SHIN
The passenger cruise was huge. Big enough for me to get lost on as I strolled about. And- it's what happened. My little exploration led me to the main deck. My floral summer dress fought the wind. The hair wasn't an exception. Not that I call it getting lost- it was my strategic maneuver to get to the deck. With lone time for self after what had happened last night- I use it as a gateway where I could finally let the happiness settle in. A smile cracks through as I drank in the sight, endless bed of the blue ocean and the clear sky that met them, I could taste the salt in my lips. The sun was bright but cold here- almost as if she wasn't in a pursuit to bother me when I had ultimately begun to let my guard down.
As if she wasn't keen on teasing me once I stopped hiding from it. Or covering.
With Lee, it was different. It wasn't about revealing a part of me to him. But knowing and freeing one that I had knowingly choked and slammed within me. He makes me selfish- no matter how long it will last for us, but as of present, I want to be the one for him. He makes me happy, happier than I have ever doubted with my boundaries on line. I want to stay this way as long as it lasts-
It might be unfair to him. but I want this, because eventually, after years and years of failed practice it took me a boy to keep my mind on track. I wasn't dispersing inside my own brain anymore because his thoughts and smile have me in a trace. He has me occupied. Even with him not here- It still was him in me.
The refreshing atmosphere wakes me, my eyes squint with a crinkle of a smile, and then I almost got thrown to the floor with someone ramming their cow-like body at my back. With the last vision, I checked there was only the harmless ol me here to be, when I spun around to witness the cause I soured faster than a curdling milk.
"Fischer" I stare at the one who skillfully seems to wrestle his way into becoming the bane of my existence "If you use your eyes, you'll notice that there's room for hundreds more here" I even use my outstretched hand to justify my point. He- didn't take that into account, because I got hugged by him with a tremble. My bowl-like head got forcefully jammed into his chest as he cried dramatically-
"Please save me" he sniffs, his nose by my shoulder- was he getting his snot on me? Because I have been tricked by this same act by Hwan and- no-no, Hwan is fifteen. Fischer was-
"I am not captain marvel, the only thing I can save for you is your future kids. That is only if you get off me now"
He is experienced, I hadn't held back with him since day one of our encounters. So he takes me seriously like he should and does the job. Nodding and stood there awaiting a signal from me.
"Shoot" I was kind so yeah-
"My sister is here with her boyfriend. I invited them for a holiday since I don't get to meet her often" he rolls his lips in as if expecting me to understand the dire situation which was?
"So what? you want me to cook for them?"
He catches on with my sarcasm and something else. That would be my lack of knowledge.
"Lee will kill me the moment he gets to know of it. He may look kind- but he is not that kind you know"
He chuckles with desperation evident in his voice, when he realized how clueless I was- he sighs.
"Madison Fischer is my sister. Lee is her Ex"
My impression of a lifeless stone must have been too realistic for him as he shook me out of trance to add-
"That is not the main concern here shin, it's her boyfriend. If Lee has ever hated a person in his life it's him- it's-
"Nicholas Moreno," I say it slowly, but through the whizzing wind, he hears it as Fischer nods. Each one lagging in speed. At first, I stare- then I glare. Then I hit his arm hard because -
"Does dating douchebag and Bitches run in family?" I was furious at the thought of how this can ruin our stay. The passenger cruise was a guide package- the seven-day host for the cruisers with resorts, cottage, party, and activities all coiled in one place. So ignoring the other campers was an impossibility. Suddenly I itched to go find Lee and lock him up somewhere. Can I do that?
"Well, she dated your husband too. You think he is one-
"Oh, she never deserved him" I wave the thought off. Lee did tell me about the unhealthy relationship he had with a girl who cheated on him with Moreno once. It doesn't take a genius to connect the dots. But I can't seem to avoid the meager knot in my tummy. As if it was worried for the events to come henceforth. "Where is Lee?" I ask scrolling over the contacts.
"Searching for me I guess" Fischer croaks scrunching his nose. My gaze snaps to him.
"He knows?"
Fischer nods again.
"Yeah. Mr. Sargent told him. he is pissed. I got informed"
I sighed closing my eyes, recalling how excited Lee was about this. Probably even more than me. But when I heard a footstep join in and Fischer jump off behind me, using me as a shield - I knew who to expect. Lee stood there, his gaze dangerously zeroed on a spooked Fischer. Lee was in his formals, navy blue polo with rolled sleeves and black jeans. He even wore dress shoes. Edmund in his shorts and coconut print shirt regarded Lee with the same judgment as I did when I saw him walk in for the Lunch a while ago. Apparently, he was too into the vacation that he forgot to get himself some clothes for the occasion.
