This is a chapter I've been wanting to write for so long. Sad, no. Emotional, yes. Also, super long. Happy Reading!
Keeley's POV
I sighed to myself as I pulled up to the mailbox Friday afternoon after school. I liked the black car my father had lent me, considering mine had been blown to pieces, but it didn't quite feel like me. I was grateful, nonetheless, as I didn't have to walk or hitch a ride with Sam to school. He drives like somebody's trying to kill him with the speed he drives and the crazy sharp turns he makes.
This week had been absolute hell for me, both physically and mentally. To start with, I had nearly died on Monday when the new Chavez Cartel leader decided I would look better with bullet holes like swiss cheese or burnt to a crisp. And after narrowly escaping mine and Aubrey's death, I ended up in a snowy ditch covered in blood, bruises, and pieces of my car. Aubrey took the whole "mafia talk" much better than I thought she would, and I'm glad we were friends again, but we still had to deal with Alex and Xavier.
The next day, I went to school, much to my father's dismay considering the condition I was in, and had to hash things out with the guys. We ended up going to Blue's and Aubrey helped me apologize and explain everything to them. We had told them how I was training with a friend, which wasn't a lie, but I had fallen down and hurt my back, this part was partially a lie. I continued on with how there was a miscommunication between Aubrey and me, leading to a bigger argument, and ultimately how we both let our tempers in the way. They seemed to buy it, and by Wednesday, it was like nothing had ever changed between the four of us.
My father told me yesterday that word had spread about Ceaser Chavez's death throughout the underground world and how people were starting to turn their attention towards the Americans. Most people had hated Chavez and his nasty, no-good, thieving ways, but a select few were quite upset with the whole altercation. My father had told me not to worry and that he was taking care of it, but I wasn't worried about the anger and empty threats of a few smaller groups, I was worried about Adrik.
It wasn't like there was video evidence of the whole ordeal, all the cameras had been turned off the morning of the assault. All people knew was that the Americans had brought in a new "weapon." It wouldn't take a genius to connect the dots that the American Capo's estranged daughter suddenly appeared right around the time Chavez was killed. To say I was terrified would be the understatement of the century. Adrik would hear of this news soon enough, and I had no idea what he would do when he found me. At this point, I knew I was just a sitting duck. This was why I decided to distract myself from my impending doom and do a bit of online retail therapy.
I opened up the mailbox and almost squealed at the small Amazon package inside. I grabbed the tan envelope along with the rest of the mail before driving up the long, gravel road to the house. I nearly jumped out of the car when I parked, and I burst into the house looking for Luca. He had no idea what I was about to drag him into.
"Luca!" I screamed while dropping my bag and the other mail by the door. I walked through the foyer and into the living room, the afternoon sun beating down through the windows and casting a warm glow over everything. I spotted my man candy on the couch, his head already turned in my direction.
"Sì, amore mio?" he smirked, raising a perfectly dark eyebrow at me. He was still in his white button-down shirt and black dress pants from his morning meetings. Although, at this point, the top few buttons of his shirt were undone and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. The brightness of his shirt showcased the tan glow of his skin and the dark stubble across his jaw. The ebony hair on his head was slightly messy, my guess is from running his hands through it for so long today. Looking at Luca, I was glad I had decided to dress nicely today as I wouldn't even with half of how good he looked right now.
My hair was curled down my back and a light coat of makeup covered my face. I had worn a shorter green and black plaid skirt that hugged my hips and ended about mid-thigh and some dark tights. I wore a long-sleeve black shirt with a low v-neck. Jewelry decorated my ears, hands, and neck, and I had kicked off my heeled black boots at the front door. It was picture day today, but that didn't stop my family from yelling at me to change this morning. Needless to say, I won that argument.
"Guess what I got?" I sang as I plopped down beside him and threw my legs over his. Luca rested a calloused hand on my thigh while the other brushed the hair from my face.
"What'd you get now?" I gave him a devious smirk as I handed him the big envelope. He eyed me cautiously as he took it into his own hands. Luca began to open it, but suddenly stopped and looked back at me.
"This isn't another one of those boxes or envelopes where you open it and butterflies or confetti or some shit fly at out you again, is it?" he asked warily remembering the past three times I've gotten him. You would think he'd learn, but he never does and it causes me to laugh every single time.
I laughed softly and placed my hand onto his stubbled cheek, leaning in and giving him a quick peck.
"No, Gnocco, not this time."
He still didn't look too certain, but he resumed opening the package and leaned his head away when it was fully opened. When Luca was sure nothing was going to pop out, he reached in and pulled out the DVD case.
