Please comment and vote!
I woke up gasping for air, my stomach lurched angrily, boasting its loudâ and unwantedâ sound. It was mad that it hadn't digested anything in over twenty-four hours. But, from the stuff I'd read online, this hunger should subside in a matter of days.
My alarm sounded minutes later while I lay awake, staring at my dark ceiling. The sun wasn't up yet which was typical for this part of the Midwest where I would need to get to school by seven.
Unfortunately for me, my car had refused to start when I'd gone to pick up a package for my mom yesterday, which meant I had to take the bus because of the dead battery. My school bus would be here in about an hour.
I showered and quickly put on my uniform, wearing the formal beige pants that we were permitted to wear only once a week, but never on Mondays. Neither of my parents were awake yet, they never woke up with me before school. Unless I missed the bus or another horrible thing happened, in that case, they'd yell at me the entire time that I sat in the truck.
I didn't bother to do my makeup or to do anything with my wet hair; it would dry and become frizzy and curly, but that was okay. I was going to school to learn, not to impress the other students. At least that's what I'd always told myself.
"Good Morning Phoebe. I haven't seen you in a while." The bus driver nodded in my direction when the big yellow bus arrived and its dark doors opened.
"Morning Mrs. Mantis." I nodded, she sat there wearing gloves and blasting country music while she chewed on sunflower seeds.
Personally, I preferred complete silence in the morning, but it wasn't really my place to judge when she was the only way I could get from point A to point Bâ at least, until my car engine was replaced.
Silent eyes watched me as I twisted through the aisle, trying to suck in my stomach and squeeze by to get to the seats in the back. I began squirming and turning in order to fit. I was embarrassed when I finally made it to the back of the bus and sat. It was dark and calming while a song about horses came on.
"Hey!" Someone said, I took a deep breath, my chin hitting my chest as I did so, looking at my thighs and wishing they didn't expand that much when I sat.
"Um. Hello?" I whispered with zero desire to speak to anybody this early in the morning.
"I haven't seen you on the bus before, are you new?" The voice asked again. I looked at my hands nervously, the skin beside the nail-beds was slowly tearing. My view roamed to the faded red 'no' that had been written on my wrist yesterday and I wondered how angry my parents would get if I tattooed it there.
Probably very, very mad. I concluded.
"Hello?" He waved a hand over my face. My brown, frizzy hair wasn't long, but it was lengthy enough to cover the surface area of my face, hiding any expression present. I took a deep breath, adjusting the bottom of my shirt as I covered my stomach with my cardigan.
"I don't like talking in the morning." I responded, keeping my head down as the bus drove over a speed bump at an alarming speed, bouncing us all up and down and forcing me to glance at the legs of a man that were turned to face me from the seat in front of me.
"Oh, I understand." He said, pausing momentarily and I thought he would finally be silent. "Do you go to Parley?"
I shook my head, a small smile forming on my mouth as I finally looked up. I was met with a pale-skinned, broad-shouldered, skinny guy with eyes that resembled the color of a car-tire. His eyes were small and his features reminded me of those handsome men from the Korean dramas that I'd spent most of my time watching. Immediately, I was jealous of his arms knowing that they were probably thin and slim, hidden by a layered coat.
"Did the uniform not give it away?" I asked, an eyebrow raised.
"Sorry, I couldn't see the symbol on your shirt," he smiled, revealing white, straight teeth. He didn't say it, but I realized he meant that he couldn't see my symbol because it was hidden by my arm-- or chin. "I'm Ji-ho." He said, "my friends call me Kyle though."
I tried to comprehend how the two names were even remotely similar, but I didn't question it further. It would be disrespectful if I did.
"I'm Phoebe." I responded, taking a deep breath as my stomach growled and I ignored it again.
"Are you new?" Ji-ho asked again and I realized that I would get no peace this morning, especially not while sitting here. However, I didn't want to stand up and embarrass myself further by walking through the aisle to find another seat. I didn't want anyone else looking at me
"No, I usually don't ride the bus. Are you?" I asked as he nodded brightly, his eyes shining.
"Yeah actually, it's my second day. I transferred here from California, my family just moved here. I was on the bus yesterday and it was empty, is there a rule against riding on Mondays? It feels so weird to be living in Oklahoma now though. All my neighbors are white." He laughed and I had to admit that he was the first person of color I'd met, aside from myself. I wondered how the dynamic would be at school. It would certainly be weird for him, considering how diverse California was and how not-diverse Oklahoma is.