In actuality, he and I had been too invested in our shrimps, taekwondo class, gaming, and decapitating sexual tension in the room to work on his wardrobe. They went on to discuss how one of their friends called Alex might have gone as far as to hire a stylist on the ship for the sake of impression. They agreed to it in seriousness, they said it has happened before. I stopped questioning the type of friends he has because each time, I feel like it's some kind of alien that's being mentioned.
Then I thought back to the time when I drank a whole bottle of ketchup so Hwan could have none. I have no right to be the judge here, do I?
"You seriously are going to use her for this?" Lee rakes Fischer with an unamused shake of the head. And it was the hottest thing I had seen since I woke up. Before it was the sip of soda he had after he ate his lunch- that was twenty-five minutes ago.
"She is the sweetest" Fischer exclaims as I look at him through my shoulder "Please. Be on my side for today" he whispers as I blink back at Lee who rolled his eyes, pursing his twitching lips. There he was, the Ever forgiving Lee. I squint my eyes with a shrug- asking him to let go of it. When Lee sighs through I double pat at Fischer-
"Buzz off now before he throws you out of the ship"
High on freedom, he jogs off into the farthest route from Lee. As we both watch him disappear into the corner. Lee walked and stood next to me with his hands shoved inside his pocket and a distant look in his eyes.
"How did you know I was planning to throw him into the water?"
I yelp at the acute deliberation In his tone. But I resolved to a snort-
"You won't do that, besides-
"We can send a manual, calling it an accident. I don't think this ocean graph has sharks in them. He would have survived"
Lee doesn't have a demographic. His mood rises and falls unlike a constant. He details his thoughts and is bare with what he thinks- it's easier to understand and read him, but with it- comes the precautionless twists and cliffhangers.
"I heard what happened" he doesn't react but watched me with curious dark eyes. I gulp in to moisten my throat because what I was about to do requires a certain form of bravery, to dissipate his paranoia and dissolve his cold worry. I have to play the hot one here. So I take a step near him, his gaze dilutes further. His features not as nonchalant- when I hold his side and tilt my face with a reassuring smile, I trace the stress in his neck. Good. I wasn't the only one with a dessert in my mouth "It doesn't matter Lee. as long as we have a room together, I really don't care who or what loiters outside"
In broad daylight, in a public domain I was here seducing a man into forgetting the aspects that were ruining his trip, but when my arms rise to circle his neck, on my tiptoes as he leans slightly to me in reflex- I realized it wasn't my doing either. I don't know why I cannot stop- but neither did I want to stop. By heavens, this was spiraling out of control.
I kiss his jaw slowly, my fingers curl by his arm. They tense under my touch as I move to tease, kissing the area just below his ears. So Close, I hear his sharp intake-but he speaks through.
"I won't let it mess this. I promise" he angles, proving me the access. He maintains a hazy smile with his husky and predictably affected utterance. Just about when he holds me and moves to claim my lips- a loud fit of cough interrupts us. The sound was familiar- so I attempt to rip off from Lee. He keeps me pinned with his eyes closed in frustration.
"Who died Edmund? " he grunts, turning his head to look at his friend, pissed and nobly clenching on to patience. "You could have coughed at the other side of the boat"
To which it was my duty to rectify-
"It's a ship"
Lee- wasn't impressed given to our situation.
Edmund awkwardly clears his nasalling voice to smile sheepishly at us, I kept trying to push the clutch of Lee from me which was futile, so I gave up. I returned Edmund the presumably distressed smile.
"I just came around looking for you" he murmured, confused. Then Lee decided to spice things up for Edmund with his advice.
"Yeah? How about you go back and let me have a moment with my wife here? or better you go find someone to date or beg Hailey to take you back." ouch-
Edmund's eyes widened, But then he childishly signed a finger at Lee.
"How is reminding me that I am single an insult?" he slurs, his lisps apparent. Was he drunk? I looked at a grinning Lee. He winks for an answer- I sigh in relief smiling for real once as Edmund tore his fingers through his hair. He was like a baby throwing tantrums at his brother "I am twenty-six, not sixty-two. I am happy for now with you"
Lee released me only to throw his arm around my shoulder in a casual fashion.
"I am your friend, I can't do what a girlfriend can do"
Edmund thinks of it crucially, and a with low whisper he announced.
"Don't make me miss Hailey than I already do"
My knees give out at the adorableness of it. I gawk in awe as Lee awards me a look of disbelief.
"That's the cutest thing I've ever seen" I blurt as Edmund smiled through his blurring eyes.
