Chapter Fourteen
"So, did I make it to the list of one of your people?"
⧠P R E E T â§
"Preet.".
Three-month anniversary. The house party. Dance. Alcohol. First kiss.
"Preet."
Drunk. Vulnerable. Messed up. Throwing up. Bedroom. Kisses. Touches. Okay. No. Uncomfortable. Stop. I'm your boyfriend.
First boyfriend.
"Preet." My eyes opened with my body jerking a little and the trance broke when I felt Deven calling out my name.
"Hm?"
"We are here." Oh.
Passing him a slight nod I got out of the car without realising that the seat belt was holding me back. I tried to remove it multiple times but it was stuck there. My jaws tensed and my lips tightened, I clicked my tongue in annoyance.
"Should I help?" He asked me politely. I felt that he was looking at me but not finding the need to even turn my head, my reflex gave him a curt reply.
"I don't want anyone's help."
I can help myself. Can you?
I pressed the buckle harshly this time and luckily when It opened this time, I was out of the car in no time.
"I'll park the car-" I was inside the elevator by this time. I just want to go home to my mother, hug her tightly and tell her everything. The two minutes in the elevator felt like hours where the closed walls made me more anxious, it finally got to Deven's floor. I opened the door and as soon as I subconsciously turned to get keys from my handbag, I noticed it was missing.
I sat on the stairs holding my head in my hands and ran my hands to my hair in irritation. My scalp still hurts because of the way that man pulled me. And so does the back of my head.
Idiot. Disgusting. Piece of shit. Useless. Fucker.
Five minutes later, I heard the noise of the elevator opening. It was Deven with a crease of stress dancing on his forehead and his eyes softening as soon as he saw me. My heels which he was holding in his one hand made me remember I left them in the car and walked barefoot till here.
He was going to come towards me until I ordered.
"Open the door."
He followed it in one go and I rushed into his house when the door opened while he was waiting for me to get in. "Let's eat dinner first,"
"Aap khalo. I'm not hungry." I kept walking without turning.
"No, we are going to eat it together." He tugged my wrist and I turned around to match his eye level and spoke while looking right into his eyes.
"Do you realise that we are not actually husband and wife? Stop acting like you're my husband." He immediately loosened his grip but his hand was still in the same position.
I removed my hand and increased my pace, I got into the bedroom closed the door with a bang and then locked it. I removed his jacket first, followed by my overcoat and threw them on the bed.
My mental urge suggested I throw something that would break so it would reduce my hurt or anger or anything I was feeling at this moment. I clenched my fist in frustration and stormed into the bathroom. I turned the tap towards the right and instead of water flowing from the tap, the shower turned on.
Everything feels so pathetic.
I feel so pathetic.
I leaned back on the wall with my head looking upwards and the water falling on my hair, face and all over my body.
The water on my face was falling from the shower or my eyes were hard to understand.
Whatever happened today was very small, hell nothing even happened and I'm very thankful for that. But it also unleashed the memories of the past, the betrayal and the hurt were killing me inside.
The grooming. The manipulation. The mind games.
But you were just nineteen.
I was just stupid. I still am.
I couldn't help myself the last time and I couldn't do it now. That is what makes me feel a lot more bad than I should.
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Glancing at myself through the mirror, all I could see were some slight bruises, scratches and wounds, puffed up and swollen eyes with my waterproof makeup all smudged making my face look like a palette of colours.
I don't have the energy to remove the smudged makeup. The waterproof mascara is also scattered making my eyes and under eyes look black and scary.
I heard a knock on the door and he yelled "It's been too long since you're showering, you'll get sick."
I figured that he was screaming out his lungs thinking that I was still in the shower. "I'm already done."
"Why are you not opening the door?" He asked.
"Do you want something from the room?" I questioned back.
"Yes, You." He added the next minute, "Open the door." His tone was strict this time. I didn't move an inch, let alone follow his order.