"How do you like it so far?" I asked, my voice cracking. I cleared my throat, feeling the dryness of my mouth distract me while I remembered my hunger.
It shall pass. I reminded myself. I had to keep explaining my goal and that it would be worth it in the end. I needed to darken the word on my wrist. Later, I thought.
"It's pretty, lots of trees. I've only been here a week so its been pretty hectic; my neighbors are really cool though, its so weird that they keep offering us fruits from their garden, my neighbors back in Cali never did that." He rambled on. I observed him as he spoke, a dimple was present on his right cheek and beneath his cheeks was a firm square jaw. I wondered if Ji-ho played any sports. If he did, he'd fit in very easily.
"Cool." I muttered, wondering if this was the end of the conversation. The sun was beginning to come up as the bus stopped in front of another neighborhood and more students wearing similar uniforms and groggy smiles entered, greeting each other.
"Do you like it here?" He asked.
The question stopped me in my tracks momentarily and I wondered if he was willing to befriend a nobody. Because if he was, I felt that he should know that I was at the very bottom of the food chain. I was always picked last in PE, I ran my miles in fourteen minutes, I could barely climb up the stairs to my lockers without panting, I was really bad at every STEM class I took. I had many flaws and reasons to be hated by the majority of my classmates.
People didn't usually talk to me and I often felt judged but invisible at the same time. Ultimately, people didn't really see a value in befriending me, so they didn't.
"Honestly..." I muttered before realizing that it was probably way too soon to talk about my woes and complaints to someone I had just met. I wondered if thats what drove people away-- aside from my unsightly appearance.
"Are you going to spill the tea around here?" He smiled lightheartedly. I couldn't understand why I took offense to a completely inoffensive statement. It made me wonder if he thought I should eat and drink less, hence the spill the tea. I knew, however, that that might not quite be what he meant.
"It's great. You'll like it. Especially if you play any sports." I commented, dishearteningly before realizing that if Ji-ho was to become my friend, he'd quickly be stolen from me and wrapped up in the glamor of the popular crowd.
Before he could say anything else, someone else approached us and sat a seat ahead. "Hi!" He smiled at Ji-ho, "I'm Jamison, are you new?" He directed the question at Ji-ho.
For a big girl, I felt invisible in that moment. Jamison was the class president, he made it his mission to know everybody-- at least, everybody that mattered and fit the mold.
"I'm Kyle." Ji-ho said and I raised a brow, wondering why he didn't give Jamison the name he'd told me, "yeah, I just moved here last week. Parents signed me up for Parley High School as soon as we got here-- and here I am." He flashed the million-dollar smile as I quickly looked away.
There was no way he'd want to be friends with the likes of me after meeting a shining star like Jamison.
I shut my mouth for the rest of the ride to school; but, suffice to say, Ji-ho didn't exactly fit the mold that I'd gently wrapped him up in. He wasn't shy and he made an effort to speak to me throughout the day. And not just me either, he quickly became known by everybody in our small school rather quickly and I was jealous of his quick acquaintance-ships.
I wondered: if I was thinner, could I be friends with everyone, just like him?
Since I hadn't brought my car today, I sat alone in the cafeteria at lunch. It wasn't as humiliating as I thought because all of the athletes and other popular pretty people had gone off campus, leaving behind the 'losers.' Jamison had quickly taken a liking to Ji-ho, he took him with his clique to where-ever they all usually ate lunch.
I wasn't crushed or sad about it, the eating alone, that is. I had built people up in my head in the past and attached myself to the point where I allowed them to break me. That was never going to happen again.
I sat self-consciously, feeling judged, as the remaining population of mainly freshmen and sophomores laughed and spoke in the cafeteria. I felt like everyone was staring at me as I constantly adjusted my shirt and cardigan at my table, so I climbed up the flight of stairs and hid in the bathroom for the remainder of lunch.
It was hot and smelly, but I didn't mind as long as nobody could see me. I was able to relax, the growling stomach had finally silenced and the hunger was slowly going away.
I couldn't wait to see Ji-ho on the bus later. I was excited to maybe have a new friend.
---
Fun fact: Ji-ho means wisdom and greatness!