A/N Mild trigger warning.
SHIN
The drying wounds weren't the ones to scar me. If I were to escape today, I would heal in no time. For an eleven-year-old girl, I was stronger than how I was seen by the others. Isn't it why I had shoved my five-year-old brother to the concreate when I was abducted after school? It was my responsibility to pick Hwan from his elementary class- but wasn't trading myself to save him a bigger one? I did good, didn't I?
But why was I regretting it into the night? I've stopped crying out for help, I wasn't losing hope. I was finally giving in to my fears. I yearn It was all I had to go through. The blows and starvation. But when the drunken man stumbled in with wobbly legs and a crooked smile, I realized that I hadn't known the real fear at all.
The curdling stench of cheap beer hits me when he crouched in front. I scrambled into the wall, curling into a small mass, praying that he couldn't see me if I did so. But when he touched my arm, it wasn't the contact with cuts that burns me. It was something else. I shiver, I was afraid- I hated every breath that I took within the moment his dirty hand reached my neck. He wasn't trying to kill me-
I wish he did at the minute.
I was young, but I knew it was a bad touch. I froze when he leaned in, his nails digs by my collar bone. My world became blurry mess, I couldn't speak, breathe or think until there was a loud scream. When I was yanked to my feet by the woman- I glance at the shards of glass scattered by the unconscious man. Half of the bottle with which the woman who had whacked him with was still in her clutch. For a second I think she was going to stab me with it.
But she drags me out, she dips a towel into a bowl of lukewarm water, and runs it across my face and arms. But I still feel his touch on me- I squirm. I don't cry or plead. She saved me before I he could do anything to me- but did she save me from what a maze my life will become after this?
She could've been late, even a few minutes would have been enough. She was aware of that because her eyes were afraid, sad and regrets flooded them when she cleaned my wounds. They don't matter now did they,
The bowl of water turns scarlet as she squeezed the towel into them. she took me to my home, outside the gates, she heeds me a warning. It sounds like a request.
"You don't utter a thing. Understand"
I don't reply, she doesn't stay back to make sure I'll keep my lips sealed. She runs off, I walk to the front gate- my battered body winced with each step I took. I think I rang the bell- I think it's what I do before I passed out.
I woke up in my room, IVs taped in, monitors beeping off, Mom holding my hand with tears streaming down her cheeks, Dad next to her holding his in to stay strong for me. Despite my hazy vision I smile for them- I was happy to see them. I cried while I smiled.
In few days, as I recovered I had officials dressed in informal clothes with a wrapped teddy bear come visit me. They were here for interrogation, they kept it short- subtle, threading on a thin line to not trigger any wrong memories since my Mom was right beside me.
It was short because I lie-
"I don't remember much"
They don't believe me.
"They did it for ransom I guess, I heard them discussing about money few times" it was quizzical how small my voice was, the sooner these men entered the room, my stomach churned with anxiety that I wasn't familiar with. My palms began to sweat. My heart hammered. I didn't feel like myself anymore.
And that would be the birth of my chronic social anxiety. A fear that I'll learn to host through the years.
"It's strange, I did not receive any calls for it" my Mom adds, her voice filled with rage. My head pulsed with an ache as if a nail was being pelted to it. she must have so many questions lingering, higher with each hour she saw the baseless marks of abuse on her daughter's skin. She was a mother, she would have done anything for me. she would have even killed the senator that was admitted at her center, because that what they had asked of me.
The death of a minister by the hands of my mother in exchange for her child. But they never made the effort to make an early move. They wanted to keep me there for a week before they rang my mother up. The more the days, the higher the apprehension.
I knew the cause, a dark history that redeemed. No one else did.
"You sure dear- there is nothing else you remember," they ask with a surreptitious request on his face. As if he knew it was a lie. He was trained for this.
I think back to it all, every second of it plays like a film that you have watched countless times. I hold the person's stare, it would be the last time I would be bold enough to lie because if I testify a truth today, they might dig out more since it involves a possible threat to a high-ranking official. They may even forget that I was a child when it came to interrogation.
