LEE
The light from the day spills in, it felt new . The morning. Like waking up to a day that was bound to be different than every other in past. The night was cold, but it morphed through and into a bearably humid dawn. I sat there with my back napping against the head of the bed in a plain white t-shirt and black tracks, my head in intervals butted against the board as I stared ahead.
Ahead because she was still peacefully asleep beside me. Her body encased in my shirt from last night- sizes bigger on her. I can't even spot her fingers by how long the sleeves were, only the tips. she slept on her side with the comforter spread up to her waist. Her silky strands fell upon her cheek as the dark hair intensified her pale skin.
And suddenly I remember how flushed and pink they were last night. Not that I had to remember something which never left my mind. But overwhelmed at what had happened I sat there with my hand tearing up my hair.
I certainly had underestimated my feelings for her. Whatever I do- doesn't feel enough with her. I want to touch her more, hold her tighter. Be the reason behind that smile and hear that quirky laugh of hers that she uses when she feels evil. I want to look into those confusedly eccentric eyes and tell her how she was wrecking my world and everything I had worked on for. But I know how the night happened-
And what she was about to do before I fused to my last resort.
I was in a mere quest to shut her up with a kiss. But then I forgot what I was kissing those velvet like lips for as my greed took over. Most of our clothes from the night still camped by the side â and I wouldn't change a thing about it.
I watched her with my heart pounding by my ribs, I could trace a small smile on my lips as she stirred with her fingers curling into paws. Her eyes flutter open slowly to the assault of a bright room. Then they stop on mine.
"Good morning" I wish as she subtly avoids a reply with a quick nod. "Is everything okay?-Are you-are you hurt?"
It doesn't feel good. The hunch of something sinking in me by how hers were so void. She hoists herself up and speaks for the initial wise-
"I- I have to use the restroom"
With that, she ripped off the sheets from her- the shirt covered her upper thighs like a short dress. I began to pace across the room desperately ceasing my thoughts from biting into a conclusion. But when she came out she looked more watchful and alert. The front of her tress was damp with water- probably a result of her splashing herself awake.
She consciously fixes her stare on me- not saying or implying at a snippet of what's going on in her head. But I know it doesn't seem to be doing me a favor. So I grab her hand and walk us to the porch. I make her sit by the cot chair. Bottling up my perfecting patience and throwing it aside I face her, our knees grazed as I took her hands in mine with a stern gaze.
"What happened? Look at me"
She deliberately doesn't. So I make her. I don't care at this point if I was startling her. I can't recite the concerns I have for her when they are clouded by my suspicions. Vile and ridiculous suspicions.
"I think I've waited enough shin- I want you to-
"Last night was a mistake"
I don't breathe- I don't let her breathe.
"No. It wasn't"
My hold on her fastens in hopes of her taking her words back. But she swallows in. With each second the determination of her brews hotter. Until they simmered me into a man that was breaking into one with sanding edges.
"Is it because I confessed to you?" it was a forced tenderness in my voice, I could execute the true anger that soared in me â not when she looked unapologetically fragile while doing this "You don't have to return them now. Heck, you don't have to love me today Or in a year. Take your time- but just- just stop thinking of us as a mistake"
Her lips tremble but her words didn't.
"I am sorry" she shakes her head, snatching her hands from me. Her eyes go soft- and I hate it. I hate those eyes at the moment. The empathy it came with.
"Don't do this to me"
I don't beg. I just say. Say it out loud for her to hear- for her to listen. But that was it- it's the last breath i waste on convincing her. My jaw tensed as I nod once â an inquisitive chuckle leaves me.
"I can look into every little detail about your past and the present shin" I see the light dim in her, I bet mine was painted with humoring rage "-Just like how Moreno probably knows about you. I have enough power to not just know but also to destroy. But I never did anything as such because I wanted and waited to gain your trust in me"
This wise her demeanor deceives her restraint as she squints agitated.
"You had my trust and companionship as much as I was willing to. And I am glad you didn't cross the line we had- I also believe you won't invade my privacy still"
An electric silence befalls the yard as I find myself smiling at that. My patience crumbled to ashes at her strange trust in me. But she couldn't be more wrong. She doesn't know the Lee I could be because I never let her see it. The lee was unforgiving- the man despite finding Madison in such condition didn't feel the resent or remorse towards because he was too preoccupied with his contempt to accumulate general humanity.
I was worried for her survival.
But I wouldn't care if she healed later or not.
