My Fault: Chapter 40

Sleeping with Noah had been the most amazing experience of my life. I couldn’t believe it had happened. It still seemed like a dream. I’d been thinking about doing it since I saw her in her tight dress for the first time and realized how gorgeous she was. But making love to her? I was in heaven. Feeling her under me and caressing her to my heart’s content had given me more pleasure than I’d known in years of sex with other women. Now she was mine, mine forever, because there was no way I was letting her go.

With all that had happened and with all she had told me, I didn’t know how we’d made it that far, but we’d finally knocked down the wall that had separated us from the beginning. Noah’s childhood had been horrible, so traumatic that even years later, it still had consequences for her daily life, and it was all I could do not to hunt down her father and kill him for what he’d done. I was angry at her mother, too. What kind of fool left an eleven-year-old girl with an abuser? I didn’t want Noah to know it, but I blamed Raffaella as well as her father, and I’d make that clear when the time was right. And yet, even with all she’d told me, I still had the feeling she was hiding something. I wasn’t sure what, but I saw a trace of worry in her eyes, and I wanted to know what it was about.

She was asleep in my arms. I thought back to what we had done, and I almost woke her up to pick up where we’d left off. There was a little light on, and in the reflection I could admire her beauty. She was stunning; she took my breath away. And her body… Touching it and pleasuring it had been one of the most pleasurable things in my life.

I heard my phone vibrating. I didn’t want Noah to wake up, so I took it off the nightstand and placed it where she wouldn’t hear it. Whoever it was, they could wait…

When I pulled her in tight, she opened her eyes, a little groggy.

“Hey,” she said in that soft, pleasant tone she’d been using with me for exactly one day.

“Have I told you how incredibly sexy you are?” I asked, getting on top of her, happy to see her awake. I’d been wanting to kiss her for at least an hour.

She kissed me back as only she knew how and hugged me close.

“You all right?” I asked. I’d been as careful as possible; I’d never worried so much about hurting someone, but after what I’d heard about Noah’s past, I didn’t want her to feel even a scratch.

“I’m hungry,” she said, laughing.

Her cheeks were pink, almost feverish-looking, but that was normal, since I hadn’t let go of her all night while she slept next to me.

“Me, too,” I said, kissing her cheek and her throat on that special spot that drove her wild.

She laughed and tugged at my hair so she could look in my eyes.

“Hungry for food,” she clarified. Why could that smile of hers drive me so crazy?

“Fine, let’s eat,” I said, pulling her toward the shower. We got in together, and after we were done, I gave her a T-shirt and put on a pair of track pants. I couldn’t be more thankful my father and her mother were out of town for the weekend.

“What are you in the mood for?” I asked as we went downstairs and she sat at the island.

“You know how to cook?” she asked incredulously.

“Of course I do. What do you think?” I said, smiling and grabbing her hair into a bunch to pull her head back and kiss her.

“I meant something edible,” she said. That was the best sound in the world: the perfect tone for a perfect morning.

“I’ll make pancakes so you won’t complain,” I said, letting her go.

“I’ll help you,” she said, jumping up and walking to the fridge. We cooked together: I made the batter, and she made a strawberry smoothie for both of us. Then we sat at the island and ate side by side. It was exquisite when I poured syrup on her and then licked it off. I’d never done anything like that with anyone, and it made my breakfast much more appetizing. Things were finally the way they should be: Noah was mine, she was happy, and I was, too. After years without trusting a woman, I had chosen one who was complex but perfect, one who could give me back all the love and trust that I had lost at such an early age. I started to see that Noah and I had a lot in common. She’d lost her father at eleven, and I’d lost my mother at twelve. We’d both suffered at an early age, and now we’d met to help each other get over it.

“We need to do something,” she said as she ate her last bite of pancakes. “Give me your phone.”

I didn’t know what she wanted, but I didn’t hesitate a second in handing it to her.

“Since you’re my boyfriend now,” she said, observing me warily, and I smiled. I liked that term. Yeah, I was her boyfriend and she was my girlfriend:

“I’m going to erase all the girls in your phone except for me and Jenna.”

When I started laughing, she said, “I’m serious,” unlocking my phone and entering my contacts.

“Do what you like. I don’t care,” I said, “but don’t erase Anne or Madison. I’ve got permission to keep talking to my sister, right?” I asked, getting up and taking the dishes to the sink.

“Who’s Anne?” she asked, wrinkling her nose. It sounded too much like Anna. I hurried to explain:

“Anne is the social worker who brings Madison when I go to visit her. She keeps me informed about what’s going on with her, and she calls if anything comes up.”

“You’ve got a missed call from her, from an hour ago,” she said. And then, as if she knew we were talking about her, the screen lit up and Anne’s name appeared. “Here she is again.” I grabbed the phone from her hand, worried. It was too early for Anne to be calling.

“Nicholas?” she said when I picked up.

“What’s going on?” I asked, feeling the terror in my stomach.

“It’s Madison.” Her voice was calm, but I could sense the alarm in her voice. “She’s in the hospital. It looks like they forgot her insulin over the past twenty-four hours, and she’s had an attack… I think you should come.”

I was squeezing the phone so tightly it almost shattered in my hand.

“Is she all right?” I’d never been so scared in my entire life.

“I don’t know anything about her condition,” she said. I nodded and hung up.

Noah’s face was pale. She stood up and walked over to me, asking in a nervous voice what was wrong.

“It’s my sister. She’s in the hospital. I don’t know what the deal is exactly. Apparently she hasn’t gotten her insulin… I need to go.” I took off running for my room. Noah followed, but the only thing that mattered to me was my five-year-old sister and the fact that the people taking care of her were too stupid to give her the medicine that kept her alive.

“I’m coming with you,” she said.

I looked at her for a few seconds and nodded. Yes, I wanted her with me. My mother would be there…and I hadn’t seen her in three long years.