Chapter 18

(Chapter song ‘Lost It All' by Black Veil Brides)

CALIEL The whispers of them all start to fill the air. As I take step after step, my bare feet sink into the cold dirt.

My vessels clothing blows in the wind along with her hair.

Whispers and cries. Cries and whispers.

They plead for me to turn away. They cry I’m not strong enough. They force their voices in me and assault my mind.

My mind…yes, my mind.

As the voices get louder in the sky and in my soul, I pound a fist to the side of my head.

“What’s wrong, Caliel? Can’t handle the calls of your brothers?” Artemis tries to smirk as he attempts to block out the voices of heaven.

I hold my fist to my temple and lift my eyes to this evil sinner. “I have the strength, Artemis. Do you?”

The fight. The attack. They plead, yell and scream in my mind. Hundreds and thousands. All at once.

I breathe deep for this vessel. My eyes narrow as I’m exposed to my heavens and the souls of this planet. The hateful, unworthy souls.

Why are we here?

Why do we even try?

They murder, maim and lie. They spit the hateful daggers to each others heart. This angers me. Maddens my mind. I’m losing my faith and my sanity. I’m outside my element and I know I’m not the Angel to be exposed to this world.

My choice to blacken my wings was due to the information I hold. I left my charge and fell. Separated myself from my brothers. Hid from Gabriel and Michael. I still hide.

They tell me I’m infected. The thousands of whispers growing around us, tell me my sickness will end me and my soul will no longer be pure. The amount of sin on this planet. The amount of danger and self righteousness is too much for my mind. It’s all I can do to keep this vessel in one piece, but I’m afraid the longer I reside in her, the more my illness of separation will infect her own soul.

I have to fight. I have to make sure the path is correct and fulfilled. I can’t listen. I can’t turn away.

I try and collect myself as the voices of the heavens surrounds us. I whip my head to Jesse. “Leave us.” I growl.

From his place on the ground at Artemis' feet, he looks up. “Don’t have to tell me twice. Sorry, Art.” He gives me another look, scrambles to his feet and runs.

Artemis locks an evil, stabbing stare. “You will not get in the way.” He grinds.

“I already have.” I snarl.

I leap into the air with sound of my wing feathers pushing the wind. Although, you can barely see them with the naked eye, they’re there.

Artemis jumps too and turns to his bird. With a scream, I bring my fist down on his head.

His wings fold and he spirals to the ground. I follow, land and pick him up. I throw him through the wall of the ranch.

I stumble a bit as my illness takes hold. Controlling this vessel in my weak state, almost kills me. If my wings rot off, I will be forever locked in this soul and whither.

My chest heaves as I hear a deep, guttural growl. The wood hole is made bigger when Artemis smashes through it as a great elephant. He trumpets as he stampedes my way.

My chest heaves as I hold my chest. My strength is draining. I raise my hand to him and fire my power from my palm. My white light collides with his head, hitting him and forcing the animal to his knees. The elephant cries in pain.

“You…are…no match.” I pant as I increase my power and continue the walk toward him.

My vessel is crying. Her pain from my disdain is increasing the longer I’m out here. I can’t help it. This earth is so hateful and cruel, it fuels a rage. A desire to destroy it to save them from themselves, sits in my mind. I know that is not what an angel is supposed to feel, I was not meant to interpret this many souls at once. I was meant to protect only one.

I must keep my head.

I muster the last of my strength and force it out to Artemis. He shifts and screams as a result of his torture.

“You…will…LEAVE!” My eyes glow brighter. My vessel feels strong for this last moment. My anger is shows in my eyes as I attack relentlessly.

I give one last push and Artemis crumbles.

My power falters for but a moment. He takes the opportunity to shift to a bird and fly away. I drop my hand to my side and watch his silhouette disappear into the dark sky.

I start to feel it. The drain.

I stumble a bit then fall to my knees.

I need to sleep.

“Penelope!”

I turn my head as the light in my eyes dies down.

Jesse falls to his knees in front of me and grabs my head. “Penelope?” He whispers.

I give a tiny smile and my eyelids droop a bit. “No…Caliel.” I say quietly.

His confused eyes study mine. “What are you?”

“Your sanctuary. Your oath to redemption. You asked for an angel and they sent you a guardian.” I hear the voices turn to whispers.

“I never asked for no guardian angel.” His brows stitch together.

I lean to his lips, gently brush them and whisper, “You did, Jesse. You just don’t know it.”

My hands grab his cheeks and my lips caress his. My tongue finds his and we share a kiss that can only be made by the cosmos. He wraps his arms around me and holds my head. I know he’s kissing my vessel and that he feels for her, but in a way, I want him to feel me too. I want to show him that even though his future is bleak, it won’t be in vain. He needs to trust me. He needs to feel the love and my reasoning. He needs this to be able to make the decision he will be faced with.