"The fuck is this?" he asked me while staring at the game strangely. This only made me laugh as his eyebrows scrunched together in pure confusion.
"It's like Just Dance, but for country line dancing and country swing!"
I had seen this on Amazon earlier this week, and I knew I had to buy it. I could dance almost any type of ballroom you threw at me, and I wanted to learn something different. It just so happened that this different would be country line dancing.
Luca looked at me like I had officially lost my mind. "Keeley, baby, I love you, but I'm not doing this."
I let out a huff and stare right at his dark ocean-blue eyes. "Why not? We're both good dancers, and what happens if we're ever in need to throw down in some country line dance battle? What then?"
"Keeley," he began slowly while setting the DVD down. I knew Luca wouldn't be all too keen on doing this, but I had a couple of tricks up my sleeve if he didn't agree. "I don't do line dances. I don't do country music. And when do you think we will ever be in the middle of some honky-tonk throwdown? Because I can't think of one singular scenario where that will ever happen."
"You never know!" I shout while throwing my hands up in the air, my words pleading with him to just agree. Luca gives me a blank look and rests his hands back on my thighs, the warmth from them immediately heating up my body. "Please, Luca. I love to dance, you love to dance, this will be fun."
Luca raises his eyebrows at me in a way that I can tell he's asking why we're even having this conversation in the first place.
"Keeley-"
I cut him off briefly as I slide onto his lap and slowly wrap my arms around his neck. I bat my eyelashes at him as I mess with the hair on the nape of his neck, the smell of his cologne consuming me. I guess it's time for plan B.
His eyes darken and I can tell he knows what game I'm playing. It's all up to him whether he wins or not. I lean in brush the side of his mouth with my lips, slowly trailing up his jaw and back down again. I feel his hands grip onto my waist tightly, his fingers digging deep into my sides. I know he's trying to win, but I feel his control slip as his breathing grows heavy and his head tilts to give me a better angle.
I can tell he's growing impatient as I kiss him anywhere but his lips. My hands roam down and undo a few more buttons on his shirt, my fingers automatically tracing up and down his naked chest in the motion I know drives him crazy. My mouth is on the side of his neck, kissing him and biting him in various places. I hear a moan escape from the back of his throat as he untucks my shirt and places his hands on the bare skin of my lower back.
"Keeley," he groans as I pull back and look at the darkening love bite I left just under his left ear. He grips my chin in one hand and turns me to face him. I can see the hunger in his eyes and I know I'm about to win. Would there have been another effective way to get him to agree? Of course, but in reality, I really just wanted an excuse to kiss him.
"Don't tease me," he lets out with a strangled breath. I raise one of my eyebrows and shift to face him better. His body tenses as I do so and I let an innocent look cross my face.
"Will you learn the dances with me then?" I ask with victory in sight. I reach up and run the back of my hand down his chin slowly, never once turning my gaze from his.
"Yes, now shut up and kiss me."
And I do, oh how I do kiss Luca Moretti.
In an instant, Luca's pulled me onto him where I'm straddling his waist with my legs, my skirt riding up higher by the second. My hands are grabbing onto any part of him I can, whether that be his now wrinkled shirt, his dark hair, or the silver chain sparkling around his neck.
I simply can't get enough.
I feel the warmth from his hands spread from my neck and down my body. One of Luca's hands holds tightly onto the back of my head, eagerly pulling me closer to him. His other hand I feel under my shirt, running up and down the skin on my back and sides. Luca's touch is the best kind of intoxicating.
He kisses me greedily and I do the same. My hands have a mind of their own as I reach down and undo the last few buttons, perhaps with too much strength as they pop off and scatter across the floor. I feel him smile against my lips as he flips us so I'm lying on my back as Luca and his bare chest are above me.
"Careful there, Tesoro. This shirt was expensive," he whispers with a wild smirk, a little bit of devil dancing in his angel eyes.
"Like I give a fuck," I laugh as I pull him back down to me. This kiss isn't as hungry as the first, but rather it's much slower and somehow much more possessive. Luca runs one of his hands up my thigh and under the hem of my shirt while the other holds his weight. I lean my head back as his soft lips travel lower and kiss the skin of my neck, my breathing growing heavy and my heart beating faster if that was even possible. The gentleness of his hands and the harshness of his lips on my neck makes me hotter by the second.
Luca pulls back slowly after a minute or two, I can't really keep track of time anymore. His eyes have dilated and his cheeks were flushed, his dark ebony hair sticking up all over the place from where I had tugged on it. The silver chain he always wore dangled off of his chest and I absentmindedly reached up and twirled it between my fingers, the metal surprisingly cold to the touch.
