I won't be cringy.
Things came up and I got carried away. Ughhhh. I am so sorry. I missed you all. Are you all here? Am I worthy of being forgiven? F*** am I too late?
By hey. Let's see the good here...i am back my lovely tomatoes dipped in soy sauce. And all of you who had been worried about my health...it had been some mentally troubled days to be honest. I won't sugar coat it...i needed that break. But I am well now. Rested and up for good. So yeah...hope you enjoy. I am already wheeling my notes for my next book. Guess the genre?
Proceed.
prettyperfectliar thanks for the written kick girl. Was much needed. Especially the kdrama reference
SHIN
I had strolled aimlessly around and over by Elzina and Alexander Whites marble mansion. It was a layout that seems to come straight out of a fairy tale, with white and golden detailing, modern parlors, vintage study centers, and a diagonal guest sector. The ceilings were magnificently high at certain proportions making the hallway look spacious than it was. The pastel coloring gleefully enhanced what they had attempted to do and convey. The essence of heaven.
We were in Orlando- Florida. And by how precise my architectural admiration shone out, it's quite obvious to where Lee and I are staying in. For how long? Technically for that to be known I might have to convince my bouldering pride, so that I could talk to Lee.
I could do that.
Easy as a breeze by ocean.
But to get him to disclose why he was doing this?
I might probably have to threaten him with a mallet to his head. Or a gun from Alexander Whites collection to his liver. Or probably seduction to the bed.
If none of it works, I would simply pull my hair out and scream in frustration. Not that I don't see the imagery that far from morphing into reality.
After all this time he was hell-bent on waiting for me- he now decided to leave me be?
Leave me and now he goes around acting with his friends as if everything was splendidly blissful between us. Why does Edmund struggle with casting his actors when his friend delivers an Oscar-worthy performance on call? Lee became chirpier. The moment he rang the doorbell with balloons in clutch to wish Elzina on her birthday- his guard was intact.
Bitterly I felt the echo of his request from the morning as we drove from the airport.
"I don't want them to know," he said lowly, in rally I snort.
"Know what? That you have been having mood swings?"
It doesn't faze him. If only I could punch him- slightly to let the steam go. To let my hurt soothe. Is this how he felt when I had been through on avoiding him?
"It's better we stay with them. You'll have someone to kill your time with. Elzina also has a son- smart kid, you'll like hi-
"Are you afraid to be left alone with me?" with a disbelieving smile I turn to the window, watching this new city pass by. This is where Lee grew up- and is this where we grow apart? "Don't worry. I will behave"
This seems heat his kettle as he grunted.
"I didn't mean it like that. Isn't this what you wanted Shin?"
Shin- glad to know he still uses my name.
"Not until someone tried to convince me otherwise. Only for him to change his mind later"
Elzina did have a son. A little boy of five. Isaac white. Lee wasn't bluffing when he said I will like him. But what he forgot to mention was how critical It could get while you are conjuring tasks to get liked by him. So when Lee grumpily requested after his ageless goofy boy born with charming smile act for all to see with occasional loving gazes at me- I couldn't say no.
He wanted me to style Isaac for his Mother's birthday party tonight thrown by some business coordinator for her by the uptown. Since it involved the complex boy who looked so disinterestedly interested during the lunch we had with Mike, Riley, Elzina, and Alex- it took to the mentioned fact of me being a renowned author for him to express his thoughts.
"So you work with words?"
He looked at me with a piqued curiosity that was controlled, his big blue eyes blinked at me through his mane of a blonde hair. He looked like a tiger's cub. Fathers eyes and Mother's wit. I recall Lee addressing him as such.
He was going to break many hearts when he grows up.
And as for now, I can't break his faith in me. Something tells me every choice and move of mine were being judged by the boy who sat by the edge of his bed with his legs dangling mere the quarter from the corner. He had had a navy blue t-shirt on and some black striped shorts with socks. So as I searched his party wardrobe for a tuxedo he sat there chilled with eyes trained on the content I was piling by my arms.
