SHIN
The floor could be lava. Because I- Han Shin-young didn't care a dime because i levitated, high up without a band of worry clipping my legs shackled to the ground. With the car chase- I had initiated the list. I took the reins and acted out of impulse- finished a task and didn't get arrested. Even if I did, I had faith in Lee and his connections. He was loaded- he was at the rack of hierarchy that could be used to extinguish any kind of crime that's committed.
Not that I would do anything as such But it's reassuring to have a backup. That night- the range of sleep that welcomed me was a treasuring one. When my mind and body fell upon the matters , I sank into it. As if it was made out of clouds instead compressed cotton. I had a smile on my face when I closed my eyes, the haziness wasn't there while I tried to fall asleep, half awake into the night I felt a tight tug by my waist. And in a smooth sliding motion, my back was heatedly flat against the chest of Lee.
"I know satin curtains are like our siblings"
With a wink, I open my eyes to decrypt the code. It was futile, he speaks the language of ancient Gods in his sleep.
"But Shin is softer than satin" he groans, a melancholic depth in it. As for me, I gawked in a force that caused a tick by my jaw. Since when was I an ingredient of his archaic text? Flinching, I shuffled to scramble his arm from me, in reflex, he crushed a portion of my shirt with a low lament.
"Lee should ask curtain for her skincare routine" With wide eyes, I stared at the wall opposite to me, I prayed for strength and prosperity. One of his long legs coils mine into a tangled mess. And soon his morning's confessions tumbled over me, or should I say lies.
We don't wake up like this because of me.
And he must be aware of his habits. There was no other way to it.
He was deliberately dumping it on me.
This actualization only riled me up into coercing my manners into kicking him to his corner of the bed. He coughed, rolling to the other side- Releasing me as I exhaled with all my might. But with luck on air for me that night, he didn't depart from the bed to take his usual little stroll. Four days ago, I discovered him experimenting to get past through the bathroom, the doors were close- and he wasn't aiming his take on telekinesis. But to a sole audience like me, It was a scene out of conjuring, it did scare me to the bones.
I had the lights on the whole time after I had him tucked in.
Two days ago he sat by the dresser and stared at the ground while he suggested that wasps and fruits are the same things and why no one should fear watermelons. I assembled a tray of drink and a bowl of popcorns to enjoy while he was at it, I did record him though.
To agree that the film of whatever that made us strangers in the past was sterile by now. After I had shared some of the most fascinating moments in my life with him so far, it was safe to say that he was now a member of my real world. A place where I am myself. Where the roof, walls, and windows are people who accept me as I am. Where I wasn't afraid to be seen or spoken to. Or be listened.
As for the feelings I thought I was fighting with?
I recognized that Lee grew up in a western world, his ideologies and view of how he sees and deciphers it must be different. Reckless even. He must have had many relationships in past, with girls and women who were capable in many ways than me. He can have anyone he wished for. Isn't that a reason why our marriage is bound to be temporary? As long as it's just me and my possibly developing unrequited emotions, and not his. it was fine. I could always tell my heart to shut up and it'll.
He is a great friend though-
I would never admit it to him.
Madison- it was the name Moreno had uttered. The spark of fury that lived and died within seconds on his eyes wasn't so fast enough to evade me. she could be his ex, she could still be his something if it was enough to poison his ever happy smile even for a minute. I don't intend to find out because divulging deeper would only open him more to me, and the bounteous it gets the further damage it could do to my heart.
I am contended to befriending his surface. I can't risk reaching his soul.
And so I throw my mind into concluding the final drafts for the next four days. Latching myself in the gaming room I only came out to cook meals that were instant. The poor shrimps froze within the refrigerator momentarily. Lee wasn't home either- with his hotel project and its construction modifications nearing a deadline, he was always out dressed in a three-piece suit and a distressed face. But he rang me up every three or four hours to check on me and my food intake.
I aimed to assure him that I would never cook the shrimp or japchae without him since he paid for the grocery. By his end of the line, I only received a silence, and when he spoke there was always a hint of a smile in his voice.
By the weekend I had the first rough edition packed and sent to the editor. I spent an hour bawling my eyes out as I realized how the trilogy that I had initially begun in my room as a sixteen-year-old scrawny kid with running nose and pigtails, ended with me sitting in the middle of a multi-million dollar penthouse in Las vegas six years later.
I bestowed the lead characters with a happy ending, they deserved it after the turmoil I had put them through. I hope when Lee finds it out, he might hate Elixir a little less than he already does. With that, I wait for the draft to get polished, edited, and printed in a month, the editor tolerates me because I pay her twice the price to have it done quickly since I seldom submit the chapters on time. which reminded me of my duelist again.