"Preet, please open the door. I'm scared." He said a while later when I didn't reply anything. "Please?"
I walked towards the door shaking my head softly, I unlocked the door and pulled it revealing a worried Deven standing there, sighing loudly in relief.
My eyes softened and a wave of guilt hit me hard, I was behaving so badly with him. He did nothing other than save me while I was removing a part of my anger from him.
"I've to remove my makeup," I said before he could and he nodded in reply. I very well knew why he was calling me, to have dinner.
"Okay." He replied. I turned back to the mirror and searched for the makeup remover cotton pads. Feeling a constant gaze on me I looked at Deven from the corner of my eye only to find him standing there leaning on the door frame with folded hands.
"Are you going to stand here?" I asked him.
"Yes."
"And what will you do?" I added.
"Watch you." I shrugged. His choice.
I removed a cotton pad from the box and as it was about to touch my skin, my phone rang. Before I could go and grab it, he did. I checked the caller ID, it was a friend from the University. I had to pick it up. "Hello."
"Hey Preet. Did you get the information on the documentary? You went with Tejas to the place, right?" She asked. Deven looked at me, signalling me to hang up and talk later
I shook my head.
"Yes. I got it."
He rubbed his hand on his cheek, which I assumed was that I had to remove the makeup as well. I nodded and showed him my hand asking him to wait.
"Cool, we'll start the shoot tomorrow at six thirty, we got to catch the sunrise shot as well so..." I cut her off.
"I won't be able to come tomorrow," I said and Deven now was indicating me to have food and I glared at him and asked him to wait again. He did not seem to listen to me pulled me gently by my wrist, and made me sit on the bed.
Dragging the chair kept in front of the dressing table which used to be a study table until I captured it, he kept it in front of me and snatched the make-up remover pads from my hand.
I narrowed my eyes in confusion when he made a face filled with utter irritation. He looked around, noticing that the height difference between the bed and the chair was a lot and we should have sat vice versa, he asked me to switch places. Everything without making use of his mouth.
"Preet, you there?" My attention switched back to the call and I hummed. "Why are you not coming?"
"I'm not feeling well," I said and Deven was scrutinizing the pastel pink box, getting a cotton pad out of it he placed it on my cheek and gently rubbed it in a circular motion.
"Oh. What happened? Is it anything serious?" She asked me, although she was just trying to be nice but this was pissing me off. Maybe I'm not in the right mood.
"No. It's just cold because of the abrupt rain." I replied and she spoke a little more about tomorrow's shoot. Later she ended it by saying she'll call me back in a while to discuss a few things, she has to get out of someone. Or something just like that.
I let out a deep breath and felt the cotton pad on my other cheek. And after a few strikes, he waited and scanned my skin. After the inspection was dit he switched to my nose.
His face was so close to mine, just some mere inches away. I could smell his odour without even trying.
He put a single finger on my under-eye with the cotton pad in between and removed the mascara. I wasn't in the mood to start a conversation so I just let him continue whatever he wished.
I noticed his knuckles had dried blood on them. My eyes switched to his face, even the bruise that man gave him near his lip was dried but not cleaned.
"You'll get an infection if you don't clean this, do you know?" I asked him and he nodded.
"I don't care." It'd be useless talking to him so I let him continue his work silently till he was done. After five minutes, he looked at me with satisfaction. "Now, have some food."
"No. Let me clean this first." I said pointing towards his hand. I stood up and paced to the drawer below the table.
"But-" I turned around and showed him my cold eyes and that was enough for him to not complete his sentence.
Sitting back in my place with my legs folded, I took some wet cotton and cleaned up the dried blood. Later, opening the lid of the Antiseptic liquid and applying it to another cotton, I almost grabbed his hand in my hand. I tried to wipe it slowly over the cut or cut. Raising my head to catch his reaction, whether it was hurting him, he looked pretty normal and chill.