It was quiet as we both slowed our breathing and were completely consumed by each other.
"Fuck," he whispered as he stood up and pulled me with him, his voice sounding far off and laced with disbelief. I smiled at him, an actual real smile, and wrapped my arms around his torso, resting my cheek against his bare chest. Luca brushed the tangled hair from my face and kissed the top of my head.
"Tell me why we don't do this more often," he chuckled quietly, making his chest vibrate. I smiled to myself and pulled slightly away from him to meet his loving eyes.
"Because we'd never get anything done, Luca," I laughed. "Speaking of-"
"Do I really have to?" he whined with a pouty face. I reached up and brushed away the hair on his forehead.
"Yes, now let's get changed," I smirked to myself in victory as I pulled back and turned away. I made it about halfway to the stairs before I heard the sound of his footsteps quickly approaching. As I turned to see what was going on, I felt a sharp stinging across my ass. Luca's laugh filled the staircase as he sprinted away from me.
That Italian fucker slapped my ass.
Game on, Luca. Game on.
***
"What the actual hell is going on?" I heard a hoarse voice call out from behind us, though I could pay the voice no attention as Luca picked me up and threw me into some turn. As soon as I was back on my feet, our footsteps quickened and we went into a series of complicated turns we had been trying to figure out for the past three hours.
"Is this- is this country swing?" Brady asked with a hint of disgust seeping into his voice, or I at least thought so. I couldn't quite hear him over the banjo.
I didn't answer him yet again as Luca and I did our last spin, toss, and finally ending it with a dip. I felt myself start to slip as the sweat from my arms and his hands made our grip slacken. But before I could fall, Luca stood the two of us up and immediately bent over to place his hands on his knees.
I smiled to myself, knowing damn well that we are almost through the first level. Luca had complained every moment leading up to the dance, but I think I caught a glimpse of him smiling every now and then, though I doubt he'd admit that.
I turned to a dumbfounded Brady and smiled. "Hey, Brady! How are you?"
His brown eyes looked over me in my spandex and t-shirt before moving to Luca who was using the bottom of his t-shirt to wipe his sweat away.
"Is there a reason," he began while looking back at me, "that the two of you are prepping for some honky-tonk in the middle of the living room? Or are you doing this out of your own free will?"
I laughed at Brady as he shrugged off his jacket. He must have been at the Big house today like everyone else was besides the twins. They were at some party tonight with Ryder in the next town over.
"I thought this might be fun, and I was correct. And I used my charm, here, to rope Luca into it. No pun intended," I laughed to myself while picturing Luca getting caught by a lasso.
The two boys stared at me like I had officially lost it, but I didn't care. I had fun learning how to do this and I was already looking forward to doing it again.
"O-kay then," Brady said hesitantly. He looked at Luca who just shrugged his shoulders, him not really knowing what to do either. "I think I'm going to raid your fridge. I'll be back in a minute."
Luca and I watched him leave the room before we turned to each other. I had a giant smile on my face and Luca was probably only smiling because it was over, although I doubt he hated it that much.
"So now that I have danced to what you wanted to, how about we dance to what I want to?" I nodded my head at Luca as he picked his phone up off of the side table and hooked it up to the speaker. He flipped to a slower song before coming over to me and pulling my body into his.
Luca had made me love dancing again. Dancing used to be something I only correlated with Adrik because it was what we would do all the time. Luca changed that the first time he dragged me to the dance floor and swept me off of my feet.
I didn't care that we were sweaty, I was just happy I got another excuse to be pressed up against Luca. I hadn't been this happy in a while. With everything going on, it had been hard lately to find time and just do the small things, like dancing with man candy here. And even though news of me and Chavez and everything else were still hanging over my head, it all felt a lot more manageable in Luca's arms.
Or at least it was before the song changed.
I felt my body freeze as the all too familiar melody rang through the speaker.
"Hey, I got some- Keeley?" I heard Brady speak from across the room. His body froze as well as he began to make out the song that had played a major role in my life at Mount Reform.
"Luca," I spoke while stepping out of his arms. His face looked at me in confusion, and he had every right to. He didn't know. Hell, only Brady and I know. "Change the song."
He scrunched his eyebrows together and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Brady beginning to cautiously walk towards me.
"Why? I love this-"
"Change the song, Luca!" Brady shouted, but it was too late. The memories of what once was my favorite song were already plaguing my mind.
