Penny woke up the next day pretty early.
And by early, meaning she didn't sleep at all.
She tried, and tried to fall asleep, but ended up tossing and turning. Sometimes she would fall close her eyes and lose track of the time, but she would wake up again and not feel refreshed.
She was worried about the audition. She wanted to do well, but wasn't optimistic. All she could feel throughout the night was dread, as if she was preparing herself for the worst.
Around six in the morning, she decided to roll out of bed and make herself a cup of coffee. The penthouse was very quiet, while the city was starting to wake up. The sky was starting to lighten, creating a stormy blue gray. Penny yawned while staring out the huge windows before going into the kitchen to make herself some coffee.
With a plain white mug in her hand, she decides to go outside and enjoy her coffee there. She grabbed a thick coat and put on a pair of random shoes at the front door and walked out to the terrance. Even though she has lived here for a month, she has never been out on it. She always sees it through the window, but never actually goes out. It wasn't too big. Enough for an outdoor couch with a coffee table, a high table with a closed umbrella, and various plants around the edges.
She is unsure how those plants are still alive. She has never seen anyone care for them.
She opens the heavy sliding door and steps out into the cold. Thankfully, it wasn't windy, like how it usually was in November. It was definitely below forty degrees Fahrenheit, but since she was all bundled up with a hot mug of coffee, she was okay with it.
She gingerly sat down on the chair and kicked her feet onto the coffee table. Then she just sat there, looking into the morning sky as clouds roll across and the sunrise colors change as the sun becomes more visible.
Sometimes, she would just close her eyes and listen to the sounds of cars whizzing by. She would slow her breath down and just try to relax. It worked for the most part, but that was because she felt separate from her reality. What she was doing now and what she was going to do were on two separate timelines. The former was in her perfect world where nothing was wrong and everything was just right. The latter was a reminder of how everything can go wrong and how out of control she felt.
After an hour, she decides to go back inside. The maid was already in the kitchen. Penny scared the poor old woman with the sound of opening the patio door.
"Ah, Penny! I didn't know you were outside!"
Penny gave the woman an apologetic smile and placed her empty mug in the dishwasher.
"Would you like me to make you some breakfast?" Ms. Birdie asked.
"No, it's okay. I'm not really hungry," it wasn't quite a lie. She really wasn't that hungry, but she really didn't feel like eating. She felt so exhausted that she didn't even want to chew. She felt full enough with the coffee.
Daniel was coming to pick her up around ten o'clock, so she a little less than three hours to get ready. It was honestly a lot of time, but due to her lack of sleep, it was just enough.
She hopped in the shower and used all the hot water. Most of that time was spent spacing out, getting lost in thoughts or memories that were not welcomed. Out of the shower, she sat of the toilet seat, air drying, and scrolling through her phone to keep herself busy. She went to the closet and stared, not knowing what to wear. After an hour of grabbing clothes and feeling them in her hand, she decided on a navy blue, shapeless sweater dress. It reached a little above her knee and the sleeves were long. She paired it with a pair of high heeled black ankle boots.
She went back to the bathroom to style her hair and put on some makeup. When she was finished, her hair was styled pin straight, with the front pieces gathered in the back. Her make up was very subtle, only having brown in her crease, a shining white gold on her lid, and black mascara.
It was almost time for Dan to pick her up. Her room was a mess after getting ready. In the bathroom, products are scattered across the counter and towels lay in sopping wet piles. In the bedroom, her bedsheets were halfway on the ground and clothes and shoes from the closet were not on the floor.
I don't have time to clean up, she lied to herself.
I'll clean it up when I get home, another lie she told herself.
She stood in front of her large mirror, taking a good look at herself. It was hard not to critique everything about her body and outfit. She told herself how pale her legs looked, especially against the navy blue. It looks like you are recovering from cancer, or something. She saw how the dress swallowed her whole, leaving nothing to the imagination...because nothing was there. You shouldn't have even gotten this dress. If you weren't as flat as a bored, you would actually fill the dress out and look good. Her eyes travelled up to her face and she tried to practice her smile. It was as lifeless as the look in her eyes. Every one there is going to tell how depressed and empty you are. They are going to see how much you hate yourself and give you nothing. It is your fault that you feel this way, and it's going to be your fault when you don't get this role.