Then I realized he was just a kid. I had no job or self-respect being so nervous around him. So I made small talks-
"You excited to go to the party?"
I lay the beige blazer and white shirt next to him on his bed.
"Do I look excited?" he muttered grumpily, stifling a smile I raise my brow as his eyes slightly go wide. I wasn't prepared for what came next "My apologies. That was impolite"
"It's fine. You can talk your mind with me" I wave off as he bobs his small head in a short nod. His eyes filling up with a mild childlike sentiment for the first time since I met him.
"No one is excited to go there. It's a business event- I am only attending so Mom won't get bored on her birthday"
I almost drop the pair of socks in the clasp.
"How old are you?"
"I turn six in four months" his brow furrowed.
"You are adorable" I exclaim as his face neutralizes in understanding.
"I know" he looks down and stretches his hands by the lap "I can't wait to grow up. You are not going to pinch my cheeks or ruffle my hair are you Aunt Shin?"
Grinding my teeth from letting an awe slip through I remark-
"Aunt Shin?"
He shrugs again.
"I address uncle Lee as- well Uncle Lee. So logically that makes you my Aunt"
Organizing my inner new born Aunthood I place the suit in front of him to analyze the things I had put through.
"No, I won't certainly pinch you or de style your hair. I won't like that on myself"
I hear a soft sigh of relief from him.
"Finally someone who knows the value of privacy" then he adds as he collects his clothes and walks to his adjoining dressing room. "But poor you, uncle Lee just can't let someone adorable be. He has to hug them and keep playing with their hair. I sympathize if he treats you like a kitten too"
And when he was gone- it took me a minute to realize how true that was. Then I wait for him to step out -he took his time. And when he did come, it was a miniature of his father.
"I think you captured my style" he comments smugly, his tiny nose rising proudly as he smiles. It falters when he sees me tearing up unconditionally. It wasn't because of him- it was the chain of emotions wrapping me up. I needed someone to talk to-and this little boy was at the wrong place and wrong time. With Wrong me.
"I am sorry" I whisper shifting to wipe my tears.
"It's okay, Mom says one shouldn't be ashamed to cry. I cry too-"
"Why do you cry?" I was quick to display my worry as he rolled his eyes.
"I am just five. Remember?" then looked down at his untied shoelaces as if suddenly shy "Not many find me fun. I don't have many friends except my parents"
I got on my knees, at last facing him literally as I tied his shoes for him.
"It's enough. You'll find true friends as you grow up and you are more fun than anyone else I've ever met so far in life" I was surprised at how genuine I meant it. I've known Isaac for less than seven hours and I can trust him with my secrets. So I tell him-
"Your uncle Lee is being mean to me" his thoughtful frown earns a laugh from me.
"Uncle Lee? Mean?"
I nod gulping.
"Like how you smiled for me but not for all at lunch. He smiles for all and not with me. What should I do to gain his trust like I gained yours?"
For a minute he doesn't reply to me, while I do his tie I gave up -he probably didn't even understand what i-
"Don't attend the party. Get him to talk- Dad refuses to shower until Mom's anger cools down. Though what he does is unhygienic- you can use some other ways to get him to talk- Mom tickles me to get me laughing. I do laugh for her, but tickles don't work on me"
I blink at the man trapped in his body, He blushed deeper as I watched him. To ignore me, he adjusted his cuffs and checked his hair on the mirror-
"Please don't tell about my Dad to anyone. He honors hygiene more than anything- but he loves Mom just too much" he pockets a little vial of hand sanitizer inside his blazer and turns to me. I was still on the floor with my legs crossed and ears attentive "And if my advice works out, please help me with my crossword puzzle later as a payment"
***
I close the door with a loud bang once I am in the room. Lee looks up from his phone, his body tight in a tux, gaze startled but stony when he saw it was just me. I was in a gown- a dark purple laced gown with a thigh-high slit. My hair done and make up smooth on the skin. I was ready even before I left to help Isaac with his attire.