***
Almost 3 Years Ago
I didn't know where else to go. I was so tired, I was hurting, and I ran. I wasn't supposed to leave base tonight, as I had been off base all day, but I need to see him so bad it hurts. I know for sure that I'll be punished when I get back, yet I can't really find it in me to care.
I walked up to the front door of Adrik's gigantic house and knock on the solid wood door. When I didn't hear anything, I raised my fist to knock again, but the door swung open. Adrik's father, Dimitri, looked worried as he gazed down at me, probably studying the large black and blue bruise that was forming on the left side of my jaw.
"Keeley, what's wrong?" he asked while ushering me inside. It was the dead of winter and it was snowing, and I hadn't thought to wear proper attire before bailing. I was shaking in my spot, and Dimitri automatically grabbed a blanket from the small closet just right of the door and wrapped it around my shoulders.
I often find myself wondering why I could never have a father like Dimitri. He never failed to show me love, to show me comfort, and to show me respect. Three things my father could never- would never be able to show me. Dimitri always had a warm heart when it came to family, he rarely let them down. And if he did, he always made up for it. His warm brown eyes and graying hair with his crooked nose and smile became a comfort to me. I knew that he would always support me.
"I need to see Adrik," I told him softly, letting my walls down just long enough for him to know it was serious.
"Of course, Keels. I'll get him for you. Why don't you wait in the living room? There's a fire going right now. Go get warmed up."
He smiled kindly at me before rushing up the stairs to find my knight in shining armor. I walked further into the foyer and through the archway, knowing this house better than the one I grew up in.
It never ceased to amaze me the grandness and warmth of the living room. The walls were painted a light brown, all the way up to the 20' ceilings. Dark wood floors covered the floor, more often than not occupied by thick rugs and furniture. Leather couches were seated throughout, the largest of them seated in front of the stone fireplace. A chandelier hung from the ceiling, but it wasn't embedded with diamonds or sparkly, it was just a warm-toned metal that had yellowish-colored lights in the form of candles. Pictures lined the mantle and the walls, a bookshelf was on one wall, a small dry bar on the other.
Everything about this room made me feel safe and comforted. This house was my safe haven. These people were my safe haven.
"Baby? What's wrong? Is everything okay?" I turned and saw Adrik rushing into the room looking like he just woke up, a fresh stack of clothes in his arms. His dark brown hair was a mess and his eyes were filled with worry.
The moment he set the clothes down, he was already at my side, pulling me into his gentle and warming embrace. I couldn't help it as my tears began to fall and sobs began to fill the room, all of them echoing off of the high ceilings. Adrik led me to the couch and pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me and whispering sweet nothing into my ear.
After a few minutes, the tears subsided and I pulled away. I looked at Adrik's grief-stricken face as he leaned in and kissed the remaining tears away on my cheek. And as he pulled back, I watched his eyes scan my face, his chestnut eyes focusing on the bruise on my jaw.
"Adrik-" I began, hoping he would just leave it alone, but I knew he wouldn't. A small part of me actually loved that.
"Who hit you, Kitten?" he asked void of any emotion. I slid from his lap to the side of him and curled my legs up under me. Adrik's arm reached out to grasp my hand in his own, the other turning my face to meet his with a gentleness he only ever showed me.
"I don't want to talk about it. It's not a big de-"
"It is a big deal, Keeley. Somebody hurt you and that is not okay. Who did this to you?"
I could tell he was angry, although he never showed it. Adrik knew of the family situation I had growing up. I had an unreasonably angry mother and a father who never talked to me, but when he did, all it was was shouting. Adrik always made an extra effort to never yell at me, but rather be my voice. He always made sure to be angry at people for me, so it was never towards me.
"His name is Nolan Parker. He's just this stupid kid I ran into while running errands today. He's never liked me and he caught me off guard. I had too many things in my hands to fight back right away. He was gone before I got back up," I told him quietly. I was embarrassed, that's for sure, but I was hurt more than anything. Not necessarily physically, but mentally. I had been exhausted these past couple of days. Among training and school, I just have had no time to sleep, some part of me actually missed my nonexistent family, my body hurt, and the missions were taking a toll on my mind. I had to watch an eight-year-old kid die the other day. All I could see was her small face whenever I closed my eyes.
"I'll kill him," Adrik said so calmly, it worried even me. He stood up, but I immediately reached out and grabbed his wrist. His eyes were alive when he turned back to face me. I knew he wanted to hurt Nolan Parker for what he did. Adrik didn't really care for when people treated me badly.
"Adrik, kill him, torture him, beat him senseless, I don't care. But please, not tonight." I showed him just how much I needed him not only in my voice, but in my face as well. I could feel exhaustion taking over me and I think for the first time he realized the dark bags below my eyes and the frown that hadn't left my face since I'd been here.
