JOANNA
"Have you heard from Ben?" I wondered, unable to retain myself, as I played with the ice cream. Somehow, Valerie convinced me to have a girl day that was supposed to be all about pampering ourselves, but it ended up being an interrogation on Jeremy. She wanted to know every single detail about that first date and everything that followed, which wasn't much, but according to her it was a big deal.
Jeremy and I really just have been texting, and he calls me when he's on the way to or from work. He hasn't come see me, but mostly only because I try to avoid it, it would be way too awkward to have him in my apartment while I'm nursing this silly wound.
"No, why?" Valerie sent me a side glance as she played with her own ice cream. The fact that I picked a cookie dough ice cream sundae, while she chose a whipped coffee one says a lot about how different we are, I think: I'm still a little girl deep down, she's a classy woman.
I shrugged. "Just asking." He said he'd be gone just for a weekend, but it's been a couple of weeks now.
"He hasn't texted?" Valerie inquired.
"He texts seldomly, just hi, how are you." I pouted, taking another spoonful of my ice cream. Two weeks ago, Ben said he would go back home for the weekend, because it was his mom's birthday; he said he'd be back on Monday, but there's been already two Mondays since then, and no trace of him. Oh, sure, he texts, once every 2-3 days, asking how am I, but for the most part he's been quiet. It's true that I've been more taken by this whole ... Jeremy thing, but doesn't mean I didn't notice that Ben detached abruptly.
"He's fine, probably got caught up in family life, you know how it is." Valerie dismissed it, only to then moan at the ice cream, "oh, Jo, you should try this, it's so good!"
I nodded distractedly, thinking about Ben. I'm just worried about him, is that bad? Between trying to understand why Jeremy even still talks to me, and looking for a new job plus reassessing my finances to make sure I don't end up starving too soon, I've been quite busy, but still not enough to notice the void caused by his absence.
It's odd, you know. It's odd how you can go on a whole life without someone, then the moment they step into your life, you forget how it was before and cannot even fathom going back; yet when they do, it's as if they took something with them, something you can't live without.
I guess was I getting used to having someone that really understands how I'm feeling or at least truthfully tries to. Not that Jeremy isn't understanding, or even Valerie, not to mention Joe and Michelle, even Faith and Hope. But Ben is just ... on a different level, if it makes any sense.
Four months ago, I was mostly on my own. The friendship with the twins has always been pretty easy, we just talk about trivial stuff, and they come see me or try to convince me to go to a party. It was apathic for the most part, with the twins just loosely orbiting around me, and Joe coming over almost every Monday for a pizza night.
Then Ben happened. And it's as if his appearance unlocked a new chapter, adding new characters into the mix; from Michelle, the friendly yet a bit intimidating NYPD officer, to Valerie, the curvy goddess that other than make me feel even worse about myself, actually inspires me to be a better version of who I am. And Jeremy ... oh, Jeremy. The sole thought of him brought a silly smile to my face.
"Oh, Romeo, Romeo ..." Valerie chanted, laughing as she pinched my cheeks.
I blushed, pulling away. "I was just ..."
"Thinking about Ben?" She winked.
I gulped. "No!" I cleared my throat, lowly correcting her: "Jeremy ..."
"Jeremy, Benjamin ..." she weighed the two names with her hands, "not that far."
"Why would I think about Ben?" Considering he doesn't even care enough to let me know when is he coming back, or if he is coming back at all.
Valerie shrugged, pulling back on her chair and rubbing her belly, satisfied of her ice cream. "I don't know, maybe you miss him." Tsk. Why would I? "He's been gone quite a bit."
"Maybe he decided to stay." I thought out loud.
"At home in Nebraska?" Valerie laughed, skeptical. "Not a chance. The Ben I know hates monotony, and believe me, our hometown is everything but surprising. Every single day is the exact same as the one before. Ben would go nuts if he had to live there for life. It'd be like a prison sentence."
"Well, he has family there." I pointed out, shrugging. "Maybe he decided he wants to stay with them."
"Nah." She shook her head. "The Harris are lovely, but Ben has always been a dreamer, and dreamers don't thrive in such a small town."