I can't let them know what happened and what could've happened. So with my cowardice winning the race, I say it-
"I don't. There is nothing else I remember that could be helpful"
When I quote that I am an unforgiving person, I may be lying to my honest traits for the sake of betterment. Because it's what I want to be. Bold, strong, and someone who is untouchable. For years I had learned to live in comfort where I was my only solace. But with the onset of vulnerable psychological weaknesses - my family wielded me into a golden cage. They may not show in my vicinity- but I always was by theirs. Hwan acted like my older brother at times, I wasn't made to move off from my family house, and despite my love for fashion I never was able to pursue a career in it- since it involved a hound of interactions, I settled to ignore my ambitions and kept throwing myself into the community library where human interactions was a forbidden rule in itself. Book gave me another gateway to leave my surroundings behind. I got sucked into the world of words and their sheer elegance, it gradually became a medicine that kept my mind in one place.
It was free therapy and I liked free stuff.
Soon I found myself scribbling the paragraphs of how I would end up writing a book if I ever were to. I began to compose what I wanted to read- the original publishing happened because I had enough money from my Christmas and birthday party to secretly fund my first edition. I never thought I would ever be republishing the copies. I just strived to receive at least two or three reviews from the readers to see what they think of it. Let alone millions.
As for its present success- it's a history and mystery combined. I am an accidental author who still craves victorias secrets and ralph Lauren. If everything had gone well, I see myself in the position of sera Kim. Not that I am grateful, what I have is more than what I had bargained for. But can't a person have more than one hobby or interest?
Sera Kim- she is the daughter of ex-senator. So is Lee. I had forgiven their lineage long ago. Funny how I woke up and decided to forgive someone who has clue about a girl like me who probably saved the senator's life. My heart was clean of any dirt for them, if not- I would've never agreed to marry Lee.
Lee-
He was my ticket to freedom. He was supposed to. Now-I wasn't just married to him, I was falling for him. Slightly better than my devotion for heels and I accepted it last night. With a night where he wasn't there beside me, I utilized it to organize a set of if's and what if's.
While I distinguished the what if's, I began to wonder if I could be selfish this wise. To test if it was safe to play with steam and not the fire itself. To see if I gave in to the instincts, would it disappear on time before i-
The lock softly clicks open and I immediately shut my eyes, feigning a sleep. He came in late after work- he was street smart, so was he a major fluff. He was a combination of many things that was woven beautifully. So when such man adjusted the duvet on me and caressed my head gently before moving to the washroom to fresh up for the night. I lose it once he was gone-
I can't do this.
I wanted to be selfish. I wanted him. I have been a ghost of my past for so long that now realizing that I am indeed a woman who had emotions subpar her insecurity was shocking in a sense. He doesn't sleep in the bed that night- he took the couch which confused me.
But the one day we had in the middle before we were supposed to join Edmund in his cruise trip to Catalina, I cracked the code. When either path ends with me hurt, I might as well run along with the one where I wasn't being a wimp. I tried to find Lee the next night, he wasn't in here. so I check the surveillance footage by the screen near the gym. I found him in his garage, the picture of a tiny Lee digging through what appeared was a toolbox.
The private garage was a car gallery. It was a luxury museum for his collections, and by how he simply refers it as his basement was an insult to the marvel the core was. With walls covered in dark leather and glassy rich black flooring that would cost an average person, his kidneys weren't just a basement. It was an art that he likes to be humble about. When I first went there- I wasn't able to make my mind up if I genuinely relish the penthouse more to the underground room.
When his mobile rang with a memo flashing across his screen by the kitchen counter I reach for it.
The reminder read Dose Two, which wasn't a hassle to understand. It was his insulin. I highly doubt that with his phone left here he remembers that it was time for it. So I pick up his pen from his side of the night table where he usually has it tossed, as I jog my way down I collect some snacks just in case if he gets hungry after the shot. My legs tap restlessly as the elevator descends. The passcode to the gallery was the same as that of the penthouse- so I highly doubt my procrastination was a result of me forgetting and confusing the numbers.
It was Lee- he shouldn't be making me this nervous.
The flat panels separate when the egress slides open to reveal the thin and dim lines of lights that what the sole golden spectrum among the complete black interior of the area that it covers, I knew it was too late to call it quits. I walk in, absorbing the eccentric magnificence of it as if it was my first time here. If one met Lee a couple of times in their lives and were given a blind tour of this place without revealing the identity of the man who possessed it, the idea of something like this to be the likes or preference of Lee would never, ever cross their mind.
It was different than him,
With power and intimidation painted in walls and fragrance, one may think that it won't fit Lee in here.
But they couldn't be more wrong. Because this was his scene, I say it because I see it. He stood there by one of his seven cars, a gray Lamborghini to precise. The hood popped up as he leaned to inspect the complex wires maimed by the engine. His arms rested on either side of the thin frame, the sleeve of his black shirt rolled up.
