Chapter VI Confusing Emotions

Chapter 6 Confusing Emotions

Jason

The lump on Jason's head felt smaller when he woke up the next day. He had a dreamless, yet restful night, and he was up earlier than normal. He had time to watch the weather channel, believe it not, another sunny, breezy day. Typical weather for San Francisco! He didn't wake early enough to catch his mom going to work. They operated on different schedules now. Sometimes they didn't see each other for days at a time, but there was a new sticky note on the front door.

The best dreams happen when you're awake- Cherie Gilderbloom

The quote somewhat clashed with a quote Jason held near and dearest to his heart, "People only see what they are prepared to see"--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Catching Brett in his threeway was something Jason was prepared to see. It just took him until this very morning to understand that.

Jason didn't start thinking about Trent until he got back on his bike. His heart was racing when he thought back about yesterday. He wasn't entirely sure why he'd suddenly let his hope's get up that high. It was nothing, so he kept trying to tell himself most of yesterday and last night. Shakti Gawain's words from yesterday haunted him. There was no way Jason was going to risk it.

Trent's face, haunted his mind when he didn't keep himself busy. It had a way of creeping back inside his head, but then images of his so called ex-lover came back into his mind. It had started out nicely from what he remembered, desirable. He couldn't have imagined a life without someone like that in it.

Now he was gone, and Jason was alone. Well, not quite alone. He still had his mom, even though she wasn't around every day. There was Nicklaus and Caitlin too. Jason couldn't complain. He shouldn't.

Jason was too deep in thought, trapped in his own mind, by the time he arrived at the school. He managed to crash into the flagpole, well almost. Trent was suddenly there, his hands were on the handlebars, just inches away from Jason's. He tried not to stare, when thoughts, memories of what those hands felt like.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" His face was too guarded, and Jason squirmed under that glacial glance. "Maybe take a short walk?"

"Sure ok, let me take care of my bike." Jason was thankful for something to do to keep him busy.

Trent stayed where he was when Jason ran through his backpack for his bike lock. Once he found it, he tried not to fumble with it in his hands. He wanted to hurry this up, to get it over with. But then, he didn't want to make himself look too eager either.

Jason made his way back towards Trent. They walked slowly on the sidewalk by a chain linked fence. Trent kept his poker face on and kept staring ahead. That only strengthened Jason's worries. Maybe he expected Trent to come out as straight, that he wasn't interested. It wouldn't destroy Jason's hopes, but it would crush that short lived hope. Less pain, let's get it over and done with now. He was busy preparing for the worst when Trent through an unexpected question at him.

"So how does it work?"

First, Jason felt clueless, then realization dawned, followed by a sudden anger. He needed to calm down and at least approach this differently first.

"How does what work?" Jason was also too busy trying not notice everything about Trent. Like what he was wearing. Low neck shirt, skinny black jeans, dark brown belt and a pair of white sneakers. Jason thought the sneakers were name brand, but since he wasn't a fashion expert, he had no idea by who. Just that they were mostly white and gold on the bottom.

Jason tried not to grin when Trent had to look away, shy. "Two guys, uh, being together."

What was Jason doing? He felt like an overly eager puppy trying to please its master. Wasn't Jason supposed to swear off all things romantic? At least until college? Wasn't falling in love, this late in high school inconvenient? Trent would most likely go to a different college than Jason, and that would lead to more heartbreak.

Jason wasn't sure if he could handle any more heartbreak, at least not compressed so close together.

"How do you think?" Jason grinned lopsidedly while they kept walking. He was finding it impossible to ever stay angry with Trent.

"What?" Trent was looking at Jason, but now Jason wished he wouldn't do that.

Jason shrugged off the comment nonchalantly. "Oh, sorry, bah, Americans talk funny don't they?"

Trent only looked more confused. Jason only wished he could get Trent to look at him again, like he did yesterday. He wasn't sure why, but ever since he got a real taste of that, he needed more. Jason couldn't say he felt that way about his ex, even when things were going great. Love is strange.