"Thank you Shin" he tips his head, then he looks around in inspection "Please continue what you were up to. And yes, get to the room if you take this further- I don't want Lee to catch col-
"Edmund"
"Yes Lee"
"Go. You need sleep"
The episode with Edmund sucks the proceedings from us, so two hours later when we reached the port Edmund made every existing effort known to the universe to avoid an eye contact with me. After his little nap he comes out rejenuvated, the hangover was something he dealt inside, because from out, he was brimming with a mission. The one where he pretended I didn't exist- also I was on the shorter side so the only action he had to do was to not look down.
Lee was enjoying it in his own world. My cheeks were in flames every time I tried to have a normal conversation with Lee, he seems to know exactly what I was trying to do or had tried to do. It was early in the night when we got off- the travel from arrivals to the cottage resort was twenty minutes. The only time I strayed away was when the beauty of the organic rising sea line emerged into view. The feel of beach sand beneath my flip-flops, the skyline that met the plateaus gave the night a vintage touch. The people, the season, and the lanterns hanging by the wires above us, it all fits in right. It was Perfect. It was Beautiful.
Then I swerve to look at Lee, who had his gaze on me. For how long had he been staring? I don't know. But to see that he stood out with his apparel and aura enough for others to ogle at him but him to be transfixed on me was pleasantly warming. Like being wrapped in a blanket on a freezing night.
"What are you thinking?" he leans down to whisper in my ears as more join in the crew. I think I spotted Moreno afar, a bit too far for me to be sure. But since I had to answer Lee-
"How many people do you think died because of a coconut falling to their head?"
His smiles drop, he retains his position as an uninvited member gives his input.
"I won't mind if one falls on me now" Fischer forces in between me and Lee with both his shoulders perched with mint green duffles, front and back. With jute hat lidding his skull and determination in his stance- I don't take him seriously.
"One fifty each year" comes another intervention, from Edmund this wise. He looked up from his phone with an apologetic smile. "It says apparently one fifty people die because of coconut falling to their head"
Four of us, as if puppet on strings look up to inspect if we are in a safer zone. We weren't.
"I don't feel safe anymore" Lee declared "Thanks Shin"
Before I could take his gratefulness into account a contagiously energetic man walks towards us with a boy carrying a mountain of lavender garlands next to him.
"Oh, my lovelies, welcome welcome to one of the most visited hectares in Catalina. Where we had built and nurtured each and every little detail to radiate love, romance, friendship, and beauty. You come here to us with trust and leave with memories that will make you believe in paradise-
He helps Edmund into the garland first and then, at Lee.
"Oh my look at all these beauties, especially you my dear-
He smiles at me lifting mine up when-
"She is allergic to flow-
He puts them on me anyway with a toothy grin, he was- Latina. He was gorgeous so I don't mind. But-
"Don't worry young man. These are fake- our guests and the health of lovely ladies as such is our responsibility. You okay my love?" he askes me as I nod with a blush. The man was charming and as soon as he left-
"Here take this too" another garland lands on me as I roll my eyes at Lee- "Don't you think you attract too much attention?" he muses.
"You think?" I bat my lashes as Edmund mumbled about how it he was disturbed by our comstant flirting. Everything was a big mess tonight- none of us were ourselves. But isn't it the point of leaving behind what you know for a week of exploration? But Edmund seems to be having an existential crisis while Lee was having a jealous breakdown. As for Fischer-
The man skipped a garland for him since he was surrounded by bags on either side. so I took mine and made him have it. His smile was everything. I felt like a proud mother- which reminds me that I had my fish inside a basket, safe and protected. I brought her here with me in case I decided to wake up and cut off contacts with humans.
Soon each group was scattered with a guide who took us to the lobby, the entire place was made of wood, bright beach lights hung from the ceiling as we waited for our keys from the reception. But there was a loud cry which made us turn around with curiosity-
It was a girl who had her hand cupped by her mouth in exclamation. The people surrounding her fell silent to see what had her at the moment. she was looking at us-
"Woah, she recognized me even in this shirt and hoodie?" Edmund wondered with a smile.
"What makes you think its you" Lee squared his shoulder "I used to be pretty famous during my time too-
I stood there quiet as they both flexed to welcome the supposed fan, but the more I looked the more it felt as if she was-
She ran towards us as I gasp shuffling around- looking at Lee and then at Edmund who stared confused when the young girl basically grabbed my hand into hers-
No.
This can't be happening right now.
Don't Americas believe that all asians look the same?
Does she think I am hwasa? Or park shin hye?
"You are my inspiration" she cries, literally. Her eyes waters as I nod at her with a pained and enforced smile. It was too late. "I don't know what to say. I carry your books all around, it has the most special place in my heart and mind"
In this scenario, there was nothing else that could go wrong. So it finally happens as she goes-
"Please sign my copy Elixir. I am your fan"
So...i can update early...but damn I need the motivation. The days are just so lethargic.
I think I am falling for shin.