I put some cotton on it and turned the roller bandage around his hand. I felt his gaze on me the whole time, not even flickering.
Now it was time for the mark below the lips. I bent a little closer to him and examined the mark, repeating the same process without the bandage part.
His breath fanned on my hand shivering and touching the corner of his lips. I glanced at his lips and later moved it to his eyes. They were not looking at my eyes but were fixed a little below my lips.
Being this close reminded me of the moment I hugged him. I was going to kiss him but I'm so glad he moved away. I mean, it was a little awkward now that I thought of it but It was just the heat of the moment, I believe. Everything would be so worse if I did that. I had lost my senses at the moment.
"I'm sorry," I said. The bruises on his face and hand were proof that he got hurt in the process of saving me. He hit the hell out of him, till the time his face was covered in blood. But all I did was to be rude to him as if he had done something wrong to me.
He didn't. And he never will.
"Why?" He asked.
"The way I spoke to you. It was harsh. I wasn't in the right state of mind. I'm so sorry. I know you were just showing some concern and I burst out on you." I explained to him. I genuinely couldn't think of anything else other than that night at that moment. I was having an anxiety attack but as it wasn't the first time, I handled it my way and alone.
"I understand." He cupped my cheek lightly and passed a soft smile.
"It would've hurt you," I said.
"It did. But I get your feelings. It was a reaction and I was completely okay in bearing it." It somehow felt like he wasn't being completely honest, his tone felt a little off.
"Still, I had no right to behave like that especially when you did all that for me, came to pick me, fought with the guy, almost got a case on yourself, and on top of that got to hear rude replies from me." I genuinely felt bad from the bottom of my heart for those actions. I regret them.
"This was nothing, Preet. I could do so much more for you." His reply brought a little ease to my heart for some reason. I gazed at his blue eyes again, while he stared back at my brown ones. Both of us were not ready to break it, but after a while, I backed off.
"But I don't do that with people who don't matter. Like not even in anger, I won't release my anger on just anyone. The person needs to be close to me like, one of my people." I confessed the truth. I'm not the type of person to burst out on literally anyone when I'm in anger. I know how to control it and that is why my mind lets it get out only in front of a few special people who I think would understand.
Even I couldn't decipher how I let myself pass him those remarks but I just know I felt comfortable in doing so.
"So, did I make it to the list of one of your people?" He asked me, his voice was a little teasy.
"I think so. You are one of my people now. Welcome to the list." His smile grew back into a grin.
"And what is my rank? The last one?"
"As you're the latest one so yeah. Don't feel bad though." I bit my tongue.
"I'll soon make it to the first position. Deven Mehrotra, the future first ranker of APPR 1." He spelled each letter at the last and I scrunched my brows, failing to understand him.
"What is that now?"
"All Preet People Rank 1." A smile crept on my face while I kept staring at him in disbelief.
"Kya ho aap?" I hit his cheek lightly.
[What are you even?]
"Handsome, aap batao." My eyes crinkled with the smile being a constant factor.
[Handsome, what about you?"
I stood up in my place and eventually, he followed me. Forwarding my hands further, I embraced him in a hug yet again. He immediately wrapped his arms around me, one of my hands and the other on my back.
For some unknown reason, I like the hug with him so much that I can't stop doing it.
It felt warm. It felt cosy. And most importantly, it felt safe.
"Now, dinner?" He asked and I nodded, my lips breaking into a tiny smile which appeared before I could acknowledge it.
"Yes."
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I twisted and turned the whole night, and tried different positions of sleeping, but it was nowhere to be seen. Deven said that he'll take the couch tonight while I tried to deny it once but he wouldn't hear.
Different thoughts raced in my mind, I tried to distract myself by calling my mother and talking to her for a while pretending as if nothing was wrong but it didn't work. Neava still hadn't called me back and that was also bothering me so much.
Where was she?