I don't do much when I get hurt. I walk away and let them be or bleed without a thought. Then what's different with shin? Where is the toxic nonchalance I want to show her instead of my vulnerability? Perhaps because deep down I still believed she was lying to me. It's my truth against her lie.
"You trust me way too much for a person with whom you had a meaningless fuck last night"
"Lee-" she snaps, the furious rise in her tone indicates that I was pushing the right buttons. So I don't stop.
"Why deny it when that's all it was?" My sharp stare lingered by her exposed collar, then lower- to finally back up at her face. shin squirms faintly in a chair- not with discomfort. But with something else "Love failed- I guess lust didn't"
***
Apart from my terrible mood swings, It was the imbalanced sugar levels that emerged with the onset of such prolific stress that made it impossible for me to consider driving us back to vegas in rental after we took the ferry. Edmund suspected the visible friction looming around as he was stuck with us. Aldo stayed on the island to wrap things up with his sister's abusive boyfriend. Edmund was kind enough to ensure him of support if he needed any.
Once we reached the port he wheeled off to Los Angeles. Without a question asked and a very friendly goodbye where he hugged shin as she smiled for the first time in the day.
So I individually decided to transport our luggage through the joint courier and got into the first bus that will take us to Nevada. We received looks and stereotypical side glances from the passengers which were predictable because of our sophisticated dressing and east nationality. I wouldn't have given heed towards such subtle behaviors if it wasn't for Elzina who dissected it out for me during our high school years. Since she had lived both the lives â the rags to riches phenomenon, she knew what she was theorizing.
And true enough- her observation skills were seldom invalid. Her prediction was a reality waiting to happen. she was like the genius psychic among us- and I wonder what will she see in shin that could enlight me more about her.
That stubborn girl was busy gawking at the interior of a private bus, cooking things in her own world while I was beside ranting inwardly. She had that awful-looking goldfish in a jar by her lap- she got curious stares for that which she wasn't aware of because her eyes were fixed on what rolled outside. Nature, road, sushi stalls, demolished paintball centers- everything that excludes and cancels me.
Then I fell asleep with my arms crossed, woke up to catch her staring at me. It would've made me feel good if she hadn't gone on to add an alibi-
"You are talking in your sleep"
And that's how we ended up choosing verbal violence to grind the tension in the air.
"I don't recall asking for a reason" it wasn't a snap- the more stable I looked further I saw the resent in her eyes. I wasn't going cold inside- I was merely maintaining a façade to put her off. Maybe not doing much would help her lose her guard one day. But I gave up on my cool that night when she started to gather her pillows so that she could sleep somewhere else- because from today on, I refused to leave the bed I paid for.
"Take one step towards that couch, I'll set it on fire before you reach them" with the advice I look over the comforter to see her scrambling back to bed. Once she tucked herself in she became a scientist.
"Technically it's not possible- I would've reached the couch earlier than you could've used a lighter or oil to set it on" I could understand where this was coming from. We were tired from the journey that took us a total of eleven hours, so it was sensible that we communicate about acceleration and inertia instead of- instead of something as useless as what the fuck happened to us? if everything would have gone smoother- I don't think I would have let her be tonight. What happened to the shy good girl from yesterday? "You really are terrible with maths" she had to go on and add.
"Maths yes. But what about the thing I was good at?" she can't see me with the raised brow. Not even the bitter smirk I had. But I could sense her abrupt silence- she doesn't have to answer that.
Neither she did.
The next day I got a call from Clarissa- since she was my friend and my lawyer, she professionally informed me that-
"You won the case- you can now die in peace"
A part of me didn't die- but came alive with the realization that this was the incentive for which Moreno acted in recklessness, he sublimed low enough to check through Shins records to see if he could blackmail me with anything to make the prosecution a failure. As fiercely as I wished to celebrate the win that could get me back my racing license- I couldn't bring myself to. Cause my head spins with a single assorted query-
What is it that Moreno knows that I don't?
And why do I love and respect her so much to leave her be when I could search for it myself?
No- with a cinch I throw away such ruthless ideas. Abusing my power when it comes to her will lead us into a state of distrust when all that seems to tread us was her odd trust in me despite her blunt admission of calling what we had so far to be a mistake.
Mistake?
Oh, how I loathe the word. It should get banned from thesaurus and dictionaries. In the whole of existence. Just should be wiped it off.
