My Fault: Chapter 7

When I opened my eyes that morning, I felt awful. for the first time in my life, the light bothered me. My head hurt like crazy, and I felt weird all over. It was hard to explain, but I was aware of every movement, every sensation taking place in my body, and it was uncomfortable, irritating, upsetting. My throat was dry, as if I hadn’t drunk anything in a week.

I stumbled over to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.

Jesus Lord, how horrible!

Then I remembered.

And my body trembled from head to toe.

My eyes were swollen, my hair messy and pulled back in a ratty ponytail. I didn’t remember pulling it back, though. I took off my dress, brushed my teeth to clean that bitter taste from my mouth, and put on my pajama shorts and my favorite T-shirt with the holes in it.

Memories flashed through my head like stop-motion photographs. Drugs. That was all I could think. Someone had drugged me. I’d taken drugs, I’d gotten in a stranger’s car, I’d gone to a party full of goons…and it was all one person’s fault.

I walked out of my bedroom, slammed the door, and went to Nicholas’s room.

I didn’t bother knocking before opening the door to what looked like a bear cave with a person under a dark blanket in a huge bed.

I walked over and shook the person sleeping there like a log, as if nothing had happened, as if it wasn’t his fault someone had drugged me.

“Dammit,” he muttered without opening his eyes.

His disheveled hair was camouflaged against the dark-satin sheets. I pulled hard on the cover until he was exposed. I didn’t care.

Fortunately he wasn’t naked, but his white boxers did throw me off for a second. He was sleeping facedown, giving me the perfect panorama of his broad back, his long legs, and—forgive me for saying so—his splendid ass.

But I forced myself to focus on what was really important.

“What happened last night?” I nearly shouted, shaking his arm so he’d wake up.

He grunted and grabbed hold of my hand, still with his eyes closed, and with one jerk, he pulled me into his bed.

I fell down next to him and tried to struggle away, but it was futile.

“Even when you’re high you can’t shut the fuck up,” he said before finally opening his eyes.

Two blue irises focused on mine.

“What do you want?” he asked, letting go of my wrist and sitting up.

I got out of the bed immediately.

“What did you do to me last night while I was out of it?” I asked, fearing the worst.

If that bastard had done something to me…

“Oh, I did it all,” he said contemptuously and then laughed. I struck him on the chest.

“Moron!” I shouted, feeling the blood rise to my cheeks.

He ignored me and stood up.

Then someone or something entered the room: a creature covered in hair dark like his owner’s, dark like that damned room.

“Hey, Thor, you hungry, boy? Have I got a tasty treat for you.” He grinned at me as he said this.

“I’m going.” I walked toward the door. I never wanted to see that idiot again, and knowing that I’d have to made my mood even worse than it already was.

Nicholas intercepted me in the middle of the room, and I almost ran into his bare chest.

“I’m sorry about what happened last night.” For a few miraculous seconds, I thought he was sincerely apologizing. How wrong I was: “But you can’t say a fucking word, or I’m screwed.” Now I knew all he wanted was to save his ass. As for me, he couldn’t care less.

I laughed bitterly. “So says the future lawyer.”

“Keep your trap shut.” He ignored my comment.

“Or what?”

He eyed me up and then jabbed a finger under my right ear, in a place that meant something special to me. “Or else that knot might not be strong enough to hold you.” What did he know about my tattoo or about how strong I was?

“How about you ignore me and I’ll ignore you. We’ll deal with the brief moments when we have to be together. Sound good?” I walked around him and left.

Thor wagged his tail, watching me go.

At least the dog didn’t hate me anymore, I told myself by way of consolation.

I went straight back to my room. I didn’t like not remembering what had happened—not at all. Nicholas could have seen something in me that I never wanted to show him, and that was what made me hate him in that moment. I’d struggled to understand how I could manage to reject him so forcefully in so little time, but it was normal if I considered that Nicholas Leister represented absolutely everything I hated in a person: he was violent, dangerous, an abuser, a liar, threatening…everything that made me take off running in the opposite direction.

I saw my purse had been slung down on the bed. I grabbed my phone and plugged it in. Dammit, Dan was going to kill me. I’d promised him I’d call him last night. He must have been climbing the walls. Fucking Nicholas Leister! Everything was his fault!

When I turned on my phone and opened my messages, I saw that there were no new ones—no missed calls, either. That was strange.

