Today, my head hurt more than it ever had before. I was dizzy and drowsy and in dire need of sleep. I mean, I did sleep last night after Ji-ho left. I was giddy and awake all-night, I didn't even think of my hunger.
It was strange because initially when I had started my diet, the hunger pains had disappeared, but about a month later, they were back with a vengeance. I refused to give up my self-control and give in to that hunger though.
I dozed off during Mr. Peterson's class, my eyes were peacefully shut as he continued speaking about a new book that we were supposed to have read over winter break. All I did over winter break was watch television shows and think of how angry I was at Ji-ho. And just as the class had started, it ended quickly when the bell rang.
My head was pounding and I could feel my heartbeat ringing in my ears. It moved quickly as I attempted to stand up. My legs felt weak and I struggled to keep my balance.
"What the heck?" I muttered to myself, concern on my brows as I looked at the door from across the classroom. Everyone was leaving and here I was, unable to get out of my seat.
"Come on Phoebe." I said as next period's students began filing in. My leg was numb, it had fallen asleep and evidently didn't want to wake up. The numbness spread upwards and I felt it in my hand. My fingers could move, but it felt like I wasn't the one controlling them.
The person, whose seat I was currently sitting in, stood impatiently tapping her foot. She was waiting for me to leave and go to my next period class, but I was physically unable to move. I was exhausted and it felt like my body was struggling to move as well.
"Come on." I panicked, glaring at my hands as my the numbness spread to both my legs. My right hand was mobile and all I could do was zip up my backpack and look up at the girl apologetically. "Could you... um... help me up?" I asked, completely embarrassed as more students filed in.
I knew time was running and the five minutes that I would normally have to get to my next class had probably been cut in half at this point. I looked up at the doorâ my goal destination so I could walk across the school to get to my next class.
"You can't walk?" She asked, impatience was seeping out of her voice as her annoyed tone of voice hit my ears. At that moment as I stared at the door, Ji-ho walked in with Jamison and my eyes suddenly widened. I had no idea he was in this class.
I bit my lip and hid my face as our kisses flashed through my brain involuntarily and my heart decided to hammer inside my chest. I was now panicking that he would come up to me and ruin his good reputation and I was panicking because both my hands and legs had fallen numb and I was helpless in fixing this problem.
"Can you get up now? This isn't funny." The girl said. I looked up at her again, shifting my gaze from Ji-ho and the door. His eyes caught sight of me, but I prayed he would stay away.
"I can't move." I said, biting back my tears as my left hand slowly started regaining motor function. My arm was fine, but, even if I stood up, I wouldn't have been able to walk anywhere.
It wasn't the same numbness that I felt when I sat on the toilet for too longâ this was different. This was a painless numb, the type that freaks you out the most, because it didn't allow you to move even though you were completely conscious.
I attempted to stand up again, feeling like both my legs were missing and I was floating. Ji-ho had walked over to me and the blonde girl that stood in front of my seat.
"Did you transfer to this class so you could spend more time with me?" Ji-ho joked, but I was incapable of laughter.
"Ji-ho, I can't move. My legs are numb." I said as we stood in the middle of the classroom while the blonde girl took the seat that I had finally vacated.
"What do you mean?" He asked, placing both hands on my shoulders as I heard whispers around us, many consisting of the words 'fat Phoebe.'
"My legs are numb, I don't even know how I'm standing right now." I stated, looking directly at him with fear in my eyes. I was an embarrassment to be friends with and I knew it.
"Do you want me to carry you to the nurses office?" He asked.
"No!" I said, too quickly. I didn't want him to realize how heavy I was.
"Then what should I do?" He asked. His patience was a total 180 compared to the blonde girl that claimed the seat. I wondered where Mr. Peterson had gone in all of this. He was no longer in the classroom.
"My next period teacher gives a lot of tardies, I don't know what to do." I whispered. Ji-ho took a step closer and placed my arm on his shoulder, he had to bend down quite a bit in order to do so. It felt like everybody was watching us.
"Your health is more important than avoiding a tardy." He said. I bit my lip, "you know me Phoebe and I hope that, by now, you're comfortable with me. So, can I carry you to the nurses office?"
I shut my eyes, there seemed to be no other resolution. He was right, I would probably feel embarrassed laterâ but now, I needed his help. I nodded and in that instant he'd lifted me up like I weighed nothing and walked out of the classroom.
"What are they going to say about you? You were seen with me... they'll bully you too and..." I began as Ji-ho continued walking through the shrunken crowd and toward the nurses office. The bell rung, signaling that I was tardy to my biology class, but it didn't matter. Ji-ho, as I've come to learn, is usually right.
"They won't say anything. And why should we care what they say. They don't matter; they're irrelevant Phoebes. After graduation, it'll just be the two of us and no more of this gossip from them. Their opinions don't matter." He declared. It brought me back to when he'd announced that my weight and confidence shouldn't be defined by others. I nodded, unable to hold onto him because my arm went numb.
His handsome face blurred in front of me as I continued to stare. Ji-ho was such a beautiful person, inside and out. I wondered how I had gotten so lucky to befriend someone like that. I wondered, aside from appearances, if more people at Parley were as kind and caring as him. Doubtful.
"Phoebe? Are you awake?" He asked, jumping up and down. I felt my eyes shut as my both my arms were unable to hold onto his shoulders, I sagged in his arms as he heaved me up. "Phoebe! Can you hear me?!" He asked. His words slowly quieted down and slurred and I wondered why his voice had changed so quickly.
Everything was hazy, my sight, my smell, my hearing, my body. I couldn't move anything. I felt his warmth against my cold frame, his fingers on my face, but I couldn't tell what was happening.
And then, I heard, saw, and felt nothing at all as the world around me faded away.