Chapter 30

Kelly After work, Derek and I went back to his penthouse where we would be staying for the next few days. He seemed agitated, but mostly kept it to himself. Probably better that way, especially since I noticed not just one, but several empty bottles of whiskey in the recycling bin.

“Are you heading out?” I asked as Derek angrily put on his shoes. It was just getting dark outside.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” He bit out. He reaked of whiskey.

“Excuse me!” I all but roared. “Don’t you ever speak to me that way!”

“Whatever.” He said, slamming the door behind him before I could further protest.

Thankfully, closed doors never stopped me before.

“Come back sober or don’t come back at all!” I opened the door and yelled as he continued down the hall.

I slammed it shut when I was done, ready to burn some of his belongings. I settled for screaming into a pillow and ripping through the cupboards looking for some chocolate or wine or a knife. I wasnt sure which. I could feel Keres just under the surface, ready to rip him a new one. This was not how I imagined our relationship being. I felt completely alone, even when he was around. We were less than two weeks away from our ceremony! We should be blissfully happy and not able to keep our hands off each other, not ready to kill each other.

I heard a knock at the door a minute later. I rolled my eyes and stormed over to the door, ready to fight. “Back so soon?” I hissed as I flung open the door.

“Solnyshko,” Thorin said from the other side.

“Thorin! What are you doing here?” I asked, a bit surprised, quickly letting him in.

“I came to see you.”

“Did my father send you?” I asked as I shut the door behind him.

“He expressed concerns.” He nodded. “I volunteered to check on you.”

“Oh…how nice.” I sighed. “Derek just left…”

“I know. I have been watching for days.” He said, looking over the penthouse.

“Days?” I frowned.

“I worried about you, so I came. I don’t like South King very much. He does not make you happy.”

“He has a lot on his plate…”

“Since when did you start making the excuses for someone else?” Thorin asked with a raised brow.

“I-” I began, my mouth opening and shutting like a fish out of water.

“South King does not deserve you. He does not put you first.” He said, facing me again.

“What else am I supposed to do?” I whispered, wrapping my arms around myself.

“You are alpha, you do what you want.” He grunted.

“If only it were that simple,” I sighed.

“Why is it not?”

“Thorin-“

“Nyet. If you really want something or someone, you will stop at nothing to achieve.”

“Then what’s stopping you?” I asked, knowing all too well that he had feelings for me for years now. “Why not pursue me? We have been training together for years and there have been so many missed opportunities for you to make a move, Thorin. What’s stopping you?”

He paused a moment before standing up straighter than before, looking me square in the eyes. “I am quitting being your trainer.”

“What? Why?” I frowned.

“I do not fraternize with my students,” he said before pulling me in close, letting his lips fervidly claim mine. “This is no longer problem.” He smirked against my skin. “Nothing stops me now.”

I would like to say that I make good choices. But obviously, that wasn’t always true. And unfortunately, now was one of those moments where I was about to make another poor choice.

I pulled Thorin close, sealing our lips together almost as if in a desperate plea. I knew it was wrong. I knew I was cheating on Derek. But can you even call it cheating if you are the only one invested in the relationship?

“You agreed to be his mate…” Keres reminded me.

I shoved down my inner voice of reason as Thorin picked me up and began walking us down the hallway.

“Where is bedroom?” He asked in a husky voice.

“Mine is the first on the left,” I said breathily. Thorin shot me an odd look, to which I felt obligated to answer. “Derek and I sleep in separate rooms.”

“He does not touch you?”

“Not unless there is a gun to his head,” I snorted.

“I am beginning to like South King.” His chest rumbled.

He kicked open my bedroom door as I began yanking my shirt and bra off. His lips broke away from mine, relocating to my bare chest. His mouth did wonderful things to my n*****s, making them stand at full attention, while his beard tickled my skin. He set me down on the bed and we both began to strip, our bare bodies colliding as soon as we were finished. Thorin was all rugged man and all muscle, just like how I had dreamt he would be. I noticed a few jagged scars, undoubtedly caused by Keres over the years. Thorin coaxed me down onto the bed, leaving my legs hanging off the edge. My breath hitched as he sank down between my legs, his bread tickling me again, while his tongue slowly swiped through my wet folds.

“Goddess!!” I m****d.

“There is no goddess where I am about to take you.” He smirked, the vibration of his voice sending a shiver through me.

One thing I appreciated about Thorin was that he was always true to his word. Another thing was his way of making everything so…simplistic. With just a few perfectly thought out moves, he had me begging for release. By the time he finally let me tip over the edge, I was shaking as I came all over his face.