"You should let me give you a ride." Again, the subject changed.

"Huh?"

Trent surprised Jason by throwing his comment right back at him, in his own way. "To school. You know, we Aussie's talk funny."

Jason couldn't help but chuckle.

"You've got humor, me likes." Jason instantly felt his face get hot after the words were out there in the open. What if he gave Trent the wrong idea?

"I mean a ride to school and back." Jason was now thankful for the change of subject. "You should be resting more. All this exercise, won't let your head heal right."

Jason had no idea why Trent would care, not that Jason had a problem with it. Then again, maybe he should? "You think something is wrong with my head?" He smiled in what he hoped was genuine. "I guess in a way it shaped funny."

"Let me at least try to make it up to you with that. It was my fault." Trent had to bend his head trying to catch Jason's eye. Jason kept turning away, he didn't want Trent to read his facial expressions. Jason wished his face wasn't such an open book. "Something wrong?"

Yes, lots. "No."

"Then why won't you let me look at you?"

"It's an American thing?" Jason shrugged, finally meeting Trent's eyes, then looked away again.

Jason heard Trent stop mid step, that he too had to stop walking. "Seriously, what's up?"

Jason could only stare. He wondered, tried to piece the words together like a jigsaw puzzle. There was a lot he had to say. Some proved to be oversharing and could send Trent running the other way. Trent was only being nice! Civil! Jason knew there was a fine line between flirting and kindness. But for whatever reason, the line felt blurred.

Was Jason making himself delusional? How hard did he hit his head?

"I'm sorry... what?" Trent had his hands in his pockets, leaned forward from the waist up, his toes also leaned forward.

"What, what?"

"What you just said."

"What did I just say?"

"You asked yourself how hard you must have hit your head. Yes or no, you are going to have to accept my offer because now I'm getting worried about your head."

Jason knew he was looking him idiotically now. Those eyes, why did they make Jason feel like he'd taken a heavy dose of truth serum? "Ok..."

"Just write down your address for me." Why did he have to look so handsome, carefree but sexy as hell when he said it like that? "I'll take care of the rest."

When Jason still didn't say anything, "Are you really going to be ok? Or should I carry you bridal style back to school?" He suddenly looked like he shouldn't have said that the same time Jason have an involuntary flinch.

Jason's throat felt frozen as he fought every ounce he had in him to keep the heat from rising to his face.

"Jason... you look feverish. Are you ok? Do you need to see the nurse again? I'll gladly escort you."

Why? He wanted to ask. Why should you care? Oh my god, when did I become so cynical?

Jason bit the inside of his lip. He'd given up on love. There was no way...

"No, I'm actually fine," He lied. "Just got a lot on my mind." Truth be told. "There's a stack of homework I'm not looking forward to doing after school." Also the truth.

A strange look like Trent had been hit over the head sluggishly, crossed over his face. "Oh! Right! I have that thing after school. I am so sorry! If it's not too much trouble, can I ask you to wait for me?"

To the ends of the earth. Oh please, somebody make me disappear! "Sure, sometimes I stay after with Caitlin to watch Nicklaus at practice." The same look might have crossed his own face. "Oh! Right! He can't. But I will be there. The football field then?"

"That big grassy field out back?" Jason could tell Trent was joking.

When Trent smiled, Jason couldn't help but smile back. He had to wipe it away for worry that he might creep Trent out. He didn't want Trent to think every homosexual was going to start hitting on him, but could he blame them? Jason knew better than to fall for guys that didn't bat for his team. Wanting something he couldn't have, it was a waste of everyone's time.

Jason, like everybody else, wanted to be wanted, and desired. He couldn't get that from a straight guy. So why bother? Was Trent straight? That wasn't his business, but Jason did feel more than a tad curious. Or he would be lying to himself.

He waited, he thought, and finally found the words he was looking for. "Let's head back."

