Chapter 15

(Chapter song ‘Blue On Black' by Kenny Wayne Shepherd)

PENELOPE As the days pass, I feel close to Jesse. I just wish he’d feel close to me.

Our nights are special and he’s with me as a man should be, but in the day, he’s still closed off. He tries to avoid any attempt to talk and it upsets me that he can’t trust the way he should. I’ll give him more time before I start to push. He needs to see his heart. I don’t know why, but the whispers on my soul say they need him to do this. I agree. No man should live as broken as he is.

I carry the water bowl to the water pump. The sun is high today and hot. I place the bowl in the wooden trough and stand. I wipe my brow with my towel and look out onto the vast open space as the breeze blows my hair. It’s washing day and looking after five men is hard work. I’m determined to do my part for Jesse’s hospitality.

I’ve actually had an easier time now that I have some of Bills clothes to wear. He’s the only one that’s close to my size. Jesse says he’s going into town to buy me some dresses. He doesn’t have to, but he insists. A woman shouldn’t be wearing pants, he grumbles when he’s around me. I feel free in them. Dresses, when doing chores, are cumbersome.

I swipe the wisps of hair off my forehead and start to pump the large iron handle. As I do, it sputters and creeks. I imagine these men have never touched this. My arm burns through my conviction to get water. Finally, it comes. The water comes from the ground, out the spout and cascades into the bowl. It’s dirty now, but I’ll clean it up.

I fill my bowl and carry it to the house where I have a pot boiling on the cook stove along with breakfast.

“Mornin’ Miss.” I turn my head as I pour the water into the pot.

“Good morning, Mr. Wright.” I breathe as I wipe my hands and get a plate.

“Please. Call me Justice. I’m not my daddy.” He says as he adjusts his trousers and sits at his spot at the table.

“Be that as it may, manners of address are important.” I smile and place his breakfast down in front of him.

“Yes, ma'am.” He grins. “Looks good.” He says as he crunches bacon.

“God. Someone kill me, please.”

I giggle. “Mr. Bennet. Feeling out of sorts?”

“I feel like a bison did a bull stomp on my head with a fancy fox trot for good measure.” He sits gruffly in his chair.

I place his plate in front of him. He holds his stomach and pushes the plate away. “Ugh. No thanks.”

“Eat the woman’s food, ya classless jackal.”

I turn and smile as Jesse walks out of his room doing up his gun belt. He looks at me and it seems like he has to force a tiny smile. It’s his usual stance, I’ll take every little step. He sits in his chair and I place his plate down. “Have a good rest?” I stand beside him and fold my arms. He shoves food in his mouth. “A little cold.” He smirks and winks at me. I giggle and get cups.

“Miss. I must say. After suffering Jesse’s cooking, you are an angel from heaven.” Justice grins with full cheeks.

Jesse scowls. “You’re lucky I fed you at all.”

“Thank you.” I say and place a cup of water down in front of the men.

“No, Harley. That is dumbest idea of all ideas.”

The front door opens and Dakota walks in with Harley, Bill and Mutt on his heels.

“Listen they carry for multiple banks. Multiple! Do you even know what that means?” Harley says to his back.

Dakota turns. “Yeah. A suicide mission. No.”

“What are we talkin' about?” Jesse says as he dips his bread.

“Mr. Genius here, thinks it would be plum dandy to just, ya know, knock the steam engine.” Dakota crosses his arms and looks Jesse.

Jesse nods as he chews. He throws his bread on the plate. “Ok. Talk to me.”

“What? Are you kidding? We can’t hit a train, Jesse. It’s a good way to git yourself killed.” Dakota scowls.

“I’m afraid, I have to agree. It sounds dangerous and unnecessary.” I say to him.

He rolls his eye to me. “Nobody asked you. You have no business in men’s conversation.”

My face falls just a bit. I nod and turn back to the food on the stove. I’m the woman. I should know my place, but this plan of his is frightening.

He picks up his bacon and takes a bite. “It’s only dangerous if you’re an idiot and try while it’s running. When it’s stopped…” He tilts his head to his men.

Dakota sits. “That will be armed to the teeth. You can survive being shot. We can’t.”

“I can.” Mutt puts his hand up while he’s lounged in his chair.

“Ok, fine. You and Mutt.” Dakota scowls. “But us three, can’t.”

Jesse leans forward. “That’s why I jump the train while y’all beat it to the station. I ghost the engineer and take out the inside guards. Y’all take the ones at the station.”

“We’d be outnumbered, Jesse. The posse waits for that train. 20 men at least.” Dakota argues.

I hug myself and bite my nail as I watch the exchange. He can’t do this. He mustn’t. I have a really bad intuition around this.

“We’ll grab the reserve.” Jesse says.

“No. Not a chance. I don’t want other bandits on this.” Dakota grinds.

Harley leans forward and taps the table. “There’s at least four banks worth, two of them city banks, on those cars. We will have more than enough to split.”

Dakota scrubs his face. “It’s a big risk. It don’t feel right.”

“Make it feel right. The train comes this way in a month. Round up the bandits and tell ‘em to git ready.” Jesse stands and hands me his plate as he looks around at his men. He looks to me. “Come with me. Now.” He grunts.

I nod and put the plate down. He walks to the back to his room. I feel a bit of tension and heat as I walk in behind him. He closes the door as I present myself as respectful as I can.

He stares me down and walks around me. He looks at me as his boots thump the floor in silence. My heart beats fast expecting to feel Jesse’s true colors for speaking out of place.

He walks behind me and leans to my ear. “Ya had something to say?”