I can't afford to procrastinate.
So on the morning was the weekend, I wake up Lee with a surprise breakfast for him decorated on a portable desk. Meals on bed gets the job done, always. He sat up with his bed hair angry on his face, a contrast to how elated he was to be served as a prince. He indeed was a knight for me today.
"You like it?" I chirp when I said I was ardently getting comfortable around and with him. I meant it. It oddly seems to throw him off guard every single time as he stared passively at me with dazed eyes.
"Who wouldn't?" he grins inhaling the aroma with a cute sound that he produced from the back of his throat. With the same throat the causes the unintentionally seductive groans when things don't go well for him at work "You trying on what here missy?" he wiggled his brows as I took a seat on the bed facing him. I rub my hands with an ecstatic smile.
"I am trying to get you to help me"
A single brow arcs this while.
"And what would that be?" he drawls out slipping his fingers through the hand of the large porcelain coffee mug. I scoot near him. it was weekend, he could- I want him to-
"You are going to help me buy my own car today"
He had the mug slanted as he siped, his eyes conveyed how he was on to this idea already. It shone with an impressive indication.
"What do I get in return?" he asks suggestively, even biting his lips to get the joke across. Instead of blushing or wasting time I fork the seasoned watermelon and shoved it into his mouth.
"You are already having it"
He might have majored in a flirtationship. But I had my share of character analyzation done to justify the characters of my book. My google search history was a dark place that can put an FBI termination to shame. I saw it coming. But what Lee hadn't mastered yet was my ability to buy a car that just wasn't an ordinary SUV. I directed him to a dealership showroom for Aston Martin, I bet he had numerous questions lingering by the tip of his tongue by the time we arrived.
I must be unsettling when I promised him that it was with the money I save because of my job.
"What kind of editor gets paid so much?" he mused as I flipped through the pages of the document after having denied any auto financial loan or monthly interest to the staff who helped us. "It almost makes me want to be one"
He wasn't wrong though, even with my career exploding off with the young adult fantasy peaking the charts- I had made more money with my smart investments than in one had pay. Doubling and tripling my net worth because I had my parents to guide me with the premature fame I received. As a result, I signed into the contract. Officially making a two hundred thousand dollar vehicle as mine. It was sleek, it was metallic, it was mine. And I wouldn't change a wire or seat about it. It screamed at me.
"You don't sell drugs do you?" his theories doesn't fog his excitement. Surrounded by cars, he was like a kid on Christmas. But with a conscience. I touch the smooth hood of what will be mine tomorrow after it gets delivered . But Lee was touching analogies that soared through me, it had me in a fit of giggles.
"Sometimes, I have a meth lab in my basement. I make them myself"
He still takes a minute to recover from the sarcasm I keep constantly employing on him.
When we walked out to the fresh gust of air, the grin we wore was hopeless. We had been inside for three hours detonating what and how we wanted it. Now when it was done, the wind was lighter- the sky, brighter and us- so much happier.
"I never had this much fun after I had purchased my first"
I shake my head to scatter the wilding hair from my face.
"You are happy because I am happy" I reason.
"And why do you think that is?" I felt his gaze on me, I don't return it. Because I had to make things straight and with him looking at me like that, it won't feel real to my tongue. And that won't be fair to him.
"Because that's what friends do" beating the twitch of my hand, I shove them into the pocket of my jeans "- they celebrate the success and give you a shoulder to cry on when they fail. Isn't it why you permitted me to use you as a strength when I have a hard time?"
The wave of silence with the noise of wheels rolling down the road got dense. He didn't break the chain of it- but when he did-
"What if a person Is prepared to give their all instead of just strength? Does that count as friendship too?" there wasn't a trace of Lee when he spoke, the words weren't cut into soft edges with his subtle forgiving nature. It tears through, bold and cocky. Arrogant even. For the first time, he acted like a person one stereotypes of his caliber to be.
I don't answer him with the fear of ruining it further.
And my lack of an answer was a claim in itself.
***
The next morning, I got educated about two things that necessarily wasn't a first hand warning.
One was- Lee doesn't ignore you when he is mad.
Two- he makes you wish that you were ignored by him.
So when i woke up with a breakfast on the bed, It wasn't friendly. It was simply breakfast on the bed with him exploiting Kanye west on the stereo with a volume that should be illegal in the mornings. With each bite it took, he reciprocated his debt. Then he texted me to get ready to receive the car. I was right in front of him in the living room as I got the message.