"You know his family?" I wondered, mildly envious. Valerie did know Ben long before me, why am I even surprised she knows his folks.
"Back in high school Benny and I were tight." She grinned, pegging down the clerk to get another whipped coffee ice cream sundae, which arrived pretty swiftly, even though the girl at the counter seemed busy arguing with a cute nerdy guy.
"What happened after?" I couldn't help myself asking.
Valerie shrugged. "Life, I guess. You know that saying? The friends you make until the age of 23 are usually temporary."
I guess that's true. I had a close friend in high school, too, but then I moved out because of college, while she stayed at first, then left, too. We kept in touch for a bit, but I've never been too good at that, so we soon lost each other. I kind of regretted it, but I guess it was just meant to happen.
"It's pure luck that we met again here." Valerie went on. "I truly believed he would be off to who knows what grand city or travelling around to make the covers of National Geographic. It's always been his dream."
"What happened?" I inquired. Maybe it wasn't right of me to quiz her like that, it was Ben's life, not hers. With Ben it was always all about me. Sure, at first he would do monologues, telling me about his family and everything, but then he would ask me all sorts of questions just to get me to talk.
"Again, life." Valerie went serious. "I don't really know the details, like I said, we lost contact." She sent me a knowing look, though. "You could always ask him."
"Between one how are you and the other, you mean?" I blurted out sarcastically.
Valerie arched one of her perfectly cured eyebrows. "I take it as there's troubles in Paradise?"
I gulped, shocked at her words. What Paradise? "Jeremy and I are hardly friends, it's not ..."
"I meant Ben."
"Oh. He's ... uh ..." if they were so close, how come she doesn't know? "Ben is ... gay." I would have sworn she did her best not to laugh, but maybe I imagined it.
"Yeah, I know." She stretched a bit. "What I meant is, you two seemed so close, is there a problem now?" She didn't sound too sure of her words, but I shrugged it off.
"Well, we haven't been talking much." I confessed. "Just a random good morning or how are you every few days."
Valerie smiled reassuringly as she stood, ready to restart our girl day. "Don't think too much of it, Jo, he's probably busy. As I remember them, the Harris are quite a handful, and Ben was always the one taking care of everything, especially for his brothers."
Suddenly I recalled what Ben told me about this family. That he never knew his dad, and that his mother married his stepfather when Ben was 9; his brothers came a bit later. I guess that makes family life a bit awkward, at least in the beginning, although Ben always talked dearly about his stepdad. As if she'd read my mind, Valerie went on:"Mr. Harris dotes on Ben, believe me, Jo. Ben's mom told me it was like love at first sight."
"What do you mean?" I stood up as well, and we headed over to the counter to pay our bill. Well, Valerie insisted on paying for me, despite my protests.
"Ben was 9 when they got married." She said as we headed out.
"Yeah, he told me." I followed her, coyly mirroring the polite smile that some guy that entered the shop while we exited it sent me. I facepalmed myself when I remembered Valerie had just passed by, he was probably smiling at her, not me. Duh.
She froze in her steps when we were a few steps away from the ice cream parlor, and I nearly crashed into her. "I left my sunglasses in there, could you ..."
Without arguing, I went back into the parlor. The clerk was busy with another customer, while the nerdy guy was still standing there â either waiting for his order or to restart the argument with the girl. I checked the booth we'd been sitting in, but there was no sign of Valerie's sunglasses. Think of it, she wasn't wearing any when she picked me up earlier.
"Hey."
I nearly jumped when I heard a male voice behind me. "Hi." I greeted awkwardly when I found myself face to face with that same guy that I thought had smiled at me.
"Did you forget something?"
How about minding your business? Would have been my first response, but I just nodded. "My friend says she left her glasses here," you know, that beautiful girl you were staring at and whose number you probably wanna ask me â because why else would a random ice cream parlor customer just come up to me like that â, "but I can't find them."
The guy â a bit taller than me, but shorter than Ben, black hair, cute smile â nodded, then started looking for the sunglasses as well. "I don't see anything here," he said as he checked the booth, then looked at me, a cheeky smirk covering his thick lips, "other than a beautiful lady." Say what now?