It took him a second, but he eventually nodded his head in reluctance. He would much rather hurt him tonight, yet he would put it off for me. Not the most romantic, but it meant something to me and that was enough.
"Here," he spoke softly while walking over to retrieve the pile of clothes he had brought down. "My dad said you might be cold, so I grabbed you some of my clothes to change into."
The corner of Adrik's mouth tipped up into a sad smile. I could tell it was hurting him to see me like this.
"Thank you, my love," I said gently while looking at him. "Um, do you-would you mind helping me? That kid, he kind of, um- he got me in more than just my face."
I whispered the last part, knowing damn well that Nolan Parker will more than likely be dead by the end of tomorrow. I felt bad for him. I never wanted people to die, even jerks like him, but it didn't phase me as much as it once had. Death was now just something I saw and experienced on a regular basis.
Adrik's fists balled at his sides before he let them go and took a deep breath.
"Of course."
I knew his family wouldn't come down. Viktor and Anya were fast asleep and Dimitri knew it was important for just the two of us to be together tonight.
Adrik sat down beside me and helped lift my shirt up, the dark-colored bruises painted across my skin seeming even darker in the dim light. I heard him suck in a breath, as did I from the slight discomfort, but he gave me a warm smile before pulling out the sweatshirt he had brought down. It was his favorite one.
"You know that you're never getting this back right?" I laughed while trying to lighten the mood. He smirked at me and shook his head, a couple of stray brown hairs falling into his face.
"I'm making an exception this one time, Kitten. I want it back when you're done," he feigned seriousness. Or he might actually have meant it, I don't really care. It was mine now.
"Mhmm, whatever you say."
He sighed but I knew he wasn't mad. He helped me into the sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants before standing me up and placing a soft kiss on my lips.
"You know what will lighten the mood?" he asked me, knowing damn well it was going to be the same thing it was every time.
"Dancing," we spoke at the same time. I walked over in front of the fire and he walked to his dad's old records. He pulled one out before placing it on the player, the music starting to fill the room as he wraps an arm around my waist and takes my hand in his free one. I lay my arm on top of his and rest my cheek on his chest, slowly listening to the beat of his heart and the music at the same time.
Billie Holiday's voice rings throughout the room as we listen to how she will always reminisce and think of her lover in all that she does, even after he may be gone. I thought it fit me and Adrik too. It was hard these days to find something to do that didn't make me miss or think of him. And God forbid, if someday Adrik wasn't in my life, I hoped I would always find parts of him scattered throughout.
As we swayed to the music, I lost myself in him. In his comfort, in his movement, in the peaceful look upon his face. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, for the first time today, finally feeling okay.
"Keeley?" I heard Adrik ask.
"Hm?" I hummed, still too at peace to fully open my eyes or give him a full answer.
"Will you promise me something?" Adrik's voice came out hoarser than normal and I finally opened my eyes. When I looked at him, I was taken back by the glassiness of his eyes and the raw emotion on his face.
"Of course, Adrik. What is it?" The two of us stopped swaying and I moved both of my hands to rest on his chest, his landing on my lower back and holding me tightly.
"Promise some part of you will always love me?" he asked desperately, and it was at this moment that I saw Adrik. Not just physically, but I saw into him and who he was. Sure, he was confident, strong, and sometimes an asshole, but he also would melt into my touch whenever I hugged him or kissed him. He would hold me when I was hurting, even if he was too.
Adrik was sometimes just as scared as I was, even though neither of us would ever admit it. I think I loved this boy more than I ever thought was possible.
"Adrik, that's a silly-"
"I'm serious, Keeley. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if there ever came a day when the one person I loved more than life itself didn't love me back. God, I love you so much it hurts sometimes and it knocks the wind right out of me. You have never once doubted me, not once. You stand by my side, and even if you don't agree, you still support me because you want to see me do well. You find the good in me when no one else can, not even myself. Keeley, I can't even fathom not being in your life and you not being in mine. But if there comes a day when we no longer dance together, laugh together, stand by each other, promise me that some part of you will always love me.
"Promise me that whenever you hear this song, it will remind you of how much I love you, even if your love no longer remains. Let it be a reminder that I will not love you any less than I do right now, no matter what happens between us. Keeley, if there ever comes a day when you hate me for some unknown reason and we can't be together, please remember that I still and always will love you, and that part of you does as well. That somewhere deep down, you still love the broken boy who would dance with you for hours on end and would hold you when you were feeling down.