It was beautiful out, a perfect day for the beach or to take a swim for the first time in that amazing pool. If I’d been in a better mood, I’d have gone outside to sunbathe, read a good book, and try to forget what had happened or, even worse, what might have happened. With those thoughts in my head, I walked into my big fancy closet. In a drawer, I saw a ton of swimsuits, but I didn’t stop looking until I found a one-piece.

I looked at my naked body in the mirror, with special attention on that part I felt mortified about. But I decided to put it out of my mind. After all, I was at home.

In a sundress and with a violet towel, I walked out of my bedroom to face my first breakfast in that house.

It was unsettling walking around here. I felt the same as I had when I was a little girl and would sleep over at a friend’s house and at night I’d want to go to the restroom but wouldn’t because I was scared I’d run into someone from their family.

Downstairs, I found my mother in her white-silk robe and sandals with Will, who was wearing a suit, ready for work.

“Good morning, Noah,” she said. “How’d you sleep?”

“It wasn’t the best night I’ve ever had,” I answered.

She came over to kiss me on the cheek.

“Did you have fun with Nick and his friends?” she asked hopefully.

“Speak of the devil,” William said behind my back, getting up from the table just as Nick entered.

“What’s up, guys?” he said on his way to the fridge.

“Did you have fun last night?” my mother asked him. “How was the movie?”

I started to ask, “What?,” but Nick slammed the refrigerator shut and turned around with an icy stare.

“It was great, right, Noah?”

I realized there I had him. If I told the truth, who knew what his father would say. I could even go to the police and turn him in for offering alcohol to a minor—me—for letting someone drug me, and obviously for leaving me out in the middle of the road.

I couldn’t have enjoyed it more as I let him know with my gaze that I had no idea what we were talking about.

“I can’t really remember,” I answered my mother, watching him turn tense. “Was it or ?” I was going to enjoy seeing him in that situation, but he just laughed it off, wiping the smile off my face.

“I think you mean ,” he responded, surprising me by naming one of my favorite movies. Ironic, when you considered that the two main characters were a stepbrother and stepsister who hated each other…

Sensing something was up, my mother asked, “What are you two talking about?”

“Nothing,” we said in unison, and that bothered me even more.

For a moment, we were in a standoff: I was trying to intimidate him; he was trying to let me know he was having fun.

“You gonna move or what?” I asked, trying to get to the refrigerator.

“Look, Freckles, you and I need to work some things out if we’re going to live under the same roof.”

“I’ve got an idea,” I said. “How about when you come in, I’ll go out, and when I see you, I’ll ignore you, and when you talk, I’ll pretend I can’t hear you?” I cursed the moment I’d met him.

“Sorry, I got hung up on the in-and-out part,” he said—the pervert—grinning and making me blush.

“You’re gross,” I said and tried to push him aside until he finally yielded and I could grab the orange juice.

My mother had walked off with a cup of coffee in one hand and a newspaper in the other. I knew what she wanted: she wanted for me to get along with Nicholas, for us to become friends and for a miracle to happen so I’d love him like the brother I’d never had.

Ridiculous.

I sat down on one of the benches next to the island and poured the juice into a crystal glass. Nicholas was wearing track pants and a tank top. His arms were shapely, and after seeing him punch two guys in ten minutes, I knew I should stay away from him. Who knew what he was capable of?

When he turned around with his coffee, I saw it: the tattoo. He had the same one I had on my neck. The same knot, that symbol that meant so much to me. That monster had an identical knot on his arm.

I felt a sharp pain in my chest as he came over and sat down in front of me, watching me until he noticed what I was looking at. Then he took a sip of his coffee, put his cup on the table, and leaned over.

“I was surprised, too,” he said.

I felt uncomfortable, exposed.

“So it looks like we’ve got something in common,” he continued. He didn’t seem overjoyed that we had the same tattoo, either.

I stood up, pulling off my hair band and letting my hair fall until the tattoo was no longer visible. Then I walked out. That last thing he’d said had shifted something inside me, as if he knew the meaning behind that tattoo, as if he understood…

I went to the backyard. There was a beautiful view of the sea, and the salt breeze was warm and fragrant. I couldn’t deny it: I loved the view and having the water so close now that I lived here.

I walked over to the wooden deck chairs next to the pool, which was rectangular with a fountain in the corner by the garden that gave it an exotic but elegant touch. Next to the cliff, to the left of the garden, was a jacuzzi located strategically between two enormous rocks to provide a beautiful view of the property.