Trent gave nothing away on his face when he nodded as they turned back towards the main entrance to the school. Jason felt he needed space, so he wasn't walking as close by like before. He spotted Caitlin who seemed to be talking a mile a minute to Nicklaus. He looked like he was about to break a sweat in trying to keep up. Not that he ever gave up trying.

Jason could tell Caitlin was visibly fighting herself to keep from looking over their way, hence the talking a mile a minute to keep her busy. Her eyes was what gave her away. Jason could see them darting his way and then back to her boyfriend. Jason momentarily wondered why they weren't officially engaged yet, despite them being high school students.

Trent suddenly split off in a different direction once they were close enough. Jason tried not to wonder, but the hurt might have shown in his eyes. Maybe Trent finally realized something about Jason and wanted nothing to do with it. Or that was Jason's mind messing with him, his insecurities. Even Caitlin seemed to notice as Nicklaus knelt down to get something from his book bag.

"Meh," Caitlin laughed once Jason stood in front of her, "I can't tell who's flirting with who. You guys might make a cute couple."

"Don't tease our adopted gay boy." Nicklaus said without looking up from his book bag.

"Mind you, the gay adopted father kissed the gay adopted son. That makes you more perverted and twisted than I thought." Caitlin shot back without missing a beat.

Jason sighed and that brought her attention back his way.

Caitlin had to squint because the sun was in her eyes, "Are you in love?"

Jason felt his eyes widen. "What? No! It's been what? One day? That's crazy!" Was it?

Caitlin didn't look like she was buying it, not that Jason had any idea what was going on in his own head, but even though she didn't say it, she gave off a wind of caution. She undoubtedly hadn't forgiven Trent either, but for now, those thoughts were being suppressed. That wasn't something she did often either.

Nicklaus joined in after he stood back up. "Is that a straight crush you've got going on there?"

"No, no, no, no you guys are getting it all wrong. I've given that kind of thing up. Why bother falling in love when we'll have to break up by the end of year?"

Caitlin and Nicklaus both shared a look.

Jason had to take a different approach. "Ok, I walked into that one. It's different you two right?"

"You tell me." Caitlin said, no longer amused.

Nicklaus only smiled, but had to bite his bottom lip before Caitlin caught him.

"Moving on is healthy too," Caitlin said with an almost pitiful look. "That was months ago. Sorry, I know you don't want to talk about it. The subject is forbidden and it's not like we, your best friends want to reopen any wounds by bringing up these facts."

Nicklaus quickly followed up. "We're saying, we're cool with it. Even though he is the guy who beat me up. Can't say there are many who can get the jump on me."

"You do look tougher and hotter!" Caitlin gave a light nudge of her elbow and pressed it into his left side.

Jason felt the need to look away. When he did, he caught Trent standing off in the distance by himself against a brick wall. They were on opposite ends of the wide entrance area. The flag pole also separated them. It looked like he still hadn't made any friends yet. Trent might have felt Jason's stare because he found Jason's eyes instantly. His expression was still unreadable.

What Jason wouldn't give to hear his thoughts!

Jason wondered which sounded better, should he run like hell? Or into Trent's arms?

When a girl with a rack of double D's ran right up to him, and Trent's expression went from unreadable to 'interested'. Jason suddenly felt sick. With himself for being cursed. He knew it shouldn't have surprised him, that he shouldn't care. It wasn't his business.

Jason didn't want to watch, but he watched the girl touch Trent's arms like it was an accident.

He hardly realized Caitlin was standing next to him, watching the same scene unfold before their eyes. "Oh... Jason. I'm so sorry."

"People only see what they are prepared to see," He quoted Ralph Waldo Emerson outloud.

"He has no idea what he's missing," Nicklaus said while keeping his manly distance. Not that it bothered Jason any, he preferred to have Caitlin closer instead. "And I was just about to forgive him. Say, what did he want to talk to you about?"

"I don't even know anymore." Jason wished he didn't let himself get so emotional.

He did not let himself cry.