"And Keeley, promise that no matter how trying and difficult times may be, you'll always try to find the good behind the cruel, sick person I can be. God, if there comes a day when you can't even find the good in me, I-"
Adrik's sentence was cut off as he held back a sob, tears flowing freely down his face. It was my turn to stay strong and I held back any of my own that threatened to spill. I reached up and cupped his cheeks in my hands, pulling his face down so I could kiss the tears away just as he had always done for me.
They still flowed from his eyes as I leaned back and looked straight at him, holding his gaze with my own. And with all the conviction I had in me, I promised him.
"Adrik, I promise to always try and see the good in you, to keep that part afloat and not let it drown in all the darkness that plagues your mind. I promise that whenever I hear this song, I will always be reminded of the never-ending love you have for me, and the love I have for you in my heart. I promise to never forget the boy who held me when I cried, who pushed me to do better, and who would dance with me to wipe away all of my problems. I promise to see you, Adrik. To see the warm, selfless, loyal person you are and not be fooled by the monster you make yourself out to be. I promise, Adrik. I promise."
Adrik crashed his body into mine and squeezed me like I was going to float away and out of his grasp. I didn't care about the pain from my torso and back. All I cared about was Adrik and the tears that were silently falling from his eyes and onto my neck from where he had his face buried. Adrik needed me and I needed him more than we needed air to breathe. I knew that after tonight, I would never be able to find somebody who loved me as much as Adrik did. Adrik saw me for who I was, at my worst and at my best, for the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I held tightly onto him, squeezing my arms around his neck. I held to him, but I didn't know if it was more for him, or if it was for myself.
***
Luca turned the music off, but it didn't help. Something felt like it was sitting on my chest and I found myself trying to rub away the pain with the palm of my hand. This was Adrik's and I's song, it was ours. Every single day after that moment we shared, I would listen to that song. I memorized it on the piano, I learned the lyrics, I learned to lean on it when Adrik and I would have to go weeks without seeing each other. It was my fallback when Adrik couldn't physically be there.
I hadn't heard it since before I escaped.
"Keeley, I'm so sorry. I-"
But I couldn't focus on the words Luca was saying. His hand reached up, probably to wipe away the silent tears I now realized were falling down my face, but I flinched away. I fucking flinched.
A pained look crossed Luca's face, his blue eyes showing just how much I had hurt him. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't. No words were seeming to form. I was vaguely aware of Brady standing by me, and I reached out a hand to grasp onto his arm for support.
I have never felt the way I did right now with the growing pain in my chest. It felt as if my whole fucking life and everything I had built for myself had been swept out from under my feet. And then the scars he left me on my back and sides, they were on fire. I knew they weren't, but with every movement I made, I felt the skin stretch and burn, almost as if they had just been made.
"I don't feel too good," was all I managed to say as I stumbled my way away from them and up the stairs, more than once slipping and having to catch myself with my hands. Things began to blur together and my shoulders heaved forward. I thought I could hear arguing and the front door opening as I tripped over my feet and repeatedly had to use the wall as support. Nothing seemed to appear like it should.
I slammed my bedroom door behind me and fumbled into my closet, not even knowing why I was currently opening my safe. I pulled out the box and opened it for the first time in just under two years.
A picture of Adrik met my eyes as a sob escaped my lips. I had taken this picture a week before my sixteenth birthday at the lake, two weeks before my life went to shit. He was sitting on the dock and the sun was setting, a content look on his face as he looked off in the distance.
Adrik was never what people would think of when they hear attractive. He wasn't six-three and muscular, blonde hair and blue-eyed like you would see in the magazines. He didn't have tattoos or piercings. He wasn't ruggedly handsome nor was he the boy-next-door type.
Instead, his eyes could cut right through you and his normal smile looked menacing at times. He was proper, always clean-cut. He was only 5'10, and Adrik wasn't bulky like my brothers, but rather lean like Brady. But none of this mattered. His confidence and personality were bigger than anyone I'd ever met. Adrik didn't need to be physically intimidating to scare people.
Yet I saw none of this when I met him. I thought he was so striking that I couldn't help but study all of his features. From the way his eyebrows naturally slanted downwards to his crooked smile, from the way he always stood up straight and never was seen without a couple of rings on his fingers. I thought Adrik was the most gorgeous person I had ever seen when I met him that day.
My hands and body shook as I looked at the other pictures- some of just him, some of us, a couple of just me when I was happy. And then the very last one.