The kiss ends when I can no longer hold on. I retreat into her soul. His image consumed by the dark. My mind drifts to my anguish. My yearning for my connection to heaven stabs my heart. Being lost from them takes a toll. I feel it grow.

I don’t have much time.

****

PENELOPE “Jesse.” I whine as I feel myself let go of him and fall into his arms.

“Hey…Sweet Pea…I’m here….I got ya…”

His voice is coming to my ears, but slowly. It pierces the hatred. Destroys the disdain. The pain of the fallen starts to recede into me, but it hurts none the less.

I sob hard.

He pulls me into his chest. “Come on, Sweet Pea. Penelope! It ok!” He kisses my head as I grip his chest and cry.

“It hurts!” I cry out.

“Ok. Ok. It’s Ok.” He hugs me tighter as I my tears wet his skin.

He rocks me and I try to find something good. Anything other than this things anger.

The sound of his heart hits my ear. The rhythmic beat I’ve heard before. I start to calm. Jesse’s sounds drive the fallen away. His touch pushes him down into the depths of my body. I feel him sleep. Please, just sleep.

I try to catch my stuttering breath.

“There ya go. That’s it.” He strokes my head as he tucks it under his chin. “Ya know I hate tears. Just calm down, Sweet Pea.”

My body stops trembling and I feel at peace again. His words are soft and caring.

I wipe my cheeks and clear my sore throat. “He was here, wasn’t he?” I choke.

“I believe so.” He pushes my chin up to meet his eyes. “Ya wanna tell me about it?”

I sit up and try to straighten myself. I fix my disheveled hair and adjust my sleep gown. “Two years ago, my husband, Henry was killed in the street after shopping by…outlaws.” I glance at him then look at my fingers.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles.

“It’s fine. I loved him and mourned a lot.” My mind fills with the night I was truly lost. “In the coming weeks, my heart wasn’t mending the way it should. Between my father and my loss, I couldn’t be here anymore.” My chin quivers as I relive it.

“I stood at the bank of the river. It’s waters raged. I jumped…” A tear falls down my cheek.

Jesse looks at me with heartfelt care. He wipes my cheek. “Jesus, Penelope…”

“The water took me under. I was so close to seeing my Henry again, but someone else came.” I bite my upper lip as I swipe the tears.

“Caliel.” He states.

I nod. “He said if I let him in, he’ll save me. I didn’t want to be saved. He said I needed to be and he wasn’t taking no for an answer. He entered my body.” I choke. “He took what he wanted from me and pulled me from that river. I wanted to end my life and he stole that from me.” I wipe my cheeks.

“I tried again and again. He won’t let me die. He just won’t.” I feel a anger toward the being inside me.

“Sweet Pea. No. Caliel’s right. You can’t die just because you lost. That’s a cowards way. The pain of death. It’s supposed to teach ya, not hurt ya. Your supposed to move on and keep them with you. Ya shouldn’t want to be where they are.” He moves my hair out of my hair. His touch is so soft.

“Yes.” I sniff. “I realize this now, but still. This fallen angel. I believe he doesn’t understand what he’s doing to me. I believe he’s not in his place. It feels like he’s suffering inside me. He’s not the angels I’ve read about. He’s hard and broken. He has the most horrible thoughts. He shields me from his actions, but he can’t shield me from his soul. At first, I thought him a demon until I felt him fight these thoughts. I felt him trying to love and find peace, but he’s losing this battle. He feels weak.”

“Well, I can’t figure that out, Sweet Pea. For now, he’s gone. Let’s just try to forget it and catch up to the boys.” He stands and helps me up. “Come on.”

We pack up things from the now destroyed ranch house. The horses have all run away.

Jesse hands me saddle bags. He shifts to his black stallion and I throw the bags over his back.

He helps me mount up and he trots out of the ranch.

Once past the fences, he breaks into a strong gallop. His large, powerful hooves hit the dirt across the prairie lands. I hug his neck as his body moves under me.

I look to the horizon as the sun peeks from it. The sky turns different shades of reds, yellows, and oranges.

We turn to the sun and the morning light hits my face.

I push myself up and tighten my legs. The wind rushes past me through my hair.

I close my eyes and put my arms out. I embrace the air, sun and the amazing man in this animal beneath me. A smile grows on my lips as I feel all my love and light. My body moves up and down with the horse and the sunlight coats my skin.

We race across the wide open space with dust and grass trailing behind us.

He turns toward a forest and I flop down back on his neck.

I stroke his fur and feel his muscles flex as we ride fast toward the direction of the other men. His powerful lungs breathe fast.

I rest my cheek on him and smile. “I love you.” I whisper on the wind. I do. I feel him inside. He’s all consuming. He sees what’s inside me and doesn’t turn away. He holds my hand. He cares about what happens to me. I feel that.

I don’t know if he loves me as well, but the way he holds me and talks, I believe he does.

I know whatever we are meant to do, we are meant to do it together. I don’t think anything can change that.