So the only job to be done now was to leave.
"We are not going to the party"
I announce as Lee stood up, unclipping the watch and slipping it to his wrist.
"From what I see you already are dressed and-
"I'll take it off. Shall I? right where I stand?"
I smirk in victory as his back goes stern with reaction to my words. When he turns, I sigh inwardly in ecstasy to finally see that confused, passionate but dark shadow in him. something than nothing-
"And what do we do here?" he gazed out into the empty spaces in the room as if the view of me was overwhelming him.
"We talk"
"And what if I don't want to?" he leaned by the bed table, seizing his car key and not waiting for my answer he walks to where I stood "You can stay here if you are tired from the journey, I'll go"
I watch him, with what I hope was coldness and unpredictable madness. Because the second he stepped to move aside I fisted his collar. He grits a what the hell are you doing with a seeth- but doesn't force himself out of my hold in fear of hurting me. It was a relief- so when I drag him to the washroom, with him gently holding on to my wrist in an attempt to slip it off- I use my shoulder to push through the glass door of the shower both. With freehand, I press on the digital screen letting the complete room rain on us.
He tried to push me away before the water could engulf him, but I was quicker with plans. I kiss him, hugging him closer with all I had. My strength and passion, fuelled by the steaming water on a cold night as he gives in.
But when he returned the kiss, my corporated thoughts became clumsier. Before I knew I was pressed against the booth wall and his coat was off- his soaked shirt a transparent mess as he broke the kiss with heavy pants. The water weighs my lashes as I whisper breathlessly with a smile.
"Your tux is ruined. Still want to go?"
He curls his finger down my chin, lifting my face until our lips were a hairs breath away.
"I have few others, but something tells me you'll find a way to make them useless before I could get my hands on it"
Then he was kissing me again, I gasp at the unnerving ferocity of it when he lined lower to the crook of my neck I whimpered my question out.
"What is it Lee?" he stops, he moves to look at me- the lust vanishing as something else sets in its place. Sadness? Anger? I don't know- I wouldn't until he tells me. "What changed?"
He reaches for the padlock, and with a touch, the fervor of water comes to a halt. He cups my face and pressed his drenched forehead against mine.
"Why did you marry into a family that had given you nothing but pain?"
It stuck on my throat, the last of my sensible breath. This is not how he was supposed to-
"How do you know?" he closed his eyes as I mirrored him, better to not see into each other than fall ill to a vulnerability that we can't afford now.
"That wasn't my answer"
"I married you. Never had I held grudge against the people who didn't know of my existence"
"Why not tell me?" he bounds me into a hug, burying my head into his chest I let the current of his scent ail me. h
He was here- he just needs to know, he won't leave me. But what was I to do? Wish and pray to not leave him? Fight and live? Will my fate have such pity for me? "I can't even apologize to you when I can't even forgive myself"
"It wasn't your fault"
"It was my family that bastard was after" his chest trembled with hostility, his tone sharper to it's edge. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asks again. Much softer and tired in utterance, running his hand through my wet hair he coils me in firmer. Warmer.
For how long has he been blaming himself?
"I am sorry," I say, but froze when a striking headache spheres through me when I tried to make sense. How much does he know?- Because if he knew it all he wouldn't have â
A cough fights through me as the taste of metal fills my mouth. I cup my mouth with a gasp-
"Shin- Are yo-
I saw it, the perplexed worry in his eyes. A rising panic when I looked down at my hand that came out slick with blood. All I could think of was- He didn't know it all. Lee didn't know.
And once more- he wasn't supposed to find it this way. But late it was as I hear him scream my name. My vision becomes a series of blur, his desperate calls a faraway echo. It was his arms holding me- and I scarily was contended with dying in the embrace of a person I love.
Maybe not today.
But if ever the time comes- if ever Lee stays. I will die happy.
So...?