It was his father's birthday and Dimitri insisted on staying home and having a family night. We had been dancing and messing around when Anya took the picture. My hair was shorter, only to my shoulders, and I was wearing a yellow sundress. Adrik was for once in his life wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, something I had begged him to wear. Adrik had dipped me at the end of our dance and had tickled my sides, my faces captured with a laughing grin across my face.
And Adrik, Adrik had a smile on his face. A large, lopsided grin I only got to see every once in a blue moon. This was the only picture I ever had of him smiling, and it was at me.
My chest hurt like I had never felt, almost as if my heart had dropped to the pit of my stomach. I collapsed to the floor in a heap, my sobs racking my chest and the physical scars he had left me with burning to the touch.
"Keeley?"
I didn't have to turn to see who it was, I could tell from his voice.
"I don't want you in here," I spoke, although I'm not sure he understood as I choked on a sob.
"I know," he breathed out as he walked towards me.
"I'm serious, Brady. I want to be alone."
His eyes were downcast and I could tell it was killing him to see me like this. Nothing like this has happened since the weeks after I got out of there.
"I know," he replied, this time plopping himself down beside me.
"Brady, I want you to leave," I croak while managing to sit up. Snot ran from my nose and I could already begin to feel my throat burn.
"I know, Sweetness. I know."
And before I knew it, I leaned into his chest and grabbed onto his shirt, crying for what reason I don't really understand. His arms went around me and pulled me into his lap, holding me tightly and smoothing my hair down.
"God, why did he do that to me, Brady?" I break down and ask, although I know it's really all my fault. "I made a mistake, but I didn't deserve that."
"Keeley-" Brady tried, but there was so much I needed to say that I cut him off.
"It's all my fault, Brady. I should have never taken that assignment, I didn't even need it for credits. They told us it would just be a quick thing, just in and out." I shook as I clung to Brady's shirt, reliving the past I tried so hard to get rid of.
"They told us these people were trafficking women and children, Brady. That's what they told us. They told us that in order to stop a boat of women and children from going out tonight, all we had to do was go in and kill them all because there weren't many of them. I was told to go upstairs and kill everyone there."
More tears flooded my eyes as Brady listened to me, knowing already where this was going but supporting me anyways.
"I had never been to his father's headquarters, and there were so many men there, Brady. More than any of us could handle but we were still trying. I made it to the last door, and when I opened it, there was-" I cried out. Brady pulled me closer to him, knowing damn well this was always the hardest part for me. It is and always will be my greatest regret.
"There was Adrik and his family." I felt the pain in my chest intensify as I grabbed at my hair. "I hesitated, I didn't know. I would never have taken that fucking assignment if I would've known it would be him behind that door. But before I could even act, they had me down with some sort of drugging needle. I'll never forget the look on their faces, Brady, especially Adrik's. God, I loved him more than anything in my life and here I was with a gun to his head."
I stopped talking as I wept into Brady's shirt, the pain and regret of my actions suffocating me. I'll never forget the look of pure hurt and betrayal that was on Adrik's face. I wasn't going to kill him, no way in hell would I have done that. I was going to just injure them and then talk things through later. I was going to tell him the truth about my situation after everything settled, but I had to keep up my fucking facade with Reform.
"It wasn't until I got out that I learned they really weren't selling those people. It was just a lie so that Reform could knock out the Russians. They hadn't done anything wrong, Brady, but the whole time I was there, I wouldn't say a damn thing because I thought they were the bad guys. But they weren't. The only bad guy there was me."
I squeezed my eyes shut as I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hands, though it was no use as the tears kept falling.
"And I get it, I messed up, but how could he do those things to me?" I asked truly confused with myself and with Adrik. "How could somebody who tells you that they love you more than anything beat you and torture you till you actually die and have to be brought back? How can someone who says they love you treat you like shit? How can someone who says they love you not give a damn when they leave you bleeding out in a basement on a cement floor, crying out in pain and withering away to nothing? How can you say that they ever loved you when they could so easily hurt you?"
I finally looked up at Brady only to be met with his glassy hazel eyes. He hadn't shed a tear, he wouldn't cry when he wanted to be strong for me, but I could tell he wanted to.
"Keels-"
"But then again," I cry interrupting him, "how could you ever burst down a door and raise a gun to the heads of not only the boy you loved, but the only family you've ever known? I'm no better than he is, I shouldn't even be crying right now. I-"
"You have every right to cry," Brady tells me, his voice sounding more croaky than normal. "Fuck, Keeley, you have the fucking right to cry every damn day for what he put you through."
Brady's hold on me tightens as I wipe my nose on his shirt before responding.