I went for a striped jumpsuit instead of a dress, to which I was awarded with a verbal jab.
"Less application of sunscreen today I guess"
Nobody, none in twenty-two years of my existence had so harmlessly tried to get back at me. But the moment he said it, his nonchalant eyes admitted the embarrassment with a silent nod. But the absence of his smile churned me every time I looked at him expecting him to be lively. But it was temporary- he will get over it. He has to.
I implored for the old Lee to redeem and the day hadn't even completed it's cycle yet.
Lee was harmless, I religiously belived-
No, he wasn't,
Because when he made me drive to where his friend Edmund and his assistant resided, I was eating down my modesty towards him . He used me as a chauffeur to meet his friend, But when Edmund and Fischer walked towards us with their summer clothes on, I ushered Lee to spill.
"What is going on?" I ask drumming my fingers by the steering in nervousness.
With a lazy stare, he turns to me, his friend and Fischer still had a colossal yard to pass through.
"Edmund wanted to learn about marine life for his new project" he states playing with the strap of his watch, his features fighting a cunning smile "We are going to an aquarium"
My mouth opens and closes in accord, not able to grasp where and how I fall into the equation. He navigated me through it though-
"Since you are my friend, I want to treat you how I treat one authentically. I drag them into shit that isn't for them, If I want them to drive around, I make them. I honestly don't take care or protect them because they are just friends until it's really necessary. I always have their back though- but I don't indicate it often"
We held our stares, I gulp in some moisture as the thread of what he implied knitted into a crystal elucidation. Friend or foe, Lee was loyal to both the affairs. I had seen him with Moreno, so with Edmund. But what he narrated now was diligence,
Forcing a friendship into our equation won't do me good.
It was a warning.
If I was his real friend, I won't be second-guessing this outing.
But before I could gather the courage to advocate my thoughts, the door to the passenger sear from both the sides simultaneous clicks open.
"You got a new one?" the lack of surprise in Edmunds's voice was palpable. When Lee revealed he had a collection, he meant it. He took me to the private basement, 3 to the ground. There were seven. Each breathtaking than the other, convertible, roadsters, and classic, he could live off of them if he decided to quit making money.
I went to the right man for advice- but he wronged me when he was friend-zoned.
So he doesn't whirl the conversation to him like he did last wise. Letting me fend for what I had done, Edmund awaited a response from us so I craned through my shoulder with a polite smile.
"It's mine actually"
Edmund was kind, with a pleasant smile he comments.
"Gorgeous. Lee and you are match made in heaven"
Unfortunately, he only steered the cold awkwardness between Lee and I into a wider pit. Sighing I drove us to the said aquarium. Astoundingly once I entered the world of marine creatures trapped in a glass case, despite my distaste towards the treatment of animals in a cage I found it attention-grabbing. I hated it, but since I relate with these mammals more than the ones that walked on earth, I surfed through the trivia plates that instructed us about the specimen on display.
Lee and Fischer were the quietest of us four. Though Edmund wasn't vocal, his enthusiasm shone with how crucially he scanned each of them with thick glass tight on his nose. Fischer was beside him jotting down in his I pad as Edmund dictated his discoveries and ideas. The corridor was a pulsing pattern of bluish-green hue created by the underwater luminous.
The massive transitions among us were making my movements denser. As if I was wearing a spandex suit that was two sizes smaller for me. So I shift to face Lee simultaneously as his phone goes off. He doesn't spare me a glance,
"I have to take this" he mumbled, looking at the Id "You go ahead, it'll take me a while"
The temperature in the room dropped after he was gone, hugging myself I follow them, at a point, I found Edmund beside me with his hands inside the pocket of his hoodie. He had the hood up to cloak his face, probably to disguise it from anyone who could recognize him.
It still feels unreal, to have a celebrity like him enacting normal stuffs. Fischer was a couple of feet away from us- crafting Q and A with a marine guide.
As for me and Edmund, we traded occasional, defined, and formal smiles whenever our gaze intersected. The adult dolphin modeled twice for us, I swear I saw the disappointment in his face when he came for the third round and saw us both.
A visible pity towards the lack of social skill. A fish could do better. The dolphin - was like Lee.
Luckily- it was Edmund who finally broke the barrier-
"Heard you like fish" he says with a his dimple popping up, it was a bonus on his chiseled jawline. How can Hailey Howard dump such a snack?
But soon I retaliate, it wasn't what I should be concerned of. The fact that Edmund knows my love for fish is what should signal me with red lights. What else does Lee share?