I gulped, pretty audibly too, "I-I'm sorry, what?"
"Do you think your friend would mind if you ditched her to ... let's say get coffee with me?"
Uh ... did I step through the looking glass? Inevitably, I blushed, albeit unsure whether that truly happened or I just dreamed of it. "I ... I gotta go." I scuttled out of the parlor without answering him, and reached Valerie at the speed of light. Valerie who was waiting for me just outside, a Cheshire cat grin on her face. Did she set me up?
"So?" She asked, excited. "Did he ask you?"
"What ..."
She hooked her arm to mine, and dragged me away from the parlor â thank God! â, "that cute guy! Did he ask you out?"
"How do you ..."
"Oh, silly girl!!" She playfully slapped my shoulder. "You think I didn't notice the onceover he gave you when we passed by him?"
"No, he ..."
"Baby girl, I know that technically you're seeing that cop, but you gotta live a little!"
"What ... do you mean?" I let her drag me along the street, probably to yet another boutique where she'd spend an hour wandering around to check out the competition. I didn't know how to tell her that I don't exactly enjoy physical contact and her squeezing me into her like that was making me feel awkward. It's not like she's Ben and everything comes naturally. I mean ... no, I just hate being touched.
"Okay," she feigned an exhausted sigh as we turned a corner, "Womanhood 101, part two: learn to notice when a guy checks you out."
What the hell was she talking about? Nobody checked me out. "He was smiling at you." I pointed out.
"Uh ... no, he wasn't!" Valerie exclaimed, excited, as we came to a stop â case in point, in front of yet another boutique, cue the eye roll. "He gave you a onceover and smiled at you!"
"What?" I finally managed to slide out of her grip. "No, that's not possible ..."
"Joanna ..." Valerie grabbed my shoulders from behind, and made me stand in front of the boutique's window. "Look at yourself, baby girl. You're a knockout."
"Valerie ..." I sighed. Not this again.
"I mean, ok, he wasn't that cute ... but not bad either." She winked, but I just ignored her. "I know you're used to other types, but he really wasn't so bad."
I glanced at her, mildly confused, but also embarrassed because we were in the middle of the street, let me remind you. "I don't understand ..."
"Tell me, what are you wearing?"
"Uh ... just jeans and a shirt."
"Exactly!" Valerie exclaimed, as excited as if she'd just received the best news ever.
"Exactly what?"
She chuckled, finally letting me go. "Easy outfit, knockout result! Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Not really ..."
"It just took some care, Jo!" Some care is a little reductive, considering she sat me by the mirror for half an hour to do my makeup and hair. Fortunately, she let me wear my own clothes: jeans, shirt, white t-shirt under it. Couldn't have been any easier than that. I mean, ok, maybe it was a little bit less shabby than my usual, but nothing to fuss about like Valerie was doing now. Sometimes I wonder whether I'm really female, because I don't understand women at all.
But wait ... "did you send me back in on purpose?" I inquired, mildly annoyed.
"Of course!" Valerie, I like you, but let's take the enthusiasm down a notch. Sometimes she's too happy and energetic for me to handle.
"Why?"
"I told you! Experiment!"
"What?" I frowned.
"The guy gave you a onceover."
"He didn't ..." I rolled my eyes.
"He did, you stubborn girl." She flicked my forehead. "Onceover plus smile equals flirting."
"Oh, come on ..."
"Yes! He did ask you out, didn't he? And I'm sure he would have asked for your number, hadn't you run away like that!"
"He was just being polite because he wanted your number." I blurted out in a sigh.
"Oh, please. What did he tell you?"
I rolled my eyes once again. "Some lame line about a beautiful lady."
"So ..."
"Nothing."
"Ugh, you're so stubborn!" Valerie rolled her eyes, albeit smiling. "But we're on the right path. I know it."
I wanted to ask what path, exactly, but she dragged me into that boutique before I could say anything else. Is there something I'm missing here? Ben disappearing for two weeks, Valerie calling me to hang out, being all up in my business, being ... well, pretty much a Ben. And this experiment she said today. Is Ben really not coming back and she's just trying to sugar the pill before telling me?