seeing Jalice’s questioning look.

“The parasite blocking your memories revealed itself, just as I’d hoped. Once we were inside, it manifested. I’m still not sure why the translation occurred as it did in that place. A function unique to the structure, if I were to guess. But regardless, I was able to annihilate the dokojin, which freed the rest of your memories. It took me awhile to find you after. What do you remember of this place now?”

Jalice didn’t break her gaze with Annilasia. “I made a deal with a dokojin—but not the one guarding my memories. This other one had been trapped inside the House. It promised me something that didn’t belong to me, but I wanted it anyway. In exchange, I had to share what I coveted.”

Annilasia’s face darkened. “Which was?”

Guilt mixed with the fury Jalice felt towards Annilasia. She blinked, fighting off the temptation to break their locked gaze under the pressure of shame. “I wanted someone. So did it. We both got what we wanted.”

“What in Sahruum’s name is she talking about?” asked Mygo. His face wrinkled when no one acknowledged him.

“It was Hydrim, wasn’t it?” asked Annilasia. When Jalice nodded, the tillishu scoffed. “How did it happen?”

Jalice broke her eyes away and searched for an empty space free of judgemental gazes. “It gave me a poison. I slipped it to Hydrim, and . . . it changed him. He began to love me.”

She sniffled and wiped away the tears that ran down her face. “But it threatened me if I didn’t hold my end of the deal. So, I took Hydrim back to the House and it—” She choked on the words. “It attacked him. I ran away, and I don’t know what happened to Hydrim after that. I never came back here. He reappeared weeks later and seemed unharmed.”

A shocked silence enveloped the group. Jalice avoided their gazes, although this did nothing to dismantle the shame afflicting her. I should have never come here. Back then, or now. Sahruum, forgive me. I’ve killed everyone I care about.

Annilasia was the first to speak again. “So, what does it all mean? Was I right? Was he possessed?”

“Yes,” said Elothel. “But I don’t think it’s as simple as that. There are layers to this. We must consider the concoction Jalice gave the boy as well. Also, despite what Jalice says, I don’t think the Sachem is now dead.”

“Do you believe me now?” Annilasia asked as she raised her voice at Jalice. “Your husband is a monster possessed by a star-blazing dokojin.” She jabbed a pointed finger at the chieftess. “And you finally admit that you caused all this. You tricked Hydrim—our friend—into a secret deal you made with a dokojin. Lost suns, it even turns out to be blazing Dardajah!” Annilasia threw her hands into the air, unleashing a string of obscenities.

Jalice dug her fingers into her palms. “You murdered Delilee.”

Annilasia instantly grew quiet. Her eyes narrowed. “What did you just say?”

“You murdered her,” said Jalice, voice shaking with escalating passion. “I know everything now. Including that you knew all along that Delilee was staying behind. That she was going to pretend to be me, and use aether to do it.” Jalice balled her fists. “You’re a damn hypocrite!”

Annilasia sneered. “How dare you call me a hypocrite? How can you blame everyone around you, when it was you who cursed our tribe by bartering with a dokojin? It’s all because of your possessive nature.”

“Delilee is dead because of you!” Jalice shouted. “The Sachem found her out. He killed her, Annilasia.”

The tillishu’s face wavered, anger shifting to shock. “She—she knew the risks.”

Jalice’s eyes bulged as she gaped at Annilasia. “You’ve killed my cousin.”

“So, you’re saying it’s my fault?” challenged Annilasia, nostrils flaring. “Do you hear yourself? You sealed all our fates the moment you trusted a dokojin and tricked Hydrim. Do you even realize how many deaths are on your hands? It was your dokojin-possessed husband who unleashed the Delirium, just so he could rise up as our savior. So he could commit genocide under the guise of the Purge.” She bared her teeth at Jalice. “You got your parents killed, and Kerothan too. Delilee only died because you brought us to the brink of utter doom.”

Jalice’s heart skipped and she gasped. “No. Hydrim killed them.”

“You tricked Hydrim!” countered Annilasia. “You can’t blame everything on the work of a dokojin that you allowed to possess Hydrim. If it hadn’t been for your idiocy, none of this would’ve happened.”

Jalice couldn’t see past the tears. She trembled, and her voice cracked. “I hate you,” she seethed. “And I banish you.”

Annilasia’s eyes narrowed again. “What did you say?”

Jalice swallowed and made sure her voice steadied before repeating herself. “I banish you. If I ever see you again, I will have you executed for the death of Delilee.”

Annilasia’s boots dug into the ground. Jalice braced herself for the attack, but the other woman didn’t charge. Without another word, the tillishu about-faced and strode away. For reasons that escaped Jalice, Mygo glared at Annilasia as she passed by.

Only then did Jalice realize the amount of blood that caked the tillishu, especially on one of her legs. A new limp hindered Annilasia’s walk, and her torn shirt revealed both old and new scars streaking across her back. If any of this plagued the tillishu, she hid it as she marched off.

She stared after Annilasia until a wave of convulsions pulsed through Jalice and dropped her to the ground. Uncontrollable sobs overcame her as she submitted to the guilt she could no longer escape.

Everyone is dead. And I’m to blame.

I killed them all.