She would give anything to crawl back into her bed and cry (just a little), but she made a promise to her friend. If she didn't do this, then he will be disappointed in her. Right now, it seems more important to make sure her friend is happy rather than do what she wants to do.
This mindset helps now, but down in the future, it can be extremely hurtful.
The mirror in front of her told her no lies. It showed her body how it was, beautiful. However, Penny's mind distorted that image and ruined her beauty. All that she see's now is failure. The mirror, unlike everything else in her room, was almost perfect. It only had one smudge, which Penny quickly saw and used the sleeve of her dress to swipe away. It was back to perfection.
"Penny! Daniel is here," Ms. Birdie shouted up the stairs.
"Coming!" She replied back, gathering all her things and running out the door.
***
Daniel and Penny walked together into the building where the audition was taking place. Usually, the area would be busy with actors, but since this was a special audition, called in for a favor, the waiting area was empty.
The casting director was actually waiting for the couple. He addressed him first, "Dan, good to see you." They reach out for a mutual handshake. "I hope she is as good as you say."
It wasn't the most appropriate thing to say in front of the young woman. She gives a polite smile, but she is a little offended inside. Surprisingly, she had to bite her tongue as to not say anything.
"Don't worry," Dan looks back, reassuring her, "She is even better."
"Okay," the casting director looks down at her file and resume that Dan has already given him, "Penelope Marshall. Follow me this way and we will start that audition."
She gives a very quiet, "Okay" and follows him into the room.
There was a woman sitting at a piano, ready to play Penny's music. There was also a camera on a tripod, to take a video of the audition. Thankfully, there wasn't a couch or a half naked person or it would feel like she was filming an adult movie. The man was already a little off putting to her, and all of that would have her running out the door.
"Okay, Penelope, why don't you sing, first, hm? Let me hear "Roxie" first."
The casting director wasn't prepared for the sight in front of him. First of all, Roxie wasn't a common audition song because of the dancing and extra singers, but the version she was performing was amazing. She filled the spacing with a charming and sultry smile. Her movements during the song felt natural. He was very impressed.
She soon finished the first song and went on to the next one, "Crossing a Bridge" from Anastasia. It was more popular for casting directors to hear. However, he was blown away with her performance. The song was about a young woman finding her identity and trying to figure out her future. Penny sang it so passionately, it was as if she was going through the same thing.
What he loved about the girl was how authentic she was. Her acting while singing didn't feel forced, it was perfect.
She was finished with the song, and he kept a straight face. Poker and auditions were very similar: You don't want your face to give away what secrets you hold.
Pretending he did this at every audition, he said, "Okay, so instead of the monologue you have prepared, I want you to read this. It is one from the show. We had everyone do it."
Penny's heart started racing. She was feeling pretty confident with herself and the performance she gave. She could perform her songs and monologue while she was asleep, but now she was dangerously close to falling asleep and forced to read something new.
Sweat started to gather on her palms, so before reaching to grab the paper, she wipes them along her dress. "Uh, okay," she says. "Can, uh, can I have, like a second to read this, or something."
"Of course, take all the time you need. I am in no rush," he says.
She didn't respond because her eyes dart to the paper. It was very long, maybe only a minute long. She read it over a few times, thinking of the different ways to say the words in front of her. She then switches to whispering under her breath the monologue, to make sure she doesn't mess up the words.
A little while later, she proclaims, "I'm ready."
"Great, start when you are ready," then all eyes (but really it was only four and the camera lens) were on her.
"Is this really all you thought of me...a case. Just some criminal you needed to take down. Did our love mean nothing to you? I would say differently. The way you would hold me at night, the way you would kiss my cheek after dropping me off at work, and the way you would hold my hand in public. All of this would tell a different story. What do you want me to say? That I committed all those crimes, that I am guilty? Well, you saw everything, didn't you. Yet you still fell in love with me. I am a bad person, not because I did those things, but because I fell in love with you too. You...you are the only thing I regret."
She finished the monologue. The man in front of her kept the emotionless, but polite face of all casting directors, but inside told a different story. The woman behind her, at the piano, couldn't be seen, but her mouth was open, in complete awe.
Penny looked everywhere but the man across of her, waiting for him to excuse her.
"Okay, thank you Ms. Marshall. Now we can still get in contact with you through the email and phone number you provided, correct." She nodded. "Okay, have a good day now."
With that she left the room, meet Daniel out in the lobby, and they went back to the penthouse.