Deciding I would try to enjoy it, I took off my dress, making sure there was nobody around, and lay back thinking I would soak up some rays and try to get a nice tan in the next week. I had to take advantage of what was left of the summer vacation because in a month, I’d be starting classes at my new and extremely expensive school. I grabbed my phone and looked to see if I had any missed calls from my friends or, more importantly, from my boyfriend Dan.

Nothing.

That stung, but I didn’t let it get to me. He’d call, I was sure of it. When I told him I had to leave, he flipped out. We’d been going out for nine months, and he was my first real boyfriend. I loved him, I knew I loved him because he had never judged me, he’d been there when I needed him…and plus, he was hot. When we started, I could hardly contain myself, I was the happiest teenager on the planet. And then I had to run off to another country.

I texted him:

I looked at the message. He had last been online thirty minutes before. I sighed, laid my phone on the chair, and went to the pool.

The water was the perfect temperature, so I stretched out, raised my hands, and dove in. It was liberating and refreshing at the same time. I swam, enjoying just letting the tension go and getting some exercise.

Fifteen minutes later, I got out and lay back in the deck chair, letting the sun work its magic. I grabbed the phone to see if anyone had answered and saw that Dan was connected but he hadn’t written. That made me frown.

Just then, Beth wrote, gossipy as ever.

I smiled and responded, a little nostalgic:

I had a knot in my throat as I wrote her. Beth and I were on the same volleyball team. I had been captain the past two years. Now that I was gone, she’d taken over. She was happy, and that made me happy, too. At least she could get something good out of my leaving…even if she’d never told me she’d wanted to be team captain.

I hated that remark. She had told me that more than once. I couldn’t stand people thinking my mom had married for money. She wasn’t like that, she was anything but—she liked simple stuff, the same way I did. She’d married William because she really was in love with him.

I decided not to say anything about it. I didn’t want to argue, especially when she was thousands of miles away.

Then she sent me a photo.

It was her and Dan with flushed faces and their arms crossed. Dan was blond with brown eyes—a spectacle to behold. It hurt me to see him so happy. It hadn’t even been forty-eight hours since I left. He could be a little sadder, no? I couldn’t help but ask her:

Her response took a while to come, and that alarmed me.

Since when did I need Beth to tell my boyfriend to answer my texts?

A minute later, a message with a smiley emoji came in from Dan:

Hell yes, I did! I wanted to shout, but I restrained myself and answered, mood worsening:

It took him a few seconds to respond. I hated him dillydallying.

A thousand butterflies flicked around in my stomach when I read that. I texted him goodbye and set my phone aside.

I couldn’t wait to talk to him, hear his voice. I couldn’t figure out what on earth to do to keep from missing him every second of the day.

I heard voices coming over to the garden. I turned quickly, grabbed my dress, and threw it over my head.

It was Nick with three other guys.

Shit.

I’d seen them all the day before at the party. One was tan, almost as tall as Nick, with golden-blond hair and blue eyes. One was shorter in comparison with a black eye. That didn’t surprise me. I’d seen Nick in action and could assume his friends were just as violent and reckless. The last one really caught my eye, probably because he was the first one to walk straight toward me. His hair was dark brown and his eyes black as night. He was very, very intimidating, especially with the tattoos covering his arms.

“Hey, good-looking…did you just climb out of my fantasies and show up here?” he asked, lying in the deck chair next to me.

Nick flopped down on the other, grinning.

“Excuse me?” I asked, sitting up.

He laughed and looked at Nick.

“You were right, she’s a live one,” he said, making me uncomfortable.

He was disgusting. The other two guys jumped in the pool and splashed water everywhere. The water made my dress cling to my body.

“Careful, assholes!” Nick shouted, grabbing my towel and using it to dry off.

“You guys can keep splashing in this direction,” goon number three said, gawking at my breasts, now clearly visible through my soaked dress. “You’re one hell of a catch for a fifteen-year-old.”

“I’m seventeen, and if you keep looking at me like that, I’ll take a certain part of your anatomy and do serious damage to it,” I said, pulling the dress away from my torso.

Nicholas thew the towel back to me, and I covered up.

“Drop it, dude,” he said. “Otherwise I’m gonna have to throw her in the water to get her to shut up, and I’d rather just stay here where I am.”

