Empty.
That's how I felt, it had been almost two weeks and I hadn't seen my mate.
Yeah, he is still my mate, nothing in this world can change that. But I needed a break, a reality check.
I had created this whole new world in my head that everything was perfect, that He was perfect. I took that world and made it our reality, stolen kisses cookies flowers and rainbows. That illusion had come crashing down on me so fast for me to think straight.
I had been so ecstatic finding my mate after four years, I couldn't accept him anything else other than perfect. And Elijah, oh my Elijah, he was afraid, he didn't want me to see that side of him. I had been so foolish, I couldn't see my mate was scared, scared of showing me who he really is in the dark. And I went ahead and proved him right, right in being scared , I ran away. I ran away from my mate, after I had promised myself to always protect him, I single handedly broke him. I could still recall that broken face of his, the pain and defeat as I turned away from him.
I quickly wiped a tear that made its way past my eye. I am back at my parents' house, back working at the café, I couldn't do anything fashion or Luna related, I was too in my feelings. I needed the people closest to me .
I wiped another tear and gave myself a quick pep talk. This wasn't the time or place to have another breakdown. I busied myself in the cafe, trying to keep my thoughts from eating me up.
That day when Elijah kissed me goodbye to attend an urgent pack business, as usual since this rogue problem, I had decided to go for a walk. Being in the house alone was depressing. I ended up running in my wolf form aimlessly in the forest until I stumbled upon a rusty old gate covered in dirt and some plants, it was built on the forest floor, a gate to the underground. Of course being the curious girl that I am, I had to find out where it led or what in hide. You know, like Dora the explorer.
Yeah I like cartoons, go on judge me.
Anyway, I shifted back and wore the shorts and Elijah's t-shirt that I had carried on my jaws. The door was hard to open, it's like no one had used it in ages, but with several minutes of struggling it finally opened revealing a descending staircase . I went in closing the door behind me, it was really dark, even as a werewolf I couldn't see anything. I remember how sadness had crept deep in me as I wondered if that's how my mate's world was, darkness. It had made me get an adrenaline rush pushing forward, wanting to just experience what my mate went through on a daily basis, I wanted to understand him in this particular aspect. The exploring long forgotten, a new goal in mind.
I focused on my other senses with the help of my wolf. I could smell the various plants growing in there,different distant scents that i couldn't quite figure out, I could feel the vines and cobwebs hanging on the rough walls, feel the rough floor that had collected dirt and sticks over years of neglect, I could feel the closeness of the two walls leading me to believe this was a hall way or a path. I followed it my other senses highlighted more as a response to one being unhelpful.
I had walked for what felt like hours, when I heard it, a nerve wrecking scream full of anguish. Someone was in danger, I had thought. I didn't even know anyone could be in that abandoned underground tunnel, but it had to lead to somewhere.
I had quickened my pace but also cautious not to be spotted by whatever was waiting for me at the end of the tunnel.
I came to another heavy metal door that surprisingly hadn't been closed. As I step into the door way, I realized I was looking at a dungeon. The distant smell from earlier now clear, rogues.
Was this our pack cells??
And other agonizing scream echoed throughout the dungeon sending a deathly chill down my spine. On instinct I had followed the scream, Luna are peaceful creatures, always wanting to save and preserve life, I had always been like that, I couldn't even kill bugs and now I know why.
My eyes adjusted to the artificial lights, a stench of blood reaching my nose and another scent too, one that had me almost faint in dread ,my mate. My mate was in danger, had been the first thought to cross my naive mind.
The horror and disbelief that had flooded my body as I watched my mate ripe out that guys throat, had me paralyzed in place. I couldn't tear my eyes away, it's like an inner voice was taunting me to watch, to see the true Elijah Killian, to see my true mate.
I can still remember the way he choked on his own blood, with a missing chunk of meat that lay across the cell walls, the way that smell of rogue blood irritated my sensitive nose making me sick, the way my mates claws dripped with blood, the way his voice held no emotion, no remorse, like he was used to it. And I knew, NO, I know he is, I was just in denial.
I remember how shocked and afraid he had been when he finally turned and sensed me. How he had wanted to come to me, to be held in my arms and tell him I accept him ,I accept who he truly is. How broken he was when I did the exact opposite, the way he had said my name, my real name in so much pain, a silent plea that I understood but still.....still....I.....
A sob broke out hot tears now freely flowing from my eyes, I can't compose myself. Am I having another breakdown?
'Fudge Fudge Fudge '
I quickly made my way to the back door, sliding down the café wall. I silently cried into my hands until no more tears could physically come out.
I sat there just hiccuping, as the pain in my chest grew as I continued to torture myself mentally for breaking my mate.
Anyone who saw me that works in the cafe just gave me pity looks as they continued to work. My mother had strictly told them to mind their own businesses when I had had my first breakdown in the cafe after insisting on working again to distract myself. I was grateful for that, I didn't want consolation from anyone apart from my family. And let's face it ,most of this wolves just want to stick their noses where they don't belong.
" Dear moon goddess, I'm really sorry I messed my chance, but please do what I couldn't do, protect my mate, please, emotionally and physically. "