Chapter 25: 24. It's just Ben

"Woah." I gasped the moment we stepped out of the car. "You weren't kidding, this place is huge. How are we going to manage?"

Ben shrugged as he walked to the trunk. "Realistically, only a small portion of this kind of venues is ever used. What's important is that we're wherever bride and groom are." He grabbed a small paper from his back pocket, and handed it to me. "Complete schedule for every photoshoot, with times and dates, locations and how to get there."

I gulped, suddenly realizing what I got myself into. "Uh ... I don't know if I can do this."

Ben smiled and walked over to me. He placed his hands over my shoulders, which made me back up against the car, against which he kind of caged me – he definitely has a thing for invading my personal space, but I guess I don't mind all that much, since it's him. "All you need to do, is stick to me, and everything's going to be okay. Alright?"

I chuckled a bit. "If you thought I was gonna ever leave you out of my sight this week, you're nuts."

"You sure about that? I'm gonna have to shower at some point ..."

I blushed, looking away. "I didn't mean ..."

"Relax, JoJo," he pulled me into a hug – yeah, he's decided that hugs are also a thing between us, which I don't mind either; it's one way to get used to it –, placing a small kiss on my cheek, "I'm just messing with you. It's gonna be a long week, but it'll be worth it."

12 thousand dollars kept ringing my ears. 12 thousand dollars. That's enough to give me some breathing space while I work on a plan to move forward in my life. Of course, after settling some things, not much will be left, but it'll still be enough for a couple of months at least.

"Awwww! Look at those two! So cute!" A shrill female voice screamed, followed by a clap of hands.

Instinctively, I pulled away from Ben, mildly blushing. She probably wasn't talking about us and our hug, but you never know. When I looked to my right, I found a skinny girl in a pretty colorful dress grinning from ear to ear as she stared precisely at us. Case in point.

"Good morning, Ms. Wharton." Ben greeted, going to shake her hand, which she didn't accept, presenting that same hand for him to kiss its back. Rich people ... "I'm Benjamin Harris, the photographer your fiancé hired. And this," he pointed to me, "is Joanna Brooks, my assistant."

She nodded in my direction, still grinning like a Cheshire cat – or like a psychopath, which is all in all the same, if you ask me. "You make a lovely couple." She exclaimed, to which my cheeks reddened only more.

Ben cleared his throat, a bit uncomfortable – and with reason! –, but he didn't correct the girl. "Yeah, so ... we'll just settle in our rooms, and then we can start."

"Do you have everything you need?" The stern woman beside Ms. Wharton asked, her expression and pose so tense that I almost thought she would break at the tiniest sneeze. Then again, a woman like that probably doesn't even sneeze.

"Yes, ma'am." Notice how Ben's tone went from friendly polite to Downton Abbey servant kind of well-mannered.

"The schedule?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good. Now get a move, you're already late."

We arrived in advance, actually, but try telling her that. This week is going to be intense, but again, the thought of all that money gave me a pretty solid motivation.

✧✧ ✧ ✧✧

"She sounds like a real peach." Jeremy laughed when I finished telling him about Mrs. Wharton, the bride's mother and our major pain so far. One day and I already hate her. It's like, every minute we breathe, she's annoyed. She sees Ben not taking pictures for a moment? Oh, stop slacking! With how much I pay you! Blah, blah, blah. Ugh. Again, rich people ...

"I know, right? Maybe she doesn't agree with the marriage."

"Wasn't it supposed to be a double wedding?" Jeremy asked.

I lay in bed a bit more comfortably, fluffing my pillow a bit. "Yeah, it's both Wharton sisters, but different mothers, so Mrs. Wharton – namely the current wife – really only pays attention to the younger bride." I laughed to myself. "I'm sure the other one could get married in a shed, for all she cares."

"Upper class drama, huh?"

"Yeah ..." I sighed, leaving my arm over my eyes, to protect them from the light, and because I felt sleepy. There's different kinds of tired, you know. There's diner tired, where you're worn out and fed up with life, but still have to keep going; and there's this kind of tired, where you're exhausted and can barely move a muscle because you've spent the day running up and down a gigantic venue, but ... you feel at peace. It's not that the job is easier – in the end all I have to do is carry the equipment and set it for Ben while he takes care of the lighting and of the clients –, it's just the idea that this job will actually give me something other than self-doubt and self-loathing.

"You ok?" Jeremy interrupted my line of thought.

"Yeah, just a bit tired." Ben and I had to scuttle from one place to the other, because Mrs. Wharton wants to be sure every single moment of every single event is captured. This family is so large, even only the arrival of the relatives on all sides took up half a day, and the dinner at night passed midnight. Of course, the brides went to sleep early to make sure they don't ruin their beauty sleep, but the rest of the families stayed, and we couldn't get away.