“Excuse me?” I said, chuckling. Nick was in his bathing suit, and I had a spectacular view of his bare chest and his tattoos.

He took off his Ray-Bans and stared at me with his blue eyes. They looked remarkable under the sun, and for a few moments, I was thrown off.

“You don’t think I forgot you hitting me last night, do you?” I looked down at my knuckles, which still ached. His jaw wasn’t even slightly bruised.

“Are you threatening me?” I asked. He was getting the better of me.

“Nick, I love this chick. She needs to come out with us more often,” the tattooed guy said before he got up and dove into the pool.

“Listen, Freckles, you can’t just talk to me however you like,” he warned me. “See those guys? They respect me, you know why? Because they know I could put them on their ass at the drop of a hat. So be careful how you talk to me, give me my distance, and everything will be fine.”

As he spoke, I thought to myself how I could best respond.

“Funny how you think you’re the one who can threaten me when I could rat you out to your dad whenever I felt like it,” I said.

He clenched his teeth. I smiled. Noah one, Nick zero.

“You don’t want to play this game with me, Noah, believe me.”

Needing to do something with my hands, I bent over to grab some suntan lotion. “Then you’d better stop hoping I treat you with a respect you’re light-years away from deserving. You don’t want me to spill the beans about last night? Then drop the little remarks and tell your boyfriends to leave me alone.”

Before he could respond, one of the goons got out of the pool and sat down beside me. Water from his body dripped all over me, and I jerked away, irritated.

“You want some help with that, babe? I could rub it on your back.”

“Beat it, Hugo. My little sister and I are having an important conversation,” Nick ordered him.

Hugo got back up without a need to hear it twice. Good.

“Are we hanging out tonight?” Hugo asked. Nick nodded. “Stakes are high, bro, we need to win these races no matter what.”

Nick’s eyes shot arrows at him. Interesting.

Did I just hear the word ?

“I said leave.”

Hugo looked bewildered for a moment before glancing at me and seeming to realize he’d said too much.

When he and the rest of his friends left, I turned around and looked at my stepbrother.

“Races?”

Nick put his glasses back on and stretched out in the direction of the sun.

“Don’t ask questions if you don’t want answers.”

I bit my lip, intrigued, but still, I wasn’t going to press him. Whatever Nicholas Leister was wrapped up in couldn’t interest me less.

Or so I thought.

That afternoon, I decided to spend some time with my mom. William’s company was having a gala that night, and she’d told me we needed to go as a family. I wasn’t particularly excited about it, but I knew there was no getting out of it: William had been working on the event for months, and we were expected to be there.

I found myself sitting on a sofa in my mother’s dressing room. Her bedroom was even more lavish than mine. Decorated in cream tones with a California king bed, it looked like a luxury hotel room and had two walk-in closets. I’d never thought a person needed even one, but when I saw the hundreds of shirts, ties, and suits William had, I understood.

That night would be important for my mother. Obviously, many close friends and important industry heads and law people would be there, not all of whom had had the honor of meeting my mother in person. She was so nervous that it was funny.

“Mom, you’re going to look gorgeous no matter what you wear. Why don’t you just relax?”

She looked at me with a radiant smile. It was wonderful, seeing her so happy.

“Thanks, Noah,” she said, holding up a white-and-green dress for me to see. “So this one?”

I nodded, thinking about what the evening had in store. If Nicholas was going to take off again to get in trouble, then I would be free to do the same—or so I told myself, by way of consolation.

“Your dress is marvelous, too,” my mother said, and in my mind, I saw it again. “Honey, don’t make faces, you’re not going to die just because you dress up a little for one day.”

“Sorry,” I said. My mood had been like a roller coaster lately. “It’s just that going to dinner and a gala isn’t exactly what I’m in the mood for.”

“It’ll be fun, I promise,” she said, trying to cheer me up.

I thought of Dan, of how much he would have liked to see me in the dress I had on that night. What was the point of getting all pretty if no one I cared about was going to notice me?

“I’m sure,” I said, trying to put a happy face. “I guess I should go get ready.”

My mother dropped what she was doing and came over.

“Thanks for doing this for me, dear. It means a lot.”

I nodded, trying to smile.

“No worries,” I replied, letting her wrap her arms around me. I realized how much I needed that contact, especially after what had happened the night before. I held her tight, and for a few moments, everything felt just as it had when I was little.