"I don't even know what to feel anymore. And this, it's like there's a weight sitting on my chest that won't go away. I hadn't heard that song since before things turned to shit, and when I heard it, all I could think about was that promise I made. That promise to always see the boy who loved me at my worse and would always make me laugh. Who was a major pain in the ass, but nonetheless my pain in the ass. And-"
"You're heartbroken, Keeley," he tells me softly. I lean off of his chest and look at him.
"Brady, you saw the things he did to me. I can't be-"
"But you can," Brady yet again cut me off while shifting around. The floor in my closet wasn't the comfiest of places.
"You can be heartbroken, Sweetness. You went from madly in love with your best friend to at the hands of somebody you no longer knew. You were so focused on the pain, you didn't realize you were losing him. Then when you got out," he said sadly, his eyes staring straight into my tear-filled ones. "And when you got out, you were focused on moving on. You were focused on the anger. Keeley, you never let yourself understand that he would no longer be there for you, and neither would his family."
I sob escaped my lips as the truth rang through the air. I leaned my forehead on his chest, Brady's hands rubbing circles on my back,
"You not only lost that family, Keeley, but you also lost him too. You lost a best friend, a lover, somebody you would fully trust. You lost somebody important to you. It's okay to be heartbroken at that."
I finally felt his tears fall as one landed on my hairline, and when I looked up, I saw a young Brady that was just as scared as we had been back then. Back when we both had shit lives and were hanging on by threads, back when we had just found each other.
"I miss that Adrik," I whisper, my hands twisting Brady's shirt and snot running from my nose. "Not the cynical stranger who would yell and hurt me, who left me with scars in my mind and on my body, but the Adrik that would drive three hours to get my favorite ice cream. I miss the boy who would lay in bed with me and sing to me, who would dance with me till the sun came up just to keep me from being sad. The boy who never stopped pushing me to be better, but not for him, but for myself. He always believed I could do anything. He loved me, Brady. He loved me for me, not the person I try to convince people I am."
It was quiet for a while as I worked on slowing my tears, Brady holding me the whole time being my support. Nobody else but Brady and Sergeant Philips knew what I was like after Adrik. He left me broken, and this time, I was picking up the pieces alone, too afraid to let anybody else in. Adrik had broken me in ways I hadn't thought were possible, and I thought that recently I had been doing better.
My dad, brothers, and Luca were helping a lot, and so was having Brady back. They were all teaching me how to love again, especially Luca. I loved him so much, but part of me knew he could never be fully mine until he knew the whole story, and I couldn't let that happen. Adrik would kill him.
My tears finally slowed to a stop and all that was left was the pain. I could tell my eyes were red and swollen from the tears I had let fall. My throat was burning and my head was pounding. Brady's shirt was wet and wrinkled, but his arms were still holding on to me. Brady really was my best friend.
"Brady?" my voice croaked as I tilted my head to look at him. A tattooed hand reached up and pushed away the hair that was stuck to my face and tucked it behind my ear.
"Yes, Sweetness?" His voice was heavy and I could tell he was just as exhausted as I was.
"Answer me truthfully: do you think-" I hesitated on asking the question I had asked myself for the past two years. I took in a shaky breath and did my best to continue. "Do you think if any of this shit wouldn't have happened, that Adrik and I would still be together?"
"Keeley, don't ask me that-"
"I'm serious. I want to know," I plead with him, begging him to say the answer I have so desperately not wanted to admit to myself.
"I think," he began slowly, cautiously choosing his words to prevent another breakdown. "I think that the type of love you two shared was unparalleled. I've yet to see two people who share the same look in their eyes that you and Adrik had for each other. And I know you love Luca now, but because you asked and I will always be honest with you, I don't think his love is like Adrik's. Maybe someday, but I doubt it. That kind of love happens once in a lifetime, Keels. I think Luca loves you and you love him, but I don't think it's the type of consuming love you had.
"So to answer your question, yes. I think that if none of this terrible shit would have happened, I think the two of you would be inseparable."
I closed my eyes and leaned back into his chest, allowing myself this time and this time only to imagine a life with Adrik. I sniffled as a sad smile crossed my face.
"I think so too," I whisper softly, now increasingly aware of the silence that surrounds us and the impossibility of a love I once knew consuming my mind.
"I think so too."
________________________________________________________________________________
I cried. I'm not even going to lie, this took me so long to write because every time I opened it, I cried and had to stop.
So Adrik's not as bad as we originally thought, or maybe he is. That is for me to know and all of you to find out ;)
As always, please comment and let me know what you all think! I love hearing your feedback!
Happy Reading!
Final Word Count: 8614