"Think of the ultimate goal." Jeremy suggested. "It should make everything easier to endure."

"You're right." I smiled, feeling sleepy.

"I'm glad you called back." He mentioned. "Surprised, but glad."

"Why surprised?"

"Well, I know you don't really care for these things."

"Why does everyone say that?" I chuckled. "I mean, I don't like phone calls, that's true, but when it's worth it, it's different."

"So ... I'm worth it?" Jeremy implied cheekily but clearly hopeful.

I blushed, even though he couldn't see me. "Well ..." yes, yes, you're worth it and I even miss you.

"I know I shouldn't say this, we're still on uncertain territory here, but ... I miss you." Jeremy admitted.

A long silence followed, because I didn't know how to reply to that. Or rather, maybe I knew, I knew I could have and should have told him I missed him too, but I just couldn't make myself. I'm still navigating this ... new-ish self that's more open to the world, you know. It's still difficult to express myself.

Jeremy cleared his throat. "Well, maybe you want to sleep, you're tired ..." he didn't give me time to reply, just hung up. I can't blame him, he was disappointed. I sat up, and opened the messaging app, thinking maybe I can't voice it, but via text it should be easier. In the end, it's just 3 words, right? Not that bad. And it's not like it would be a lie. On the contrary, it's a real truth, maybe a bit scary, because I remember that my crush on Jeremy back in the day cost me a lot of pain, but it would be the truth nevertheless.

I typed 4 words – I miss you, too –, but before I could hit send, there was a knock on my door. Leaving the phone on my bed, I went to open, well aware that it could only be one person. Our rooms are next to each other and far from those of every other guest, after all. "You should be sleeping." I chuckled when I opened to Ben. Normally I wouldn't let a guy in my bedroom, but I mean, it's Ben. If there's one thing I know by now, is that that kiss was just a way for him to push me out of my comfort zone.

He shrugged, coming in with 2 bottles of beer in his hands. "I know," he said, "I just wanted to celebrate your first day on the job."

"I don't drink." I reminded him when he offered me a beer.

"Come on, you did great, you deserve it."

"Yeah, but ..."

"One single beer won't get you drunk, JoJo," he chuckled, "pizza should arrive soon anyway."

I rolled my eyes, sitting on one side of the bed so that Ben could take the other. You'd think that, for being so rich and staying in such a grand venue, they'd at least pay meals for the people they hire. But I should have gotten the hint when we were told we'd sleep in the staff wing. In rich people terms – aka Mrs. Wharton – we're "in the same quarters as the help". I didn't know the term "help" was still used after the '60s.

"We shouldn't be eating at this hour, though." I pointed out as Ben uncapped a beer for me.

He shrugged, laying back against the headboard. "I'm starving."

"Yeah, but we have to get up early, and-"

"You can take the good girl out of her shell, but deep down she'll still be a dutiful good girl, huh?" He laughed, taking a sip of his beer. "You need to relax, JoJo. Rich people don't get up before 10 am."

"But ..."

"Anything that needs to be done for the wedding, it's up to-"

"The help. Right." I scowled. A moment later, someone knocked on the door, and I when I went to open I found one of the bellboys holding our pizza. He smiled politely when I tipped him, then left. I put the pizza carton on the bed, and Ben sat up straight.

"It's not Joe's, but we'll have to make do." He grinned, digging in quick.

"I'm not much hungry," I admitted, going to sit on my side of the bed.

Ben rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me you're on a diet now."

"Well, it wouldn't hurt." I raised my hands in mock surrender, half grinning, when he shot me a deadly glare. "I'm kidding, chill."

"Well, you'd never refuse pizza. So there is something." He eyed me quizzically.

"Not really," I shrugged, eyeing the beer in my hands, unsure whether to drink it or not. I've never had much of a social life, so I've never really drunk alcohol. Even my 18th birthday and my graduation ceremonies were spent with family only, so no chance for alcohol.

"Then eat," Ben inched a slice of pizza pretty much in my face.

"Hey, sometimes even I don't feel hungry."

"Pizza is not hungry food, pizza is pizza."

I rolled my eyes, chuckling, and took the slice from his hands. "Fine ... but just so you know, if I really wanted to go on a diet, you're the worst friend ever to have near."

He laughed. "Good."

"Don't you think maybe I just want to be healthy?"

"Can you run?"

"Yes."

"Do you breathe heavily when you climb stairs?"

"No ..."

"Then you're healthy. So, shut up and eat your pizza." He scoffed, making me laugh.

"Is this Grumpy Ben?"