Thorin wordlessly climbed up on the bed, using one of his legs to push my center further onto the bed. He spread my legs apart and let himself in, sinking deep inside me. My eyes rolled into the back of my head at the intrusion, still overly sensitive from what he had just finished doing. I was a trembling mess, hanging on for dear life as Thorin began pumping in and out of me. His mouth sucked on my neck, hard, almost making me see stars. Between that, his hands playing with my breasts, and his hard thrusts, I was ready to burst.

“Thorin!!” I begged, my nails digging into his back.

“Hang on Solnyshko…” He grunted, his thrusts becoming more desperate.

I screamed incoherently as I tipped over the edge, Thorin bursting within me being the final straw. He collapsed on top of me, muttering something in Russian to himself before picking his head up and kissing me deeply.

“That was perfect.” I said, a wave of emotions running through me.

“Why you cry?” He asked, wiping away a tear I didn’t know had fallen.

How could I nicely say ‘thanks for this but I’m still going to be mated to King Derek because I don’t want to start a war and do want to be queen’?

“You have decisions to make.” He sighed and nodded, as if reading my mind.

“If I call off the union now, I’ll never be queen. And it would probably start a war.”

“Your happiness does not matter then?” He asked, pulling out of me and grabbing a few tissues from the nightstand.

“Sometimes sacrifices have to be made,” I whispered, sitting up in bed.

“Happiness should not be one of them,” he said as he began to dress. “I go now.”

While I wanted to beg him to stay, to spend the night doing more of what we just did, I knew I couldn’t. It was risky enough having s*x with someone who wasn’t my betrothed, in his own house. Goddess, I was an awful person.

“I’ll walk you out.” I said grimly, wrapping the sheets around myself and escorting him out.

“I hope you will reconsider being mate to South King. Not so you can pursue me, but so you can pursue happiness, whatever that is to you.” He said, giving me a peck on the cheek before disappearing back to wherever he came from.

I quickly shut the door and retreated back to my room to clean up the mess we had just made. I opened a window to air out the room and stripped the sheets, throwing them and some of my laundry into the wash before heading to the bathroom, where I took a long hot shower, scrubbing my skin to get rid of any of Thorin’s scent. Goddess, I felt like such a scummy person. I let myself cry for a few minutes in the shower, knowing I wouldn’t be able to show any emotions once Derek got back, which could be any time now.

I dried off, threw my hair up in a towel and put on a set of pajamas. Now came the waiting game. It was another hour before I heard Derek finally come home. I was busy rifling through the cupboards for more chocolate, drowning my guilt in the sweet treat.

“Hey, where were you?” I asked, coming out of the kitchen, praying that he wouldn’t notice Thorns’ scent amongst the four candles I had lit while he was gone.

“I needed a run.” He sighed, flopping down on the couch. So far so good.

“You seem stressed today. Anything I can do to help?” I asked, going to his mini bar and pouring us both a drink. I didnt care what it was as long as it settled my nerves and kept Derek tipsy enough to not notice anything was amiss. I sat next to him, taking a big gulp myself before continuing. “It’s not about our ceremony, is it?

“No…” He said unconvincingly.

“I’m nervous too.” I said, emptying my glass. Maybe if we were both honest with each other, we could call this whole thing off.

“What are you nervous about?” Derek frowned.

“I feel like there is still so much I don’t know about you, Derek. And we haven’t even been physical together yet besides a k**s or two. Its just going to be a lot of big steps all at once. Moving in together, marking, mating, running a kingdom. Its a bit daunting.” I shrugged, trying not to think about the soreness between my legs from what Thorin had done just a little while ago.

“You’re not having second thoughts, are you?” Derek asked.

“No, nothing like that. Just nerves, I guess. I don’t exactly have a great track record with men either.” I laughed dryly.

“Well, I hope I can be the one to change that for you.” Derek said, tucking a strand of my still damp hair behind my ear.

“Me too.” I agreed, I wish I actually meant it.

“We had better get some sleep. I have a bunch of meetings scheduled early tomorrow morning.”

“Yes Sir.” I winked, trying to seem playful and relaxed and not guilty like I felt.

I wondered then if I would ever be able to show my future mate how I really felt. I wondered if I could ever learn to love him. Maybe the moon goddess just doesn’t find me worthy of love. Maybe I messed up in another life. Who knows. All I know is that everything about this felt wrong.