When the day of departure rolled in sooner than the anticipation for it- we were late on schedule. It was our last day here in the city with us running around summing up the chores. I had the head start because I wrestled into the shower first-
"You take ages to come out" she screamed at me once I closed the door on her face.
"Come in and let's shower together. It'll be quicker" I barked fumbling with the temperature screen. She was quiet after that, but by the constant bickering that rose at unexpected rootings- the flare in her eyes as she consents to her defeat usually never died down entirely. I bet she killed me multiple times in her head as a form of coping mechanism. Because that what Inara does.
In fresh clothes I sat on the couch with my sock on, preparing to wear my shoes when the door parted slightly- then came her frustrated and desperate demand-
"I forgot my clothes on the bed. Can you-
"Come out and get it your self"
There was a noticeable silence.
"Then you go out"
Seriously?
"Fine. I am going"
I don't. I sit there with my shoe in hand as she came out wrapped in a small white towel. She yelped clutching onto the towel by her chest as if her dear life depended on her.
Her wet hair cascaded down her shoulder, the ever porcelain skin glistened with the steam from the bath. Her eyes- were furious and pointed. She stood her ground instead of going back in. I regretting staying when she had politely recommended me to get out.
But my mouth proceeded to blurt facts before I had control over it-
"I paid for every single brick that this room is made of. I wasn't going anywhere" she shakes her head frowning in disbelief. But I smile with an intention of irking her- I succeed " And also It's not something that I haven't seen"
Her eyes narrows as she walks and picks her clothes, I watch her step, my eyes fixed on her moves, hair, lips, and every inch that was her. Then I shift into a jerk the second she turned to snarl at me-
She was going red.
Good.
"There is this thing called modesty. I sometimes like to believe that you could be capable of it"
Her sarcasm stirs something in me- tilting my head I bite in a smile.
"Where was yours the time you confided to me about your cuff kink when you were on anesthesia"
Her jaw falls, I might end up in a customized hell for the lie I was spewing at such a helpless girl who only wanted to collect her clothes.
"I don't" she whispers,
"You apparently do" I stood my ground as she gritted her teeth.
I hated what I was on to, but I also loved how she was impersonating a tomato for me.
"Why are we arguing?" she whines, shattering the barriers she had for so long. But I don't give up. I won't until she- herself will shatter the wall she had built between us.
"I don't know. But at least you talk to me when we do" a coarse of sadness whiffs through her. But just like any other time with her cascading form, she walked away. I was used to it by now- so I put on my shoes and brace myself for the long flight ahead.
In haste we left the house, it was chaotic, a chauffeur who with his fatherly gestures helped us up with all the stuff that we had to assort. Since it was an Asian reception- I don't know what to expect. The flight wasn't an easy one with us seated beside for good twenty-two hours with connecting flights in between.
It was a private business cabin, so there was little to no one to fill the silence so- when then aircraft coordinator came it. He smiled at us- his posh uniform and mechanical face were enough to tell me how much he despised his job. Nobody would ever want to cater to snobs like us. It must be a curse.
So for the next half of the hours, we discussed what he was here for, when I signed the document he lets out a breather. Losing his tie and posture. He can expect a hefty commission out of this deal. Once he was gone after assuring Shin and I about how he will make sure that there will be the best treatment given to the passengers- the first thought from poor shin who had been watching us, two men, by recliner in the corner discussing things unknown to her was-
"Why is he informing me of what he going to do with the passengers?"
Her peak sassy remark earns a chuckle from me. I haven't laughed in days and by how raspy it came- it shows I hadn't been living much this weekend.
"He wasn't mentioning the present passengers. But the one from my private list" twisting my wrist I check for the time. Four more hours for us to land- great. I stop short when I turned to see her already looking at me with curiosity.
"What private list?" she asks as I tuck her hair behind her ears, I hadn't touched her in so long that even doing that felt like an intimacy.
"I booked a charter to fly my friends for the reception"
As I say it, the confrontative shake of the head wasn't a surprise.
"Why would you do that?" she hurried- I was calm. "You didn't invite them to the wedding because it was staged, why would you-
"You speak- I listen"
Resting tighter against the seater I run through the magazine I was previously reading through-
"But it won't change a thing. I won't let it change" flipping to a new page, distracted but confident I declare looking deeper into her, pinning her with my stare "All I can do Is give you time to come back to me, by then you'll realize that you married a man who doesn't take it easy when he is played at"
Damn...
Vote and comment for early chapter. Lee appreciates.