"Yeah, I love seafood" I reply with my ears heating up. Was Lee done with his revenge? What was taking him so long? he could have left me alone, I ace with the prospect of living and roaming in solitude.
Edmund chuckled with due respect, also he looked uneasy for someone who was a public person. Did I say something wrong?
"I was told that you have a pet fish. I think I got confused-
"I do have a pet goldfish"
"Oh you do?" the discomfort was so apparent that I took a moment to refer to what might be rendering him astray. Inwardly I sigh in understanding. With a small, guilty smile I tilt my head with a shrug.
"It's strange you see. I like them both ways. And a pet and as a food" with genuine palm to my heart I confess my sins "I wrap their tank with a towel if I am feasting on their family next to them"
He went stern a second, but when the fulfilling corner of his eyes crinkled- I knew it wasn't going to be as inconvenient with him like a while ago. His laugh followed as I accompanied him with an easy smile.
"How do you know about that?" I enquire as the dolphin fluttered its tail for encouragement.
"Lee called to know what I had planned for today" I don't miss the tenderness in his tone that he had for Lee, "He said he wanted to join along, he was sure that you'll like it"
I was gritting my jaw by the time he said it. And since he seems to witness the sloppy transformation in my mood, he continued.
"Fight?"
Is it one?
"I don't know"
Not that I was entirely blind. Edmund Sargent was a master of artistic direction who taught professionals to act. He knows an emotion when he sees one.
"I am generally a good conversation keeper. But you being the wife of Lee, I don't know what to ask or say. None of us here in the states knew that he was dating, let alone his plans for the wedding" I snort as he shrugged with a single shoulder. He was witty and grounded. Mature with the right phrase to gain a person's trust formally.
So I get it out.
"We didn't date" Creating the loophole, I fill them with the present assurance. I smile at him as he took it in, it mustn't have been difficult for him to digest the fact. He wasn't invited to the wedding for a reason- but before he could worry I resume "It's complicated. But where we are now, it rocky but nothing that can't be rectified. We are fine"
Are we though?
When I presumed Edmund to have the tendency to put anxiety at ease- I infer it. Because he proved me next by dispersing the atmosphere into something that we both were accustomed to.
"I used to be his roommate" he raises his brows with a humorous glint.
A chuckle escapes my lips with a slow onset of a grin.
"How do you sleep at night?"
Well, at last, I was acknowledged by someone who's past is my present.
"I don't" I pause to gather my schedule "I sleep at two after I get him back to bed. I find myself making videos of him debating why fruits aren't a lethal war weapon"
Locking my lips in a thin line, I stifle my laugh, unlike Edmund who was having a party inside his head. Because he had his back to a frowning Lee who jogged up to us, perhaps a million questions were running down his lane- but his pissed gesture of hitting Edmund at the back of the head only ailed my pain. Edmund didn't budge, he rolled his eyes letting let in.
"Why does I feel like you both are backstabbing me?"
Batting my lashes I answer for us,
"That's because we were"
Narrowing his gaze he shuffles, filling the space next to me. I hold my chin up. I watch Edmund shake his head as he walked away to join Fischer.
"So you are going around making friends now huh?" the step he ascended soared with intimidation, with my blood reaching my neck in haste I force my composure from crumbling. In spite of the proximity, he always limits it to environments protocol. It worries me of going back home with him where he doesn't have to give heed to his conscience. The thought hadn't crossed my mind until today. Until now.
"Only if my other friend wasn't so stubborn. I wouldn't have to be so hell-bent on proving him wrong. A friendship is equally beautiful you see"
Mistakes upon mistakes. It's what I've been doing because I am desperate to stop him. I hadn't seen his quirky smile in a day, it was clogging my brain cells. I don't even have many at this point.
"What if the said friend proves her wrong?"
My breath staggered at the vice confidence in his tone.
"Tell me shin" he takes a step further, I look around to see that we were alone now. Not that it had anyone else other than us before- but with Edmund and Fischer gone from the section, Lee wasn't having it. I take a step back when he leans with his face just an inch away from mine. "if I prove her wrong-
my toes curl inside my shoes, his voice felt like a touch on the skin. Sinfully intense and cruel for anyone who tried to resist them.
-will she let me have it my way?"
With how he framed it, it scarcely was said in terms of an option. There wasn't an option that he gave me- with how frantic my heart was behaving. He knew he wasn't losing. Not at this rate.
My apologies for the slight delay. But here I am-
Writing this book is different. It is different indeed.