I picked up my water bottle kept below only to find it empty. I stood up and yawned while walking towards the kitchen. Within two minutes, I saw Deven standing in front of me attentively. He didn't even look sleepy. "What happened?"
"I was just thirsty." I drank the whole glass of water while my bottle was filling up. "Why aren't you asleep?"
"I don't know." He replied.
"Sleep on the bed. The couch might be uncomfortable." I said and he shook his head.
"I'll manage-" I knew this wouldn't work so I thought to use a trick.
"It's not you, it's me, I can't. I'm unable to sleep alone, it's kind of scary." His lips curled up inwards.
"Okay." Yay.
I waited till he brought his pillow and blanket and we moved to the bedroom and laid back in our respective places. I kept staring at the ceiling and numerous thoughts arose in my mind.
"What are you thinking?" I heard Deven say after a while. I shrugged lightly.
"I'm so weak. It's not good." I whispered, my voice breaking.
"Nonsense. You're not. Don't think like that about yourself." I turned my head to look at him.
"It's harsh but that's the truth."
"No, it's not. How were you supposed to fight back to a man double your size?" He added further, "You know my mother used to say there's only one thing which a man has more than a woman, and it is physical strength. Or else both of them are equally intelligent, and talented, but a man is stronger because he's built that way and he knows how to take advantage of it very well."
By now, we both were facing each other. I maintained my silence, encouraging him to speak further.
"Whatever happened today wasn't your fault."
"But I couldn't fight him. What if you didn't arrive at the right time? I feel bad because I stood there helpless. I should have been more prepared. You know, I just froze at the moment, I know self-defence I've learnt it but..." I couldn't even properly explain what exactly was my condition to him. I just went blank. "And the fact that this is not even the first time."
He looked at me with shock reflecting in his eyes. "What?"
"Uh-hm. It has happened before." I blinked nervously.
"Do you want to...talk about it?" His hesitation was obvious because of the way I taunted him when he showed a bit of concern when we reached here.
"There was a guy who liked me, but he was a senior, four years older than me. I was nineteen, he was twenty-two and somehow he managed to make me like him. He'd send flowers, flirt nicely, and show gentlemanly acts like that, and I fell for it."
"Was it the same guy you were dating during Abhinav's wedding? I remember everyone was teasing you." I nodded.
"Yes, that one." I continued, "We started dating and three months into the relationship right after Abhinav bhai's wedding, there was a house party at his friends." I gulped with my chest rising up and down in speed as my heartbeat increased.
"I denied it, my parents wouldn't allow me of course but he somehow manipulated me. I lied to my parents about having a sleepover at Neava's house. Neava was with me luckily, she was adamant that she won't let me go alone. She never liked Priyank. So the party went well, I had my first kiss that night. My one mistake was I got drunk, the alcohol in my system was too much. I thought Priyank was there so I could trust him. Looks like I chose the wrong person to trust.
He got me into a room excusing me that I should sleep as I wasn't sober, blah blah. And once in the room, he showed his real colours and started touching me, you know in a bad way. I was vulnerable but I knew my limits so when he tried to remove...my clothes, I tried to stop him. But again I was drunk, very much drunk." I paused for a second and wiped the line tear which fell.
"D-did he..." Deven stuttered, not being able to complete the sentence but I shook my head vigorously.
"No, No, he couldn't."
"Neava noticed that I was missing so she came to the rescue at the very right moment. I was saved, we left the party but I could never tell anyone about this, I was ashamed. I took a promise from Neava that she'd never speak to anyone about this and she eventually had to agree. Since that day I tried to forget it, pretending that it didn't happen but it was my boyfriend."
"Such a disgrace to humans." He commented.
"My trust issues started from there. I never dated an older guy after that. The thought itself reminded me of the last time and scared me. It was always either my age or younger because later when I got some sense, I realised that what he did was pure grooming and manipulating me into the relationship. I never wanted it in the first place. I shouldn't have been more careful." I ended with a sigh.
