My Fault: Chapter 20

I was pissed. Not just pissed. Something else. Something I’d never felt in my life. I didn’t even understand how I’d let Noah tell me what I should do. The only thing was, now I could be with her as I liked. Every cell in my body lit up, but that wasn’t reason enough for me to accept that ridiculous idea she had for getting rid of her boyfriend. I’d gotten over all that high school bullshit a long time ago, and to be honest, there was a faster, better way to deal with it: breaking his legs and kicking him out of my house, for example. Noah would get what she wanted, and I’d be able to blow off some steam.

I got in my car, slammed the door, and didn’t stop to think how I was leaving Noah at home with that jerk. After seeing him, I doubted anything would happen between them. But at the mere thought of them together, I had to stomp the gas and get far away from something that could easily turn into a prison, a torture for me.

Since we’d first hooked up, everything had changed. Our irritation with each other was now an unquenchable longing, and it put me in an awkward situation. I didn’t know what I wanted, but I was sure being in an actual relationship with Noah was no good for a guy like me. Noah seemed like the girlfriend type, and I’d never had a monogamous relationship. I liked variety, and I ran away from commitment with all my might. No woman deserved more attention than I felt like giving, and I’d never let anyone control me or my decisions. I did what I wanted with whomever I wanted. Noah Morgan attracted me more than any other girl—that much I had to admit—I wanted her so bad, it hurt even to be away. I had so many fantasies about her that when she was nearby, my mind got away from me, and my body moved on its own. Everything was different with Noah. That’s why I had to be careful.

I parked outside Anna’s house, grabbed my phone, and called her.

“I’m outside,” I said when I heard her on the line. Two minutes later, she came out of her house and walked toward my car with a very alluring smile.

I lowered the window when I saw she didn’t open the door to get in.

“My parents are away. Want to come inside?” she asked with a hot, sexy smile.

I didn’t hesitate, and she came around to my side of the car when I got out. Before I could even speak, she was all over me. She had on the same lipstick as always; it had an odd flavor, but it had never bothered me until today. I pushed her away, and we walked inside.

“It’s been a while,” she said.

“I’ve been busy,” I replied brusquely. I wasn’t thinking about her—I was thinking about how Noah was sleeping just down the hall from her ex.

I walked to the living room. For some reason, I didn’t feel like going to her bedroom.

“I miss you, Nick,” Anna said, sitting down next to me.

Her cheeks were pink, her lips gleaming. She looked good, and I edged over, putting a hand on her bare knee and stroking it the way she liked.

“You shouldn’t miss me, Anna,” I said. “We’re not anything.”

Her eyes looked tense, but she didn’t let me throw her off. We both knew the score. Anna did get special treatment, that was true, but she knew we’d never be anything more than we were. I’d never belong to a woman. I’d never let a woman hurt me again.

She kissed me, and I kissed her back, more from habit than desire. That irked me. Anna was hot; I’d always had chemistry with her, more than with any other girl, but now, there was nothing—and that got to me.

I grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her face closer to mine. She went along with it—she knew what I liked and how I wanted her to behave. She grabbed onto my T-shirt, we felt each other’s warmth, but…it didn’t matter. It wasn’t what I was looking for.

I gave up. She looked at me full of fire, ready for more.

“Why don’t we go up to my bedroom?” she asked. I grabbed her hands, pushed them away, and stared at the TV.

“I don’t feel like it,” I said.

She picked up her purse off the table.

“Want some of this?” she said, pulling out a joint.

I pulled out a lighter as she brought it to her lips.

“This will put you in a better mood,” she said, passing it over.

That night, I let my problems disappear.

I got home at three in the morning. I was sore, almost as if I’d gotten a beating. When I passed by Noah’s room and saw her light on, I felt furious. She must be awake; she probably had company. I opened the door, ready to knock out that dickhead who’d invaded my home.

I stopped short when I saw Noah relaxed and asleep, curled up under a thin sheet, her blond curls spread over the pillow, her eyes closed, at peace. The lamp on the nightstand cast a faint light over everything…and there was no trace of Dan.

I tried to calm the waves of anger that had crashed over me as I’d imagined Noah lying in bed with her ex-boyfriend, doing anything but sleeping. I remembered that she was scared of the dark, and that awakened something tender inside me.

Her breathing was soft and regular. I’d never just watched a girl sleep. It was fascinating. I walked over close, wanting to confirm a theory. The closer I came, the harder my heart started beating. I felt relieved…strange but relieved. My hand twitched, I wanted to touch those lips so badly; they were succulent, the color of cherries. Every inch of me wanted to touch every inch of her, and I knew then that everything had changed. It didn’t matter if I hooked up with Anna or anyone else. Nothing would be as intense as the feelings I had for that girl now sleeping in my home.