"What brings you here?" he doesn't look up, but there was a glitch of a sly smile in his voice as he concentrated on the task at hand. I chose to go with the facts.
"You left your phone up there"
"And?"
Jerking my neck with the ounce of courage I had loitering somewhere I walk to him, he brings his thumb to caress his lower lip with a frown, with his other hand still pressed by the mouth of the vehicle. Why won't he look at me?
"It's time for your shot" I sigh inwardly at the lower register, I keep sounding fragile even if I was prepared. What I wasn't prepared was for Lee to snap, he shifts- grabbing the hood and closing it with a force that wasn't so compact. Turning, he tilts his head as he regarded me.
With an oversized maroon shirt and white shorts beneath- I looked like a Christmas party thrown in the midst of an dungeon execution. his orbs stains in a flicker of darkness as he meets my gaze.
"Do it"
With a bruised intelligence I blurt out a-
"What?"
He raised two of his fingers and tapped his left shoulder.
"Give me my shot" he dictates starting to unbutton the top of his shirt as I hurriedly dump the snacks by the leather couch. When I return to him he sat by the edge of his car- slant enough for support. But not completely seated. He watched me, he was like the one alpha hawk upset with his prey.
My cold fingers gets a hold of his collar, when I slide it by his shoulder until his lower buttons that still held the shirt together bands the hem by his beicep, I settled to inject him with what I have. It was a lot more than necessary. I do it with his gaze on me all while as I struggled to keep my sanity at bay.
I breath when once it was done. He wasn't having it. It was as if he woke up and decided today was the one where he was obligated to dismantle my peace with his alter persona. I don't know him this way, I don't know what to say to him when he wasn't himself.
But this was also him. This is him too.
"Why are you here?" it was low but modulated and controlled. Sharp even.
"Why are you ignoring me? you even slept on the couch last night" it comes out brittle, and what came out of me wasn't logical. Not a sensible question to ask a man who was cold and mad. He was a broken refrigerator.
He exhales a breathy laugh, it catches mine.
"You really have to ask that after I have been so obvious with my feelings Shin?" he stalks forward, stopping after two full steps when I stumbled one back. the nonchalances crack through, the sleek anger and hurt veers in his eyes. But almost as if his gears changed, he smirks through them "You can't expect me to sleep through the night when you are right beside me. I don't think I should be explaining a why of it"
He was ardent, I wasn't. My knees were weak and my heart hadn't been weaker. But when he says it- I let him.
"I like you shin" his exposed chest span heaves in relief, he had been keeping it inside him for so long "I wasn't ready for this to happen, but you have no right to coerce me into thinking otherwise"
The silence that emerged after him was a pleasant one.
"Then don't think otherwise" I say, my nails squeezing into my palms. His lips parts, the tip of his tongue touches the inner bridge of his teeth, his eyes melting with the slow reach of meaning behind what I had said. "But remember that there isn't much I could give you- you might even
I don't get to finish my words as they were cut short but how quick and smooth his movements were, for a second I was alone and the next, his lips were on mine, soft and merciful in the beginning as his vigorous arms circled my waist. Not letting me fall, not letting me stand. It was him who dominated the entirety of it. It felt as if the air, room, gravity- all were employed by this new side of Lee that I doubt many knew of.
It wasn't my voice that moans when he feasts into my lower lip, biting it with a smile as he lifts me, no sooner than it, he placed me against the hood of his car he was previously working on. I recall him mentioning that it was his first the last time we were here. The thin summer shirt I wore seldom concealed me as he explored me in the midst of the ferocious kiss. His lios were soft, his intentions weren't. He wasn't civil anymore. Though it wasn't a bare touch it still ignited a train of fire in me. He curves my body, completely molding me into his. When he breaks the kiss he still holds me that way,
Regaining the lost oxygen was a reflex, but turning back from what just happened wasn't.
He watched me with so much care and intensity that I forgot my name at the moment. He runs a hand through my hair, a slow smile forming by the corners.his orbs, diluted. He shifts to give me enough space to recover. But then his gaze ran over my probably swollen lips in what I think is concern, He runs his thumb along with my lower one as I flinch. My skin was ridiculously sensitive. Though I wasn't bleeding, I could sense a tiny cut in there- when I smile swatting his hands off, looking away because I was admittedly feeling shy. He dared to shamelessly add fire to the fuel.
"And this is just a percentage of the reason for why I can't sleep in the same bed as you until you are ready"
Woah!
So...you know the drillð