"I tried."
Willa
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Two years ago
Mornings always started the same. The alarm clock blaring like a freaking air raid siren, mother dearest shouting from the kitchen, and the faint smell of burn toast hanging in the air. Today wasn't any different, the knot in my stomach wasn't any tighter than usual. It never went away.
I stood in front of my mirror, smoothing down the pleats of my school skirt for what felt like the hundredth time, I ran my hands over the bumps on my blouse.
I tugged my blonde braid - much to my sisters dismay as she inherited dad's dark brown hair - a little tighter. My make up was light but polished, a picture- perfect version of me. But the reflection staring back at me still felt off, like I wasn't quite enough.
My parents didn't ask for perfection, in fact they told me and my sister all the time that all they wanted for us was to be happy. But I knew how proud it made them when excelled.
I could hear dad's awful off-key humming from downstairs, probably something from the 80's, while mum clattered pans in the kitchen.
"Willa" my mum called, her voice cheerful but hoarse in the mornings "Breakfast is ready!"
"Coming!" I yelled back, adjusting the straps of my bag on my shoulders.
I glanced at the ballet poster on my wall, a photo of some ethereal dancer mid-leap. Graceful. Composed. Perfect. It reminded me of the rehearsal I had after school and my stomach tightened. Not with nerves exactly - I loved ballet - but with the pressure I put on myself to make it flawless.
Downstairs, the kitchen was quiet. My dad stood at the counter, grinning devilishly at my mum who was on the other side flipping a pancake.
I heard the stories of my dad's golden years in the NHL, Luke Myers the rising star. I'd heard them both from my mum and Aunt Eve. Although the ones that came from mum were always about his infatuation with her. I also noticed all the disappointed stares I would get when people figured out I was Luke and Lizzie Myers daughter with no talent.
"Hey, Ladybug." Dad said, beaming up at me as I came down the stairs. It was rare that he was here this early in the mornings, usually he'd be at the rink managing some admin.
Mum set down a plate of pancakes on the table. "How was your sleep, love? Do you have your pointe shoes? You didn't leave them in your locker again, did you?"
"Good, and they're in my bag." I said, taking a seat.
She smiled, brushing a stand of hair behind my ear. "Good, I don't know hoe you keep track of everything."
"It's not that hard." I said, though my chest tightend at the praise. I smiled faith, cutting into my pancake. They were kind, endlessly so, and always supportive. But that's what made it harder. They expected so little from me-just my best-and yet it felt like anything less than perfect would disappoint them.
"Remi, let's go!" Mum called up the stairs.
"I'm coming!" My 11 year old sister shouted back, her footsteps thundering above us.
When she finally appeared, her long hair was half brushed, and her school dress lay half zipped. She plopped into her chair beside me and immediately grabbed a pancake.
"Nice hair" I teased.
"Nice...face" she retorted, her mouth full.
Dad laughed, but mum sighed. "Remi, you're going to be late again if you don't start getting ready earlier."
"I'm ready." She argued.
"You're barely dressed." I said.
"You're so uptight." She muttered under her breath.
I ignored her, finishing my breakfast quickly, forcing myself not to glance out the kitchen window to look at if he had woken yet.
"I'll drive today," I offered, grabbing my bag. I turned sixteen three months ago and was gifted a new car for my birthday which I had recently learnt how to drive.
"Oh god. Pray for me dad." Remi groaned, slapping a cheek on our parents cheeks before she followed me out the door.
At school, the parking lot was buzzing with early morning energy. I spotted Alex waiting near the front doors, her curls bouncing as she talked to Daisy. Alex - or Alexandra - was my best friend, had been since we were 6 years old where we formed our very own tight knit group of 5.
"Willa!" Alex called, waving me over. I looked over my shoulder to locate my sister, and found her on her way to talk to her friends.
I smiled and made my way towards her, but before I could reach her, a familiar voice stopped me in my tracks.
"Hey, Butterfly."
I turned and met the warm brown eyes of Dominic West. He leaned casually against the wall, his short brown hair slimly messy, as if he'd just rolled out of bed - which he no doubt had. He had that easy, effortless confidence that made people gravitate towards him not only that but he looked like a mystery waiting to be solved, he rocked the stereotypical bad boy charm.
But I had solved that mystery, had also been crushing on him since the day I was born - much to my dad's distaste. Our parents were close, so close that we lived right next to each other which meant that I had seen this man every day of my life. Also counting that he was part of our inner circle, including two of his good friends Roman and Alec.
I loved him, I think. Whatever my silly notion of love was, whatever I had in my heart belonged to him. Years of unrequited feelings had taught me taught me how to hide mine.
"Dom," I said, trying to keep my tone neutral.
He smirked. "Looking perfect, as usual."
"What do you want?" I narrowed my eyes, crossing my arms.
"Can't a guy just say hi?"he replied, falling into step beside me.
Alex raised an eyebrow when she saw him but didn't say anything. Instead, she shot me a knowing look.
"Don't you have children to terrorise?"
"Right here's fine." He said, grinning.
English class felt like a marathon, especially with Dominic sitting beside me. He didn't bring a book - he never did - and spend the first half of the lesson doodling in the margins of my notes when he thought I wasn't looking and trying to land pieces of gum in Alex's hair in front of us.
"Stop it," I whispered, trying to nudge his hand away.
"Relax, butterfly" he said, his voice low. "You're so tense." Oh freaking god, his voice did unholy things to my body.
"I'm trying to focus," I hissed.
"Focus on what? Shakespeares midlife crisis?"
I rolled my eyes but didn't reply. Mr Hayes was deep into a monologue about hamlet's existential death, and I couldn't afford to miss anything. I scribbled furiously in my notebook, underlining key passages.
"What are you doing?" Dom asked, leaning closer.
"Taking notes."
"Why?"
"Because some of us care about our grades."
He snorted softly. "You care too much."
"And you don't care enough." I shot back.
He grinned, clearly enjoying himself.
Halfway through the lesson, Dominic stood abruptly, grabbing his bag.
"Mr West," Mr Hayes said, his tone clipped. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Bathroom" Dom replied, his expression unreadable.
"Bring a pass next time," Mr Hayes muttered, but it was clear he didn't expect Dom back.
I watched him leave, my stomach sinking. Everyone knew what he was really doing. Dominic West didn't go to the bathroom in the middle of class. He went outside, where Roman and Axel would be waiting with a certain group of boys in our grade with cigarettesâor worse.
I tried to refocus on my notes, but my thoughts kept drifting. Why did he even bother coming to class if he wasn't going to stay? I thought he was getting better?
"Willa, are you paying attention?" Mr. Hayes' voice snapped me back to reality.
"Yes, sorry," I said quickly, returning to my notebook.
The day dragged on, a blur of classes and deadlines. By the time the final bell rang, I was exhausted. I headed to the parking lot, my bag heavy with books and my mind even heavier with the weight of expectations.
As I approached my car, I spotted Dominic leaning against Romans car, a cigarette between his fingers. He looked up as I passed, his smirk softening into something almost sincere.
His friends huddled around him I waved shyly at James and Axel, the latter winking at me as I walked by.
"Skipping ballet today, Butterfly?" he asked.
"Not a chance," I replied, opening my car door.
"Suit yourself," he said, exhaling a cloud of smoke.
He would be my downfall. I knew it, Dominic West had a way of pulling me into his chaos, even when I tried so hard to stay out of it.
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I CANNOT BELIVE WE HAVE STARTED THIS STORY!!!!
I am so so so excited for this one, I know it's going to be full of a lot of tears and some laughs but I am so so fucking exciteddddd!!
cheers to the beginning of the endð¥¹