My Fault: Chapter 38

When I got to the school, I could sense something was up. I don’t know if it was instinct or the little voice in my head, but I got out and walked straight for the fences. There were lots of kids standing around outside the fitness complex, so I headed in that direction. People’s eyes were wide as they saw me show up. Some people were elbowing each other and pointing. Jenna and Lion were walking down the stands around the track headed toward the pool.

“What are you doing here?” Lion asked me.

“Have you seen Noah?” I asked. I had a bad feeling.

Jenna shrugged.

“I left her inside fifteen minutes ago.”

I turned around and walked off with the two of them close behind.

Despite the surprise of those who saw me inside, the only things that penetrated my awareness were the screams coming from the back of the room. They were bloodcurdling. I was so terrified, I lost control of myself.

“Where is she?” I shouted, following her voice to the door of a closet. She was inside. They’d locked her in, and she was crying and pounding on the door trying to get out.

“

”

Trying to keep calm, I pulled on the door, but it wouldn’t give, and I turned around, angrier than I’d ever been in my life.

“Who the fuck has the fucking key?”

Everyone around me looked clueless as Noah went on shrieking.

Terrified, Cassie suddenly showed up and reached her hand out with the key. I snatched it away so quickly, it almost cut her fingers.

“It was just a—”

“Shut up,” I said, unlocking the door.

I only managed to see Noah for a second before she threw her arms around me and buried her face in my collarbone, sobbing and twitching from terror.

Noah was crying…

Since I met her, I’d never seen her shed a single tear, not when her boyfriend had cheated on her, not when we’d fought in the Bahamas, not when she’d gotten angry at her mother, not even when I had left her on the side of the road. I’d never seen her cry for real, but now she was completely broken down.

The circle of people standing around us had fallen silent.

“Go away!” Noah shouted at them. But no one moved. “I said go away!”

Those fucking brats had locked her up in a closet in total darkness.

“Nick, I…” Jenna said, looking at Noah with worry.

“Go, I’ll take care of her,” I said, holding Noah tightly.

When the room had cleared out, I sat on a riser with Noah on my lap. She was pale and couldn’t stop moaning. This wasn’t the Noah I knew. This Noah was completely destroyed.

“Nick…” she bawled.

“Shh…relax,” I said, hugging her. I was terrified, too. All my fears had come true, and I could hardly keep a grip on myself. I just wanted to hold her, to keep her there in my arms so I’d know she was safe. I’d been so scared when I had gotten her message. I’d even thought Ronnie might have found her and was hurting her or worse.

“Make them go away,” she said, shaking like a leaf.

“Who, babe?” I asked, stroking her hair.

“The nightmares,” she said.

“Noah, you’re awake,” I said, wiping away her tears.

“No.” She shook her head. “I need to forget… I need to forget what happened… Make me forget, Nick, make…” Then she leaned into me and kissed me. Her lips were damp from the tears and twitching from sorrow and terror.

“Noah, what’s going on?” I asked.

“I just can’t take it anymore,” she said.

When she was done crying, I walked her to the car. She was melancholy, lost in thought, in thoughts probably no less intense than the memories that had assailed her when she was locked in that closet.

I kept my arm over her shoulder on the way home, driving with my left hand. She curled up as close to me as she could, as if I were her life raft. I wanted to teach a lesson to each one of those snot-noses at that stupid party, but first, I needed to make sure Noah was okay.

At home, I took her straight to my room. She didn’t put up a fight. Once I closed the door, I turned on the light.

“You really scared me today,” I said.

“I’m sorry,” she said, tearing up again.

“Don’t be, Noah. But you do need to tell me what happened. Not knowing is killing me, and I want to be able to protect you from all the things you’re scared of.”

She shook her head.

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Okay. Let me get you a T-shirt, though. You’re sleeping with me tonight.”

She didn’t complain, not even when I took her old T-shirt off and slipped a fresh one over her head. She pulled down her pants and walked over to my bed and lay down after I pulled back the cover. I got in and pulled her into my chest, as I’d wanted to for so long. I’d fought against my feelings. I’d even deceived myself, trying to ignore what I felt for her through one-night stands and just pretending she didn’t exist. I was afraid of what was happening to me; I had no defenses if it didn’t turn out well. But I couldn’t help it; I was in love with her. I felt what I felt, and there was no denying it. I couldn’t swim against the current anymore. So I decided to tell her, take the risk, open my heart after twelve long years.

“Can you tell?” I asked her, seeing that she had her eyes open and was staring at me. “My heart never beats that way. Only when you’re nearby.”

She closed her eyes and remained still.

“Every time I see you, I’m dying to kiss you. Every time I touch you, the only thing I know is that I wish I could keep doing it the whole night long. Noah…I’m in love with you. Please stop pushing me away. You’re just hurting both of us.”

She opened her eyes again. There were tears in them; they seemed to be pleading.

“I’m scared of you hurting me, Nicholas.” Her voice rent my heart.

I grabbed her face tightly.

“I won’t. Never again. I promise,” I said, and kissed her. I kissed her the way I’d always wanted to, with all the passion and feelings I had. I kissed her the way every man should be able to kiss a woman at least once in his life. I kissed her until we were both shivering. I only pulled away to plant my lips on her neck, to taste her the way I wanted to, the way I’d been longing to for what felt like forever.

“You drive me crazy, Noah,” I confessed, kissing her all over, biting her earlobe, licking her tattoo.

She did something then that I’d never expected: she cupped my face and pressed her forehead into mine.

“If you love me, you have to hear the whole story,” she said. Her honey-colored eyes glowed between her eyelashes, and her freckles looked adorable on her cheeks and her small nose.

“Tell me. Whatever it is, we’ll get through it together.”

She seemed to be deciding whether to continue. She took a deep breath, let it out, and began:

“When I was eleven years old, my father tried to kill me.”