"But you were nineteen, and drunk. You trusted him. It wasn't your fault." He replied.
"Exactly. That was my fault"
"I wish to hurt him so badly for what he did to you. One betrayal from a loved one would hurt more than thousands from strangers. I can't say that I understand your situation but I highly empathize with it. He was a jerk, he was wrong."
"And he got away with it. No idea how many girls he has to do this with now. I should have filed a complaint against him but I'm such a coward. Today whatever happened na, it just made me remember that. I could have stopped him when he did that to me but I chose to let him go and give him a chance to do that with other girls as well. That was selfish of me." Deven placed a hand on my head and said softly.
"You were not a coward, neither were you selfish, you were just young. Don't go too hard on yourself."
"Boys like these, deserve hell and I'm sure he'll get it. What do they even think of themselves? He will get his karma." He said and muttered something else under his breath which I couldn't decipher.
"What was his full name?" He asked me.
"Priyank Naag," I replied and he nodded.
"On a good note, the guy from today, he's getting his punishment. The cops aren't leaving him for a lifetime, I'm making sure of that. He could never hurt anyone else ever again." My brows furrowed.
"How do you know?"
"The officer was a friend." He replied and I looked at him, surprised.
"Oh, so that is why you were arguing with him, care freely." He winked at me and I chuckled.
"Don't question yourself for the people who don't deserve it. You're too precious for that." I smiled when he patted my head a time or two.
"Thank you for everything today." I ruffled his soft hair and messed with them.
"Bus abhi."
"By the way, you said you never dated older guys after that, I'd just say that not everyone would be the same. I know it's hard to trust again but try it. What if your future real husband turns out to be an older guy?" I nodded, thoughtfully.
"It's not like I'd never date them but it's like it would take me a lot of time to trust them completely. I'd start to question every small act and situation based on the past, it's wrong but I'm trying to change."
After getting to know Deven, I think my thought process changed a little. Older guys are not always the bad guys nor do they have propaganda set in their mind every time they come and talk to you.
Sometimes, they can just be genuine friends without the intention of lust relationship or love, like Deven.
He's just being a good friend who doesn't want anything more from me in his mind. I mean, of course he flirts but that's just for fun.
"It'll take time but if the guy is the one then he'll understand it, earn your trust and get through the walls you've created. So he just has to be the right one." He said.
"Exactly."
"Okay, now let's sleep. It's too late." He yawned and saw him I yawned as well.
"Yes, you have to go to the office tomorrow." I replied .
"In that regard, I'm taking a leave." Oh.
"Why?" I asked him, raising my eyebrows.
"Aise hi. Chutti nahi le sakta main?" I nodded. I knew that it was for me. He had heard that I'm not going for the shoot tomorrow when I was talking to Tanaya.
[Just like that, can't I take a leave?]
"Beshak le sakte ho." I smiled at myself.
[Of course you can.]
I can bet that Deven is a very good friend because doing all this, being there for me, taking a leave tomorrow, handling my anger and understanding my anger, not even my former boyfriends did this much for me. And then there's him with his intention of pure friendship doing so much.
That is something that is attracting me towards him.
I turned to the other side where he faced my back. Without saying a word, I brought his hand over my shoulder and held it while muttering. "It feels safe."
The way he has been behaving so maturely with me since whatever happened astonished me a little. I got to see the serious side of the Cute, Goofy, Flirty Deven and it felt nice to know that he has a side like that.
Apart from that too, some things changed today. Maybe it was the dynamics between us, or the comfort but something shifted to a new level after this day.
Maybe it was just my perception of him.
I could never think of him as a brother anymore. I had stopped it long back but now even the thought itself makes me feel like a Nooooooo.
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A very long chapter. Do not forget to leave your comments below on what you feel.
Preet thinks that Deven's behaviour is just friendly and his intention is pure friendship, what do you think?
Click the start button if you liked the chapter, Can I expect more than 160 votes? ;)