"This is Diets Are Nonsense Ben." He stuck his tongue out, then dug into another slice of pizza. "I don't know what you're complaining about, Valerie tells me you're having quite the success with the opposite sex ..."

I blushed, feeling suddenly embarrassed. "I'm not ... I mean ..."

"She says when you girls have your ... day out, you get some pretty significant looks."

This time I scoffed, then took a sip of the beer. It felt strong, but nice. "Sometimes I think our girl days are just all an experiment for her. For her Womanhood lessons."

He laughed, finally done with the pizza, and sat back against the headboard, which I mimicked, both of us with the beers in our hands. "Val says you're a knockout, you just need to acknowledge it."

I rolled my eyes, then took another sip of my beer. "I don't need the attention."

"Then what do you need?"

"Well, a job, for starters. Or rather, a career." I left my head against the headboard, to stare at the ceiling. "I need to seriously start thinking about what do I want, where do I want to end up. I mean ... ten years from now, where do I see myself?"

"That's a question people our age struggle with constantly."

I nodded. "I turn 29 next week. So I have exactly 1 year to make something of my life."

"Why 1 year?"

"Well, I was sure that by 25 I would have had everything figured out, you know. But it didn't happen. So I guess 30 it is. Besides we are pressured into having some sort of stability by that age."

"Stability is overrated." Ben scoffed. "Who says everyone wants the same thing? Some people want to travel the world until their bones let them."

"Is that what you wanna do?" I inquired, tilting my head to better look at him.

He smiled. "Well, I did. And I guess these new clients do allow me to travel more. But ... I'll have to set my roots somewhere, too."

"You just said stability is overrated."

"It is. But you still need a place where you can rest, you know. I mean ... a home to rest in between."

"Is that why you came to New York?"

Ben nodded. He placed his half empty beer bottle on the nightstand, and lay down, arms behind his head, eyes on the ceiling. "I needed somewhere to use to lay the foundations for my future."

"What future?" I couldn't help asking. I put down my beer, too, at this point I was only interested in finally knowing more about him, and it felt like Ben was finally ready to open up a little more.

He rolled onto this side, to face me, and, smiling faintly, he patted on the side of bed I was supposed to lie on. I'd been sitting in a corner, pretty much. Instinctively, I did as asked, so that we lay real close, our faces just a few inches away. He was clearly sleepy, and that's probably why he felt free to open up. I wasn't sure whether I should take advantage of it, but I've always died to know more about Ben. I mean the Ben before New York.

"I wanted a better future," Ben said, smiling at me, "life was never much kind to me, so I thought it was time I took something back."

"What do you mean?" I whispered, unconsciously moving a tad bit closer to him. When he grabbed my hand, I flinched a bit, and my heart did somersaults, but I didn't pull back. I was getting sleepy, too, but I was craving to know everything I could about him.

"I had dreams, but you know how it is, one thing or the other gets in the way, and life takes a turn you'd never expected." His smile was unfaltering as he entangled our hands. "Not that I regret it ... despite everything, I wouldn't go back. But ... I needed more, so New York was the answer."

"In the car ..." I mentioned, "you said things weren't going well ..."

He nodded. "Yeah, I was only getting some small jobs at weddings and other ceremonies, nothing big. Things that kept me above water, so to speak."

"But you want more."

"And who doesn't?" He grinned as his thumb traced the back of my hand. "Society as it is trains us to always want more. Nothing is ever enough." How true. "I could just keep on freelancing like that, it pays my bills and leaves me enough not to be anxious every month. But it's just not enough."

"What about National Geographic?"

"Oh," he laughed, "that's a dream long gone. Never gonna happen."

"Why not?"

"Because it brings you all over the world, and I can't do that." He stared at me, now serious, his hand squeezing mine. "I've got reasons to stay."

He didn't mean ... well. No. How could he mean ... "Is ... is he going to uh ... join you in New York?" Why did I ask, why did I ask! I shouldn't have.

Ben frowned. "Who?"

"The ... the person you're always on the phone with." I felt like color drained out of his face, and I'm pretty sure I heard him gulp.

"That's the idea, yeah." He admitted. I don't know why, but I felt something odd in my chest. I wanted to let go of his hand, tell him to get up and go to sleep, we have work tomorrow, but I didn't. Ben didn't move either. "You're special, Joanna. Did you ever realize that?" He smiled as he pulled me closer. I didn't protest, I just let him engulf me in a hug.

Day 1 of a week all alone with him, and I'm already here sharing a bed as we stare at each other without speaking. In any other circumstances, I would have felt dirty, it would have meant half-cheating on Jeremy just when he pretty much decided we are indeed a couple. But ... it's just Ben, right?