I quickly glance at him while my brows stitch up. “N…No. It’s not…”

“Say it.” He grits.

I breathe slowly, trying to keep calm.

“I…um…I…” I stammer.

“I ain’t hurtin’ ya, woman. Damn well say what’s on yer mind.” He moves to my front and glares at me.

This is definitely not what I’m used to at all. “I don’t feel like this train robbery is a good idea, that’s all.” I say quietly.

“It’s not. It’s a last resort. We need this money.” He crosses his arms and looks down on me.

“You can find money in more respectable manners.” My eyes meet his.

“Yeah, Sweat Pea. That ain’t the way the world works. This isn’t some fairytale book. Out here, weak men work. It takes guts to take what you want and live by that.” He says.

“With all due respect. Weak men steal. Hard working men have an honor no one can touch. It’s a power of earning what you need. A coward steals what they want…generally speaking.” I shy a bit as I threaten to insult his manhood, but it had to be said.

“You think I’m a coward?” He leans to me.

“No…not…I just.”

“The truth!” He raises his voice.

“Yes.” I lift my head. “But I see you don’t have to be.”

He nods to me, turns around and rubs his hair. He turns back around and places his hands on his hips. “I suppose you’re now uncomfortable with my being an outlaw.”

“I’ve never been comfortable with that, Jesse. I hope one day to see a change if I can help.” I wrap my arms around myself. “For now, I accept that. It just puts fear in my heart for the people you encounter and you. I don’t want you hurt when there’s a better way. Yes, it’s longer and takes a toll, but it’s what the Lord expects. It’s what I would like. To know you hold the same honor for yourself as I hold for you.” I really don’t dare move because the words I speak are completely out of line. All I can do is wait for a response whatever that may be.

He steps close. “Ok.”

“Ok?” I meet his eyes.

“I won’t do the train job if you feel that strongly about it.” He rubs my arms and kisses my forehead.

“You won’t?” My eyes widen at this breakthrough.

He gives a tiny smile. “You’re right. If you’re here, I need to start thinkin’ better. I need to a better man. I want you as the woman of my house, I need that house respectable, right?”

I smile back. “Yes. That sounds good.”

“Good. Now. One thing.” He points in my face. “If you need somethin' said you ask me to take you private. Got it? I won’t have you speaking that freely around the boys. It’s not that I won’t hear ya, I need to be the man here. Ya want in, this is what that means. You know your place and speak when it’s time.”

I nod and smile again. “Yes.”

“Ok.” He kisses my lips and hugs my head. “Why don’t you go and see how the horses are doing? It’s about breakfast time, ain’t it?”

I pull away. “Yes. Spirit must be knocking out the walls by now.”

“I’ll see ya later, Sweet Pea.” He drops a kiss on my hair and I leave the room. The men are all finishing up the food.

“Just…leaves those, I’ll take care of them when I get back.” I smile.

“Yes, ma'am.” They all say in unison.

Jesse comes out, putting on his vest. I give him one last smile and head outside.

I feel so proud that he takes my advice to heart. That he wants to include me in his life. It still must follow the proper roles of man and woman, but at least I’m heard and I feel he cares what I think.

As I walk to the barn, I can’t help but beam with happiness that Jesse is on the road to salvation. All by my help and guidance.

****

JESSE As the door closed, I pause for a moment to make sure Penelope is out of ear shot.

I walk to the table and lean on it. “The train will be our focus for the next month. Do not! I mean this in the most serious way. Do not mention a single word about it in the presence of that young girl out there. She is under the impression, I’m not doing it and I want her to keep thinking that.”

“Why are we lyin’ to her now?” Justice asks.

“Yeah, I don’t wanna lie.” Bill shakes his head while he scrunches his face.

“Then you say shit. No lyin’ if you aren’t talking!” I glare at them. “The sensitivity of that woman will be a giant headache if she believes I’m still thievin’. She wants a workin' man, she gets one in her mind. That’s it.” My eyes connect with them as I give them a dead serious look. I’ll let Penelope think she’s changed me, but there is no way I’m going labor to bust my ass for a few coins a week. No. Penelope deserves way better than that.

“Sure, smart-ass. Where’s the cash from this job comin’ from? She’s gonna notice you not gettin’ paid.” Dakota leans back in his chair with his hands out.

I nod. “I go old school. Few knock offs here and there. As long as I come back with somethin’ in my pocket, she needn’t know where I got it from."

“You got it all figured out, don’t cha?” Justice says. He smirks as crosses his arms.

“Yeah, I do.” I stand and put my hands on my hips.

Dakota shakes his head. “Ya know, for being as old as ya are, you really are dumber than a sack of rocks.”

“You don’t think I can pull this off, do ya?” I tilt my head to him.

“Nope. Bad omens circle around lies, my friend. Especially around women. They can feel it. Right in their bones. You’ll git caught and it will not be pretty.” He warns.

“I think I can't outsmart a woman.” I smirk.

The entire table starts laughing. “Jesus. Do ya hear yourself?” Justice wipes a tear. “Outsmart a woman. When in your time had a man ever outsmarted a woman?”

“NOW.” I growl as I angrily eye them up. “Starting now, ya keep yer yaps shut. If she asks, you either send her to me or deny everything. The first one to blow this will see a bullet.”

I leave the table and head outside.

Do I want to lie to her? It’s what I do. Lie, cheat, steal. It’s what makes me. What has kept me alive for this long. The minute I turn soft, that day, death will find me and I’m not ready to say adios just yet.

I can’t be dodging this woman’s questions at every turn. Keeping her in the dark keeps us both happy.

Then I can take her away from all this and give her the life she deserves.